So I finally got around to writing this little piece of awesome! It took me awhile to write up, but I think you'll love it!
Warnings: Lots of sex between two men. Affair. Cheating. If you see something else that you want a warning for just tell me and I'll add it!
Special thanks to kendra42 for reading over this and correcting all of my mistakes!
If you want to be kept up to date with new redos on stories or want to know more about stories I'm going to be starting soon please follow me at Facebook under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing.
Why was it that Carlton couldn't have a day where his head didn't feel like it was going to split in two? Just one day without a headache was all he asked. It was getting more and more annoying as time when on.
Though this was more annoying than normal. The headache didn't come from not knowing what to do next on a case or having been forced to sit at his desk filling out paperwork or even being in meetings with the Chief all day. No, it had everything to do with Buzz McNabb.
It had been almost two months since their night together and the young officer had yet to give up the idea of being together. At least one last time. Truthfully, Carlton had no idea what the officer was thinking and he didn't want to know.
Okay, that was a lie. He very much wanted to know what was going on in his mind. The looks Buzz had been sending had the older man squirming in his chair every time he saw them. Which was happening more and more as the days passed.
Carlton had never noticed how often the two of them ended up together throughout the day. During cases or at the office they somehow always ended up near each other. It was slowly driving the Detective up a wall.
He wanted to feel that body on his once more. To be inside at least once. It was something he had been dreaming of ever since that night. Just one more night of weakness that he knew he couldn't let himself have.
While he knew Buzz didn't think of their night as a way to get ahead in his career that didn't mean that it wouldn't do some damage to both of them. Something he should have thought about before jumping into bed with the man.
He couldn't stop himself though. Buzz was the type of person that everyone was drawn to. Carlton was no exception to this which was something that he hated more and more everyday. He hated wanting something he could never have.
Though Buzz didn't seem to get that. How could someone that was happily married be so stupid? He had already cheated on his wife once and it seemed as if he had no qualms about doing it again. He never thought Buzz was that type of person.
"Detective," Buzz bound up to Carlton's desk a handful of files in his hands, "Do you need anything else from me?"
The words and actions seemed as innocent as normal, but the look in his eyes was anything but. His eyes were darkened with lust as his tongue darted out to wet his lips. Did the younger man have to be as much as he was? They were at work!
Buzz's hand moved to rest on the back of his chair the tips of his fingers brushing against Carlton's skin. A shiver ran up his spine at the feeling and for the second time the younger man caused the detective's carefully reined in control to snap.
Reaching back Carlton grabbed the younger man's hand and gripped it tightly. He could see the taller man flinch at the pressure. For the first time since their night together fear came into Buzz's eyes. It should have felt good to see the man look so unsure, but it did the opposite.
Carlton liked Buzz. He truly did and the idea of hurting him was not something he liked. Letting the hand go he ran a hand over his face and looked up at the man. A sad but hopeful smile came to Buzz's lips before turning and leave him alone.
It didn't matter though. They weren't a couple in any sense of the word. There was no reason for Carlton to feel like he was watching a lover walk away. Buzz... McNabb was just another random person. He meant nothing.
Why was this so much harder than it should be? Shaking his head Carlton ran a hand through his hair wanting nothing more than to bang his head against his desk and knock away the thoughts. He just wanted to have some peace and quiet. Why was that so hard to get?
Swallowing roughly Carlton started to sort through the files the younger man had brought. He had a job to do and he couldn't let anyone distract him. His job was just too important to let anything distract him. That's how people died and criminals ran free.
Blue eyes shut as the detective took some deep breaths. He could let himself get lost in his work. That was exactly what he had done in the past when he wanted to escape the world. That was exactly what he was going to do now.
Opening his eyes once more the man let himself forget the world around him. He didn't have any real connection to the world outside of his work anymore. Letting go of the world might not be the best thing for him but that's all he knew how to do.
It was best that way. People didn't really seem to like him on a good day. On a bad day... Needless to say most days were bad days. It was completely useless to think that things would change.
As he worked Carlton let his mind get completely lost. Before long the sun was setting and he had to turn on his desk lamp. There was still a few files to go through and almost everyone had left already as the night crew was slowly spilling in.
