Chapter 7 - Shisui the Survivor

Five o'clock in the morning, my body clock told me that I had enough sleep. Even though I knew we still had plenty of time to rest before the main event, my eyes shot open by themselves. I could never sleep for more than eight hours - I was a morning person. So when I had had enough of that dusty ceiling hanging above, I crawled out of my warm, cosy sleeping bag. I walked towards the fire ring, staring hard at it.

What am I doing?

For some time, I squatted into a ball by the fire. I was trying to think, but my mind was blank. I was so confused. With the splinting sound of fire burning, it brought me back from an unfilled mindscape of no thoughts, just a vacuum. I could see Neko still sleeping soundly through the flames. To make myself useful and escape this mentality that seemed to be going nowhere, I went for a hunt.

By now, the people of Iwa would probably recognise my face. Surely, we were too poor to buy food... and it was too early in the morning. There was no shop here, just rocks. Not only that, I had no idea what sort of animals I would come across, if I found any at all. I did find some berries not too far from our campsite, and I immediately picked them. Since I wasn't sure they were edible, I used them as bait. After striding around for some time, I discovered that there was a sapling branch that was strong enough, yet bendy. I attached the hook trigger to a fine cord I took out of my tool bag; and with that, a booby trap was ready. I waited at the side until something would jump into the noose.

When I walked back to that tomb of a chamber at the west of Iwagakure, my owl had come back and waited for me. I took the scroll from the owl, a scroll that carried the next set of instructions from Danzō. And once I did, I let my summoned animal dispel. Neko had woken up already. She took a quick glance at me as I walked in, then went back to sleep.

From my sack I took two rabbits I had caught, which I began to prepare. It was fortunate that I was able to catch them, since they were the only animals I managed to find. With a deft swipe of my kunai, I cut the male rabbit's stomach open. I had to make sure that we got the most from my catch, so we could survive for the time being. After all, we needed food.

I continued with my dissection, sorting the meat and skinning the rabbit as well as I could. Once finished, I moved on. It was the best course of action to be as clinical as possible when doing this, to separate your emotions from the task at hand. I opened up the female rabbit – they must have been a couple.

The kunai fell from my hand. Inside the female's stomach was her baby. I tried to back away, but I was rooted to the spot. I couldn't believe that I killed a mother. I couldn't believe that I ended the life of a baby before it had begun. I knew logically that I only killed two –three – animals for food, but that didn't come to mind at the time.

I knew that as a shinobi, we were expected to kill, but what you learned in the safety of school and what you saw in reality were two very different things. Morbidly, I thought of Danzō and what he would do if he saw me like this. I just couldn't bring myself to care.

What I did to that rabbit was just like what was happening to the Land of Earth's citizens: killing innocents to make our village stronger.

Is that the price for peace to ensure?

Sacrifice of the innocent.

Neko woke up to me crying to myself, wailing like a baby. I couldn't control it. I killed a family. For food. To feed myself. She stumbled her way towards me, annoyed at how I had inconveniently woken up her with my cry. I didn't see her face, but I could feel her irritation.

I kneeled down and the tears stopped. She went down to my eye level as I kneeled down on the stone-cold ground. My tears were spurting and my running nose was gushing out. I was too disappointed by my selfish action to be able to look her in the eye.

If cannibalism was the norm, what would I do if a hungry person killed my family for food?

Or to put it in a more generalised term, what would I do if someone killed my family for gain?

As these questions were swirling in my head, she just softened the toughness she was wearing and pulled me into a heartfelt embrace.

"You didn't do anything wrong," she consoled me gently, patting my head. "It's going to all right."

She might have well treated me like her younger brother; I didn't care. I buried my face into her chest like I would do to my mother. I was such a child back then.

