Patsy didn't understand how much this rumour would change her life; she didn't know what she was going to do, but all those months ago Patsy promised Delia they wouldn't live as they were – she wanted to keep that promise she just didn't know how, how does he change the world. How does on midwife scream at the top of her lungs that she's in love with another woman. While sitting watching the TV, it clicked – she didn't that she didn't care that she was a dyke anymore, because she was in love, with a beautiful welsh woman, why did no one understand? She had always been so hidden, Delia was the confident one, and she came up with all the ideas because Patsy lived in fear. She was always going to live in fear, but she didn't want to be scared of hugging her girlfriend in public or flinching when Delia gives her a friendly pat on the back around the table. No-one noticed but yet Patsy felt like it as wrong. She hated herself for what she was, yet she didn't hate the fact she was in love. Patsy had been through so much in her still short life, and being in love with Delia wasn't the easiest option, but she couldn't imagine anything else. To be honest, the redheaded nurse didn't want anything else!

"Such Beauty masked by such sadness" Sister Monica Joan said causing Patsy to break out of her daydream. She looked in shock at the sisters puzzled facial expression; Pasty wasn't crying, in fact, she seemed the most content she had done in days

"Sister?" Patsy questioned

"I cannot bring myself to remain in the presence of such betrayal. You are in love. You must fight" Sister Monica Joan blurted out over the top of the TV– Patsy was sure everyone in the house would have heard her comment. The old nun didn't say anything more on the subject, and Patsy didn't comment back- if anyone was listening in, then she didn't want them to hear. Patsy did smile at the external support she had of the old sister. It meant a lot to her.

"Now I smell fresh cake," Sister Monica Joan said getting up from the sofa and going to the kitchen. Patsy just sat there a little overwhelmed with the previous convocation and slightly disappointed that she didn't have the courage to reply. She didn't have the guts to thank the sister for her support. Oh, she wished she had.

Delia's day was dragging. The welsh nurse could feel the eyes of everyone on her; the hospital corridors felt stuffier than normal. She was walking through the same hallways as she had been doing for many years, yet it all felt different. She felt trapped yet freer at the same time. The uniform felt tighter on today, and she felt like she stuck out like a bad apple, even though she looked identical to the day before. Delia finally sat down for her lunch it was the first time in four hours she'd had a moment for herself just to sit. The morning had been a blur of taking vitals, making beds, wheeling people around and administering medications. Officially this was her lunch time; she had handed over to another nurse but she didn't want to go into the lunch room with all the others – she didn't want to face them. She had heard the rumours floating around the corridor even though no one had said anything to her. She had heard them talking. Her smile was falsely painted on. She sat outside the hospital, staring at the grey emotionless sky, she was tired but not just from lack of sleep – she was emotionally tired, she was tired of keeping up an act. She didn't want to lie anymore, but her life without the lie would mean a life without Patsy, and she couldn't do that to herself.

"Delia, what heavens are you doing sat outside in the cold?" Trixie asked, stopping on her bike suddenly – letting the breaks make that horrible squeaking sound she had been complaining to Fred about

"I don't know where else to go! It was here or the toilets!" Delia responded, trying to stop the tears that were rolling down her face "I hear them talking about me like I'm some sort of animal at the zoo – I can't face them during my lunch" Her welsh accent shook as she spoke. She had been so strong for Patsy but she was cracking under it all. Trixie got off her bike and placed herself by Delia's side

"It's going to be okay, you know," Trixie said with the up most confidence "You haven't done anything wrong apart from fall in love – I am ashamed how long it took me to release such a thing." Delia smiled – she knew how long it had taken Trixie to be okay with it all – how long it took Trixie to understand that Patsy and herself were just in love nothing strange or wrong about it. Delia was grateful that Trixie had worked it out, life would have been unbearable if they didn't have the blonde midwife on their side.

"I feel like all I am hearing about around the ward is my own personal private life, and half of it isn't even true!" Delia said, the tears were starting to dry, while she hadn't completely stopped crying the cold wind that surrounded her whisked away her tears.

"It will okay, just pretend it doesn't bother you and the world will move on," Trixie said before standing back up. "Now I have got to get back to the clinic I only came out because a mother had left a child at the clinic" She smiled a little, it wasn't a happy smile but it was convincing all the same.


Delia and Patsy spent days passing each other in the halls of their shared house barely getting a chance to smile at each other never mind share a laugh or a kiss. With their shifts never quite matching up when Patsy started at the London, they both felt lost. Neither one of them could protest; the rumour was still on the forefront of most people in Poplars mind's and Patsy had noticed the change, supposed friends that she now shared shifts with at the London or people she used to work with now passing her in the hallways making a very apparent attempt to avoid eye contact. With no word from the mother house and nothing she could do Patsy jut gritted her teeth. She wanted to be a midwife again, slowly her and Delia we slipping back to being ghosts in each other's lives. Trixie smiled when Patsy got home, but it was breaking her seeing her friend in pain. Patsy had been so great when Trixie relieved her secret, so very supportive. But, Trixie didn't know how to repay the favour, she did what she could. She would have screamed Patsy's innocents from the roof of every building if she thought it would change just a single persons mind about what kind of person her best friend was but the truth was that people didn't want to believe Trixie. People of Poplar had seen Patsy and Delia around but not thought anything of it; the florist didn't make the connection but when the connection was made for her – it made sense.

