Disclaimer: I do not own Jane or Kurt or Blindspot. Writing about them is simply the outlet for my obsession.
A/N: Here's yet another installment of Jane and Kurt at the beach. And yes, they're finally reaching the end of the first day. :) Thanks for reading and reviewing, and I hope you all enjoy this chapter...
At some point as they'd sat beside each other on the beach, leaning against each other, her hand in his, the beach had slowly started to empty. Those around them, especially families with children, were making their way off the sand toward hotel rooms to find dinner. Kurt knew that they needed to do this too, but this was a moment that neither of them seemed willing to part with, and getting up was something neither of them wanted to do until it was necessary.
Finally, Jane broke the comfortable silence between them. "It's too bad the sun doesn't set in the east," she lamented. "That would be perfect."
Kurt chuckled at her declaration, looking down at the ink covered hand he was gently holding for what had to have been the five thousandth time since they'd been sitting there. He nodded his head in agreement that yes, that would indeed have been perfect. "Well," he said thoughtfully, "there's two things I can think of that we can do about that, since we can't actually change the direction the Earth spins or where the sun rises or sets."
She turned to look at him curiously. While she hadn't actually been asking for a solution to the problem, simply stating that she would have loved to have watched the sunset as they sat there, she was interested to know what these two things they could do about not being able to watch the sun setting over the beach.
"The first one is, we can go somewhere else and watch the sunset," he said, "since we're obviously not going to convince it to set here."
"Too bad," she pretended to pout, only keeping a straight face for a few seconds before the smile she'd been wearing for most of the day returned.
He just shrugged. "We'd have to be in California to watch the sun set over the water," he said. "And even though they're three hours behind, we wouldn't make it in time. So, sadly, that's just not happening today."
"I know," she nodded.
"Maybe another time," he added casually.
Maybe we'll happen to go to California sometime in the future and see the sunset? she thought in surprise. Talk about planning ahead… She just smiled, looking at the sand, unable to meet his eyes. She tried not to guess what that sentence implied, and had to fight to keep her mind on their current conversation.
I'm sure he didn't actually mean it to be analyzed to the degree that you're already doing it, she told herself. Or maybe he had meant what he'd said, but it was easier to tell herself that he hadn't and not risk future disappointment. No matter what she may have felt was happening between them, nothing was sure.
He hasn't told you in words, maybe – though his words have been exceptionally sweet – but you know how he feels about you, she told herself. Still, even after all this time and all the evidence to the contrary, she resisted believing it.
"What's the other thing?" she asked, steering the conversation into safer territory.
"Well, I'm not sure how likely this is, but we could come back down here early and watch the sun rise over the beach. It happens disgustingly early, I'll admit, but maybe it's worth it…?" He looked at her questioningly. "I leave that up to you."
She shrugged, unsure what to say. It wasn't that she couldn't get up early enough. If she decided to, she certainly could. Even now, almost a year after she'd come back to the FBI, she still didn't always sleep well – hell, never in her two years' worth of memory had she consistently slept well, and she still had nightmares sometimes, though far more seldom than she used to… so lots of mornings she was up before the sun, anyway. Except that… she'd slept exceptionally well the night before.
Because you woke up with Kurt curled up behind you, the voice in her head reminded her. Could that be a coincidence? It was both exciting and awkward to think about the impending night and the sleeping arrangement just then. After the day they'd had and the amount of flirting that had taken place between them, you'd have thought that she would have simply felt elation… but no. Nothing could ever be that simple with her.
But there was so much unspoken between them, and so much had happened in that one day… She'd made impulsive decisions before, of course – Oscar flashed before her eyes before she could stop him, though she forced him out of her mind again just as quickly.
There was suddenly hesitation in her expression, and he watched her look down, suddenly not meeting his eyes as she shrugged her shoulders.
"It seems like such a shame to think about morning right now," she replied, looking back up at him and smiling only slightly less than before, looking like she was trying to recover from whatever thought had suddenly bothered her enough to make her look away.
She wasn't telling him what had actually been bothering her, or, not exactly, he could tell, but he let it go. He knew that he could have pressed her on it, and she probably would have told him, but there was time for that later. Besides, she wasn't wrong. It did seem like a shame to think about tomorrow when right now was so perfect.
"So, I bet we can find somewhere to see the sunset, if you want to," he told her, going back to a more comfortable topic. "Of course, that will mean getting up out of the sand."
Starting to think about getting up after sitting on the beach for so long, she finally gave some thought to the sand that was now everywhere on her. "My hair is full of sand, isn't it?" she asked, turning so that he could look at the back of her head. A decent amount of now-dry sand was visible in her dark hair.
"Yep, it is," he chuckled, bringing a hand up to the back of her head and combing his fingers through her hair, more slowly than would have made sense if his sole purpose had been to remove the sand, shaking it gently.
She immediately dropped her head as she played with her hair, his hand brushing the back of her neck several times, giving her chills once again. "Remind me to lay down in the sand again tomorrow," she said happily, smiling shyly and looking down at her lap.
Chuckling, he wove his fingers through her hair a few more times, despite the fact that he'd now gotten as much of the sand out as he was able to for the time being, running his thumb up and down her neck for good measure.
"Now you're just doing it on purpose," she said quietly, which made him chuckle.
"Hey, you asked me if you had sand in your hair," he said, pretending to be defensive. "I was just helping you out by getting rid of it." She chuckled softly, raising her head and turning to look at him.
"Of course you were," she said, grinning as the look on his face made it obvious that that wasn't the case.