I kept crying. There wasn't any other way I could express the torment I created for myself. Did she know the second I left her arms I felt something different about her? She was no longer the unemotional pretend-big-sister. She was my sanctuary. In her arms, I was momentarily forgetting about the horror of the world. I could never forget the way she smiled at me then. The warmth ambled in the bending curve on her lips travelled to my heart. In giving all her attention to little me, she revealed her true self. Her emotions were left naked. She sympathised a sorry, child-like me. For that moment in time, she had forgotten she was a Root kunoichi, an emotionless human weapon.

I sat around the fire ring and curled into a ball. She took the hunt and did the cooking. When the animal oil from the skin was dripping into the flame, I covered my ears to turn a deaf ear to the sizzling noises.

"If we want to get out of Iwa, we need to eat." Neko turned the two rabbits that were stringed up on a bark to the other side for more grilling. Her gaze changed into a darker shade of bleakness, but there was light. There was hope. "Don't let their sacrifice be in vain."

If I wasn't the one who killed the couple, my saliva would have been dripping at the fragrance of freshly cooked meat. The aroma only made me feel sick. She cut up the legs to check if the meat was thoroughly cooked. Taking two bottles out of her backpack, she sprinkled finely ground white crystals on the meat before grilling for a final time.

I stared at her, then the nearly-done rabbits. She had sugar and salt in hands; probably brought them along because they would come handy in survival in long run. In putting them in the meat, she was sharing her survival tools with me. She might have tried to ignore me, but her actions said otherwise. Maybe I was overthinking it. I was just so moved that she cared for me.

Neko handed me a rabbit and took a quick bite into the one in her other hand. I backed away. She realised I was refusing to eat the female rabbit, the mother. Just when I thought she was going to be angry with me, she tittered a little. She found my stubborn principle funny. Taking another look at the rabbit she had bitten into, she swapped with me.

"I hope you don't mind," she said.

She could have meant the bite she took, or her saliva on the food. Either way, I didn't care. There was no way I was eating the mother who was carrying a baby before I ended her life.

I took the father in my hand and started to eat slowly. I hated to admit it, but he tasted so good. I was speeding up, chewing and swallowing. I was very hungry. Neko stopped eating and watched at me in awe. When I looked up to see her, she let out a girlish giggle. It was unexpected of her. Was it because she found me cute in some twisted way?

I noticed how she touched her ears sometimes to check on her silver earrings. They suited her well.

"Who gave them to you?" I asked her.

She turned away. I didn't get an answer.

I gave her an eye roll and she went back to being the upright kunoichi she claimed to be. We were both tired of each other's attempts. Her face took on a stony expression again. After we had eaten, we quickly packed and headed to the meeting point with other child agents.

Sneaking into the Land of Earth was easy, but implanting bomb seals in Iwa's ANBU headquarter was... a mission impossible. There were twenty of us and we were split into four groups of five. We had two trackers, two sensors, two ninjutsu specialists, and two genjutsu specialists in my team. The number didn't add up. In fact, it did. Most of us dubbed two titles on the team. I was the all-rounder sensor, ninjutsu, and genjutsu specialist. Since Neko and I were both skilled in genjutsu, we were expected to get through most people without having to confront them in physical combat. Basically, my team picked the short straw. We went first.

Neko was the leader of all teams and our subunit. Her speciality was assassination. It would seem it was not the first time she went on a mission like this. Although we were young, we were a gang of chigger mites. We bit our foes mean and hard and caused our enemy country some intense irritation.

When she had sent off the other units to their allocated positions, our unit slipped through the base entrance. As two Iwa-nin approached us with quickening steps, they began covering their hearts and struggling to breathe. They were sweating, their veins swelling and popping. A few seconds later, they laid down flat. I saw Neko catch the spinning kunai she had thrown in the air as soon as we saw them.

The two trackers left to put the bombing seals in places. The other sensor was behind us to keep us alert. Neko and I stayed in the middle of our unit to remove anyone who was in our way.

