Just realised how long this chapter is. Sorry it has taken so long to get up I just wasn't sure what direction to take it. Hope you enjoy. Not sure if i am going to end it here or not - let me know what you think! - R


The good memories were almost lost as the only ones that came to her mind was the recent arguments with her against God. She was glad Trixie had seen her, had hugged her.

"I will put the kettle on" Delia said

The girls made small talk. They didn't want to talk about anything serious. Patsy didn't want to be reminded of the place she had left behind. she didn't want to think about her life that the place she used to call home. Becuase it wasn't her home anymore. It wasn't the place where she could lay her head down. The girls she lived with now were kind enough, the made small talk and didn't ask too many questions. But there was no nuns and no humour. There wasn't a fight for cake, in fact, it would often go stale in the tin with no one having enough time to eat it. It wasn't a village like Poplar. It was just another local clinic room with a small hospital. She didn't mind it really and if she hadn't had ever seen Poplar she wouldn't have known how great a place could have been. It wasn't that Patsy didn't want to be there but she felt like she didn't belong, not that she knew where she belonged. She felt like she stood out. Like she was a broken piece of furniture.

At first, Patsy didn't even know what to say; words escaped her. Luckily her best friend was a talker and never failed to entertain.

"I do miss you Patsy Mount," Trixie said finally gasping for a breath between the story of dying sister Mary Cynthia's habit navy and Roses (the new midwives) flat-tire flyover as it become known. Patsy smiled, she didn't know what to say. She felt like Trixie needed a reply yet she didn't have one. Of course, she missed Trixie but admitting that meant she had to admit that she wasn't just away for a trip. Admitting she lost her best friend meant she had to admit that she wouldn't be moving back to Poplar anytime soon.

While Patsy knew deep down that she would never return it was a hard concept for her to admit. So instead of words she just made eye contact. Trixie knew what Patsy wanted to say, and that was all that mattered.

"So how is Rose? Either of you going to tell me about her?" Patsy said. She was sick of small talk now. She didn't know what else to say. She did want to know about the midwife that replaced her.

Trixie looked at Delia as if the pair were working out what they should or shouldn't tell their friend.

"She came from Bristol," Trixie said "Her older brother works in Reading while her young brother is working in America," She said bluntly.

"Is she nice?"

"She's young and full of ideas," Trixie said taking a sip of her tea. Like they were talking about loud children down the street rather than a woman in the same building.

"Your starting to sound like Nurse Crain" Patsy replied laughing at how similar Trixie just sounded. Trixie continued all the same just smirking at Patsy's comment choosing not to respond.

"She's not as clean as you. I don't think the kitchen has been cleaned since you left." Trixie laughed awkwardly as she spoke, she wasn't lying, though. No one could replace Patsy. Rose wasn't even close.

"Is that all?" Patsy snapped. she wanted to know who her replacement was. Was that too much to ask?

"Pats!" Delia said reminding her girlfriend of how rude she could sound.

"Look I'm sorry, but you don't have to hide things from me. You are allowed to like her, she's allowed to be nice!" The ginger women had snapped.

"If you don't keep the noise down Sister Monica Joan will complain about ghosts" A Bristolian accent came in looking all dressed up.

" Oh sorry I didn't realise you were entertaining," The young women said looking almost embarrassed that she had spoken so bluntly.

"I'm Rose," the women said. Her Ash blonde hair was longer than Patsy imagined, to be honest, the young women didn't look anything like Patsy's imagination. She didn't look like this job stealing monster Patsy was imagining. She looked sweet, young and nice.

"Rose this is Patsy. She used to work here." Delia said smiling sweetly, placing her hand on her lover's knee under the table. Trixie noticed but didn't say anything and if Rose noticed she didn't say anything.

"Oh, you the girl that's impossible to replace. Nice to put a name to a face" Her accent was stronger than Patsy had heard before yet it wasn't angry.

Patsy simply smiled. It was nice to know she was talked about and it wasn't just for being kicked.

"Did you need anything?" Trixie asked the girl bluntly.

"No, I am making use of my day off. Going to meet my brother, he's picking me up. Nice meeting you Patsy, see you later Trixie. Delia" And with that, she left. She smiled sweetly enough as she walked out. Rose didn't understand why the other nurses were so blunt to her but she didn't know anything about what had happened. She was just the new girl. Trixie knew that she was harsh to the poor girl but she didn't want to be friends with her best friends replacement. She didn't want to replace Patsy. She just wanted Patsy back. She and Delia had become close since they shared a room, Trixie had started to work out what Patsy liked about the welsh women but there was nothing nice or inviting about the new nurse. She wasn't Patsy. She didn't understand why they couldn't keep alcohol in their room. She questioned Delias every move like she was a small child just because the welsh women wasn't a midwife. The new girl also like Vogue which meant Trixie had to make sure she only had it for the time she had said.

It didn't take long for Rose to leave their thoughts. As much as the Bristolian women could be forgotten. Patsy now had her hand comfortable on Delia's knee. Trixie had told them no one was home. The girls were laughing and for one of the first times since Patsy had moved out her laughter was real.

