So I finally got around to writing this little piece of awesome! It took me awhile to write up, but I think you'll love it!

Warnings: Lots of sex between two men. Affair. Cheating. If you see something else that you want a warning for just tell me and I'll add it!

Special thanks to kendra42 for reading over this and correcting all of my mistakes!

If you want to be kept up to date with new redos on stories or want to know more about stories I'm going to be starting soon please follow me at Facebook under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing.


Carlton downed his fifth glass of whiskey that night waving the bartender over once more. The man had already taken away the Detective's keys and it looked like he was going to cut him off soon. Something Carlton was not looking forward to.

He was much too sober to be cut off. At least that's what the thoughts that were buzzing around in his head were screaming. Carlton flinched as he once again heard a man's laughter. Why did he have to choose a bar that was packed to get drunk in?

All he wanted to do was forget what could be the worst case of his career. Instead he was being reminded of the little comfort that he had given up long ago. How he wished that he had stopped Victoria from divorcing him.

Carlton knew that it was hard for people to change. He himself hated change with such a passion many mistook it for a phobia. Maybe they were right to do so. At times like this though he wanted nothing more than to change who he was for someone.

There were times when he felt so alone. Almost as if he was completely invisible in the world. Of course this was ridiculous. He had done this to himself and he was going to live with whatever consequences that came with pushing everyone away for his job.

"Oh stop it!" a woman laughed loudly behind him causing him to tense, "You're so adorable!"

Moving the glass out of his way Carlton dropped his head onto the bar and grit his teeth. He couldn't yell at a person because they were happy while he was miserable. No matter how much he wanted to make the woman cry.

The thought itself had him hitting his head and reaching for the glass. He needed to get to the point of no thought soon. Anything to just have a few hours of peace from the stupid, irrational thoughts that were threatening to drag him down.

It was because of this the Head Detective didn't notice the world around him. He didn't notice the man watching him from one of the tables. The man that should have been paying attention to his wife, but couldn't drag his eyes away.

It was Buzz's birthday and his wife and friends decided on a night out since he didn't have work in the morning. He wasn't paying attention to their stories or games anymore. Not since he saw the black haired man at the bar.

Six months had passed since the older man had kicked him out of his house and nothing had changed. Well, that was a lie. The Head Detective was even shorter with Buzz than normal. That or he was completely ignoring the young man.

No matter what Buzz did it was never good enough or right to Carlton. That should have hurt him. Instead it made his heart soar knowing that the older man was simply doing everything he could to push him away. It meant he cared.

That had to mean that the Officer still had a chance with him. Even if the blue eyed man tried to hide it he wanted Buzz as much as he wanted Carlton. He just had to figure out a way to get Carlton to admit it and quit running away.

Still, there was a part of Buzz that wondered if going for Detective was the best plan. Ever since the older man kicked him out of his house he had been thinking of all the reasons they shouldn't be together. There was truly only one thing that bothered him and that was his wife. At least the idea of cheating on her once more.

For the first time he thought back on what his father said and realized he had been right. The Officer had been too young when he got married and it was coming to bite him in the ass. He had loved her though. Spending the rest of his life with the woman was all he had wanted to do when they were younger.

Don't get him wrong he still loved her and wanted her in his life. He was just realizing that he had never actually been in love with her. She was his best friend and that was all. Somehow he had convinced himself that they could have more than that. It was a lie that she had fallen for. A lie he hated himself for.

Shaking his head Buzz drug his eyes away from his superior and to the woman. He waited for his heart to flutter or for his lips to smile without him forcing them but neither happened. He had lost something he had never truly had and he couldn't keep lying to himself now that he knew the truth.

A movement out of the corner of his eyes had the man looking back towards Carlton. The older man was stumbling his way through the restaurant and to the restroom. Making a quick decision Buzz excused himself and followed the man. In the back of his mind he knew that the other man was probably too drunk to remember the conversation in the morning but he had to say it none the less.

Going into the restroom the Officer quickly checked to see if they were alone before locking the door. Carlton walked out of a stall a moment later freezing when he saw the taller man. The pair stared at each other knowing one of them had to speak though neither wanted to start a fight.