"Any other sand you need help with?" he asked, feigning innocence despite the fact that they both knew that the rest would mainly be sand she'd been sitting on.
She looked at him pointedly, with an expression that said Behave yourself, though playfully, and he stood up, pulling her up a few seconds afterward as well. She brushed the sand off of herself and the bottom of her bikini the best she could, considering that most of it would remain stuck to her until it could be rinsed off. She retrieved her shorts from where she'd laid them nearby, shaking them out, hard, to try to get as much of the sand out of them as possible, as well. As with her bikini, it was only a partially successful endeavor. Still, she put them back on, even though they were still a little damp.
He'd been holding the stuffed animals while she'd figured out the sand situation, and she now looked at him and wanted to laugh. Her eyes met his again only after looking at the sequined animals he was holding. "We should probably go back and drop those guys off at the house…" she started to say.
"We could, but we don't have the key…" he pointed out. "I mean, I'm sure they'll be back there eventually. We could text Sarah…"
She shook her head quickly, before he did anything hasty. Honestly, though it was selfish, she liked having him all to herself. If they met up with Sarah and Sawyer again, who knew if they'd get away by themselves again? She knew it was silly… but at that moment, she really didn't care.
"We could go into one of those stores on Atlantic that sells all the touristy stuff and find a beach bag," she suggested. "Then we'd have somewhere to put our stuff, rather than just our pockets."
He nodded, though he looked slightly disappointed. "Are you saying you don't want to hold things in your pockets for me?" he asked with a completely straight face. She blushed slightly, chuckling and shaking her head at him. "What?" he asked, as if he had no idea why she was reacting that way. "It's a serious question."
"Sure it is," she smiled at him. He took a step closer to her, hooking his index and middle fingers carefully inside her pockets, while somehow not dropping the stuffed animals.
"I support the bag idea, as long as pockets are still an option," he said, still pretending to be serious.
"Okay," she whispered, chuckling at him and shaking her head once again. "Do we have time? Or will we miss the sunset?"
"I don't think the sun will be setting for a while yet," he replied. "It's summer, after all… still, we should try not to take too long shopping."
"Ready when you are," she said, turning to walk across the sand back toward the boardwalk. Their hands automatically seemed to connect this time, to the point where neither of them could have said which of them initiated it, their sandals dangling from their free hands and Kurt still carrying the stuffed animals under his arm.
Once off the beach, they rinsed the sand off their feet and put their sandals back on, then headed back along the sidewalk that ran between the hotels, not even paying attention to what numbered street they were on – it didn't matter at that point, anyway. The crowds here were thicker now, the people who had abandoned the beach now milling around on the sidewalks, in search of food, entertainment, or both. The far side of Atlantic Avenue, facing the beach, was lined with souvenir stores, assorted ice cream and frozen yogurt shops and other restaurants, as well as a few hotels that lacked beachfront view rooms. The souvenir shops, as in most beach towns, mostly contained exactly the same merchandise, all emblazoned with the words Virginia Beach. They walked into the first large shop they came to, called Sunsations, which was part of a chain that Kurt had seen in other cities along the coast.
Instead of going straight for the bag section, as Kurt did, Jane meandered among the racks of clothing, so that when he looked up, thinking that she was close behind him, it was a minute before he found her on the other side of the store. Chuckling and shaking his head, he walked back to see what had caught her eye. When he got there, he found her fingering the material of a dark blue, lightweight cotton shirt. It looked like a t-shirt, but with long sleeves and a zipper down the middle, and, he also noticed, it appeared to be too big for her. Picking up the hanger from the rack, she held it up against him, nodding approvingly. The material felt very soft, and he understood why she'd stopped on that particular one.
"Do I need something that says Virginia Beach on it?" he asked her in amusement.
"You might," she answered, looking at it. "What do you think?"
"I think," he began with a grin, "you're already planning on stealing it from me, aren't you?" The surprised look on her face told him that she hadn't expected him to figure this out, at least not so quickly, and it only made him laugh. He handed her the animals and he took the shirt off the hanger, unzipping it and pulling it on. When he'd zipped it partway up and pulled the sleeves up slightly, he looked at her questioningly. "So?" he asked.
For some reason, she hadn't expected him to ask her opinion. Well, you're the one who brought it up, she reminded herself. And you're the one he's here with. Still, it suddenly seemed like such a strange thing – him asking for her opinion on clothes. They'd never been shopping together, after all. It wasn't that she didn't want to give her opinion, it just seemed… It seemed like more of a… she hesitated, even in her head. More of a… girlfriend thing to do.
But he was looking at her and asking for her opinion. And it looked perfect on him.
"It looks really good on you," she replied, smiling in slight embarrassment that she'd started the whole conversation.
"Okay," he said casually. It actually was very comfortable. He had a few sweatshirts, but not too many. And Jane obviously liked it, so…
Hanging it back on the hanger and holding onto it, he followed Jane to the beach bag section, her need to look at clothing now apparently satisfied. If he wasn't mistaken, she looked slightly flustered, and he wondered exactly what that was about. When he walked up beside her in front of the bags, he saw that her eyes had fallen immediately on a bag that was a light green color, covered in a pattern of large dark green flowers, with a long handle at the top. She picked one up, examining it with interest as he watched her.
The green matches her eyes, he couldn't help but think.
"It's perfect, I think," she said, turning to face him, as he nodded in agreement. She dug her hand into her pocket, but he shook his head slightly, taking the bag from her.
"I got it," he said, walking to the counter and leaving her standing there, staring after him.
