Review Responses~

ShigureAyameHatoriFanClub: I HAVE. Civil War is giving me so many feels. I don't know how I'm going to be able to watch it... Just seeing the trailers gives me anxiety.

sarahmichellegellarfan1: I appreciate it!

Three Guests: Thanks you guys! Glad you're enjoying!

So I had this entire situation planned out and then I came across Oscar Isaac, the actor of Poe Dameron, singing "Never Had" aaaaaaand it hit me right in the feels 'cause it went along with Poe and Sidra's story so well.


To The Stars and Back

Chapter 13; Time Apart

A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory

The last few months of our last year in pilot school were different. Poe stuck to his words and avoided me at all cost, talking with me only when it was necessary.

I thought it was a punishment meant only for me- it sure felt like it. And I suppose I deserved it. I had been an idiot.

But at the same time, how could he be so harsh? There was no one around to tell me what the future had in store. There was no writing on the wall. As if he expected a fifteen year old girl to understand her feelings and the feelings of others. As if he expected anyone to understand their own feelings- age had nothing to do with it!

It was on our way home after graduation that I realized the punishment had not only been mine.

"I'm sorry Sid." He were walking toward our houses back on Yavin 4 when he began to speak to me again, "I wasn't angry at you, I was angry at the situation I had been put in-"

"Because of me." I finished for him, a sad smile on my face, "No, I understand. Living's hard, Poe. You have to try to understand other people even when you're trying to understand yourself and it just… doesn't work out, sometimes."

It was difficult to explain what I meant and what I felt, but I think he understood.

"And Nusa?" I started hesitantly, unsure what had happened between the two of them.

"I explained my situation to her, and she understood, thankfully." Poe left it at that.

And so I was given my best friend back and welcomed home.

Cerys nearly tackled the both of us to the ground when we had come within sight of our houses, our father's not too far behind.

"Cerys! You're almost as tall as me, you need to stop!" I laughed, swinging her around, her toes just barely off the ground.

"Well if you were around more maybe you could stop me," She laughed back, holding onto me tightly.

"I missed you. How's school? Are you making friends? Keeping dad in check?" I sat her down, my questions non-stop.

"Sid, you're here for two months, I'm sure she can answer all of those later." Poe tousled Cerys's hair before scooping her up and hugging her as well.

Of course he was right. And how lovely those two months were. It was like I was thirteen again. Together Poe and I would go visit old friends, teachers and the likes and just enjoy our time together, and with our family.

I could see how happy Kes was now that Poe was back.

"You can't imagine how many times he comes over here to see Cerys." My father told me one night after Poe and Kes had left, "With Poe gone, you can see how much he misses Shara."

"We all do." I replied sadly. Although it had been fourteen years since her passing, and my memories of her faded a little more every day, she would never be forgotten, just like my own mother.

There were many nights I would look out my window and see Poe crouched before the stone by the force-sensitive tree. What had been a sapling when I was young had now grown into a strong tree, it's branches forming a nice canopy. Some nights I left Poe to himself, remembering the importance of grieving, but other nights, I couldn't be kept away.

"Look at how big it's gotten." I remarked one night as I approached Poe, sitting in the grass next to him.

"Yeah, and it's still growing." He answered, his finger running over his mother's name carved into the stone, "I can't wait until it's big enough to let kids climb it. They won't even know what they're climbing over, and when they see this stone, they won't know what it means, but at least they'll be here."

"Don't say that." I leaned my head against his shoulder momentarily in a playful manner, "Every child who comes to see this tree will know exactly why it's here and who planted it and took care of it and helped it grow. Shara's name will never be forgotten."

Poe leaned his head back, staring up at the bright stars above us between the leaves of the tree.

"I hope you're right, Sid."

Leaving was harder than expected. The two months had been a sweet reminder of what had been, but now it was time to look toward the future.

Both Poe and I had been assigned to starting in the New Republic Starfleet based in the Hosnian system, separately.

"Our first time apart." Poe had mumbled in surprise, looking down at his screen.

"Well, we aren't always going to be together." I answered softly, avoiding his eyes. I had to come to terms with that myself.

"We're still going to see each other." He said exasperatedly, "Just not as much as we'd like."

"I wonder who makes commander first." I changed the subject to something I knew Poe wouldn't mind talking about to avoid the topic at hand.

"You, obviously. You're a better leader than I ever was." Poe decided, "Besides, you're better at listening."

While his points were indeed correct, I disagreed.

"But it's in your blood." I argued, "It's who you are Poe."

"Eh, 'in my blood'." He shrugged, "I don't think piloting is genetic, Sid. You should go back to Biology."

I smacked his shoulder with the back of my hand.

"You're right, I'm definitely making it to commander before you."

Being in the New Republic Starfleet was completely different than I had imagined. The strictness I had anticipated, the large amount of people as well, but the hours? The hours killed me.

I had a love-hate relationship with sleeping. It was like when you needed to take a shower and really didn't want to because you knew it would require effort, but then once you get in you don't want to get out.

I felt like sleep was a waste of seven hours of your life every night, but once morning came around, I would kill for a little while longer under the covers.

And being in the Starfleet meant you didn't get specific hours like one might normally. There was no day and night in space. If a ship was in need of help, they weren't going to wait for us to get a good amount of sleep before sending out a distress signal.

It took a few months to conform to this schedule, although I never quite got the hang of being awake instantly like others did, but it was manageable.