"Stalking is illegal," Carlton growled going to the sink.

"Not stalking," Buzz denied, "Didn't know you were here until half an hour ago."

"Then why am I locked in here with you? Shouldn't you be having fun with your wife?"

The Detective sounded so bitter in that moment and Buzz knew it was because of the alcohol. He should turn around and save the conversation for a time when the man wasn't compromised. He couldn't will himself to do so though. He needed to get the words out before they swallowed him alive.

Opening his mouth Buzz tried to think of the right words only to get distracted by the older man's movements. When he walked through the restaurant Buzz had been sure that he was drunk. Now that he was closer though he could see just how in control the man was. He was going to remember everything.

"Carlton," Buzz started taking a step forward.

"I told you not to call me that," the Detective glared angrily.

"I don't want to argue with you about this. I don't actually want you to say anything, but I do need to say something."

The Detective stared at Buzz feeling the anger fad away and be replaced with concern. There was never a point in time where the younger man didn't ooze the kindness that Carlton had come to know. The idea that something had come along to take that away was devastating to even think about.

"I was a child when I got married," Buzz sighed as he started to explain himself, "I hadn't... I thought I had everything figured out. I thought that I knew what I wanted and nothing anyone said made me actually think. Everyone else knew that I was making a mistake, but I... I thought I was in love."

"You don't think you're in love anymore," Carlton muttered not looking at the other man.

"I was never in love. Not real love at least. She was my first girlfriend as an adult and everyone kept saying that we went together so perfectly. I didn't know... I let other people push me around until I thought their thoughts were my own."

The younger man stopped talking and stared into the mirror. Behind him he could see Carlton standing there looking so lost and confused. There was something under that though. An emotion that made his heart flutter as a warmth spread over his body. Turning around he took a deep breath before moving forward.

"That night with you made me realize something," Buzz said with a sad smile.

"What's that?" Carlton questioned, his voice barely over a whisper.

"I've been living my life the way others wanted me to. I haven't done something for me and me alone. Well, besides being a cop and spending the night with you. It was the best I had felt in years, Carlton."

The Head Detective looked at the ground letting the words sink in. He hadn't actually thought that someone like Buzz would be questioning their life choices as much as he was. He was always so happy that it made sense for him to know exactly what he wanted in life. Carlton had thought him lucky.

"I don't know what to do," Buzz said carding a hand through his hair, "I don't know how I could have let it get this out of control."

"McNabb," Carlton tried to start.

"I'm not talking to my superior officer, Carlton. I'm talking to the man I slept with."

"Once. We had sex once and you want to uproot your whole life."

"No, I want my life to be my own and to live it the way that I know will be for the best."

"And you think 'the best' involves me?"

"I think that I can't get you out of my mind. I think that every time I'm near you I want to touch you. I think that I don't know where this is going to go, but I want to find out. Can you honestly tell me you don't?"

Shaking his head Carlton opened his mouth to argue when someone attempted to open the door. Not wanting to cause more of a scene than they already had the older man turned and left the restroom. He knew he was simply running away from the situation, but it was getting harder to fight.

In his mind he knew that the best thing was to keep separate from the younger man, but that was also the last thing he wanted. The fact that the taller man continued to question and push the situation though. If he didn't back down then there was a large, possibility that he wouldn't bother fighting at all.

"You're not going to even listen to me, are you?" Buzz demanded walking up to Carlton.

"I'm drunk," Carlton muttered trying to wave down a cab.

"Not as drunk as you want to believe you are. You just want me to stop."

"Then do so."

"Okay, fine. I'll stop. With you, but I'm not done trying to figure this out. I just hoped I'd figure it out with you."

Feeling his emotions finally reach a boiling point the older man grabbed Buzz by the shirt and drug him down the street to the nearest alleyway. Pushing him into the dark he moved to the other side of the space so they weren't too close together. Neither of them needed to be tempted.

"What do you want from me?" Carlton growled angrily, "I'm giving you every chance to realize how wrong this whole thing is. I'm hoping you'll stop trying to destroy yourself."