He what? He'd already paid for pretty much everything that day. Now he was going to buy not only a sweatshirt, but a beach bag – just because she wanted them? She followed him slowly to the counter, once again surprised and overwhelmed.
They walked out of the store a few minutes later, the sweatshirt and the stuffed animals now inside the new beach bag, which he carried. "Thank you," she said, stopping outside the door. "You didn't have to do that." He turned around to face her and smiled warmly, that smile that she liked so much.
"I know," he said, shrugging casually, as if it was nothing. "I wanted to." He watched as her cheeks turned slightly pink and she looked down for a second, and he took that time to take her hand, which immediately made her smile. "Come on," he added, "let's go see if we can find somewhere to watch the sunset."
After consulting the map of the area on his phone for a minute, and walking a few blocks down the street, they found the entrance to one of the public parking garages. He held the door open for her, and she reluctantly let go of his hand to go through in front of him. "Let's see if this works," he said, winking at her.
"You'd think that compared to most of our missions, this one would be relatively simple," she chuckled.
"But sometimes it's the ones that you think will be simple that are unexpectedly complicated," he replied. His expression made her wonder if he was talking about more than just missions.
They stood and waited for the elevator, which they could hear slowly chugging toward the ground, and he took a step towards her, reaching for her once again. He'd only just let go of her hand so that they could get through the door, and already he felt the absence of it. Work is gonna be rough if you can't go without holding her hand more than a minute, he told himself, but dismissed the thought as quickly as it had come. That was his problem for Monday, not for now.
She looked over as he stepped towards her, and his hand slipped around her shoulders. Though he'd done it enough times that day that she'd lost count, she got the same shiver of excitement as she had when he'd done it the first time, and her smile was equally wide. The elevator groaned open, slowly, and they stepped inside, Kurt pressing 5, the top floor, before moving further inside as several other bathing suit clad tourists got in behind them. To make room, they stepped against the far wall, and, as more people than expected filed in to fill the elevator to capacity, they squeezed themselves more tightly together – not that either of them minded.
The elevator made stops at each floor, until finally, as it slowly approached the top, they were the only two left. Despite the fact that there was now plenty of space, they remained squeezed together in the corner, as if by mutual agreement, without having exchange a word about it. For some reason, Jane had a flashback to the day they'd been dressed up for Rich Dotcom's black tie party, at which they'd been playing the roles of husband and wife. They'd stood in the elevator at the FBI building in New York when he'd put the fake wedding ring on her finger… not handed it to her, but actually taken her hand put it on her finger. She didn't know what made her think of it just then, since they'd obviously been in elevators together since then… Still, she couldn't help but smile and lean her head against him.
When the doors opened, they stepped out to look around. As Kurt had hoped, they were on the roof, nothing above them but the sky. Though the fifth floor wasn't exactly a tall building, relatively speaking, with the lack of buildings taller than the one they were on to block their view, they could easily see the color in the sky to the west. They walked to the west side of the garage, all the way up to the edge of the parking structure.
Jane leaned hesitantly against the edge and glanced down to the ground five floors below, then quickly back up at the colorful sky. Kurt stood behind her, his head leaning forward slightly in the space above her right shoulder, his hands resting on the concrete edge of the garage on either side of her, close enough that his arms rested against her sides.
"Well, it's not quite the same as sitting on the beach," he said quietly, just above her right ear, "but it's still pretty spectacular."
In reply, she simply leaned her head against his cheek, as she'd gotten into the habit of doing when he put his face beside hers. She breathed in and out slowly, attempting to slow her suddenly racing pulse, and wishing that she could freeze time while she was at it. There was something absolutely perfect about this.
You've thought that about everything today, she reminded herself. That thought only made her smile grow wider, because it was true. She decided that this thought needed to be shared. "Today was perfect," she said without taking her eyes off of the shades of pink in the sky. Since she was leaning against his cheek, she could feel the muscles shift in his jaw as he smiled at her assessment.
"It certainly was," Kurt agreed, leaning into her a little more, then added, "Who knew that the beach could be this much fun?"
"Not me," Jane replied slowly. There was a tone that Kurt didn't like mixed in with the happy lilt of her voice just then. It was the one that told him that she'd taken the question a little more literally than he'd meant it, and had chosen to dwell on the fact that no, she hadn't known that she liked the beach.
The fact that "who knew" was an expression was something that she knew, however, she simply couldn't bite her tongue fast enough to stop the slightly self-pitying response. No, she certainly hadn't known. Even two years later, there were still plenty of things that she didn't know about herself.
"Hey," he said pointedly, glancing over to be sure he'd pulled her attention back from her thoughts, "I've been to the beach lots of times, and I never knew it could be this much fun, either. Okay?" In other words, he thought, it's not just you. You don't have to make yourself feel bad, feel separate. I'm right here with you. He'd leaned back slightly to look at her as directly as he could, considering that he was actually behind her.
Her full, sincere smile returned, and she nodded ever so slightly. Satisfied, he leaned his head back against hers, where it had been, as they continued to watch the sun sink lower, behind the trees and assorted low buildings that lined the western sky from where they stood.
"That was a really good idea," she told him once the sun was gone, and only a faint color remained in the darkening sky. The wind was picking up, or maybe they were simply noticing it more than they had earlier because they were up higher, and because the sun was now gone. Still, the day had been swelteringly warm and the current temperature remained comfortable, even without the help of the sun. This wasn't exactly a cold climate, after all.
