Chapter Nineteen
Oh hey, one more chapter to go. Probably a lengthy one. :) Whoooohooooo.
Erwin rarely slept before a mission, and tonight would be no different. Tomorrow, Reiner would guide them back to the Warrior Village. Tomorrow, they would either have one more victory for humanity within the walls and face a corrupt and preposterously powerful government, or they would be responsible for hundreds of thousands.
The weight was killing him.
Dad, watch over me. He had no right to ask, yet he had to. For everyone.
The door sleeve rustled, and Erwin bolted upright. If Zeke had been spotted – moving at night –
"Saskia?" He gasped in relief.
"Don't die tomorrow, Commander." She knelt near the doorway.
His mouth parted slightly. What was she – could she – she had to know –
"I know this is all you've ever lived for and the end is tomorrow; you and I can both feel it. But don't die." Saskia reached out and grabbed his hand. "Live with me after. We'll find meaning in just being alive."
She was a married woman, of a sort, and she had just proposed to a former enemy commander. Yes, this was life. Saskia choked back a laugh.
"Saskia, do you know how old I am?" At 36, he was a full dozen years older than her.
"Should I care? You're beautiful and strong and good-hearted, even if you fail and believe yourself wicked. You're a good man."
He rested his forehead against hers. "And you are the greatest of women."
She snickered, still uncomfortable with compliments. "Not Mikasa the Strong?"
"You know what I mean." His lips covered hers.
Saskia gasped.
Erwin stopped immediately. "Are you okay?"
"I never thought you'd kiss me again," she admitted, returning his kisses a hundredfold.
"You like them?"
Saskia laughed and caressed his face. She looked at him as if he were a star above the heavens. "Of course."
"And I love yours."
For what seemed like hours they knelt together, free to love and give themselves to each other.
"Don't stop," he moaned. He hadn't felt so alive in years – so happy and excited about the future, which could still end tomorrow –
– then we might as well live well today –
Her hand traveled down his chest to his trousers, sending sparkles of sensation throughout his body.
"You can do what you like," Erwin heard himself say, and, hallelujah, he felt free.
"I like you," Saskia replied, and he saw that she was crying.
"Happy tears," she said quickly as his hand wiped them away.
"Saskia." His heart stopped as she placed his hand over her breast. Over her beating heart.
He pressed his head against her chest, just listening to her breath, her heart, her life. "Tomorrow, when we win, we'll live together."
"I've never heard you so confident," she murmured. "I like it."
"Keep me company tonight?"
"I was planning on it," she confessed, snuggling beside him. "I don't mean – though I wouldn't have said no – but just, I thought you might like – "
"I want all of you," Erwin confirmed, wrapping his arm around her waist. "Tomorrow, when we win, maybe we can find reward ourselves."
"I can think of nothing better." Saskia nudged his shoulder. "Well, maybe humanity's victory."
"Only maybe?" he teased.
Her smirk delighted him. Maybe as much as victory.
"I really don't think you should come," Erwin advised as the morning light danced around them.
"Nile encouraged me to. Said it'll be great propaganda," Historia replied sweetly.
Erwin smiled wryly as Hange choked behind him. "Of course he did."
"Goodbye, Historia!" Lisel and Dasha raced forward to grab the queen's hands.
"They wanted to see you," Marie said apologetically, leaving Nile's side to grab her children.
"Of course." Historia bent down to be eye level with them. "I'm going to help make us free again."
Ymir bent down alongside Historia with a mischievous smile. "And then you girls can be in our wedding."
"Yesssss!" Lisel threw her fists in the air with a cackle.
Erwin nodded at Historia's pink face. Funny that the two titan queens weren't the only engagement. Life was strange like that. "Congratulations."
"Thank you," she said meekly.
"Good luck, Erwin." Nile hobbled over. "You know, I'd ride out with you if I could."
"You're needed here. Keeping peace is important, especially if the plan goes wrong… You know what, you're helping our plan. Think of yourself as an honorary Survey Corps member," Erwin said slyly.
Nile laughed and clapped Erwin on the back. "After all these years!"
Don't die.
"I'm scared for you," Connie mother told him. "I can't lose you, too."
"You won't," Connie told her seriously.
"I'll make sure of it," Sasha interjected, kissing Connie, to his mother's delight.
"So much kissing," Jean grumbled. "Makes my stomach turn."
"Jean, if Marco were here, you'd be kissing him, too," Eren said.
"You're so much nicer since you got laid."
"What?!" Eren shrieked.
"The walls are rather thin," said a smirking Hitch.
