Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters belonging to GA.

AN: Mature scenes and PTSD trigger warnings.

Chapter 9 – Rude Awakenings

Callie, that's a gorgeous name that matches an even more gorgeous woman.

Thank you, Arizona. Your name, it's so suiting for a beautiful blonde as yourself.

Would I be out of line if I told you've been the only person I'm thinking of always, Callie? Because you are. I can't get my mind off of you.

Hmm, no Arizona, because all I can think about is you. And how sexy it sounds when you say my name. How deep blue your eyes become when you're thinking dirty thoughts.

Are they blue right now?

They're almost navy. Arizona, kiss me, now.

Arizona felt the most glorious lips press against her own, moans were escaping her mouth. The kisses became more intense and intrusive. Their tongues met somewhere in the middle and were battling for control. Callie began to kiss down the blonde's jaw line, Do you like this? When I kiss you everywhere?

The blonde could only moan at the feeling of lips and teeth nibbling her ear lobe. Yessss, she hissed out, feeling the warmth build up at her core. Callie slide her tongue up and down Arizona's ear and neck. Oh god, Callie, I'm so, so wet. UH.

The tongue flattened out and licked her neck. Arizona needed this woman to be inside of her.

Baby, please, touch me. Please, please. I need you to feel how wet you make me.

Callie began whimpering in her ear.

Baby, please let me come with you. I want to come with you.

The whimpering grew louder and the licks became sloppier and out of control.

Callie please let me come with you.

Uh, Uh, Uh… who's barking, what?

Why, stop the barking. Why are you barking?

Blue eyes snapped open.

"What the fu-aww Tyson! I'm up, I'm up!" She rolled on her side and began to pet the animal.

Tyson, G's personal dog, was one of the three German Shepherds in her family. Tyson must have spent the last ten minutes licking and whimpering in Arizona's ear, seeing she was covered in dog slob. He was giving the blonde an incredulous look. His head was cocked to the side as if he was just reading the blonde's dirty mind.

"Tyson, buddy what's wrong? Do you have to go to the bathroom?" She glanced at her watch and saw it was barely 7AM.

He was still staring at her and whimpering.

"Right, you only know German." Duh Arizona.

She sat up to see if G was up yet, but she was greeted with something more dreadful in site. She flew up and sat by her side.

Tyson cried louder signaling the underlying issue.

"I know buddy."

G's eyes were open, completely dilated, and focusing on nothing. Her hands were balled up in fists, knuckles nearly white from the stress. Body as stiff as a board drenched in a cold sweat. Arizona could see her pulse popping out of her neck. She's having a flashback.

Arizona dealt with PTSD before, from her brother. Tim went through a phase of screaming in his sleep after his first tour. She recalled coaxing Tim out of his dreams by talking to him, so she tried the same with G.

"Hey, G. It's Arizona. You're home. It's okay. You're home, just relax."

Nothing.

"Gaetana, you're home in Boston. It's me Arizona, you know Battleship? We're in the funeral home. Do you remember dinner last night? We had dinner at your favorite restaurant. Off the Boat. Gaetana, please wake up, it'll be okay."

Gia started speaking to Arizona in Arabic. Arizona couldn't even guess what she was saying, but she knew Gia was fluent in Arabic, as was Tim. She's so far in.

"Hey Gia, you're in the United States baby. Come on, wake up for me please. You'll be okay."

Her pulse only increased as the minute's drug on. She was sweating, clenching all of her muscles and there was nothing Arizona could do to help her friend. She wanted to shake her awake but she knew that could be lethal for anyone caught in the middle of flashback. G's eyes snapped shut and her brow scrunched up as if she were in pain.

"G, you're okay. Shh, Tyson and I are here for with you."

She began speaking more Arabic, only this time, the tone seemed more urgent. She reached out with both arms and found Arizona. In a flash, Arizona's throat was clenched under G's hand. She spoke again with the same urgency in Arabic.

Arizona stroked her friend's arm that now had her neck in a vise, "Shh, sweetheart you're home okay? It's Arizona and we're in Boston, just calm down."

Tyson's began whimpering in her ear louder, he could sense the agony boiling from his owner, and the compromising situation Arizona was in.

"Hey, Gaetana, relax. You're in Boston. At the funeral home in West Roxbury. It's Arizona. Arizona Robbins. Tim's bigger little sister remember?"

The grip began to release and Arizona could feel the tension slipping from her friend's body. She continued to lightly rub the arm holding her in a death grip.

"You're in Boston G. It's me Arizona and your dog Tyson. You're okay, we're in the office at the Funeral Home."

Her breathing evened out and eventually after twenty agonizing minutes she let go of Arizona. A few deep breaths escaped her before she shot up. Her hands were shaking as she looked down at them.