Stretching at his desk Carlton's back and neck popped causing him to sigh in relief. He knew that he should probably go home though he didn't truly want to. A well placed glare from the Chief had the man slowly packing up knowing he didn't want to hear her telling him off. Again.
Packing up the files Carlton decided he'd spend the rest of the night working on the case. At least until he was so tired that the second his head hit the pillow he was out like a light. That was how he ended up spending most of his nights anyway.
Before long the detective was pulling up to his house his eyes narrowing when he saw the figure standing by his front door. His hand twitching towards his gun as he climbed out of his car forgetting to grab the files as he moved.
"McNabb," Carlton growled when he saw that it was the younger man standing there.
He looked so relaxed though his hopeful eyes were darting around. Carlton knew exactly why Buzz...McNabb... was there and he wished that he would let go of whatever fantasy world that was going on in his head. It was never...Could never come to be.
How had he not realized that it had been a mistake? One that could destroy everything that the younger man was trying to build for himself. Carlton didn't want someone that had so much promise to end up like him.
That man had everything the detective had thought he would always have. He took his family, his wife, his friends for granted. In the end he ended up losing in all and he had learned that once he lost them he couldn't get them back. Ever.
If he let this thing with Buzz...Damn it. McNabb. If he let this thing with McNabb continue then he'd end up as alone and empty as Carlton. The older man couldn't let himself be the reason someone else ended up like him.
Still all of these reasons didn't stop Carlton from wanting him and as much as he hated it he knew if he had even one more taste he was never going to let the younger man go. He had to be stronger than these urges He had to.
Based on the way he was acting McNabb wanted the same thing. Carlton could see it now. The younger man waking up hard and wanting. Of gripping his cock tightly when he was in the shower. Of his name spilling from his lips when he finally climaxed.
None of that mattered. None of that could matter. Not when Carlton was McNabb's Superior. Not with that ring on McNabb's finger. Whatever happened that night had to stay there before either of them fell any deeper than they already had.
"Go home, McNabb," Carlton demanded brushing past the younger man to go inside. "There's nothing left for you here. There never was. Just leave me alone."
A hand shot out to wrap around Carlton's as it rested on the doorknob. Feeling the taller man move closer so the man,s warmth could soak into his body. Without thinking Carlton's body relaxed into the feeling before he spun and pushed the other man away.
He had to be strong and with that man pressed against him the last thing he could be was strong. He could barely bring himself to be smart. It was going to destroy him whether he refused the younger man or not. At least he could keep McNabb from falling with him.
"Go home," Carlton repeated opening his door trying to slide in before the officer could.
Instead of saying anything the officer slipped into Carlton's home before he could shut the door. Closing his eyes he counted to five hoping to steel his nerves. When the opened once more he closed the door and turned to the younger man only to be pushed into the closed door.
It felt as if all of the air had been knocked out of his lungs. The younger man was staring down at Carlton with so much heat and hope in his eyes as he took another step closer to the detective his hand coming up to brush against his clothed chest.
"McNabb," Carlton whispered shaking his head.
"Don't," the officer practically begged as he leaned down to place a gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth, "Please. Call me Buzz again. I love hearing you say my name."
"No. You... You need to leave."
The words were said harshly, but the stutter made it hard to believe them. The fact that Buzz didn't want to follow them made that all the easier. He just wanted to know that the older man was having a hard time too.
Buzz looked down at the icy blue eyes only to notice they weren't looking at him. Feeling much more confident that Carlton wanted this as much as he did he placed a hand on the back of his neck and pulled the older man until they were breathing each other in.
The men stood there in complete silence. Two hearts beating harder as each second passed. They were both close to snapping, but they were both holding back. Though they had different reasons for not wanting to push the other.
Buzz knew exactly what he was doing even if Carlton didn't think he did. There was just something that drew the young officer to the other man. As bad as it was he wanted the man more than he liked to admit even to himself.
He was happily married and loving his life. He loved his wife with all of his heart. At least he loved her with most of his heart and he was a one person type of guy. So why was it so different with Carlton?
Buzz had been watching the older man since he joined the force. At first it was just him wanting to be as good as the Head Detective. He was one of the best police men and he wanted to be as good as him.
