The skies were beginning to darken, and I let my eyes close briefly. I'd not left my quarters for most of the day, but writing in such dim light was starting to give me a headache. Letting out a breath, I dropped my quill and stood up. After a brief stretch, I sauntered to the balcony, savouring the cool air. Thick mist hugged the higher peaks, although it was clear enough to admire the setting sun. The sight gave me peace for a moment, but then my eyes drifted back to the Skyhold courtyard.

I sighed. It had been almost two weeks since my exchange with Leliana, but try as I might, it wasn't as easy to avoid the others as I'd hoped. I couldn't shirk from every conversation, and Solas and Blackwall were starting to think I was hiding something. I'd deflected their concerns so far, but it was only a matter of time before their suspicions would grow. That could lead to dangerous rumours, and having more eyes on me was the last thing I wanted.

Surprisingly, Josephine had not confronted me again, although she'd opted for a more indirect approach. Throughout the week I'd been brought packages of food, along with more and more missives that needed my attention. By now I'd collected so many I simply couldn't deal with them. No doubt she was certain I'd eventually crack and call a meeting. As I glanced to the pile of unread scrolls, I had to admit it was a well-thought out strategy. Sooner or later I'd need to push our plans against Corypheus forward, and I had no magi studies to hide behind this time.

Cawing caught my ear, and I looked to the rookery. A pair of crows flew out, and I traced their path across the evening sky. They kept together initially, before they split and took separate courses above the valley. The irony wasn't lost on me, and I turned away. I was doing myself no favours by avoiding the inevitable, but perhaps there was a way around it. I needed to show I could act for the Inquisition independently. If I could prove I could work alone, there would be no need to involve everyone else in my affairs. There'd be no favours owed, and no-one forced to face danger for my sake.

No reason for any of them to remain close to me.

The idea continued to flourish, and I walked back to my chamber, smiling for the first time in days. Yes, this would solve everything. They'd chosen me to lead the Inquisition, so I would do it by example. I'd become the myth they'd created; untouchable and unobtainable. A true Herald who would not be burdened by suffocating bonds of false loyalty.

I'd transcend them all.


"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Cullen's face soured as he stared at the map. "I know it's a familiar area in Crestwood, but if something happened to you…"

"It's hardly a taxing task," I said, tapping my finger over the region in question. "We already have an outpost at Caer Bronach, so I'll have plenty of support if I need it. There's no point wasting resources when only a single rift needs closing."

"Bravado does not become you, Inquisitor," Josephine said. She had been watching me carefully, but her expression revealed nothing of her thoughts. "Even if you've become adept at sealing rifts, there is no need to change your strategy."

"Even if it's for the better?" I challenged. "Cullen's troops need aid in the Dales, so you can send Blackwall and Cassandra to support them. Meanwhile Varric can continue his investigation into the red lyrium leak and Dorian and Solas can finish up their research."

"What are you trying to prove, Inquisitor?" Leliana abruptly spoke up. She'd been unusually quiet for most of the discussion, observing even more closely than Josephine. "Why suddenly do you wish to deal with rifts alone?" Her eyes narrowed. "Is there a new power you want to test away from prying eyes?"

It took all my willpower not to wince. Maker, she certainly had a gift for assuming the worst.

"If that was the case, then why would I bring this up with you all first?" I stated, not deterred. "I'm not naïve enough to think your scouts will turn a blind eye either, Leliana. I just want to make better use of our resources when we are so thinly stretched. Besides, if the rift proves too much to deal with, I will not take foolish chances."

The three glanced at each other, uneasy.

"Well, if you're absolutely insistent…" Cullen shrugged. "I'll have some extra troops stationed at Caer Bronach, just in case. And you will withdraw if at any point it becomes too much to handle."

"Of course," I said.

"Then you have my agreement as well," Josephine said, almost too willingly. Leliana flashed her a sidelong glance, before sighing.

"Alright. My scouts will also be available, should you need them," she conceded. "Take extra care, and Maker be with you."

"Thank you," I said.

Josephine and Cullen nodded, before they departed. I made to leave as well, when Leliana grabbed my hand.

"Inquisitor, a moment," she said.

I tensed. "Yes?"

Leliana's gaze softened slightly.

"I hope you know what you are doing," she said. "Just remember, regret is a terrible thing to harbour. Don't feel you have to atone for what was beyond your control."