Arizona rubbed her back and tried to calm her. Tyson wedged himself between G's legs and licked her face.

"Are you okay?"

"I-I-I, what happened?"

"You had a flashback, are you okay?"

"Why-what did I do to you?"

"Shhh, don't worry about it."

"No, Arizona, I need to know. I need to know if I did anything to you."

"You started choking me." It broke Arizona to say that to her friend, but she had too. She saw the devastation in her face. "Hey, it's not your fault okay? Just calm down alright? We'll be fine. We're here with you."

"I am so sorry Arizona. I am so sorry."

"Don't apologize. Do you want to tell me what you saw? You were speaking in Arabic." Arizona saw G staring into the floor, recollecting her thoughts and the last hour of her life. "Hey, you've got to say what happened, that's the only way it gets better." Arizona didn't want to push her friend, but this was the only way she'd ever be able to cope.

Gray spheres now looked green as they tried to process everything. G took a deep breath and held Arizona's hand and her dog in the other.

"I-I, it was from, this last tour. I, I don't, want to talk, about it."

She noticed the increase in blood pressure in the woman's neck again and her body tense.

"Hey, hey. Calm down. It's alright. You don't have to talk if you're not ready too, okay?" She pulled the sweat covered face up to meet her gaze. "Your home, and everything is okay." Arizona knew there was more to the story but it was nothing that she wanted to hear or make her friend relive.

"I'm, I-I, I'm sorry Arizona."

She reached over and gave her friend a hug. "Don't apologize okay. Just promise me you'll talk to me or Teddy or someone when you're ready, okay?" She could feel G nod in her neck. They resided on the floor for a few more minutes before G broke their contact.

"Well, now that that's said and done, want to get some breakfast and go for a run? The hounds need some real exercise."

"That sounds great G." Again, the brazen attitude, how does she do it?

XXXX

"Arizona, what have you been doing for the last year? Sitting on your ass eating Cheetos? You're slowing me and the dogs down, nine minute miles? Pathetic Battleship."

"Excuse me." An out of shape blonde was nearly dry heaving on a park bench while the woman and three dogs ran circles around her. 'We all aren't as fit and fabulous as you, okay? Not to mention, how unhealthy it is to run hung over. I haven't done this is months."

"Whatever Battleship, your ass is mine the next two months. And that's because she who will not be named didn't drink moreover like you looking better than her." G just laughed at her friend, who was nearly seconds away from passing out.

"That's true. She got mad when I'd go for runs and people would stare. Like, who does that?"

"Jealous, insecure, psychotic 'see you next Tuesday's' Arizona, that's who. Now, coffee and breakfast?"

"Please, I think I'm going to faint." The group began to walk out of the park, with three beauteous Shepard's leading the way. "Hey, G, you're phone is ringing."

"Hm, I've never seen that area code, let me call them back, could be work or a fellow soldier. Can you handle three hounds? Don't want them to drag you around again."

"Ha-ha-ha, just say that German command thing again, so they don't chase you."

"Arizona, ten years and you haven't picked up a lick of German. It's "Sitzen bleiben. Gute Hunde." Three dogs simultaneously sat and watched their handler walk from them. She was strictly a woman of business when it came to it and found it incessantly rude when people spoke on the phone in front of others.

She rolled her eyes at her friend taking the other two leashes. These were some of the most loyal and well behaved dogs. Her grandparents from Germany actually gave these dogs to her family. Arizona missed these crazy hounds, or Hunde. They were excellent chick magnets and never failed the duo when they all ventured out.

"What's got you all cheeky?" Arizona teased the taller woman.

"I, my friend, have a date this afternoon." She grabbed two leashes and continued on their walk.

"Barely a week and you're already back at it. How do you do it my friend?"

"Hm, I should ask you considering you're the one who bedded a mystery woman from the bar while still engaged. OUCH! No need to hit me!"

"Watch it G" She could never be mad at this woman.

XXX

"Alright, so I'll come by after my date, around 20:00 hours? Binge watch L Word and make Joanne cry?"

"Gia, yes to the first and no to the last. I am having her come early because I don't want either of you killing each other. Remember?" Arizona hoped out of the car and looked through the window.

"Nope, you're not going at this alone, I'll have Altman or Andrew keep tabs on you. I don't trust that woman at all Arizona. Plus you invited me last night. Remember?"

"You got me drunk." She laughed and shook her head. "Fine. Just please don't kill this woman." She was being serious. Joanne had more problems than being dumped by her fiancé, she had to face Gia head on for the first time in over a year.

"I'll be here at 20:00 hours in the hearse okay? Love you Battleship!"

