"Just close your eyes,
the sun is going down.
You'll be alright,
no one can hurt you now.
Come morning light,
you and I'll be safe and sound."
~Safe and Sound by The Civil Wars ft. Taylor Swift
"Ryou, please let me in." Tristan let his forehead rest on the door-frame, frustrated with Ryou for not telling him sooner, frustrated with himself for scaring Ryou away. He was tired of knocking, and with the shower water running, there was no way he could hear him.
Tristan reached up to the top of the door frame and removed the simple metal key. He pushed it into the round hole in the center of the doorknob and heard the click as it unlocked. He put the key back in its place before opening the door and stepping inside the steamy room.
"Ryou, we need to talk."
No response.
"If you don't talk to me, I'm going to join you in there."
A pale hand snatched the edge of the shower curtain and held it firmly against the wall of the shower, keeping it closed so that Tristan couldn't even peek inside the hot shower where Ryou was wet and shivering. He had his other hand braced against the shower wall as he leaned forward, the water hitting his back as he blocked his boyfriend from joining him.
"Come on, man, just talk to me." Tristan stepped closer to the shower and leaned back against the wall, frustrated with everything right now.
"What do you want me to say?" Ryou's voice was quiet, and Tristan could barely hear him.
"I want you to tell me the truth."
"The truth about what?" Ryou snapped, his harsh tone making Tristan start. He'd never heard Ryou sound that angry before. "What can I say that you haven't already figured out for yourself? I used to cut, okay? Is that so awful?"
"Yes—no—I mean—" Tristan spluttered, then sighed and ran a hand through his messy hair. "I didn't know."
"Nobody did." Ryou didn't sound angry anymore, but he sounded sad, and considering this revelation, Tristan thought that was worse.
"You don't... Not anymore, though, right?" Tristan wasn't sure how to ask such a thing. He toed the bathmat anxiously, sliding it a little so that its edge lined up with the tiles.
"No, not in a while."
"How long is a while?"
Ryou sighed. His answer sounded like it was supposed to be angry, but there wasn't enough force behind the words to create the desired effect: "I haven't cut since before we started dating."
That made Tristan feel marginally better. He felt like he should say more, ask more, do more now that he knew, but he couldn't think very clearly right now. He'd never been in this kind of situation before, and he felt unsure of himself. After a couple minutes spent in relative silence, something finally occurred to him.
"Is that why you didn't want me to... you know." He blushed a little. "Because you didn't want me to see the scars?"
"Yeah." Ryou's answer was still barely audible, and Tristan could see that his grip on the shower curtain had loosened. "I... I didn't want you to think any less of me. I didn't want you to be mad at me."
"I'm not mad." Tristan would be the first one to admit that he had a short temper, but Ryou really hadn't done anything that deserved real anger. He was irked that Ryou had kept it secret for so long, but he wasn't mad.
"I didn't know how you'd react."
"Is that why you didn't tell me?"
"Yeah, that too."
"That too?"
"I was scared, okay?" Ryou wasn't just snapping at him now, but he was yelling too. "I was scared of what you'd think of me, scared that you'd be mad at me, scared that you'd leave me, scared of people looking at me and thinking—" Ryou stopped short, his breathing shallow and rapid as his eyes filled with tears again. He didn't know what he was afraid of people thinking about him. He just knew that he was afraid of everything. "Nobody would understand," he murmured, and Tristan had to lean in close to the shower curtain so that he could hear him. "People like Yugi and Tea and Duke... They don't know what it's like to hurt so much that all you want to do is scream. They don't know what it's like to hurt so much that some days, you wish you were dead. They don't know what it's like to forget how to smile, to feel like a waste of space, to want to cry all the damn time, and then hating yourself for it. If I tried to tell them how awful I feel, they wouldn't be able to understand..."
Just talking about it was so deeply upsetting for Ryou that he couldn't keep himself from crying. His version blurred with tears, so when Tristan gently tugged aside the curtain, easily freeing it from his loosened hold, and cupped his cheek with a large, warm hand. As Ryou straightened up, blinking rapidly, Tristan dropped his hand and stepped inside the shower and pulled the curtain closed behind him. Ryou hesitated, as if about to pull away, but Tristan's arms were strong as they encircled Ryou and forced him close. Ryou's cheek pressed against Tristan's firm chest as he buried himself in his lover's embrace.