Mikasa stared at Hitch in horror.
"Hey, I don't judge! I'm proud of you both. Jean!" Hitch waved him back.
"What?" Jean had barely turned when her lips landed on his cheek.
"We'll do more later." Hitch winked before climbing on her horse. Was this how Marlowe had felt before his one mission?
I'm glad you got to go. I hope you know what a difference you made to me. For a moment she was lost in a reverie of what might have been if he had returned –
And then Erwin was calling forth legions of Military Police, Garrison, and Survey Corps, and they were leaving Mitras behind.
"This is where I leave you," Pixis nodded as they reached Trost District.
Eren's heart pounded at devastation of the town ransacked by titans a few months and impossible ignorance before. We're so close. No more Trosts. No more Shinagashinas.
"But where we join!" Rico Brzenska and a crowd of more Garrison members saluted them. At Eren's frown, she added, "Jaeger, it's good to see you."
"Though I'm sure you don't miss us." Kitz Weilman appeared, and Mikasa's eyes blazed.
"Settle down," Levi hissed to her.
"Make me."
"I'm your captain and the only one strong enough to kick your butt."
"I'd like to see you try," she muttered, but her eyes smiled at him.
"It may please you to know that Kitz is staying behind to assist me in case you bring down Rose." Pixis chortled.
"Hopefully not," Eren said uncomfortably.
"Don't worry, there are too many people for me to list out who will die if we fail this time," Rico said with a grimace. Had she really done that?
"I haven't forgotten their names," Eren said.
Her eyes softened. "I'm sorry."
"Fortunately, Erwin won't be your only commander on the field." Keith Shadis stepped forward.
"Shadis!" gasped Armin.
Shadis regarded the little man he hadn't expected to last a week, much less three years and then active duty. "You've done well, Arlert. I was glad to hear you survived a catastrophe most soldiers wouldn't."
He was so ready to die. But only if he did something that mattered for once in his fucking life.
"Wait. Braun. Leonheart." Shadis blinked. "Uh, wasn't expecting to see you two."
"We didn't much expect to be here, either," Reiner admitted.
"No one ever does."
"They should start," Saskia muttered, tugging on her lopsided braid. And maybe, if this went well, they could.
Hoofbeats pattering through the forest –
Even in the dark, she could see with her ears –
And she had no choice.
She raced back, but not to him. Not yet. She had to open the door for hope, even one last time.
The wooden door squeaked open to reveal a troubled boy and a woman pretending he was her son.
"They're coming," Sarah said gravely.
Gretchen sat up straight. "Have you told Zeke?"
"I'm on my way. Just thought I'd stop and tell you all." Sarah ground her teeth. She hated seeing her son cowered by that Marleyan asshat.
And yet, by telling them first, she was digging her son's own grave. Sarah watched backed away with a lump in her throat. Her eyes rested on Bertolt.
Make it worth it.
Bertolt swallowed. "We can't just go along with whatever Zackley and Zeke have planned."
"What do you suggest?" Gretchen was tired. So tired of fighting. First Marcel, then Nicholas…
"I – I don't know." Reiner, I need you! Bertolt clenched his fists.
The tunnel had been found and crushed in. If they tried to escape, Zeke would catch them. But if they stayed… "Wait. I do know. Sort of. I think."
Gretchen waited. "For what it's worth, I'm willing to lay down my life to stop this. Whatever you need, I'll do."
Bertolt grabbed her hands. "You shouldn't have to, but I'm – I'm going to have to ask you to risk your life anyways. You know I'm still being watched. You gotta go to the Braun's and give them a message."
They would know what to do better than he would. They could take over – those inspiring kids, those haunted adults.
The door burst open, and Bertolt jumped at Darius's furious face. "Out, the both of you."
No – my plan! Bertolt's mind spun.
"What's wrong?" Gretchen pressed, glancing at the kid before her. Her last tie to her Marcel.
"Our enemies will be here by tomorrow. They just left Shinagashina, so tonight's our chance. New titans, all of us." Zeke seemed listless, as he had since Saskia's betrayal.
"Well, not this one." Darius frowned at Bertolt.
"Of course," Zeke said tersely. "But I'll need the adults to round up the children. We Warriors work together."
Children were easier to manipulate as humans and titans. Bertolt broke into a sweat. There wasn't time – Gretchen would be killed if she voyaged to the Brauns' now.
And he could see from her eyes she would do it anyway. Because he reminded her of Marcel.
Stop her, and stop Zeke. Bertolt felt faint. I can't!