No one at Nonnatus House spoke to the rumour, in fact, they made an appalling attempt at avoiding any conversation where it may come up – Barbara never asked Patsy if they were true. In fact, no one did. No one asked her if she was okay they just ignored it, Patsy slowly started shutting them out. She wasn't a midwife anyone. Patsy didn't want to hear the stories about the clinic that she wasn't allowed to step foot in or the events surrounding the church which Tom recommended that neither she and Delia didn't attend. She knew that the whole of Poplar thought she was a sinner, and she was, but it didn't matter to her because she was in love and that to her was so much more important.

It was two weeks since Patsy had started on the ward. Two long weeks since she had spoken to Delia properly, since they had shared a bed, shared a kiss. Patsy had had enough. She didn't care about her job anymore; she wasn't doing what she loved and she wasn't seeing the person she loved. She would rather not have a job but get to see Delia. She had got home from a late shift as Delia was leaving for a night shift. That's how their paths crossed, fast in the corridor.

The rain thudded against the window; it battered the roof like a hail of bullets, rain hammered down, covering the window like a wall of water, falling in brief and sudden showers. It hit the windows relentlessly all the same like the drumming of nails. Patsy stared aimlessly out of it. She didn't know what she was looking at but it didn't matter to her because she didn't care. Patsy had no energy to join in with Trixie's and Barbara conversation about Tom or Trixie's surgeon friend who had now become a common topic. She didn't care about the up and coming dance that nor she or Delia was invited to, and she didn't have the energy to pretend to care anymore.

"Patsy – I was thinking about buying a pair of slacks. Any advice?" Barbara asked trying to get Patsy out of her trance, trying to make her friend feel wanted again.

"Barbara! Quite frankly I think you're more than capable of picking out your own clothing!" Patsy snapped. Using her last bit of energy to jump out of her bed and storm out her room. Grabbing her coat on the way out, she headed into the rain. Her emotional pain seeped out into her words; it hurt Trixie to hear them, to listen to the hidden loneliness inside Patsy's voice. Trixie knew that Patsy was holding on like a fighter, but she had been holding on for so long Trixie half expect Patsy to snap but she thought it would have been at one of the Sisters.

"Patsy!" Sister Mary Cynthia burst as Patsy rushed past her on the stairs, tears ran down her face but she didn't wipe them off. She knew where she was going and she was going to get a lot wetter than just a few stray tears. Patsy had never felt so alone or so lost as when Delia had her accident. She was so incapable of doing even the smallest tasks. Then Delia came back and it changed but what Patsy didn't realise was that the pain she felt when Delia had her accident was only the beginning of the pain, the silent suffering and the endless conga line of emotions that were in store for her.

Rain and tears mingled on her face. Salty tracks blended into the fresh sky-fallen trickles. Only the pinkness on her eyes gave any clue to her sadness. The rain fell softly as if it knew of the hardships both behind Patsy and ahead of her. She grabbed a bike out of the hut, it was too dark to tell whose it was, but she didn't care. She just needed to from A to B, and she would have taken Nurse Cranes car if she knew where she kept the keys. As she cycled each droplet of rain alighted on her skin with just enough coolness to command her mind to the present, pulling her away from memories and the uncertainty of what as to come.

She was so thoroughly wet and numb that she didn't feel the splash of rain on her legs as she cycled through the already formed puddles. The streets passed in a frigid blur. Only a year ago doing what she was about to do would have scared her senseless but now she felt drawn to it, it was the only thing she could do. She didn't have a purpose in life anymore. She didn't have anything to lose. She had promised Delia all those months ago that they wouldn't live as they were and she needed to keep that promise. As she continued on her cycle ride, the rain came in waves, scattering across the pavement like a tipped over a bucket of pain. She turned round countless time checking that any of her friends didn't follow. The water streamed through her hair, down her neck, soaking her clothes. The wind cut through her like a knife, but she couldn't care. She was finally doing something for love and not for life.

She parked her bike outside the still busy London hospital and stood there for a moment under the grey, gloomy darkness of the sky. She saw Delia's Shadow in a window. Her body was frozen, but she knew what she had to do, grabbing a nearby pebble Patsy through it against the window and another and another until her welsh girl opened the rusty old window as if about to yell, but she saw Patsy sobbing wet, but smiling. She didn't say a word but ran out the room, and before either knew it, Delia was holding Patsy's wet body against her.

The rain ran down their faces to where their lips finally met, each tasting the cold drop. They knew it was wrong, but they didn't care, Patsy wanted Delia back.

"I won't live like this anymore," Patsy said breaking her lips from Delia's

The street outside the London was deserted apart from the couple locked in a kiss. Their faces dipped with the wintry gift from the clouds. Patsy holds her hands gently to her hair as Delia rested her hands on Patsy black coat, it was sodden through and cold, but Delia didn't care. Patsy smiled for the first time in weeks.

"I love you, Patsy Mount," Delia said smiling back

"I love you too" Patsy replied. Just for a moment they forgot where they were. They had forgotten all the risks either that or they didn't care.

"I'm calling in sick tomorrow," Patsy said looking Delia in the eyes, her voice sounded happy yet almost scared

"You, me and whatever film you desire to see. I know it will be to kill a mockingbird. " Patsy continued

"Now that's an offer I can't refuse," Delia said. Their moment was cut short by a sharp voice from inside the hospital

"Nurse Busby – if you have fallen asleep there is going to be trouble" The voice yelled from inside.

"I had better go. Bye Patsy," Delia said, slowly releasing Patsy's hand as she fled back into the hospital.

Patsy stood there, just watching, staring as Delia waltzed back into the hospital. She was tired now but felt somewhat better, slightly more alive than she had done. She didn't feel so lost anymore. She knew where she belonged… With Delia.