She released me and walked away.


It was raining heavily as I trekked across the soaking grassland. The scent of wet earth was rich, and I constantly shook rainwater from my hood. According to the Crestwood scouts, a new rift had appeared within the old village ruins. It was much smaller than the one that had engulfed the lake, but it was causing problems. They weren't particularly keen about me going alone, but even they wouldn't disobey a direct order from the Inquisitor. Still, I knew I had to make this work, otherwise I wouldn't be given another chance.

The walk was quiet, almost surreal as I'd become so used to the banter of my companions. Whether it was Iron Bull's delight at slaying powerful foes, Dorian's playful teasing, Varric's quips against Cassandra, or Solas's patient answers to Cole's questions. Part of me despised the silence, and it took conscious effort to suppress the feeling. Maker, I'd let myself fall a long way. This was yet another thing I'd have to get used to.

Eventually I came to the crumbling houses. They were little more than scattered walls and soiled foundations. I raised a hand to my eyes, scanning the area. It was sad to think that all this destruction had been caused on purpose. Perhaps then it was no surprise that a rift had formed, given the numbers that had died in a single place.

Thunder roared above, and I drew my hood closer. Still the rain lashed into my eyes, and the drops trickled down my face and neck. It was supposed to be early afternoon, but the clouds made it as dark as night. Nonetheless, as I walked through the downpour, I suddenly caught a familiar green glow from the north. It was coming from the old Chantry building.

I changed course, heading towards the ruin. It listed badly to one side, its foundations swallowed by the mud, and only one stained glass window remained intact. As I neared, my left hand began to tingle. I was definitely heading in the right direction. The ground sloped downward, and water swirled towards my ankles. I swallowed, bringing my staff to hand. It shouldn't be much further.

I stopped before the building, examining it. Part of the rear wall had come apart, leading into the main hall. Inside the rift hovered, casting its green light onto the rotting pews and tarnished statues. I licked my lips, clenching my left hand. The space was more enclosed than I liked, but if I maintained my distance I would be alright.

The rift shuddered, reacting to my presence. I raised my staff, awaiting the first wave. A surge of green light erupted, and a roar of flame hailed a pair of Rage demons. They shook themselves free of the ground, hissing. I didn't hesitate and flung out my staff, icicles flying from the tip. They ripped through the air, striking the closest demon in the chest. It screeched, and a further blast of ice froze it in place. One lightning spell later, and it shattered into crystals. The other demon bawled, clawing towards me. I jumped back, drawing it into the rain, and swiftly it met the same fate.

As it disappeared, the rift flickered. I drew a breath, another peal of thunder ringing above. Then the air turned cold, and three Despair demons burst forth. Their shrieks echoed through the ruin, and I dodged the spears of ice that shot from their fingertips. I readied a flame rune, but they were too agile, flitting from corner to corner. Cursing, I changed tact, aiming a blast of flame towards the first. It howled in pain, and its comrades retaliated. I avoided the first wave of cold, but the second struck my side. I yelped, my skin turning numb and frost forming on my gauntlet.

You cannot hope to win.

I scowled, surveying the remaining demons. The pair had regrouped, taking refuge between the pews beneath the rift. I gritted my teeth, conjuring the fire rune once more. I'd wipe them out with a single blow.

You are all alone, Inquisitor. Their voices were taunting. Because you are weak. You are so easily betrayed because you are worthless.

"Shut up!" I hollered, throwing out the rune. The Despair demons chittered, splitting apart and avoiding the attack. They responded in kind, and I cried out, dropping to my knees. I grasped my arm, which was slowly starting to become encased in ice. No, I couldn't…

No-one will care, the voices continued. You will perish alone, forgotten. You feared them and kept them away, but they never would have come for you anyway. You are nothing.

"Get away from her!"

A new voice broke through, and the Despair demons shrieked. A blur of grey and white shot past, striking them down. They writhed, trying to defend themselves, but Cassandra's blade was merciless. They fell, and she called out again.

"Inquisitor, the rift, seal it!"

Dispelling my stupor, I raised my left hand, reaching for the energies of the Fade. The power entangled with my mark, fierce and chaotic. Once they were aligned, I brought them together. The rift pulsed, then finally shattered, leaving us in the pouring rain.

