Chapter 4 – Me? A Role Model?

When Itachi came along, all I knew was that I was no longer the clan's youngest member. The attention shifted from me to him. I was never jealous of him, even if everyone's eyes turned to him and away from me. Phew! Was I glad. I might have been a bit of an attention-seeker, as I relished in having fangirls doing this and doing that for me, though I never liked the other sort of attention on me.

When I was the center of attention, I was a bit spoiled. I always got a treat from everybody. I remember when I walked past Teyaki and Uruchi's shop, especially when I was young and looked adorable, and they would offer me senbei. For free. After all, I was the so-called child genius manifested at a young age. I liked them a lot, and I liked food a lot. Their rice crackers were famous - villagers would come into the district just to buy them. I ate them even when I was full, because they were just that tasty! It was my favorite snack. Although I never thought it about myself, the clan valued me as one of their most treasured prizes, and that was what I did not like about the attention my clan poured onto me. With that said… I did enjoy the upside of being spoiled, and perhaps too much, at times.

Fugaku became the new head of the Uchiha clan since his father's passing. And so, the latest addition to the clan at the time was the new heir, Itachi. Fugaku's son was my, um… second cousin once removed? I can't count that far. All I know is that my grandfather, Izuna, and his great-grandfather, Madara, were brothers. But then again, father was an illegitimate child… I presumed he didn't have a happy childhood.

Grandfather was dead before father was born and Grandmother died before he had reached his teenage years, so he grew up with the clan's welfare supports. They gave him education and training to become a shinobi. However, he did grow up with the shameful title of a love-child. He couldn't choose his parents. It just happened that way. My father was the son of Uchiha Izuna, the run-away pillar of the clan who chose to abandon his wife and son in the last years of his life. Grandfather died young. He was in his early twenties, or so I've heard. The story went that before his death, Grandfather gave up his old way of life so that he could start anew as an ordinary man; he fell in love with a meek woman. He walked away from his betrothed and his son, casting his previous life away like it was all one big illusion.

Only then, Senju Tobirama clashed with Grandfather and killed him. Grandmother was left pregnant in her solitude with father growing in her womb, learning all the truths behind the man she was with. She was madly in love him. It did not matter who Uchiha Izuna was, what was important was that they had each other. Grandmother made sure she could raise her son in the best condition she could.

After much struggle on her part, Granduncle accepted Father and Grandmother back into the clan with much bitterness. They were not treated nicely, especially by my non-blood related half-grandmother and my now deceased half-uncle.

In order to prove his worth, Father changed people's prejudices on his scandalous background through his hard work and devotion to the clan. He started to be accepted as a true member of the Uchiha clan when he had earned the respects as a skillful shinobi, serving as a direct subordinate under Niidaime's lead during the First War. He was a war hero. Later, he became the representative for the Uchiha clan to the rest of the village. He also became the first head of ANBU when the systematic establishment was created by the newly-appointed Sandaime Hokage. Father managed to smooth the tensions that were left behind by the previous generation. Two world wars later, he served his village again, coming out of retirement for the last one, honoring the reputations he had borne for the last forty years.

Uchiha Kagami, my father, aged 59, died a hero.

"Serves you right!" an elder woman of the clan had shouted contemptuously as she gawked lowly at Father's body before it was taken away. "Your time has come, bastard." She laughed callously and shot Mother and me dirty glares.

That wicked witch! Why wasn't she dead? She was well into her eighties and still bouncing around, spreading witchcraft. Yeah, right, bitch. I wanted to growl at her. Your time is coming too! Damn it, I wasn't allowed to.

She was my grandfather's wife – the one he left for my Grandmother. A horrible human being, if you ask my opinion. For some reason I can't comprehend, Father respected her greatly despite that she always treated our family like dirt. Her son, Ishio, died in the Second War and fathered a child, Obito. My cousin. I must admit that he had it far worse than me. He grew up an orphan, since his mother died not long after the childbirth and his grandmother never liked him; although that was no surprise to me, our grandmother being who she was. And, funny enough, from rumors that I had heard, Obito was a result of rape. But if you told him about it, Obito shrugged and moved on. He didn't seem to care, which was good. I remember him being quite the happy guy, like me.

It's complicated, isn't it?

Within the clan, we had our own problems. Outside the clan, we had problems with the village. Madara, our former clan leader and my granduncle - one of the founders of the village though he turned out to be a defect - died in the Valley of End during a titanic fight against the Shodaime Hokage. It led our clansmen's enmity towards Konohagakure, a place that Madara had helped to build, increase. And increase it did. Even Father, who was an infant at the time, heard about it.

There must have been a misunderstanding, somewhere.

"If our clan wants to break from its shell and really become a part of the big family, we must take the first step." In other words, to fit in with the rest of Konoha, we, the Uchiha, must integrate ourselves into society.

Now, that's a big statement.

