Chapter 8 - Chūnin Days

I was in Root for two years. It wasn't a long time, but I had seen and done some horrific deeds that would forever cast a shadow on my existence.

Danzo is a sneaky, greedy, cunning old prick who should have retired decades ago.

If anyone thinks I'm being judgemental and opinionated, well, I am entitled to! I am a victim to his ambition. My stolen eye, my death, my life. I have him to thank for it all. Little did I know, from the time I was innocent and young, I had been playing an important role in his power-hungry game. He strung me up with her, in which I am thankful, but he was also the reason behind her suicide. I would much rather call it suicide. Though, fact is fact, and self-deception is self-deception.

It was not suicide - it was me. I was the one who stabbed you. Yes, you did. You put me under your clan's most powerful genjutsu that I did not have any control of my own body. Yes, we did. We shared a love that was never meant to be. You bore my child because of your mission. In the end, you couldn't lie to yourself.

I love you.

It was only on the brink of your passing that you finally uttered those three simple words, the only time you said it out loud and meant it. Danzo would have killed both of us if he could cultivate what he wanted. He wanted the best our genes, the Uchiha and the Kurama clan, for himself. He wanted to raise a child from a piece of white paper to his ultimate emotionless killing machine. Again, you chose to save me.

I never felt the need to seek revenge until then. When I learned about how Toshi was sent to the Water's border for an impossible mission, I became cautious about Danzo's every action. Learning about the outcome of my late father's sharingan only increased my cautiousness. However, when I was forced to make the choice between killing the woman I love or killing my own child, that was the last straw.

I insist, I do not seek revenge, but I seek his downfall. Killing Danzo would not bring you back to life. However, killing Danzo would free all those tormented souls, Root shinobi and beyond, from their prison.

Neko, I remember how surprised you were when you found out how much I knew about your clan's secret art. That was because my first Jonin instructor, Murakumo-sensei, is from the Kurama clan. In fact, he became the new main branch leader of the Kurama clan after the war. He took less missions to balance his leadership of your clan, but he continued to mentor me until I was diverted to Kushina for further studies.

"Are you okay?" Murakumo asked one time when he found me spacing out in the middle of practice.

After my service with Root, I was advised by the Third to pay my old sensei routine visits. He knew me well, and hopefully he could help me to get out of my own shadow.

"I'm fine." I forced a smile. I don't remember when I started to use a smile to hide away all the uncertainties overflowing my head. It has been too long. "I'm just… thinking."

"No doubt you're thinking, but what are you thinking? Do you want to talk about it?" Murakumo said, encouraging me to speak up. "You can tell me and I won't tell anyone."

I said nothing. Sensei was trying to help me with the new power I got after that incident where I thought Neko had died. My mangekyō sharingan was awakened for the first time. I had used it on one occasion, and my eyesight deteriorated.

"My eyes… I don't want to let my clan know. I'm young and I'm not… exactly a popular guy within the community because of my parentage, mother being a Senju descendant and father was an illegitimate child. I think…" I didn't want to tell my sensei too much. Too much information is never good, especially when he couldn't help me out of my dead end. After all, he could only listen to my troubles.

Murakumo-sensei put his hand on my shoulder. I felt a little better and a little worse at the same time. In his eyes, I would always be a child, the genin he had taught so long ago. I needed someone I could trust and talk to. Back then, Squirt was not old enough, I didn't know Kakashi well yet, and I couldn't always go and bother the Hokages, despite how much they told me I should always go to them if I needed to talk.

"Don't worry about me, Shisui. I am more than capable to hold out my own against the Uchiha," sensei reassured me. "We might be a smaller clan, but we are important to the Land of Fire. I am the head of the Kurama. They wouldn't dare to touch me."

"I don't want to trouble you - "

"Your trouble is my trouble, little Shisui."

I was so moved, I felt I would break down in tears. I always tried not to cry if I could hold it. Crying is a sign of admitting defeat, and I am a fighter. I don't surrender. Never.

Murakumo-sensei didn't press on - he knew me too well. Instead, he gave me a piece of advice and I treasure it. "Don't use your mangekyō sharingan unless it is your last resort. There's no reason you should exchange your vision with power. You are stronger than that, Shisui."

"How did you know?"

"From your delayed reaction during practice, I can see your vision has deteriorated," Murakumo sighed. His guess couldn't have been more right.

"I know, but I had to." Or it could be a one-way trip to Amegakure, I mentally added. I briefly faced Hanzo the Salamander - me, a complete newbie in comparison to him, the guy who required the strength of Konoha's Sannin to match even a decade ago. I was lucky enough to make it out alive. "It wasn't pleasant. But how did you know about the mangekyō? It is supposed to be an Uchiha secret."

I had to ask. I locked eyes with him, showing him how my regular tomoe turned to form black squares, becoming my pupils.

Murakumo knew exactly what I was talking about. "That is why you chose to become a chūnin again."

"Precisely."

Because I was out of Danzo's direct reach, the surprise flashed freely across my face. Sensei noticed my look and quickly explained, "For a founding clan of Konoha, we have been here long enough to know something. Uchiha was one of the two major founding clans." He paused, taking a moment to ponder. "It's politics. I'm not interested and my clan's not interested. We only want our strength to be part of a bigger picture, to be used for the village and for the country."

"Don't I wish Fugaku is a bit more like you, sensei?" I accidentally let out. Although I knew sensei wouldn't tell anyone, it wasn't something any member of any clan should say about their own leader.

"Didn't you say the new heir seem promising?" Murakumo asked, albeit rhetorically. He always wanted me to take a brighter outlook of all things.

"Yeah, Itachi is a good kid, but he's a bit weird, and a bit soft for an Uchiha."

Squirt is a weirdo. I was skeptical about how he would be able to socialise with other clans as the new head. I'm not saying his father was doing a brilliant job, but Fugaku always took the I'm-the-boss manner whereas, from what I had seen back then, little Itachi was too kind, too gentle, and too sweet. The kid was way too much of a push-over.

"I saw that kid once before," said Murakumo. "He was training with his aunt. Despite his traits on which you seem to be fixated - his politeness and keen observation - I saw the focus in his eyes. I think the Uchiha will change under his lead. I am sure. Just give him time."

I couldn't believe how much he could make out of a person's personality from such a short contact. I know now, of course. Sensei was too right, again!

"Just as I have never underestimated your potentials, Shisui," he finished.

I bowed. "Thank you for having so much faith in me, sensei."

To be honest, I never understood how people could have such high hope in me. For one, I don't even trust myself half of the time, or more. That is precisely why my life is full of regret.