Those part of my squadron were decent people. This was only a temporary training squadron to get the hang of everything, so I didn't become too attached. We were five strong, all basic humans and all brilliant at what we did. I trusted them, as I hoped they trusted me- it was required when the chance of being helped during a skirmish was important.

Our squadrons were switched every six months- to make room for the new recruits who replaced those who moved up the ranks or left for other jobs.

Poe and I still met every once in awhile to exchange stories and just enjoy one another's company. We were doing well and working our ways up through the ranks at a steady pace.

It wasn't until the beginning of our second year Poe began to rely heavily on me again. And it started very late one night.

As I had mentioned, our schedules were anything but predictable. There were times, more often than not, I'd sleep through the day after a mission through the dead of night.

The last week, however, had been a rather tame one, and I was asleep in my room when the communicator sitting on my desk near my bed beeped. It wasn't a mission beep, as I had programed different sounds for different meanings, but an unfamiliar one. I was tempted to ignore it, but grabbed for it anyway.

I was surprised to see Poe's name flash on the screen with a simple message: "I need you".

I stared blankly at the screen for a few seconds, still registering what was happening in my groggy state. What could Poe possibly need at- I glanced at the clock -one in the morning?

With a quiet groan, I rolled out of my bed and stretched, grabbing a belt hanging on the wall to attach my comm to it, just in case I was needed elsewhere. I splashed a bit of cool water at my sink to help wake up before leaving my room and finding my way toward Poe's room.

Once there, I was tempted to knock, but instead, let myself in.

Poe sat at his desk, a lamp aimed at whatever was before him, the rest of the room shrouded in shadow. By his hunched position, I knew something wasn't right.

I walked over and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, glancing at the file in his hands.

A picture of Shara Bey looked up at me, all her features just as I remembered them. Before I could read anything, Poe flipped the file closed and slammed it on his metal desk, resting his face in his hands.

"Poe, talk to me." I said quietly, my hand squeezing his shoulder.

When he didn't respond, I moved a few papers on his desk over and sat there, removing his hands from his face.

His face was flushed and damp, his eyelids swollen from tears.

"She never told me." He whispered, tearing his hands away from mine to run through his hair angrily, "Nothing, she didn't tell me anything."

"What didn't Shara tell you?" I untangled his fingers from his hair and smoothed the hair out, trying to undo the damage he had started to his body. His fingers were clenched in his lap, his face red and lightly bruised from his fingers brushing the tears and snot away.

"She was a hero, Sid." I had never seen his eyes so sad, "I'd always asked her to tell me about the war. Dad always did, he loved talking about the people he had met and the experiences he had had, but she... " He trailed off, staring angrily at the file, "One time I asked her why she had gone to war and she told me 'People were hurting. People were suffering. Your father and I couldn't sit and do nothing', but she never, not once went into any detail. Look."

He shoved the file into my hands and I skimmed the words, finding countless testimonies of grateful pilots who claimed they would have died had it not been for her.

"...'awarded the Bronze Nova for Conspicuous Gallantry during the Liberation of Gorma'..." He quoted, "And then she had earned her triple ace less than a week later, during Operation: Mynock Bite. I grabbed her file because I wanted to remember her and now I feel like I hardly knew her."

I moved damp curls from his forehead after setting the file aside, wiping away the trails left behind by his tears.

"She was a humble woman." I reminded him, feeling the corners of my eyes prick with tears as well, "There just wasn't enough time to tell you everything."

His eyes welled up for a moment before he pushed them back, taking a deep breath.

"There's not a goddamn day that I don't miss her." He whispered, taking my hand from his cheek to examine my palm, "And my dad…" He shook his head, "Maybe I shouldn't have left him alone."

"You know as well as I do that Kes would have blamed himself for that. Besides, he isn't alone. He and my father are great friends, and he's spent fourteen years looking after Cerys, just like you and I have. She's as much his daughter as she is my father's." I spoke softly, feeling a twinge of sadness at the mention of my sister and father, "She'd be so proud of you, of both of us, and I know sometimes it gets hard, remembering everyone that isn't with us any more, but you can't hold everything she didn't tell you against her."

"I know-"

"And most importantly," I cut him off, "You can't spend forever wishing they were back and hating everything that happened, or you end up sitting alone in your room for a month until an obnoxious little boy bothers you."

We both laughed at that.

"Who knows where I would be if I'd let that anger consume me." I shivered at the thought, "I mean, look at Anakin Skywalker. Look at anyone who's fallen since. Anger, sadness, it eats people alive."

"Okay, Miss Jedi, I think I get it." He chuckled, a small smile appearing.

"I wish I was like you." I mumbled after a few seconds, "You changed my whole life around with barely any words and here I am lecturing you."

"Eh, being me isn't all that great. The lime light gets a little boring."

I rolled my eyes at him. Apparently he was already feeling much better.

"Well if you're quite finished, Mr. Lime Light, I need some sleep." I made my way for the door with a yawn, hoping for a quiet night ahead of me.

"Thanks Sid." I heard him say quietly as I closed the door behind me.


A decently cute chapter in my opinion. More mentions of Shara. I really need to get the comics about her and Kes. I feel like I'd really enjoy them.

Also, took a few quotes from "Before The Awakening" which is also a solid book (even though I've just read Poe's section for this fanfiction. Still need to read Rey and Finn's).

Coming up in Chapter Fourteen: Another Graduation, but who makes Commander first and who's left behind?

~TheObsessory