"You Warriors are pathetic Eldian trash, if you remember," mocked Zackley.
Zeke's eyes flashed, but he kept his mouth shut.
Reiner's smiled echoed in his head. Reiner had a broken mind and broken soul and even so, oh, his smile – he was never trash.
"Let me round them up," Bertolt said suddenly, and wondered how he dared.
"You?" Zeke's eyes narrowed.
"I'm the strongest. I've become a titan. I'm the one who broke the walls, didn't I? Let me do my duty and inspire our warriors." Bertolt felt a surge of determination. For once, he felt like Reiner.
Only he also felt like himself.
"No titans around." Erwin glanced at Levi. "They must know we're coming."
"They'd be fools not to expect it. Who knows if Sarah's informed on us or not." Levi shrugged.
"She must have," Saskia declared. She couldn't be wrong. Not now.
She had led them back here, to the edge of the forest before the village. Her last betrayal of Zeke was complete. And there was fear and nothingness in the severance.
She wasn't at peace, but she was settled.
"Positions, everyone." Erwin nodded.
Each Squad Leader fanned out to inform their troops, as quietly as they could. Slowly, the troops slid through the trees.
"You better behave yourselves." Levi sidled up to Reiner and Annie.
"I'm not technically under your command," Reiner said slyly. Annie's eyes widened, and Ymir choked back a laugh.
"Do you want me to teach you some respect?" growled Levi.
"Let me guess, you're going to attempt decapitating me for the third time?"
"Not funny." Hange scowled as Levi spat, "Don't tempt me."
"You were skilled," Reiner said weakly, holding up his hands.
"I'll be skilled again." Levi jabbed his blade at Reiner before soaring into the trees. Hange followed, and then the shifters were left alone – minus Eren, of course.
"No titans around," Reiner muttered to Annie.
She nodded. "Like Saskia said. Zeke's probably ordered them all to his side."
"Putting the villagers in danger." Reiner clenched his fists.
"At least it's according to plan," Ymir said.
Reiner swallowed. "I hope my siblings are okay."
Annie's heart panged. She knew what it was like to get a sibling back.
But Armin was the one who spoke. Of course it was Armin.
"That's even more reason why we need to stop this cycle. If we don't Reiner's siblings and everyone we know will be victimized. We can do this. We can do this because we have to and because we love each other."
He took out his knife and pressed it against his soft palm. "On three. One…"
Reiner, Ymir, and Annie drew their own knives.
"Two…"
"You've got this," Annie said in a low voice, nodding at him.
Armin smiled back. "Three."
On top of Wall Maria, Eren sat up straight. "That explosion. It's happening!"
"Must be." Mikasa stood beside him, her hands instinctively on her blades. "Remember, they have to give us a signal."
Eren groaned. "I feel so useless. We might not even be necessary, Mikasa."
She stared intently across the plains, as if she could see something in the dark. "You're still helping. Just by providing this possibility."
"I know, but I'm impatient."
She chuckled. "At least you admit it."
Eren smiled up at her as Annie's infamous scream rang out throughout the night.
"Is that a titan?" Hange hissed, her eyes glowing with excitement. Thuds reverberated through the middle of the forest.
"I can't think of anything else causing those footsteps," Saskia replied, gripping the serum.
"Might only be one, by the sound." Hange nodded. "Levi and Erwin must be successful, then."
"I hope," Saskia said uncertainly. Though they had the advantage in numbers, they certainly didn't have the advantage in strength.
"Now!" Hange threw her hand down. Steel wires flew every which way, and a potbellied titan roared as it found itself unable to move. "Go, Saskia!"
Saskia flew towards the titan's neck and jammed the needle in. "I hear more footsteps!"
"Of course." Hange motioned to another station a dozen meters back. "Your turn, Squad Harry!"
"This isn't going so badly." Levi felled two titans in one spiral. As their Achilles tendons steamed, he flew back to the trees. "Should give Four-Eyes and your girl plenty of time to heal the titans we're letting into the forest."
"That's what worries me," Erwin admitted. "Our initial plan is kindhearted, but obvious."
Time like this, he missed Mike and his nose.
"Well, we didn't have much choice, did we." Levi wiped sweat from his eyes as Annie let out another luring scream from the opposite edge of the forest.
"We never have," Erwin said with a sad laugh.
"Are they falling for it?" Across the field, Zackley rubbed his hands together.
"Of course." Zeke lowered the telescope, lowered the battle from his mind. He wanted to be with them. He wanted to do more than command.
"Time for you to rally your troops." Zackley grinned.