As time went on though that changed. He kept an eye on the older man just watching him move. He was absolutely gorgeous. The way he'd bark out orders. That dark look he'd get in his eyes when he was at a crime scene. The satisfied smirk when he solved the case.
He loved watching the other man. Truthfully he was surprised that no one had called him out on it. Though he knew that there were other officers that were watching the older man just as closely as he was.
"What if I don't want to leave?" Buzz whispered.
"You should," Carlton responded still refusing to look up.
"You don't want me to leave."
"I should."
Placing a hand on the older man's chin Buzz directed his face up until they were staring into each others eyes. Sadness had filled Carlton's eyes and all the taller man wanted to do was erase it. Though he knew he was the reason it was there.
Swallowing roughly Buzz moved forward to press a gentle kiss to the other man's forehead. He could feel a shudder course through his body as his eyes instinctively slid shut. It was so soft and innocent. Almost like he was promising the world.
Carlton's heart stuttered in his chest. He had missed this. Someone holding onto him. Looking at him as if for just a moment he was the center of the world. Their faces being so close that their lips brushed together with every other word they spoke.
When the detective didn't pull away Buzz took that as permission to press their lips together once more. Beautiful icy blue eyes slipped shut as his hands came up to grip the officer's shoulders holding him close to him crushing their bodies together.
Moaning softly Buzz pushed the man into the door pressing a thigh between the shorter man's legs. Carlton threaded a hand in Buzz's hair directing it to the side so he could deepen the kiss as his other hand traveled down the bigger man's body.
Buzz untucked Carlton's shirt his fingers dancing over his stomach enjoying the quiver of the flesh. Breaking the kiss his lips traveled down the other mans neck nipping and licking at the pale skin loving the way he arched into him.
The older man's head fell backwards thumping into the wall and giving more room to Buzz. Biting gently at the man's Adam's apple he suddenly found himself pressed tightly against the door when Carlton reversed their position.
"Stop," Carlton ground out, "You need to leave. Now. Go home."
"I don't want to," Buzz shook his head.
"You need to. You have to forget what happened and move on with your life."
"I've tried. I tried to believe that everything was fine and that I could continue to be with my wife, but I can't stop thinking about you."
Seeing the passion in the younger man's eyes Carlton found himself pressing their lips together once more before pulling back again. He knew that he was giving the younger man mixed signals, but he truly didn't know what to do next.
He had always thought that he was a better person than this. Having an affair was not the type of thing he ever thought that he'd do. He still couldn't bring himself from wanting the man in front of him. In more ways than one.
Over the past year he had heard all of the silly little things he had done with his wife. The dates and presents. How they reacted when the other was sick or sad. How they'd spend time together and were planning a future.
He could remember when he and Victoria were like that and, for some reason, his mind didn't just create sexual fantasies with Buzz. It also supplied fantasies of them actually sharing a life... A future together.
It was wrong on so many levels and Carlton was smarter than this. Taking a step back the detective fixed his shirt hoping that if he could straighten his appearance out than maybe he could straighten him mind out. At least for a moment.
"You'll get passed it," Carlton offered trying to be firm.
"And if I don't want to?" Buzz crossed his arms staring at the older man, "I'm not as stupid as you think I am. I know what I'm doing."
"So you know how your wife will react if this comes to light? How many opportunities will be shut off from you if people think you had sex with me to move forward? This could destroy your career and you've barely started."
"What about you? You have yet to point out how this could affect you. Don't think I haven't noticed how you seem to care about me over you. You're not nearly as cold-hearted as you want everyone else to believe you are. You care."
"I'm not going to get further in my career. We both know that."
Carlton turned away and started to make his way further into his home hoping that ignoring what the man said would cause him to leave. He should have known better than to believe something like this would be easy.
Buzz followed the older man refusing to let the matter drop. He couldn't tell himself why he was acting the way he was, but he wasn't going to let it go. Not without having at least some idea of what the truth was.
There was just so much more to Carlton than he let on. Not that Buzz had ever believed he was as one-sided as he appeared. He just couldn't believe that no one had tried to get past the man's rough exterior. Couldn't they see him?