I kneeled down to check their breaths. Nothing. Those two men seemed to be dead, but there was not a scratch on them. I had seen this genjutsu before. My Jōnin instructor, Murakumo-sensei, once used a similar technique on a mission. The difference was that my teacher used it to immobilise the enemies completely, causing them to stab their own legs out of their free will; she used the illusion to cause the trapped victims heart attacks. She killed them, walked off, and left no physical trace of what happened. Even when the corpses were going to be autopsied, they would not find any brain activity as evidence to prove the use of a genjutsu as the cause of the heart attack.

My eyes saw through it all. The instant an individual concentrated on something the use had set a trigger seal on - whether through sound, sight, touch or even taste - the deed was done. Unless the person caught had a stronger reserve of chakra than the user in mind, he could then forcefully break out.

"Are you from the Kurama clan?" I asked bravely.

Something really bad must have happened. It would seem like she went into Root before the Child Division was established. There must be a reason why she entered and why she now willingly served the foundation.

"Does it matter?" The bitter tone in her voice told me to shut up. I wouldn't.

"Are you crazy?" I whispered desperately.

In the dark tunnel we were hiding in, I was trying to turn my head to see her in the tight space we shared. She was shaking slightly. She was scared. Pulling herself together, she gave a cold reply.

"It does not matter. I will do as Danzō-sama says. I am a Root kunoichi."

I kept firing my questions. "Aren't you bored of that line yet?"

"Why should I be?" she asked rhetorically. "I am."

"I'm from the Uchiha clan." I was stating the obvious – mostly to alleviate the stress of the situation. Root was drawing in forces from the elites of various clans. "Danzō is up to something."

"Know your place, Uchiha Shisui," she warned me coldly.

"Tell me your name, kunoichi," I snapped back.

I cried again. This time, I cried soundlessly on her behalf. She wouldn't tell. She didn't want to think about her past. She didn't want to recall the name she was born wit. She didn't want to remember.

But her facial expression softened when she saw my tears. She waited for me to speak more. I stayed in silence. After a pause, she muttered the same, fake name exhaling a deep breath.

"Neko."

The first person I thought of was the Third Hokage. He could have helped us. As soon as the war was over, we could leave. The Third always treated me like his family. He would definitely have helped me and he certainly wouldn't have minded helping one more person.

"I can help," I said.

She laughed cynically. "How?"

"Hiruzen-jisan can help us." I smiled with hope as though the world would be bright and worries would disappear magically. "Trust me."

"Thank you, Shisui," she spoke with a soft smile. "Don't be late." I was given a coordinate to meet up in exactly an hour's time.

She must have thought I was so childish to be this hopeful. I was indeed. It didn't mean I should give up my chances. She wouldn't understand. I'd make her. I said that to myself.

Taking a final glimpse at me, she kissed my forehead, then lingered a moment to hold my head dearly in her arms. While I was rapt in the gentleness of her touch, she went away to direct the attack. I was left alone in the tunnel by myself to oversee all units and record Intel. Not to be boastful or anything, but I knew I was stronger than the others who were out to take on the challenges of the frontlines. I was writing up. My head was thinking all the same. She put me on a safer spot on purpose.

I was clearing my way through. I put anyone who was about to have a go at me in a genjutsu. That was what I remembered, at least. I arrived at the rendezvous point five minutes late to see no one around. I found one of her earring. It was blood stained. I had no clue how she dropped it, but she wasn't anywhere in sight. Concentrating my sensing field, I found no new presences nearby. Instead I kept walking. I hit a wall, pushed myself up, and ran. I finally found some of the other children. They were lying on the ground motionlessly with the targets. Not a hiss of breath. Neko wasn't there. I panicked. I ran again.

The building was set on fire, the blaze tearing the structure apart. It was starting to fall. I found someone at last, but not the someone I was looking for. He was an Iwa-ANBU, limping as he walked, heavily injured. He made eye contact with me.

"You Konoha rat!"

Just as he began to charge, I slit his throat open with a flicker to self-defence. He dropped dead and I kept running, though aimlessly. I was scared. Things were flying out as I sprinted by, desperately hoping that I would make it out of there before the ceiling collapsed. The heavy, three-blade kunai I was given by Minato as a parting good-luck gift fell out and nailed the ground, which I tripped over. When the ceiling was about to squash me like an ant under a footstep, I was teleported away in a flash.