Tristan had never pretended to be smart or good with words. He was a good guy to have on your side in a fight, and he was a terrible liar. He wasn't great at Duel Monsters, but he was a decent cook. He could be stubborn, but he was also stubbornly loyal. He was a good friend, or at least he tried to be, and if he messed up, he always tried to make things right.
Tristan didn't pretend like he knew what Ryou needed or what he was feeling, but he did know how to be a friend to him—and more. Ryou cried a little, his shoulders shaking and his breaths coming in gasps and shudders. Tristan hugged him tightly as they stood together under the artificial rain of hot water.
"I don't want to talk about it anymore," Ryou finally whispered, his eyes and cheeks red as he stared into Tristan's darker skin.
"Okay, then I won't ask about it." Tristan pressed a kiss to Ryou's temple, trying to stay focused on their conversation. It was hard, though, when their bare bodies were pressed close in a steamy shower. He rubbed Ryou's back with his thumbs, his boyfriend's body cool compared to the water.
"You make me happy," Ryou whispered, finally lifting his gaze to meet Tristan's. "I didn't want to spoil that happiness with the past. I just want to focus on the present, on what we have between us."
"Hmmm..." Tristan bumped his nose into Ryou's cheek, eliciting a small giggle from the Brit's throat. Tristan stole a kiss from him, having decided that only paying attention to the here and now was a very good idea. Because, after all, they were still a pair of horny teenage boys.
But they weren't just horny; they were in love. Now that old grievances had been aired out, they could grow closer, both emotionally and sexually.
The tall brunette had already been half hard when he kissed Ryou, and as far as he could tell, Ryou had been in a similar state. Tristan needed to stoop down to kiss him, though, and he couldn't keep it up very long without his neck starting to get sore. Ryou's back was slick with flowing water, and both of Tristan's hands slid down to cup his ass. Ryou squeaked with surprise.
"Put your arms around my neck," Tristan instructed, and Ryou obeyed. "Jump on three," Tristan murmured.
"What?"
"One, two, three." On three, Ryou gave a little hop as Tristan lifted Ryou up, the Brit putting his legs around his waist and his arms around his shoulders. Now their hips were aligned, and Tristan tentatively rocked against him. This was an experiment for both of them, and he was trying to make it work. One of Ryou's hands snaked down between them and squeezed their members together.
The brunette grunted as the Brit whined, and Tristan turned to the side to press Ryou's back against the wall of the shower. Brown eyes met hazel, both of their faces flushed deep shades of scarlet as their hips rocked together again. Tristan's fingernails dug into Ryou's skin as he grunted again, the sound lost beneath the volume of Ryou's moan.
Ryou closed his eyes, too embarrassed to keep them open, and turned his face away. Tristan pressed himself more firmly into Ryou to support him and removed one hand from Ryou's rear to grab his chin and turn his head.
"Please look at me, babe."
Flustered and touched by the first-time use of that particular endearment, Ryou opened his eyes. Tristan kissed him and held Ryou firmly with both hands once more as he rocked against him again. This time, they found a slow rhythm that they could enjoy without risk of losing their grip.
Hands latched onto Tristan's shoulders, legs climbing higher up his sides, mouth gaping as he gasped for air, Ryou felt more than mere pleasure. He felt immensely relieved, blissfully happy, and, most surprisingly, he felt safe.
Ryou couldn't remember the last time he'd felt safe or the last time he'd felt so loved.
Author Notes: Special thanks to lunarotimas and TryToFakeIt for pestering me into finishing this last chapter. ;) Seriously, though, I was just so happy that you guys wanted to see what happened next and demanded a resolution, because it meant that you liked the story that much. ^_^ This time, it really is the last chapter, I promise!
I could have easily made "Welcome To My Life" by Simple Plan the song for this chapter, but that's not the direction that Ryou's life is taking right now; I wanted to end it with something more hopeful.