There was a gurgling noise, which they both heard loud and clear in the stillness, and it made them laugh. "Was that your stomach, or mine?" Jane asked him, turning around to put her back to the cement now that the sun was gone. Kurt hadn't moved, and because he'd been standing very close behind her, he was now standing very close in front of her. He felt her lean unsurely against the partial wall behind her, which came up to the middle of her back, and he put his hands gently behind her back to steady her. This made her smile even more, and for the millionth time that day, she felt herself blushing.
"I don't know," he replied, "but I think it means we need to go find some dinner."
She nodded in agreement. "It must be pretty late by now," she observed, "since the sun has already gone down." Her smile faltered just a little, as if something had occurred to her that she was doing her best not to think about.
"Plenty of weekend left," he replied without missing a beat. She just stared at him then, surprised, which told him that once again, he'd done his "trick" of reading her mind. There wasn't much to the trick, after all, since somehow he could just sense a lot of the things that bothered her. "Now let's go get something to eat." However, he stood there, right in front of her, staring into her eyes in the gathering darkness around them, the shadows on their faces growing longer. The lights of the parking garage seemed increasingly dimmer against the darkness without the sun.
Neither of them moved for a full minute. In fact, she wasn't sure that either of them were even breathing.
Suddenly, they were unexpectedly so close together… and somehow seemed to be frozen, staring intensely into each other's eyes. There was another gurgling sound from one of their stomachs – it was still too hard to say which one it had been, since they were both feeling hungry, and standing so close together – and they both relaxed, smiling widely at the situation. The spell that had been holding their eyes on each other was broken, and he leaned forward and kissed her forehead.
"Come on," he said, taking a step back and picking up the green bag, which he'd set on the ground by their feet, then reaching for her hand. "Before our stomachs start devouring themselves." Shaking her head at the strange image, Jane allowed him to tug her back towards the elevator, which they waited patiently for, once again hearing it slowly make its way to them. This time, night having fallen, other people, dressed not for the beach but for an evening out, joined them in the elevator as it made its way down, stopping at each floor. Having been the first ones in, they were once again pressed against the back wall, and were the last ones to get out.
They stopped, looking around to get their bearings as they walked back out onto the sidewalk, and Kurt turned toward her. "What do you feel like eating?" he asked. "There seems to be a lot of pizza around here, and… a lot of seafood places… Which makes sense, at the beach." He glanced around, then looked down at the list of restaurants that he'd pulled up on his phone. "We'll probably end up waiting, no matter where we go," he added apologetically.
"No problem," she replied, squeezing his hand. Honestly, what difference would waiting make? She was a little hungry, but she was also with Kurt, with the rest of the weekend stretching before them. As much as she knew the weekend wouldn't last forever, at that moment she felt like they had all the time in the world to devote to finding something for dinner.
"Except for that whole hunger thing, of course," he laughed.
"Food is overrated," she said, curling herself into his arm. "Anything is fine."
"Sarah was telling me about this place by the Neptune Statue…" he said, trying to remember what his sister had told him. "Something about fire pits in the center ofthe tables outside…" Jane tilted her head slightly, trying to imagine that.
"Really?" she asked, intrigued by the idea.
Looking up at the street sign, he said, "It's not too far, do you want to walk down there and check it out?"
"Sure," she shrugged. "Anywhere's good… As long as you're going to be there," she said honestly, realizing only afterwards exactly how it had sounded… like a silly young girl with her first, hopeless crush. Which, in a way, was true. She felt herself blushing, and hoped that it was dark enough that he didn't notice, even though that seemed doubtful. The streetlights and lights from the shops along Atlantic were fairly bright. Damn, she thought, looking away.
They'd been standing facing each other, Jane leaning slightly into his arm at one point. Now she was turned away, looking across the street, avoiding his eyes. She clearly hadn't meant to say what she'd just said, at least not quite that way… He watched her as she nervously waited for him to change the subject, and yet again, he was mesmerized by her. As he squeezed her hand once again, she looked up at him shyly.
You should know by now, she reminded herself, that he feels it too.
He looked at her a second longer before simply saying, "Well, then let's go," as they headed off down the sidewalk toward the restaurant that Sarah had told him about. When they found the restaurant, they saw that there were indeed fire pits in the middle of several of the tables on the patio, and those fire pits now glowed brightly, the flames dancing in the darkness. The restaurant was called Catch 31, and it was, unsurprisingly from its name and location in the space between Atlantic Avenue and the boardwalk, a seafood restaurant.
They went inside and were told that there would be "a little bit of a wait," especially if they were set on getting one of the few fire pit tables. They settled on a bench by the door, not really caring just how long "a little bit" would be. Kurt had never in his life felt so perfectly content to wait for a table. After all, his left arm was stretched out behind Jane's shoulders, and she was leaning into him, her head on his shoulder. Besides being content, he was also hungry, and was also beginning to feel a little tired. After all, they'd had a jam-packed day, and somehow it was already after 8:00 pm.
A hostess finally came to get them, leading them along a winding path between table lit by dim overhead lighting and tea lights in small votives on the tables, to a door at the far end that led back outside to the patio. From there, they wound between occupied tables to the edge of the patio, where a large round table made of smooth marble was hollowed out in the center, and flames jumped from it in the wind, which seemed to have picked up while they'd been inside.
They thanked the hostess and sat down, sliding along the rounded wooden bench and then smiling as the young brunette put menus down in front of them, telling them that their waitress would be right with them. They took advantage of the fact that they were on a bench and not in chairs, sitting without any space between them, their legs touching, as they both opened their menus. Their waitress, a blonde with a wide smile and a heavy southern accent, brought them glasses of water and then disappeared again.