Everyone had warned him that the detective was hard and demanded perfection. He wanted the case solved as soon as it crossed his desk and so help you if you got in his way when he was hot on the trail of a suspect.
No one had told him that the man was protective and self-deprecating. He loved his job more than anything and was good at it. Even with how brash he was he was though he was always there to help the other detectives and officers.
Not that everyone saw it that way. They all thought that he was too much or they just listened to the other people around the office. It was easier than trying to get to know him since the stories were pretty scary.
Buzz never liked listening to rumors though so he tried to get to know the shorter man. It was a choice that he was happy about. He had learned so much and truthfully he was more than happy to think of the man as a mentor in all things police.
Now everything was changing and for the first time it seemed as if he was finally seeing the older man for what he was and the last thing he wanted was to be pushed away without knowing the man was going to be okay.
"I'm not going to let it go," Buzz said calmly, "Talk to me, Carlton."
"Don't call me that," Carlton glared spinning to face the officer, "I am your superior."
"Is that it? Are you just my superior officer?"
"It's all I can be and you know it."
"Tell me the truth. Tell me why you care more about my career than your own."
Carlton glared angrily at the younger man. He was torn between upset at the entire conversation and being proud that the man was becoming a good cop. He was going to be a wonderful detective when he finally came into his own.
Shaking his head the man brushed past Buzz and went into the kitchen. Taking a beer out of the fridge he offered one to the other man without thinking but he shook his head wanting nothing to cloud his mind for this conversation.
"I'm never going to get higher than Head Detective," Carlton sighed taking a gulp of beer, "Everyone knows it and I have maybe another twenty, thirty years before I'm done completely. If I don't end up dead or fired before then. This is it for me. You can still go forward. Move on with your career. With your life."
Buzz stared at the older man hearing the resignation in his words. He truly didn't think he'd go anywhere else. That all of his hardwork was ending here. He didn't see just how amazing and wonderful he was at his job and to the people around him.
Moving forward the younger man took the bottle out of Carlton's hand and placed it on the counter. Cupping his jaw he ran his thumb over his lower lip with a sad smile. He couldn't believe how the man didn't see how wonderful he was.
Leaning down Buzz brushed their lips together before hugging the man tightly. It was odd to be cradling Carlton against him, but even the strongest of men needed comfort sometimes. He was glad to be able to be that for the detective.
"That can't happen again," Carlton whispered not moving.
"I don't..." Buzz tried to start.
"I know you don't. I... I don't want it to either, but we can't do this to everyone else. It will end badly."
"Don't you ever think about yourself?"
"No."
Buzz chuckled softly pressing his lips to the other man's head. It felt so different holding Carlton over his wife. It felt better in a way though. Like the man was supposed to be with him and he liked that idea.
"We could..." Buzz started.
"Do you keep forgetting that you're married?" Carlton questioned with a sigh.
"No, I haven't forgotten."
Carlton stared at Buzz in shock. There was no way that the younger man was saying what he thought he was. Buzz was not that type of person. Unless... Had he really read the young officer that wrong?
"I'm not suggesting we have sex," Buzz continued with a shrug and a half smile, "At least not at first."
Shaking his head Carlton pushed the other man away and moved towards the living room once more. He couldn't believe the words he was hearing. He couldn't believe how much he wanted to ignore his gut and do exactly what he wanted for the first time in a long while.
"Do you know what you're saying?" Carlton demanded hearing the younger man walk into the room, "Having sex with someone else is one thing. Some people can even forgive that. Having a relationship with someone else when you're married? That is a whole other story. You can never come back from that."
Hearing the shuffling of Buzz's clothes Carlton turned to stare at him. He was hoping that the man was finally understanding just how badly this could turn out for him. Would doing this anymore than they already had would change him?
Instead he saw a calmness that unsettled the older man. Had Buzz really thought this through to the point that he was convinced this was a good idea? Or was it possible... Was it possible that Buzz actually wanted the older man too?
"Don't," Carlton shook his head.
"Do you really want to stop or are you just trying to protect me from everything you can think of?" Buzz questioned quietly.
"They're valid points and you know it."
"I know they are. They're points that I've come up with myself. They're also ones that I'm ready to ignore."