Cassandra sheathed her sword. She walked over, offering her hand. I ignored it, rising to my feet by myself. It did not go unnoticed.

"What in the Maker's name are you doing here?" I blurted.

"I should ask the same of you!" Cassandra shot back, her eyes narrowed. "What madness consumed you to come out here alone? Why didn't you tell me you were leaving Skyhold?"

"I'd told my advisors, I assumed they would let you know!" I snapped. "I don't need you here. Cullen said his men were struggling in the Dales, so I..."

"I am fully aware of our commander's needs," Cassandra broke in, "and none of them concern me." Her eyes blazed, but I could still read the hurt in them. "What in Andraste's name has come over you, Inquisitor? Do you feel so burdened by the truth that you seek to forfeit your life as atonement?" She shook her head. "This is not you! I refuse to believe the revelations from Adamant have..."

A groan severed the rest of her words, and we looked to the Chantry hall. The rubble shuddered, the mud shifting, and finally the pews splintered. A huge scaled head emerged, and it let out a roar, dragging the rest of its body free. I swore, the drake tearing through the stones as if they were silk. It must've been using the ruin as its lair before the rift appeared.

"Get back!" I shouted, retreating.

"How in the Maker's name was it not disturbed earlier?!" Cassandra raised her shield, bringing her blade forth again. "Never mind, just get clear!"

I sprinted into the rain, not caring that my hood flopped open. Rain soaked into my shirt, but I ignored it, spinning around to face the beast. Cassandra yelled, slashing at its hindleg, and the drake groaned. In retaliation it swept its tail, smashing the house beside me. I cursed, running aside to avoid the debris. Almost straight into the path of the drake's jaws.

"Inquisitor!"

Cassandra tackled me to the ground, exposing her side, and the drake lunged. It found its mark, and Cassandra screamed. We both hit the mud, hard. I gasped, the wind knocked from my lungs, while Cassandra lay beside me, trembling. Dark patches of blood spread beneath her armour, and mixed with the sodden ground. The drake shrieked, its fangs eager for more.

Eyes wide, I forced myself upright. The spell had already left my lips, and my left hand shot out. A ripple ran through the air, and a web of green appeared. The drake bawled, trapped and unable to withstand the rift forces. I curled my fingers closer, and it scales cracked, seeping blackened blood. Finally it was too much, and the beast's body tore apart. Gurgling, the beast collapsed onto its side, lifeless.

Breathing hard, I turned back to Cassandra. Rift magic always took too much from me, but I'd had no choice. The rain plastered her hair to her forehead, and her breaths came in shallow gasps. I fumbled at her armour straps, my arms shaking with both fear and anger.

You stupid, stupid Seeker!

"Idiot." I pressed my hand against the puncture marks, drawing on whatever mana I had left. The bleeding slowly calmed, but it would not be enough. I had to get her to the keep, quickly, or she would…she could…

"Look…who's…talking," Cassandra whispered, by some miracle still conscious.

Angry tears began to fall, concealed by the rain.

"I didn't ask for this," I spat bitterly. "I didn't ask you to protect me!"

I didn't ask to be made to feel like this again!

Cassandra let out a chuckle. "Who said...I needed permission...to save my friend?" Her eyes began to close. "It was never…your choice…"

At last she slipped into unconsciousness, although her breathing had eased somewhat. I clenched my teeth, turning her around so I could drape her arm around my shoulders. She shouldn't have followed me; I should've realised sooner.

How had I become so careless?


"Inquisitor, explain yourself!"

Leliana stormed into the infirmary camp, her eyes hot with fury. Within moments she was upon me, and she grabbed my collar.

"Sister Leliana, please!" the healer cried. "The Inquisitor is not without her own injuries!" She attempted to intervene, but Leliana ignored her, dragging me to my feet. I winced.

"What in the Maker's name happened out there?" Leliana demanded. "You said it was just a rift!"

"It was!" Despite my aching hand, I snatched her wrists and pushed her away. "I would've been fine, but then a drake attacked, and Cassandra…"

I didn't get a chance to finish, as Leliana's fist cracked against my face. Blood soured my lip, and she raised her arm, reading to strike again. However, the second blow never came.

