Trying to update as often as I can- hope I'm not boring you!

thanks for reading


Patsy walked with pride back to her room; she was shaking but it now felt natural to her, fear in her body now wasn't a surprise or a shock to anyone. She lived in fear. She always had but this fear was different. She had been caught, and her punishment had been given but she wasn't worried about her but Delia. If Delia wasn't allowed to stay here then Patsy knew her mum would make her go back to Wales. Patsy knew that she had fought so hard to Delia's presents she couldn't lose it, she couldn't get it sent all the way back to Wales. She couldn't face this alone. She was resisting all the feelings flowing throughout her body, she didn't want to admit how powerless she really was. She wandered slowly down the corridor to her bedroom. Patsy thought she was strong enough to handle it all until she saw Trixie holding Delia who was trying to shake off her tears, trying to act okay, Trixie held up a smile when she saw Patsy but Delia couldn't even look up from the ground.

"She slapped Cynthia," Trixie said trying not to laugh- she had never been very good with serious situations and laughing was the only way she could avoid the drink. Patsy could cry over that; she bit her lip in an attempt not to laugh as she walked over to comfort her clearly very distressed girlfriend.

"Well I got fired, so it could be worse," Patsy said trying and failing to make light of the situation. As soon as the words left her mouth she knew that she should have handled the conversation differently

"You got what cariad?" Delia looked up for the first time since.

"I am packing my stuff, and I will be gone by Monday" Patsy replied. The truth was she wasn't actually fired but it was the easiest way to explain the situation, and she knew she wasn't wanted here and wasn't allowed to be a midwife in Poplar, so her agreement to leave felt like she had been fired.

"Oh, Pats!" Delia said, going over to Patsy ad holding her in her welsh arms. Delia knew if there were a god she would be going to hell and with that thought in her mind, she kissed Patsy tears ran down both their faces and through the light of the open door it was magical. A smile stuck across Trixie's face as she saw a small glimpse of happiness in Patsy's face.

"I'll leave you to it," Trixie said scooting past them and shutting the door behind her. Patsy had mastered the fake smile, right down to the wrinkles around her eyes. No one ever questioned her expect one person, expect from her Delia. She saw in her eyes, and she saw her feelings, but all she could do now was hold Patsy close while they could still be together and pretend that the world wasn't against them.


Trixie faced the downstairs with gritted teeth. It was as tense as she had imagined but she wiped on her fake smile that she had learnt from her roommate and sat down at the table with the nuns. Sister Mary Cynthia's face still looked red but no one mentioned anything at all, small talk was hard to maintain and no one asked where Patsy and Delia were, people either didn't care, didn't want to know or in most the unaware cases of the nuns just assumed they had eaten out.

"I have an announcement" Sister Julienne said, breaking the uncomfortable silence and glances that went on around the table.

"Nurse Mount will, unfortunately, be leaving us, as of Monday" Her voice sounded more caring than it had done when she was talking to Patsy. The nuns sentence was full of uncertainty and pauses that were noted by the other even if no one spoke. Trixie's head swirled with comments and opinions but she decided that it was best to keep them to herself, her heart hung heavy with regret for not speaking up and standing up for her best friend but she didn't know what else she could do – or say.

"I have already requested a replacement" She continued. Trixie couldn't stay at the table any longer.

"If you don't mind – I need to get ready for my keep fit" Trixie stood up fast and turned away before letting the tears flow down her face, she couldn't let the others see how very much she cared for her friend. Patsy had been by Trixie's side for everything and now she was losing her due to who she loved. Due to Sister Mary Cynthia. She couldn't help but place all the blame on her – she needed someone to put the blame on and what Sister Mary Cynthia did was the final thing that the mother house needed to send Patsy away. She couldn't lose her best friend.

No one spoke as Trixie left the table, she didn't even have keep fit tonight but she knew she couldn't sit there any longer.


The girls spent most the evening in silence, they didn't know what to say and they really didn't want to talk about it, Patsy and Delia said comfortably on Patsy's bed – they weren't going to hide it any longer. Patsy was leaving they had lost it all anyway – it didn't matter what the nuns thought about it. Patsy would do anything for a night cap but she didn't want to tempt Trixie, she was leaving Trixie all alone she couldn't show her drink as an option – not now, not ever.

The girls faced a game of cards with a slow record spinning in the background; the record sent Patsy back to a night at the gateways but she didn't want to try and remember a good time because then she would have to face how bad this bad time really is.

There was a knock on their door, which Trixie was quite thankful for as Delia was beating her hands down. They looked a little in shock at who would be bothering them, none of them spoke as Trixie got up from her bed and went to the door, dancing a little in her step to try and keep the mood as light as it could be.

"Nurse Crain," Trixie said in surprise. She hadn't thought about who may be standing behind the door but nurse Crain wasn't anywhere close to the top of her list.

"Hello, Nurse Franklin – I was wondering if Nurse Mount was in" Trixie opened the door a little to show Patsy was on her bed, she was sat cards in one had a cigarette in one hand with Delia casually trying to grab it out her hand. They were smiling which made Nurse Crain smile.

"Nurse Mount," Nurse Crain said, snapping Patsy's out of her Delia trance.
"I am ever so sorry to hear that you will be leaving us – I don't know what you have lined up however I thought I would make you aware that there is a midwifery post going in Oxford. I have written the details down. They are expecting you call" She smiled a harsh kind of smile, they didn't see Nurse Crain smiling very often so Patsy didn't expect anything more.
Nurse Crain handed the piece of paper to Trixie

"Thank you," Patsy said. She wasn't sure what else she needed to say. That was very sweet of nurse Crain but Patsy wouldn't be able to get a job in midwifery not if they asked why she was leaving Poplar. No one would hire her with this rumour around her. She needed to thank Nurse Crain all the same. That was the nicest thing that she had ever done for Patsy and she really did appreciate it.

"Again, I am sorry you're leaving Nurse Mount," She said before sharply turning her back and heading back to her room.

"Oxford..." Trixie said "That's no too far away" She continued trying to make light of a situation that had become very real very fast.

"I guess not," Patsy said leaning her hand with her cigarette down by her leg "Got it" Delia chirped up grabbing the cigarette out of her hand and putting it out in the ash train. She kissed Patsy on the cheek as she did so. Pasty smiled at Delia continued effort.

Trixie handed Patsy the paper with the details on "I guess I better give them a call tomorrow – it's not like I have another option."

"It's going to be okay cariad," Delia said, she didn't want to stop focusing on Patsy but she couldn't help but wondering what was going to happen to her. She assumed she would be allowed to stay but she didn't know – she would have to find a dig somewhere if you. She could imagine her Mam's face. She knew if her mother knew she would have her on the first train back to Wales and there would be nothing Delia would be able to do but do what she was told. She didn't want to add to Patsy pain but she wasn't sure she could stay here if the one thing she stayed for was going to be out of reach. She didn't know what to do but she knew she couldn't think of herself she had to think about Patsy.