Or be commanded. Zeke stormed away, Sarah hurrying at his heels like a dog.
"As soon as this ends, I'd like to ask the Marleyan government for permission to kill Darius Zackley myself," Zeke fumed, his voice laced with acid. "He's like Grisha."
Everything is driven and awful.
"Then why are you still obeying him?"
"Because I don't have a choice!"
"You do! You do, Zeke." Sarah grabbed her son's arm. "Stop obeying the man who took your father."
"What?" Zeke froze.
"They owe you. That government. They took Grisha." Sarah coughed. Her heart shook. She couldn't believe what she was about to confess.
"He abandoned us for Eldia. For his ideals. He abandoned you for Carla." Zeke's eyes gleamed with mean.
"No!" Sarah slapped Zeke across the face. "Marley – men like that bastard Zackley – made him into a titan! You were too young to remember. Grisha and I wanted to caught working for Eldia." Bowing her head, Sarah began to cry. "And they sent him here, cursed as a titan. But that wasn't punishment enough. They had to make you one of their Warriors. As punishment to me, you were transformed into the best warrior. And I – I took it out on you."
Zeke ripped his arm away. His breath came in short gasps. "You – you –"
You think this can satisfy your crime? Blaming a nebulous government instead of your evil side?
"I think it's high time a new titan took yours."
Sarah shook her head wildly. "Please believe me, Zeke. If you ever felt anything for me."
"Believe you? How could I? When you were hitting me? Shoving my head through a wall? Fuck you!" Zeke spat in her face. "You're a crazed liar. You would have told me before this, you fool."
"It's true," Sarah whispered.
Zeke laughed with hate. "Then answer me this: why did you teach me to hate Eldia? Because Eldians in the walls hurt us. Because Grisha Jaeger abandoned us for them."
"We are them!"
No! Zeke shoved her away from him. "It's time for you to face your insanity, you abusive bitch."
He shook with such vitriol he thought he would explode.
"War Chief!"
Zeke froze at the sight of the Warrior village. Thousands of soldiers with guns he'd never seen before swarmed the humble cabins his citizens cowered in. "What is the meaning of this?"
"Commander Zackley sent a request for aid, War Chief." A soldier saluted him.
"Marleyans." Zeke fought for composure. Tens of thousands of them.
They were taking over. Because he had failed on his own. Because he hadn't been able to end it.
Yet he found himself dutiful. "You'll want to head the way I came."
The man's bushy eyebrows rose. "Without you, the titans could kill us, Eldian scum."
Zeke stepped closer. Torchlight danced off his eyes, his hair, his bare chest. "Your weapons are sufficient. We're in the midst of a battle. And you dare disobey?"
"Heard many have dared disobey you recently." The soldier snickered.
Zeke had plunged his knife into the soldier before he had a chance to scream. One quick jab to the heart, and a spray of crimson finished him.
"If any off you think yourself above the soldiers who have been fighting for much longer than you, guess again," he said pleasantly as blood dribbled down his chin. "Marleyan or not. Now, who is in charge?"
"Commander Jorgenson was," stammered a boy.
"Now I am." A burly woman shoved forward. "Freya Stohl."
Zeke nodded. "Pleasure to meet you. If you'll excuse me, wait here with your troops. I have to create more titans to protect us all."
His eyes landed on Sarah. He couldn't resist adding, "And exchange this useless one."
Bertolt turned towards the twenty-four school-age children lined before him. "Zeke is back."
"We can't let this happen." Ingrid's eyes were huge.
"I won't stop any of you from running once Zeke releases the titan gas. If you're exposed, you'll become titans and die fighting," Bertolt said with a quaver.
"But now he's going to make all the soldiers into titans, too. Reiner and the others will be overwhelmed," she protested.
"Your brother is a traitor, so what does it matter? I don't understand. I want to fight." Eight-year-old Maximillian turned up his nose.
Yeah, delicate one, you'll totally last, Bertolt thought sourly.
"That's not the issue," said Vera. "Who are these soldiers? We don't know them. What don't we know, Bertolt?"
"I – I don't know." Bertolt began sweating as he watched one shove Gretchen to the ground.
"They seem to work for Zackley, not us." Armand frowned.
"Zackley works with us!" snapped Max.
"Shut up, Max," said Ingrid, at the same time Vera asked, "But does he?"
"Look." Bertolt watched Zeke plunge his knife into a soldier.