"That's enough!" Josephine shouted. She pushed Leliana aside, and I held my bloody nose. The ambassador must've followed her. Leliana hissed, her grey-blue eyes keener than knives. "That was completely uncalled for, Leliana! Why did you strike the Inquisitor?"

"Why do you side with her, after what she said about you?!" Leliana barked. "Look at what she's become! She's lost all regard for us, for the ones who risk their lives for her!" She gestured to the farthest camp bed. "Cassandra lies there, almost dead, while she…"

"That is not true!" Josephine shot back. "Our Inquisitor risked life and limb to heal Cassandra and bring her back. And Cassandra followed of her own choice; you cannot absolve her of all responsibility! If not for the Inquisitor then…"

"Then none of this would have happened!" Leliana snapped. For a moment her eyes glistened, and she looked straight at me. "Do you see what your selfishness has cost? Cassandra deserves better. We all deserve better!"

Her words struck close, but I didn't acknowledge her. Josephine continued to shoot daggers at her, before she took my arm.

"It may be best if you retire for the moment," she said gently. "I will speak further with Leliana."

I gritted my teeth. Why did she still act so concerned, even after what I'd said? Had I not been blunt enough?

"Don't waste your breath." I shook free of her hold and walked off, healing myself. I didn't look back, heading straight for my quarters. I could accept Leliana's anger, but Josephine…I shook my head. She should be just as fuming, if not more so.

And Cassandra…

I paused on the keep steps, holding my temple. That foolish, foolish Seeker. Did she realise what she'd done? All blame for her current state now fell on my shoulders, despite the fact I never wanted her to get involved. She should've let me face the consequences, not protected me at the last second like a helpless child.

If she had just kept her distance like she was supposed to…

The thought continued to fester as I strode into the main keep. However, I didn't head towards my quarters. Instead I turned and pushed open the door to the library. If I tried to hide in my room, it would only be a matter of time before I'd be summoned. I'd have a better chance to be left alone if they had to work to find me.

Thankfully, the library was mostly empty. I made my way to one of the reading rooms and sat down, resting my elbows on my knees. Anger and guilt wrestled within me, and I closed my eyes. Why should I have to feel like this? I'd told them to stay away, yet it wasn't enough. The more I tried to push the others back, the closer they tried to swarm.

What would it take to…

Heavy steps stormed nearby, and I looked up. The door was partly closed, but I still caught a flash of a lilac hood, along with a disgruntled snort.

"You should not have caused such a display outside." Josephine's voice was curt. "And you had no right to hit her. There were other ways to voice your grievance!"

"What other way did I have, Josephine?" Leliana spat. "I've tried to speak with her, to offer her a chance to share her burdens, but she refuses. And I can't understand why you seem so unshaken. Does Cassandra's condition not worry you? Did you not hear what the Inquisitor said to me that day?"

"Of course I am worried," Josephine said, "but the Inquisitor's words and Cassandra's health are not the only issues here." She sighed. "I know what is really bothering you, and you are letting it get the better of you."

Leliana scoffed. "Someone needs to be the voice of the dissent, Josephine. I will not excuse the Inquisitor for how she has been treating us recently. I act like this because she needs to be reminded of her path. If she is to lead us, then she needs to trust us."

"But you also act like this because she reminds you of yourself," Josephine said. "You know perfectly well what she is becoming, and it enrages you because you do not want her to take the same path as you."

Leliana's eyes widened. "That's...That's not..."

"Your time with the late Divine took its toll," Josephine said softly. "You were forced to leave the one you loved, and you had to face so much alone. It wasn't fair, and I'm sorry I was not there to help, as I should have been. But getting angry with the Inquisitor will not save her." She touched Leliana's shoulder. "I promise I will not let her become the reflection of you that holds so much mistrust. And perhaps one day, you will let me do the same for you."

Leliana had no response to that. Instead she huffed and retreated to the rookery. Josephine watched her go, before she shook her head and descended the library stairs. I remained in the reading room, reflecting on their exchange. Yet still I couldn't understand their intentions. Why were they so adamant to change me? What was wrong with being cautious, with wanting to protect myself from further pain? And I most certainly didn't need saving.

Why was it so hard for them to leave me be?

I let my head sink into my hands. This was too much. I could fight no more. It was far too late to undo the ties that now had me trapped. There was only one option left; the only way I could stop myself unravelling.

I had to find Cole.