Summary: Exactly what the title says ;)
"Tonight is your last night with your current roommates. You will be assigned new ones next morning so make the most of your night," exclaimed Gai with a wink.
…
"Kiba?"
"Yes, Naruto?"
"Do you think Neji would kill me if I hooked up with Hinata?" Naruto innocently asked the dog-lover.
"Probably"
Naruto groaned.
"Hey don't worry, I think I saw Sasuke taking a look at your dick in the hot springs," laughed Kiba.
"I am not gay!" emphasized Naruto.
"Just saying," said Kiba with his arms up in defense, "well, did you answer 'willing' on the form?"
"Yeah, I did. How about you?"
"Yeah, me too."
…
[In another tent]
"Neji, are you awake?"
"Yes, Sasuke," replied the sleepy Hyuuga, "let me guess. You're gonna ask about Naruto"
"Um, w-well," stuttered Sasuke, "no! Why would you even ask that?"
"Because you've been asking about him every night."
"Well, I just want to make sure that I win the bet."
"What bet?" asked Neji, curiously.
"I bet 5 shurikens and 6 tomatoes that he's gay," said Sasuke.
"Oh, is that so?"
"Yes, he definitely is," said Sasuke so sure of himself, "That's why I've been asking about him. So I can prove it."
"Of course, Sasuke."
…..
The next morning, the ninjas were once again woken up by Gai's loud yodelling.
"After analyzing your answers on the form, although some of you are quite experienced, it is clear to us that most of the younger ninjas are only somewhat experienced. In today's exercise, you will be writing down anonymous questions or advice requests about sex and the Akatsuki will be answering them," he informed them. He then turned to the Akatsuki members and shot them a sparkling smile and a thumbs up.
Itachi gulped nervously. Deidara smirked. Konan was excited. Sasori was indifferent. "Maybe you should join the younger ninjas and submit questions too," Deidara whispered to Itachi, teasing him. Thank Kami, he didn't see the blush on Itachi's face.
….
"Tips for giving oral sex to a girl?" Deidara read the piece of paper aloud.
Reaching behind his neck, he blushed and answered, "Well, I can just use my hands, haha" referring to the mouths on his hands.
That made his audience laugh.
"But if I'm using my mouth, I'd say eye contact once in a while can make girls melt, un. Don't just thrust your tongue in right away. Make sure you build her up first, yeah. Also, fingering before and during oral sex is a good idea."
"Next question!" exclaimed Deidara, as he pulled out another piece of paper from the little white box.
"Can you use the sharingan to copy sex moves and perform them better?"
After reading the question to the audience, he looked at Itachi, who was uncomfortable but didn't show it.
"Itachi? Care to answer the question?" Deidara smirked, knowing damn well that his friend had no idea.
"Well, the sharingan is a bloodline limit that is passed on in the Uchiha clan. It is incredibly useful in copying movements, especially when combined with the mangekyo sharingan." Stated poor Itachi, avoiding the question, as was hoping to distract the audience by explaining the history.
"What my companion is trying to say is, yes. The sharingan is proven to be very successful in the bedroom. Isn't that right, Itachi?" interrupted Deidara, trying to help his friend
"Hn," Itachi agreed. He looked around the audience until his eyes fell on Sasuke who was giving him a cold stare.
They all took turns answering questions.
"Is Pein's pubic hair orange too?" Konan read, shifting her eyes to Pein. After seeing his light blush, she looked back at the girls in the audience and said "I guess you'll just have to find out for yourself," she giggled.
"How big is Deidara's dick?" Sasori read aloud, as he looked at a deeply blushing Deidara.
"Well, ha, um, I hate to brag but –"
"Moving on," Sasori interrupted his blonde bomber friend, "does Sasori have sex with his puppets?"
His eyes widened in embarrassment, "Who even asked this?" the embarrassment was evident in his voice, as it went just a little higher than usual.
Deidara couldn't help but fall over, laughing.
After giving Deidara a quick death stare, Sasori turned to face the audience. "No," he said in a more serious tone, "no, I do not." After all, he was telling the truth. But it's not like it never crossed his mind or anything.