"Okay, l-l-listen to me. I was going to offer you this anyway. Those people we're fighting? The ones we called evil maggots, deserving of death? I've lived among those people. I've seen their kindness and mercy. Their resilience, their desire to seek the truth. They inspired me to seek the truth. And…the truth is, I don't think they deserve to die. If anyone does, it's me, for what I've done to kill them." Bertolt blinked back tears.
"What do you mean?" demanded six-year-old Annika.
"I'm saying, if you want, get to the remnants of the library. I'll transform into my titan and get you away from here before Zeke gases us."
"You're not fast enough. But I am." Sarah rushed forward, tears straggling down her face.
Bertolt gasped. His plan changed yet again.
"You know I'm on your side." Sarah rolled her eyes. "I told him everything, Bertl, and he didn't believe me. I've hurt him too much."
"Are you traitors?" shrieked Max, lunging forward. Ingrid dragged him back easily as he howled.
"I – I don't know or care what you mean. Transform and carry the kids away! Please, even if they fight you. I'll distract the rest." Bertolt started to run a safe distance away, then paused. "Who are these soldiers?"
"Marleyans," Sarah said grimly.
"Who?" exclaimed Armand.
"It's a long story meant for those of us who survive." She surveyed the children. "Which all of you will. Don't even try to escape my titan."
"Yes, Miss Sarah," all twenty-four repeated meekly. Even Max, whom Ingrid was now sitting on.
"What have I done?" screamed a man, tearing at his hair. "What have I become?"
"Please kill me," wailed a woman. "I ate my Eldian brethren!"
"None of you deserve to die," Saskia pled. "I fought them, too, in ignorance. Kind of like you. It's okay."
"It's really not," sobbed the first man.
"But it will be." Saskia grabbed his hands to keep him from hurting himself. "I promise."
Lightning shot through the sky.
Saskia tumbled backwards from the explosion. "Hange!"
"Stay focused!" Hange swallowed. She'd know that anywhere. She'd heard that sound, experienced that blast, as she fell down a well and Moblit's fightened face vanished from view. "For now, we stay focused, do you understand me?"
What is Bertolt doing? Reiner didn't believe Bertolt would willingly work for Zeke. Is he even alive?
From the trees, the Dancing Titan looked up in alarm, as did Armin's titan.
The Female Titan, however, wouldn't even look at him. Annie couldn't risk that emotion.
Footsteps, innumerable footsteps. Too many titans had gotten through.
Erwin! Saskia wanted to scream – had they already devoured him? – but she forced herself to stay calm. "Hange, we need to send out the flare!"
"Levi!" roared Erwin, narrowly avoiding the loss of his second arm.
"On it." Levi grappled for the flare gun as a titan snatched his leg.
Two golden flares soared towards the sky.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Eren stared at Mikasa. "What if I can't."
"You have to," she replied, sounding disturbingly like Levi.
"You don't have to hold my hand!"
"But I want to."
Eren tried to smile, but failed. Fuck.
"Remember what Saskia said."
"Of course I do." Focus. "You prepare to get us out of here if it goes poorly."
"I'm always prepared for that," Mikasa admitted.
He might not need to scream for any useful reason, but Eren found his scream the only way to capture his fear, anger, and desperation. His friends were dying.
And he punched the crystalized walls as hard as he could, hard enough to draw blood.
The blood rested for a moment on the surface before dissolving. Cracks spread throughout the wall, slow at first, then more and more and more.
"Time to go." Mikasa swooped Eren into a nearby tree.
"Wait – what if I need more?"
"Then we'll make do!"
A sheet of crystal slid off the wall.
Eren took a sharp breath. "This tree's not going to do much good.".
More and more and more, like a waterfall of crystal shards, until the blood-red face of a Colossal Titan emerged.
Its eyes met Eren. Its mouth opened.
With a roar, half of Wall Maria exploded into hundreds of thousands.
Eren felt sick enough to throw up.
"I'm afraid," he confided with a shiver.
"Me too," Mikasa breathed. For the first time since her parents' deaths, she felt the heavy hand of fear.
And then the rest of the Wall vanquished into a wave of crystals. Colossal titans, red as blood and guts and humanity's soul, marched towards him.
Eren was now squeezing Mikasa's hand so hard she winced in pain.
The colossal who'd first emerged stared down at them, twice the height of the tree only a few meters away. The heat was enough to smother them.
Then it bent down, and Mikasa's blade flew up –
And it bowed before him, and now Mikasa had to prop Eren's mouth back shut.
"Umm – "
"Follow him!" Mikasa pointed at Eren.
"Follow me!" Eren saluted the beasts, not that they knew what a salute was, and soared along with Mikasa towards the battle.
A 50-meter tall army followed.