Jane's menu was open, but she found it hard to concentrate on it. Between Kurt beside her and the fire in front of her… there were several major distractions. She only realized that she'd been staring into the fire when she felt Kurt elbowing her gently in the side. Smiling and knowing she'd been caught, she glanced up at him. "You have to actually look at the menu, not just hold it, you know," he reminded her in amusement.
"You're so bossy," she told him, grinning, but looked down at her menu nonetheless.
They spent the next few minutes quietly considering the options on the menu, and Jane managed not to look back up at the flames until she'd decided on her order, a combination plate called '31's Mixed Grill,' containing Mahi Mahi, shrimp, oysters, a crab cake and succotash. Glad to have such an important detail finalized, she looked out at the people lazily strolling by in pairs and groups, all enjoying the summer night. Leaning a little closer to Kurt, she sighed contentedly.
He looked down at her and smiled, then asked, "Did you decide on something?"
"Yes," she said proudly. "The Mixed Grill. You?"
He nodded in approval, the fact that she'd chosen the dish that would allow her to sample quite a few different dishes not lost on him. "I was thinking of getting the Lobster Tail," he said off-handedly. "Because if you haven't tried it, you should."
"You wanted to get it just so I can try it?" she repeated in surprise.
"Well, and also because lobster is delicious, so I'll enjoy it," he replied with a chuckle. "It's not all for you." She pretended to scoff at him, but couldn't keep a straight face. "And I was also thinking of appetizers," he added. "Calamari, and… Virginia Beach Disco Fries. Because how can you not order something called Disco Fries?" She chuckled, nodding.
"I can't argue with your logic," she replied, as they both closed their menus. The wind had continued to pick up as they'd sat there, and if their menus hadn't been enclosed in heavy book-style bindings, they may have blown away. The air was still warm and increasingly humid, and Kurt noticed as he looked up that no stars were visible. When had the clouds rolled in, anyway?
Their waitress took their orders and their menus and then left them again, and Jane found herself once again mesmerized by the flames in the center of their table. "It's probably a good thing I don't have one of these fire pit tables back at home," she mused aloud.
"For any reason other than the obvious – that you'd set the table and the house on fire?" he joked. She pushed his arm with her shoulder playfully in reply.
"Very funny," she said, pretending to be offended. "No, because I wouldn't get anything done, I'd be staring at the fire all the time."
"It's like our very own campfire," Kurt said, his eyes shifting from her to the flames.
Only after the words were out did he think realize the connection those words created with his past. He had a sudden flash of memories – of camping with his father, Sarah, and Taylor, sitting by the campfire. And that same snippit of memory from inside the tent, the night it had stormed so badly, when Taylor had been scared. She'd been leaning against him and he'd had his arm around her protectively, telling her that he wouldn't let anything happen to her.
A chill ran through him. He had promised himself that he wouldn't revisit that memory, no matter how bittersweet it was. He shook his head in an attempt to reset his thoughts, but not before Jane's eyes met his, and he knew that she'd noticed exactly how far away he seemed to have gone in those few seconds.
When he said those six words, she knew exactly what it would remind him of, what it would do to him, and she cringed slightly inside. His right hand, which was holding her left, clenched more tightly, and his left hand, which was sitting on the table in front of him, clenched into a fist. Without hesitation, she turned on the bench so that she was facing him, their hands still joined, and then reached for his left hand with her right, tugging it towards her, and in turn shifting him towards her in the process – no easy feat. He was trying to stare into the fire, but after several tries she succeeded in turning him in her direction instead.
His eyes were down, focused on her left leg, which she'd pulled up onto the bench between them in order to turn her body towards him, and his every muscle seemed tense. She decided to try something that he seemed to do so often for her, and ran her thumbs back and forth across the backs of his hands, over and over, watching him carefully. The tension that had appeared in his face, almost out of nowhere, slowly dissipated, and more slowly, his suddenly rapid breathing returned to normal. When he looked up at her, his eyes were filled with sorrow that hadn't been there a few minutes before. She smiled sadly at him.
"I know," she whispered simply.
He nodded, inhaling an unsteady breath. There was nothing that could be done to change the past. Besides, changing the past would have meant changing the present, and as deep as his regrets ran, he didn't wish not to be where he was now. The two of them had been over this train of thought so many times, both independently and together, and it was understood by now.
It had never been a choice he'd gotten to make – Taylor or Jane. For a while when they'd thought – no, wanted to believe – that she was Taylor, he'd thought he had both of them again… but the reality that he hadn't, while cruel, in the end didn't change the fact that his connection with Jane was stronger than anything else. It was strong enough to stand up to the lies they'd told each other, to everything that had happened between them.
They were on the patio of a crowded restaurant, with tourists milling by just on the other side of the low stone wall that ran behind the bench on which they sat. And yet, somehow they tuned out the rest of it and heard only the crackle of the fire, and saw only each other. After a few seconds of looking at her, feeling the familiar heartbreak, he leaned forward towards her without a second thought, until his head rested on her right shoulder. His breath was warm on her neck as he took one shaky breath after another.
She almost buckled under the sudden extra weight against her, but she rebounded quickly, steadying herself and then letting go of his hands to bring hers up, her right hand against his cheek and her left on the back of his neck. "Sssshhhh," she whispered in his ear, for lack of anything better to say. There was nothing to say, after all, nothing she could do to make it any better except what she was doing.
