Hey hey hey, everyone! I know...it's been a while, huh. Anyhoo: here's the next chapter, with exclusive interviews from two main characters!

Welcome to Chapter Two! By now, you should have been claimed, settled into Camp a bit, and maybe even beaten somebody at swordfighting. If not, well…you'll learn. Remember: This isn't fencing. It's fighting. The Princess Bride doesn't help.

When you get into trouble with someone, here are some helpful hints as to what to do.

Camper: If they're a violent type, (Ares, Athena, Hermes, etc.) try to placate them with something. Drachma or ambrosia is a good way to start. If that doesn't work, chocolate is always good.

God: Not too much you can do here. If it's a violent god, hope you lived a good life worthy of Elysium. If it's not, hope you lived a good life worthy of Elysium…?

And here's an interview with our camp director, Mr. D.


Alton: Mr. D, would you mind giving a quick interview for new campers?

Mr. D: Why?

A: Er…because we've seen an increase of camper deaths and irritated gods and campers from the newbies who don't really know what to do.

Mr. D: You mean what's-his-name…Percy Jackson?

A: You mean Peter Johnson? Yes, him.

Mr. D: Alright. For the record, the brat got himself killed when he…what was it again, Aidan?

A: Alton, sir. And he fell off the climbing wall into the lava.

Mr. D: *chuckles* That's right. Son of Athena, was he? I had to fill out much too much paperwork. You…kids…get into so much trouble. Makes me long for the days when I was turning heretics into dolphins left and right.

A: Yes sir. Do you have any tips for new campers?

Mr. D: Don't come. Nobody cares about you.

A: Anything supportive or encouraging, sir?

Mr. D: …No.

A: How about some ideas for survival?

Mr. D: Who wants the brats to survive? I certainly don't. If they go out into the woods by themselves and get eaten by a hellhound, they broke section 100835 of the CHB agreement and I take no blame. Oh…tell them the woods are safe.

A: But sir, the whole point of Camp is for it to be a safe haven for demigods and let them train to fight monsters!?

Mr. D: Well, I wasn't given the choice of where the kids would go! I never asked to be stuck here in this miserable camp, taking personal care of all you kids and no wine for fifty years!

A: Yes sir. Thank you.


Well, I hope that helped!

Next we have an interview with Percy Jackson, since we have had some complaints that the Mr. D review was not helpful. (I don't know. Never read it.)


Alton: Hello, Percy Jackson. I'm the creator of Alton Karr's Guide to the Demigod World! Would you do a review for the new campers?

Percy: Sure! What do you want me to say?

A: Well, could you just give them a tip or two about the world of the demigods?

P: Okay…How about this.

Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood.

If you're reading this because you think you might be one, my advice is: close this book right now. Believe whatever lie your mom or dad told you about your birth, and try to lead a normal life.

Being a half-blood is—

A: Yes, thank you, but at this point they've already been claimed…

P: Oh.

A: So any advice on fighting monsters, surviving stuff, not irritating gods, stuff like that?

P: Well, sure. Um…how about when you have the shorter blade, get in close? That's what Luke told me.

A: How about something original. You didn't become the two-time hero of Olympus by taking other people's advice, did you?

P: …

A: …

P: Well, I see what you're trying to get at, but everyone's helped me through the wars and quests and everything.

A: Okay…

P: Well, the only thing I can think of is: when someone tells you you're not their type, they're probably lying.

A: Thanks a lot, Percy.


Hope that that one was better! (Again, didn't read it.)

Well, now we've come to the time where we assess a monster. Since I have some important business to work on - *cough* find Will *cough* - I only have time for one monster. Here goes.

Scythian Dracaena

These are a kind of snake-woman, with two snake bodies as legs.

Weaknesses: They're slow and dumb.

Strengths: They usually wear armor, and carry poisonous weapons.

How to bring them down: Get in close. Hit a niche in their armor with – need I say it? – something sharp.