"I already destroyed myself! The only thing I've ever wanted wanted was to be an officer of the law. That was what I dreamed of when I was younger. I didn't think of being married or having kids or any of that. I just wanted to be a cop."

"That's not how your life turned out."

"So my life can't change? I'm stuck because of one mistake?"

"You have a beautiful, loving wife. A career that you love, and a bright future. Your mistake has left you with an amazing life."

"It can't be amazing when I hate every second! I can't force myself to be happy just because you feel the need to blame yourself for something that I did before we even met!"

Clenching his jaw the older man looked away not wanting to admit that Buzz might be right. Carlton was used to being the person that took the weight of the world even when he didn't have to. It was his job to be the leader and if something happened then it was his fault no matter who was at fault.

It wasn't just because of his job though. For his whole life he had made sure that he took the blame for everything whenever his friends or sister did something wrong as well. He was the oldest and he cared about them too much to let them be hurt because they had made a stupid decision or two.

"You deserve so much more than what I could ever give you," Carlton attempted his voice shaky.

"How do you know that?" Buzz questioned taking a step forward.

"Have you met me?"

Buzz stared at the older man before throwing his hands up in frustration. How one person could be so hard headed was beyond him. It was no wonder Carlton had basically isolated himself. He felt so poorly about himself that he thought he deserved to be alone. Not just that though. He thought that he was going to destroy anything and everything he touched.

"Have you?" Buzz whispered staring into blue eyes.

The older man looked up at the Officer not sure if he wanted to know what he was thinking. It had been so long since someone had ever actually tried to look past how he acted. He was just so used to being overlooked that now that someone was attempting to look at him he didn't want him to see anything.

Carlton knew who he was and he knew how people saw him. He had long gotten over how things were. It was safe. If people thought he was too scary or too focused on work than he didn't have to worry about them getting hurt. Why Buzz wasn't seeing that he would end up hurt if he kept pushing just made him want to protect him more.

Straightening his back once more the Head Detective got ready to leave the alley and man all together. He had to stop this and there was only one way he could do so. It wasn't going to be the nicest thing he had ever done, but it was for the best. At least he hoped he was making the right call about the whole thing.

"No," Buzz suddenly said shaking his head.

"What?" Carlton questioned glaring at the man.

"You're still trying to protect me and take the blame! How many times do I have to say this isn't your fault before you believe me?"

"It's the only thing that makes sense since you won't drop it."

"I won't drop it until you listen to me, Carlton!"

Hearing the younger man's yell echoed through the alley the older man froze. He never thought he'd hear the sweet, soft-spoken, and almost puppy like man raise his voice. Truthfully though he had found himself learning all types of new things about the man. It was as if he was finally showing who he was.

"Okay," Carlton nodded taking a step forward, "I'll listen."

"Yeah?" Buzz asked hopefully.

"If you listen to me."

The growing smile on the younger man's face dropped almost instantly. In a way he was getting exactly what he wanted, but it felt almost like a trap. He couldn't help wondering if this was the end of the beginning.

"We'll both talk?" Buzz repeated slowly.

"Yes," Carlton nodded crossing his arms, "I'm tired of having this fight every few months. This will be the last time."

"Forever?"

"Yes. If we can't figure something out then we never talk about it again. Can you deal with that?"

Buzz looked over the older mans body his mind running wild. This could be everything that he wanted. All he had to do was reach out and take it. Well, at the very least attempt to convince the other man that this would be worth it. He had to give the situation a chance.

"Can you deal?" Carlton said once more.

"Yes," Buzz agreed quickly, "I can. You won't regret it."

"I already regret this, McNabb. I just want this over and done with once and for all."

"You might change your might about this. About me."

"I doubt that. My place. Saturday. Seven p.m."

Before Buzz could say anything else the older man turned and left. It was weird and a little scary that their situation could be over, but the Officer couldn't help but look at the bright side. He just had to show that he knew exactly what he was doing and he had a little under a week to figure out exactly how to do so. He actually couldn't wait.