His hands had shifted slightly when she'd let go of them, and they now rested gently on her knees between them, the ends of his fingers curled under against her skin. She turned her face to the right slightly, kissing the side of his face lightly somewhere between his temple and his cheek, then leaning her head against his.
It was only another minute before he became conscious of where they were, and while he didn't care, per se, he lifted his head off of her shoulder more quickly than he would have liked. She was watching him carefully with a sad smile, her hands falling back down as he leaned back, and finding his hands once again. She wanted to say something, anything really, that would help… but words failed her. Even "It's okay," or "I'm here," fell far short. After all, it wasn't okay, and nothing either of them could do would make it okay. As for the fact that she was there… well, she didn't even want to point that out, because of course, when it came down to it, she was there because Taylor wasn't. It was that simple, even though it was anything but simple.
Besides, if there was one thing that she knew, it was that he knew she was there for him.
The waitress reappeared then with their appetizers, and they were glad for the distraction. She squeezed his hands one more time, then let go and turned toward the table again, scooting back to where she'd been sitting, close enough that their legs were touching.
He looked at the food, and suddenly didn't feel hungry. Jane had taken care of thanking the waitress, while he hadn't even looked up. He wasn't happy with himself, but he hadn't been able to help it. She reached her fork into the plate of calamari, dipping it into the red sauce carefully before putting it in her mouth. She was fairly sure she had tried this before, and she smiled when she realized that it was indeed a familiar taste.
Looking over at Kurt with concern, she saw him staring forward, still looking slightly dazed. She laid her fork back down, turning towards him and leaning against the table, putting her left hand over his right on the bench between them.
"Have something to eat," she told him gently, knowing that it wouldn't fix what was hurting him, but that he needed it nonetheless. All they could do was go on.
In his head, he fought an old battle, but one that had changed over the years. A year ago, the wound had been deeper and more painful maybe than even the original, but the past year had seen him come closer to closure than he'd ever been. He wasn't there yet, but now that he finally had answers, it was a little easier to move on. He took a deep breath, staring into the fire. The flames were hypnotic, and as much as it had been the flames that had set off his memory, it was the flames that now calmed him again. He looked back at Jane slowly, seeing the concern in her eyes, and smiled, albeit weakly.
"Try this," she told him, indicating the food in front of them, reluctantly removing her hand from his to let him pick up his fork. He inhaled the scent, suddenly realizing once again that he was hungry after all. They went back and forth between eating the calamari and the fries, glancing at each other and smiling but not speaking for the next few minutes, focused on the food, which was delicious. Before they knew it, the plates were empty, and they leaned back slightly, relaxing.
There was a slight rumbling in the distance, and the wind was now blowing harder. They looked up toward the dark sky, which was completely obscured by clouds. "Is it supposed to rain tonight?" she asked, wondering if they were about to be caught in a storm.
He frowned, taking out his phone to check his weather app. "Well, when I checked the weather yesterday, it didn't say anything about rain all weekend. Now…" he paused, waiting for it to load, and then looked at his screen in surprised. "Wow," he said, as she leaned over his shoulder to see what had surprised him. "Now it says there's a ninety percent chance of rain tonight. It should be clear by morning, but…" he looked up in the direction he thought the thunder had come from. "Well, we may be lucky and finish eating before it rains… or, we may not."
Jane's mouth curved into a smile. "As far as the risks we've taken along the way, I'd say that one's pretty minimal," she replied. Kurt smiled, because Jane had a point. The worst thing that was likely to happen was that they'd get wet. That was a risk he was okay with taking.
"I think we can probably take that chance," he nodded in agreement.
They watched the crowds of tourists scurry along, some of them peering nervously at the sky, others looking oblivious. By the time their food arrived, the wind was making the fire in the middle of their table dance almost frantically. "Do you think we'll get to finish before it rains?" Jane asked curiously. The winds certainly had pushed the clouds in quickly. The gorgeous clear weather they'd had at sunset was now a distance memory.
"I don't know," Kurt replied. "But I have a feeling it's going to be close." He winked at her, grinning, now looking more like himself again. Jane smiled back at him, thankful that his earlier thoughts of Taylor seemed to have passed. They weren't afraid that they wouldn't finish before it rained, of course, having been in actual danger many, many times before, however, they did find themselves eating a little faster than they otherwise might have.
They'd just walked out the front door of the restaurant when they felt a few small raindrops bounce off their bare skin. "So, what now?" he asked. "Do you want to get ice cream or something?"
"No way," she said, her eyes growing wider, "I'm stuffed. But in the best way possible."
He chuckled at her, securing his phone inside an interior pocket of their new beach bag which looked like it might be slightly more water resistant than the rest of it. It certainly had a better chance inside the pocket not being inside the bag at all. He zipped the bag securely at the top, figuring he'd increase his chances of his phone remaining dry, even if it did rain on them.
He put his hand lightly on the small of her back as they turned the corner, walking in silent agreement back up towards the boardwalk. It was past nine o'clock, and there were still lots of people out and about – though fewer than there would have been if not for the impending rain. They joined the crowds wandering down the wide path of the boardwalk, glancing at the darkened beach, where waves crashed noisily, stirred up by the storm that was blowing in. It was like a whole different place than where they'd spent the day.
The wind whipped Jane's hair wildly around her head, despite her best efforts to tuck it behind her ears again and again. They wandered over to the railing that overlooked the sand, and she turned around to lean against it, looking at him. They both laughed as her hair continued to be blown in her face, almost no matter what she tried. It was funny, the way her hair was blowing as if she was inside a tornado, but at the same time it was annoying, especially when she couldn't get it to stop.