"Nurse Mount what are you doing here?" Sister Julienne burst almost without thinking as she entered the room where the girls were sat laughing and smiling slowly drinking there 3rd cup of tea and eating a Victoria sponge cake they found in the sewing box. They were all trying to ignore the fact that before long the ginger midwife would be on a bus away from Poplar and how knows when they will all meet up again.

As sister Juliennes voice went into all the girl's bodies, Patsy's hand jumped away from Delia and the pair spaced apart, like they had something to hide. The truth was they just don't want another confrontation. They didn't want to be prayed for, and Delia didn't want to get fired.

Patsy wasn't sure whether the sister, who now looked rather flustered, wanted an answer or was just letting out her thoughts before her brain had time to process.

"It was my day off" Patsy replied facing the nun with all the courage she had in her. She couldn't understand why her talking to the sister was so scary, yet she felt fear pump through her body like blood.

Seeing the awkwardness, Delia said, "Rose went to meet her brother". Delia was pretty sure that the sister already knew where Rose was going that afternoon, but Delia was hoping it changed the topic or at least took some of the heat off her girlfriend.

" I was aware Nurse Busby" Sister Julienne the sister snapped. The girls could tell the nun was flustered and assumed it WS because of Patsy's presence in the house. They all hoped it wasn't, but they knew the truth even if it was hard to admit. Patsy tried her best no to sigh at the chaos she was calling.

"Trixie may I have a word with you in my " the now flustered Nun said. Trixie looked at Delia but avoided er contact with her best friend as she stood up not saying a word. As the nurse and the nun left the room Patsy couldn't help but look at her girlfriend and say "I knew coming here was a bad idea Deels."

"Pats don't worry about it. You are allowed to have tea on you day off."

"Nurse Franklin, I think you and Miss Busby should take your gathering elsewhere," the nun said slowly while looking in all seriousness to the on call midwife.

"If you don't mind me saying Sister, it has been a significant number of weeks since Patsy has even been to Poplar. And, whether you want to pretend she doesn't exist or not she was a large part of so many peoples lives you can't just shut it out. That's not fair Sister, and you know that." Trixie's seriousness matched the sisters and her words packed a powerful punch sending Sister Julienne back in almost shock that a nurse had stood up to a friend like that. Not just a friend she didn't understand how Trixie was standing up for Patsy so openly even though Trixie knew who Patsy was. What Patsy was.

While neither Patsy or Delia could hear the conversation taking place between the nun and the fellow midwife, they knew what was being said. They knew what was being said. Even when they tried not to think of it, neither of them could say anything. Thy didn't know what to say anymore. Every good moment was always tinted with a bad conversation or a judgemental stare off someone they used to talk to. Nothing good ever seemed to last as much as they could convince themselves they just had to hold out, it was getting harder and harder to do. They both smiled silently, but the fear that was contained in them both was real, very real. And, slowly but surely the fear was seeping out of them like the oil pipe of a leaky car.

"Looks deels I might go."

"pats..."

"It's okay. It's absurd for me to stay. I don't want to make it any harder for you" there was confidence in her voice, yet she spoke almost in a whisper.

"Patience Mount, don't you ever say such ludicrous things," a voice said from behind them. Delia smiled as Trixie spoke.

"You are always one to ruin a moment," Patsy said bowing her head trying not to laugh.

Sister Julienne never came back in. she never asked Patsy about her new life or embraced her with kind words, or words of any sort like Trixie imagined the sister would have done in Jenny Lee had returned. Delia thought it was best that the nun had stayed in the office. Delia knew what to mention and what conversations to avoid. If anyone asked about Patsy around the dinner today she would reply directly and let Trixie do the talking.

As Patsy drank the last sip of her now rather cold tea, she knew her day had come to an end. She knew that it was time to leave again. Time to face the bus and get back to the real world where putting her hand on her lover's knee was a fantasy.

A warm embrace was all the lovers got to say goodbye, that was all they could have. Even that couldn't last forever. Patsy found herself wearing yet another one of Delia's scarfs. On one hand, they reminded Patsy of better days yet some days dressed in a scarf reminded her of the future they never had.

"I will be back again Deels. It won't be like this forever."

"Safe journey Cariad." Was all the words the welsh woman could say. She thought that it would be easier saying goodbye this time. She wasn't sure why but she thought this would feel like when one of them went for a shift of when Patsy first moved out of the nurses home but no, the pain was real. For a moment after Patsy left the first time the pain had begun to settle. The letters and the secret phone calls helped to get her through but seeing the person she loved and watching her go again. Knowing there was nothing either of them could do. That's what hurt. Trixie wrapped her arms around Delia who was trying her best to hold it together as the rugged out double-decker bus with paint crumbling off the side, wobbled along the cobbled streets out of poplar.

"This is only temporary," the blonde women said to her welsh friend.

The trouble was it wasn't temporary, not really.

The trouble was nothing changed. Before they knew it, the days turned into weeks and there was nothing they could do. Meeting up wasn't easy, excuses were made, not because neither one of them wanted to see the other but because neither one of them wanted to face another goodbye but that meant they kept avoiding making any hellos. Because saying hello meant they had to say goodbye. Goodbye meant the end again. It meant going back to 2 separate houses miles apart. It meant working in different hospitals, wearing different uniforms. It meant eating dinner surrounded by different people. It meant being apart.