After Father's death, it took me a while to understand what he had really meant. To be honest, I thought Father was doing quite well for himself, considering he was a son born of grandfather's lover. He was the bridge between the clan and the village. He was very important to the clan – he had low status as a clansman but was the medium for us Uchiha and hailed as a talented shinobi himself. Even back then, I could see what would have befallen our clan without him: The relationship tensed up dramatically. Father was old, but he wasn't old enough to die. About five years into the Third War, he died in a mission which he was sent as a messenger to Iwagakure for a peace talk. They didn't like him, obviously.

Now that I think back, it was no surprise that this was one of Danzo's many schemes. Father's eyes were the first pair of Sharingan he got hold of. He said something about father being a senior consultant, and so his corpse would be disposed of by the village, rather than the clan, to honor his service to Konohagakure for over half a century.

What a load of bullshit. Sorry, please excuse my language.

Honestly, Mr. Shimura, why did you start wearing bandage over your right eye, so soon after my father's death? And more importantly, why did it never come off? Did you injure yourself? In the eye? Come on! A scar is cool for a shinobi – it shows character. Or maybe, it was used to hide something, maybe? A sharingan, perhaps?! Of course, I didn't think that much about it when it had happened. On the other hand, I'm wholly convinced now, having experienced another pair of sharingan he had stolen when he used them to fight against me.

But then, when it was Father's time to depart to the next world, I was unusually calm about it. I mean sure, I was sad and crying, but it hurt so much more when Toshi died – still does actually. But Father's… I accepted it and moved on fairly quickly. Father… maybe it was because I knew deep down you had preferred Toshi over me…? But that's okay. The feeling was mutual, I preferred Mother over you. Ha!

I loved you, too, Father. Maybe we did have our set of father-and-son problems, and the age gap didn't help. We didn't seem to get along for most of the time, but you truly cared for me. I know. You wouldn't have been angry at me if you didn't care for me. You wouldn't have been disappointed in me if you didn't have expectations of me. You wouldn't have looked at me if you didn't see anything in me.

It was probably because I had grown and learned more about the trending wheel of life that I wasn't as affected by your passing as I could have been. The fact that Toshi went before you had probably "warmed" me up for your death.

Maybe…? I still don't know.

"Don't let others influence your decision-making. You are who you are. No one should ever decide what is right and what is wrong for you. Even me. You must decide it for yourself."

I have to say, what you told me was quite contradictory. Oh, well. One thing that I was always sure about, though: when you were speaking to me, if I had said that to you as a reply, you'd probably die of a heart attack, muttering something along the lines of, "you ignorant child, I-I-I h-have no s-such son l-like y-you…" struggling to finish your final words. I know, Father. That's exactly why I did not give you a cheeky comeback, especially when you were all serious and meaningful about it.

I should not follow the mass majority blindly like a lamb, and I should judge things for myself. Father, you taught me how to think for myself. But sometimes, I wondered, what was the point in that if what I did had no effect on the outcome? Life is full of uncertainties. There is no formula to guarantee I will get the exact sum I want. But then, whenever I thought like that, Mother's quirky voice kicked in:

"Don't you give up before you try!"

Yes, Father, Mother. You both entrusted this huge task on me. I was not sure if I could handle it. To help the clan by changing how outsiders see us. That's a big ask. The future lay in our future clan head. It was already too late to change Fugaku. It wouldn't happen. And so, Itachi was our hope.

We all had high expectations of Itachi. He did not disappoint us, I must say. For what he said, Father had also hinted that the new heir would be the key to changing our fate.

"Shisui-ojisan, what are you doing?"

Itachi, barely a toddler was peeking over a book I was reading. It was from a manga series called How a Shinobi Should Die, the best-seller of the time. Almost laughing at the plots, I was amused by the protagonist's tragic death. It was too realistic for a fictional story! He died early and a promising young man sacrificed himself for his country…

… Just as Toshi had.

Itachi kept looking, with his eyes fixed on the front cover image of a man appearing to be very "cool" and making a pose that appeared stereotypically heroic. I cringed, feeling a bit uneasy by the child's plain gaze. He was a weird child. He was curious about everything, he learned things very fast, and he was a quiet boy. Because he didn't speak much (not that he wasn't capable of speaking), it was hard to know what he was thinking. It's odd when you can't read a child's face like an open book. I had to observe very closely to be able to understand what was on his mind.

"Don't call me ojisan." I didn't like being called Uncle at the age of nine. It was too bizarre.

"But dad and you are cousins, aren't you?"

"Yeah, but it's not like I could choose when I was born."

"I don't understand what you mean."

I didn't think it was a good idea to explain to a three-year old about what I was trying to say. Before he could come up with more questions, I changed the topic immediately.

"Do me a favour, Itachi. Call me Shisui, without the ojisan."

"Mum said it's rude. She's right, right?"

"No, it's ruder if you call me ojisan." I pointed at my broad nose with my index finger and my eyes grew by the child's virtue when I spoke.

He didn't get it.

"Okay," Itachi obediently agreed, but only because he was a good kid.

And I was supposed to be a role model to this child genius…. I didn't think I'd make a good one at this rate.