Finally, he set the bag down between their feet and raised his hands to her face, threading his fingers through her hair by her temples and finally securing it as it continued to try to blow wildly. Suddenly, she could see again.
"Oh, that's so much better," she sighed. "Just stay right there, just like that, until the wind dies down." She leaned into his hands slightly, enjoying the slight scalp massage he was giving her by moving his fingers gently. At that moment, the slow patter of raindrops suddenly became a steady pounding, as if someone had turned the water on a faucet to a much higher setting.
They looked at each other, somewhere between amusement and here we go, but made no move to abandon the spot where they stood. The crowd around them, on the other hand, began scrambling toward the buildings in vain. There wasn't anywhere nearly enough shelter along the boardwalk to hold the number of people who were currently out in the open, and many of them began dashing between the hotels, away from the boardwalk and towards the shops and restaurants along Pacific Avenue. Jane and Kurt looked around at the quickly emptying boardwalk in amusement, then at each other, shrugging.
"Wimps," Kurt mumbled, chuckling to himself.
The rain that had sent the rest of the tourists running was quickly soaking into their clothes, splashing them in the face and rolling down their bare skin as the size of the rain drops increased. He pushed her hair back again her scalp, and now that the water was weighing it down, it no longer blew in her face. Instead, it now stayed where he put it. He slowly removed his hands from her hair, stopping to tuck the front strands behind her ears before withdrawing completely. She immediately missed the contact, and looked up at him in an exaggerated pout.
He couldn't help but sputter with laughter at the face she was making, running his hands slowly from her shoulders, down her arms, stopping at her elbows, because her arms were folded across the front of her to match her exaggerated pout. Her t-shirt was already soaking wet and sticking to her, he couldn't help but notice. Of course, she was still wearing her bathing suit underneath, so she was arguably still more covered than she had been during the day on the beach.
Looking at him just then, feeling like an idiot for standing there letting herself get soaking wet, and yet not caring even a little bit, she couldn't hold her smile in any longer. He took half a step closer to her, moving his hands tentatively across the short distance from her elbows to her waist, as if he was concerned that he thought she might try to wiggle away. In response, she slowly unfolded her arms, lifting them to rest on his shoulders, her fingers lacing together across the back of his neck. Like him, she did it very loosely, as if she thought that he might try to break free from her grasp at any minute. Somehow, after as many times as they'd come so close to each other that day, there was a new degree of uncertainty. Maybe there was something about standing there in the rain that made things different.
You're far less exposed than you were for half the day, Jane told herself, and there's almost no one around. So why does this feel so much more…? She didn't even know the word for whatever she was feeling just then. The main component seemed to be nervous excitement, but it was unlike any of the other times she'd felt that particular emotion.
Despite the fact that they were now pretty much soaking wet, it wasn't physically uncomfortable. The air was still warm, which made all of the difference. In fact, Jane had forgotten pretty quickly about the rain, except when it hit her in the eyes. She'd been extremely focused on staring into Kurt's eyes. "I think we're the only ones crazy enough to stand out here and get soaking wet," Jane observed as the silence wore on between them. When they looked around, suddenly, it did seem as though they were the only ones who hadn't at least attempted to seek shelter from the rain.
Kurt shrugged, making the face he made sometimes when he was joking, that was almost a smile but more of a squeezing his lips together. "That's fine with me," he said, as his face inched even closer to hers. She had to remind herself to breathe just then, and she wondered, not for the first time that day, if he was going to kiss her.
"For some reason," he said without taking his eyes off of her, "there's a cliché about people kissing in the rain." He watched her eyes widen slightly, and smiled genuinely, trying to reassure her. His hands wound around her back, moving back and forth slowly across her wet shirt. "It seems to be a thing they do a lot in movies… or so living with Sarah has taught me," he said with a chuckle.
Her insides were doing flip flops, but she was interested by the fact that he had brought it up as a topic of conversation, instead of just simply kissing her. She smiled curiously, then asked, "That's not your thing? The hopeless romantic?"
He considered the question for a minute, then replied, "I think in the romantic department I'm just hopeless," feeling clever for changing her words to change the meaning, while also feeling that it very much applied to him. At least one person he knew would likely willingly back up that statement, too, he was fairly certain.
She scoffed quietly, rubbing her thumbs gently against the sides of his neck and watching him close his eyes for a second in response before looking back up at her. The look in his eyes was intense, as it so often was when he looked at her. It was all there, every bit of the feeling that had been bouncing back and forth between them for nearly as long as they'd known each other, and maybe even more. That same intensity was mirrored in her own eyes as she looked back at him.
"The last thing in the world you are is hopeless," she told him quietly. He leaned down slightly until their foreheads touched, straining to look into her eyes despite the difficult angle.
"Only with you, Jane," he said quietly, barely louder than the drum of the rain around them.
The smile on her face was an involuntary reaction, and she simultaneously felt her heart squeeze a little bit. Her feelings for him had always run deep, but she continued to be surprised that she could possibly feel more for him than she had before. And yet somehow, it kept happening.
She was still dizzy from their proximity and from the sweetness of his words when he began to slowly close the small remaining distance between their faces. His nose brushed against hers gently, holding there for several seconds before moving again. It had obviously not been an accident, but simply another small, intimate gesture that made her catch her breath. Before she had time to form a coherent thought, as overloaded as her senses were at that moment, he had shifted slightly, finally finding her lips with his.