I was then at a safe distance from the base up in the rock mountain, where I met Minato and his team.


"Good to see you in one piece, Shisui," my cousin greeted me when I woke up.

Minato relaxed his shoulders and gave a relieved smile. I was covered in wounds that I didn't notice. They were nothing too serious, but there were cuts all over my body.

When I pushed myself up, the brunette on Team Minato guided me back down to lying.

"You need rest for now. You'll be safe with us here." The glowing green she generated from her hands made gradually caused me to regain consciousness.

"Rin, you're the best," Obito praised, standing close to his teammate. He was stealing a gaze from her and then glaring at the silver-haired boy the next second. Then, I remembered. I sprung up from lying down and my body hurt so much. My fist tightened around the earring I took out of my pocket. Her earring.

"Neko!"

Minato was decrypting the Intel he had gotten from the now-burned-down Iwa-ANBU headquarters. He had found out something that was top secret. The surprise on his usually calm face said it all.

He walked back to me to see what I was fussing about.

"Shisui, are you all right?" Minato asked.

"Neko…." I was shaking my head. I spoke so fast that I didn't know what exactly I was talking about. "There was this girl. Our mission captain. She said she'd be there in an hour's time. I was five minutes late and she wasn't there anymore. I... She's dead because of me…."

I broke out crying. I wasn't supposed to tell another soul out of Root about our mission, even if they were shinobi from Konoha like us. That was not my concern. I needed to find Neko. I couldn't live with myself knowing I was only five minutes late and now she was dead. And he was Minato - my brother's best friend. He came to save me. He was the only who would have and could have helped me.

"You were the only one from Konoha left in the base. I've checked three times. There were a few dying Iwa-ANBU, but all the other children from Konoha I found had…" Minato stopped and looked away. He didn't want to say the word 'dead'.

"… gone."

Or, he was trying to tell me something by not telling me it.

Minato took another look on his hand at the Intel he got from Iwa and chucked it to his bag. He was feeling frustrated, no doubt. Kakashi noted the change in his teacher. Minato had discovered something, but he was not telling when Kakashi was asking. The blond man smiled it off and said it was "nothing".

I kept crying. Obito gave me a hug and patted my back. Rin wiped away my tears as I used my sleeve to blow my nose. I was heartbroken.

Have you ever felt sorry for that helpless little boy?

Have you felt sorry for the last bit of innocence you striped off that boy and you had him manipulated to become a killing machine?

Have you felt sorry for leaving me with the guilt that I was late, so you were dead for the next ten years to come?

I don't care. I never did. I only remember the pain of losing you twice. One was fake and one was for real.

That kiss wasn't just a thank-you kiss. It was the activation of the genjutsu that you had me put under. I didn't even notice. I trusted you and you abused that trust. I didn't guard my heart against you.

But that kiss…. You saved my life by turning me into a monster.

A murderer.

But that kiss…. You placed it on my forehead as a gesture of forgiveness - forgiveness for what you were going to do to me. Was that what you really meant? It wasn't good enough. Because of that, I accidentally fell for you. I have loved you ever since. Nobody could replace you and I still didn't know your real name.

Of course, I know now. I will bring your identity with me. Your secret is safe with me. The woman who granted me these eyes that will continue to watch over world even when I'm gone. The woman who bore my unborn child that would never see the light. The woman who I was made to kill both the mother and the child.

That kiss was our heart-breaking beginning. Did you know what you did that day? You sealed the bitter end of a love that was never meant to be. I should have never loved you. Loved you the way I did, loved you the way I was so fallen, loved you the way I was so blinded.

If you ask me to choose again, would I have loved you the way I did?

The answer will always be "yes", but I will definitely find a way to get around the problems before it was too late. Although these regrets will live with me till the end of time, I will bear them just to be with you.

What did you do to me?

You made me a survivor, my love.