"Ignore them? You're willing to ignore your wife just like that?"
"I love my wife."
"Then leave!"
Carlton's yell startled both men. He had turned to keep calm throughout the entire thing, but he couldn't stop himself. He was trying to save Buzz from himself and the younger man was ignoring if as if it was absolutely nothing to him.
"I've tried to forget you," Buzz whispered crossing his arms, "I've tried."
"Try harder," Carlton offered with a glare.
"You know it's not that easy."
"You have to make it that easy. You have your whole life ahead of you."
Turning around Buzz ran a hand through his hair tugging on it as he tried to calm his racing mind. He had hoped that this conversation would end in a much more pleasant way. He should have known the older man was too good.
"This wasn't what I expected, "Buzz turned back to the detective, "This wasn't what I thought my life would be like."
"No one's life turns out the way they planned when they were younger," Carlton replied calmly.
"I don't...I want this."
"You already made your choice."
"But what if..."
"And I'm making mine. Go home to your wife, Buzz. Forget this ever happened. Find happiness with her. It's the best thing for both of us."
Buzz shook his head not wanting to listen to the words. He wanted to be able to have the knowledge that this was what the other man wanted as well. He wanted... Truthfully, he just wanted to have Carlton with him in some way more than a boss.
He opened his mouth trying to argue with the man, but he knew that it was useless. Once there was an idea in Carlton's mind then there was very little anyone could do to change it. He was not a very flexible man in the best of situations.
"Tell me you understand," Carlton half demanded taking a step forward, "Tell me you know why this is the way it must be."
"I don't like this," Buzz licked his lips.
"Do you understand?"
"Yes. Okay? I understand. I just don't like it. Do you understand that?"
Carlton glared at the younger man when he heard the cold edge in his voice. He hated saying the words as much as Buzz hated hearing them, but it had to be done. That was the only thing that he could hold onto right then.
"Welcome to adulthood," Carlton snarled motioning towards the door.
"Adulthood?" Buzz questioned sarcasm dripping from his voice, "So, does that mean I can make my own decisions?"
A low growl slipped from Carlton's throat. He couldn't understand why the man was being so difficult. He really had thought that the man was smarter than this. It seemed that he was wrong about Buzz in more ways than one.
"I thought you were smart," Carlton shook his head, "I hate being proven wrong."
The younger man glared angrily at the man. He hated people telling him he was stupid. Just because he was a little dopey sometimes didn't mean that he was stupid by any means. He had to make people understand that. Had to make Carlton understand.
Feeling anger pool in his belly he moved towards the older man watching him closely. The man's eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the movement like he was expecting Buzz to turn and leave the house at the insult.
Moving so they were toe to toe Buzz stared down at the older man waiting for him to say or do something. Instead he was met with unwavering icy blue eyes glaring at him. He always had forgotten just how cold and stony the man could look when he needed to.
That's when he noticed those eyes flicker from his eyes to his mouth. That was all he needed before he was reaching out to crash the man to him once more. Their lips met in a fury of emotion that both men had been trying to hold back.
Hands tore at clothes sheading Carlton's shirt onto the floor letting his fingers dance over the pale flesh. A soft hum left the older man's lips as he gently pushed the taller man back. It was as if everything was right for just a moment.
Then Carlton pushed Buzz backwards breaking them apart completely. The officer let his eyes roam over the man in front of him his tongue darting out at the sight. Carlton was one of the most beautiful people that he had ever seen.
His chest heaving as he stood there half dressed. His hard cock bulging in his pants making Buzz's mouth water at the thought of tasting him. He had been dreaming of getting a chance like this once more ever since their night together.
Then he saw it. Carlton hadn't pushed him into his bedroom. He had pushed him so he was standing outside the man's front door. The man stared at him with regret and sadness before he shook his head to knock whatever doubt he was having.
"Carlton?" Buzz questioned his eyes wide.
"This will end now," Carlton spoke firmly.
"Neither of us want..."
"What we want doesn't matter."
Carlton slammed the door with a loud bang not wanting to deal with anymore of the conversation. He wanted so badly to give in to the younger man, but he couldn't. Buzz deserved more than he could give him.