It wasn't the first time they had kissed, of course. There had been two others, which at the time had been infinitely special and full of emotion… over the past year she had revisited them in her mind more than a few times. And yet, this time felt like more than both of those two put together. So much more had happened between them in the past year, both good and bad. Even just that day alone, so much had brought them closer. It was hard to know how to feel – not, of course, that she could even manage to think when he was kissing her.
Her arms had wound more tightly around his neck as they had moved closer together, as if she'd been afraid that he'd change his mind and back away. Suddenly, she felt his hands on the sides of her face, his thumbs on her cheeks while the rest of his fingers pushed gently into her hair. She had to stop for half a second to catch her breath, beaming with happiness as she leaned her forehead against the bridge of his nose for only a few seconds before reconnecting her lips with his, as if drawn by a magnetic force that was both powerful and at the same time more gentle than she would have believed possible.
Finally, when they'd lost track of time and run out of air, they pulled their faces back enough to look into each other's eyes, neither of them knowing quite what to expect. He shook his head in amazement, kissing her forehead softly and letting his hands fall from her face, wandering slowly down her back so that he could pull her to him tightly. Meanwhile, around them, the rain pounded down even harder than ever. They'd stopped noticing it a while ago, and were long since completely soaked.
At some point, she realized that he'd positioned himself so that he could once again speak almost directly into her ear, which made it easier to hear him over the noise of the rain around them. "I guess there's a reason why it's a cliché," she heard him say, and chuckled slightly against him, nodding just a little against his neck, where she'd tucked her head. "Do you want to head back?" he asked her.
Heading back would mean, of course, that they would have to move from where they were currently curled against each other. As much as it might have seemed strange to just about anyone else, since they were standing there soaking wet, there was simply no place in the world where she'd rather be just then. Second, going back to the house would mean that they were no longer alone. She wasn't sure what time it was, but when they'd left the restaurant it hadn't been too much past 9:00, so there was no guarantee that Sarah, and possibly even Sawyer, wouldn't still be awake. As much as she loved his sister and nephew, she was selfishly enjoying it being just the two of them – at that moment, they may easily have been the only two people on the entire 40 block long boardwalk – though the presence of the tourists around them hadn't mattered much to her. She simply wasn't ready to have to share him with anyone else just yet.
And then, of course, there was always the sleeping arrangement. They'd been beyond tired the previous night when they'd gone to bed, too tired to even care about anything except lying down and closing their eyes. Now, however, after the way they'd woken up that morning, after all of their flirting all day long, and especially after that kiss… it felt… more complicated.
She knew that she was overthinking it, as she tended to do, and she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Kurt Weller's intentions towards her were nothing but the most honest. She trusted him with her life, after all, and he'd proven himself to be more than worthy of that trust even before they'd arrived at the beach. Then there was all the sweetness he'd showed her that day...
Still, she couldn't help but be slight anxious, though she knew that it was silly. Ridiculous, even. Therefore, she was happy to put off the situation and the thoughts that went with it a little longer, if possible.
She shook her head slightly against him in response to his question, and felt his chest rumble slightly as he chuckled. He'd expected as much. Truth be told, he didn't want to go back either, he'd just wanted to make sure that they were in agreement. They couldn't stand in the rain all night, of course, but they weren't even close to that point. Despite the fact that they had lost all track of time and the world around them in general, it hadn't actually been that long that they'd been standing there. As long as it was pouring down rain, he wasn't going to risk taking out his phone to check the time, either, so they would just have to go without knowing what time it was until the rain let up. Of course, it didn't actually matter to either of them how much time had passed. There was nowhere else they wanted to be, after all.
She felt as though she should say something, tell him how happy she was… but found that any words she could think of were insufficient to describe how she felt. Instead, she pressed her face into his neck, feeling him pull her tighter as well, and knew that it was understood.
They continued to stand there, murmuring something to each other now and then, but just staring at each other for the most part, as the rain continued to beat down on them. It had come down torrentially for a time, as if they in the middle of a monsoon, and then lessened enough to be considered simply raining hard for a while. After that, it had slowed to a light sprinkle, then picked up yet again for a while before slowly tapering off to a slow but even rhythm. They hadn't really noticed, because once they were soaking wet, they couldn't absorb any more water anyway.
Finally, Jane began to feel sleepy, and she wondered, just out of curiosity, just how long it had been that they'd been standing there. She leaned back enough to look up at him, smiling as the rain pelted her gently in the face, which made her laugh and sputter slightly.
Without a second thought, he leaned down and kissed her again, just as sweetly as the previous time, and she felt the now familiar sensation of soaring. She smiled into the kiss, unable to help herself, and then stared up at him when he leaned back to look at her.
He could see that she was getting tired. As happy as she looked, her eyelids were already drooping slightly, and he was fairly sure that it wasn't a product of kissing her.
Kissing her. He said the words again in his head in awe, and a smile spread across his face without his even realizing it.
"You look tired," he told her. "We should probably go back soon."
As much as she hated to admit it, she was starting to feel tired. It had, after all, been an extremely long day, after not all that much sleep the night before. She didn't like the idea of the day ending, however, even though they had another full day at the beach, plus part of a second one, ahead of them. And once they got back to the beach house…
She nodded, tensing slightly, her mouth drawing into a straight line. He smiled at her, shaking his head, then lifted his hands back up to her hair, now even wetter than it had been before. Pushing the front sections by her temples back again, as he had done earlier, he kissed her on the forehead slowly before leaning back to look in her eyes. "Come on," he whispered above the sound of the rain, "time to go."