Before Arizona could protest further, G rolled up the window and drove away. She better not come in that hearse

The walk up to her apartment was agonizing after a nine mile run. She was home alone for the first time since moving into her apartment. Figuring this would be a good time to unpack without the distraction of roommates she headed towards her new room and started the daunting task.

Nearly three hours later an annoying chime broke Arizona from the third re-organization of her dresser.

"Hi mom." Great, not who I wanted to talk too.

"Hi sweetheart. How are you doing? You didn't call us when you landed in Boston. You barely said goodbye to us. Is everything okay honey?"

She sighed noticeably into the phone, "I am okay mom. I didn't want to be in Virginia anymore. How are you and dad holding out?" It was a question she had been dreading to ask, but needed to.

"Well, better now that were talking to you. It's okay here. We'll be okay Arizona. We're just worried about you. Something else seemed wrong when you came down."

"Mom, nothing is wrong." She was lying through her teeth but she wasn't prepared for this conversation at all. She couldn't continue to dodge her parents though it needed to come out. "I just, I'm processing everything still okay? I don't know how to feel. I don't feel anything actually." Shit why did you just say that Arizona? Dumb, dumb, dumb.

"Sweetie, that's Arizona talk for there's something really wrong. How are you and Joanne doing? The wedding is in a month, shouldn't you be excited?"

There is was. The million dollar statement. In the events that have happened, Arizona choose not to acknowledge the elephant standing on her head. It was the easiest this to do. But, her mother, Barbra Robbins, was a pro at poking that elephant through Arizona.

"Arizona? Are you still there sweetie?"

"Yeah, sorry mom. I need. I uh. I. Ah."

Thoughts were clogging her mind; air was choking and strangling her throat. The growing word vomit at the pit of her stomach only gained force when her mother pressed onward. Her ears couldn't hear anything now, they only vibrated in her skull. The woman on the other line was going to become the verbal punching bag whether she knew it or not. She clenched the phone in a death grip and balled a free hand into a fist as if she was going to fight the response. The bubbling monster within expelled itself out in the harshest of tones, biting her tongue no longer, the blonde screamed back;

"THE WEDDING IS OFF. SHE CHEATED ON ME MOM. OKAY? I WALKED IN ON HER CHEATING ON ME IN OUR BED. WE ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED ANYMORE."

It felt amazing to scream it. But the reality sunk in, in the worst way.

Silence. Followed by silence.

"Mom?" Great Arizona, now you're mom hates you. "Mom, I'm, I, I, I'm sorry." Arizona fell to the floor when she heard the first sounds of cries from the other line. This is exactly why she didn't want to have this conversation. "Mom, please don't cry. Please."

"Arizona, baby, I am so sorry. Are you okay?"

Is that a serious question Barbra? Do I sound okay? "Yes, mom I'll be okay. I moved in with Teddy. And that's it. I can't trust her ever again. I have a job and a service that I owe my country. This is for the best and I'd rather find out now she is unfaithful than realize it in a year when I'm 5,000 miles way."

Her tone spoke for itself.

"Sweetie, would you like us to come up and visit you?"

"Mom, I am fine. Listen, I was in the middle of unpacking actually. And I am pretty exhausted. Can I call you and dad tomorrow?"

"Sure sweetheart. Tell Teddy we said hi, we miss and love you."

"Love you too mom, tell dad I said love you and miss you. Bye."

The blonde stood up from her spot and headed for the shower to rinse everything from her soul. Stripping down to nothing, except for the dog tags and engagement ring. She planted two palms against the smooth porcelain, pressed her forehead against the mirror and began to examine herself. First, her hands, god-like hands in essence. They have brought life, held life, and lost it. Provided pleasure and pain alike. Scanning up her torso, eyes traced the faint outlines of her abdomen. Taut and strong, the core of her being. Continuing the trail up her body, she rested on her breasts. The aggressive love marks from nights prior began to fade from the creamy skin. Her breathing was level and paced. She bore holes through the mirror into the tags graceful following her breathing trend. Side to side, front to back, side to side.

Brows furrowed and studied the embossing on the metal fragment.

ROBBINS

DR. ARIZONA B.

99001111USN A POS

NO PREFERENCE

She hung onto the last line, NO PREFERNCE.

Her parents were Catholic and she was raised Catholic for the most part. However being a scientist her entire life, and then becoming doctor, vanquished any of her faith in God or religion. Being gay only truncated her beliefs further.

People fought and died because of religion, for their God. None of that made sense to her growing up or even now. People who she had never met would considered her a sinner because she was gay, because their God didn't approve it. There is evil that hangs around every corner of the world, what did religion do but create a mask of ignorant bliss or a justifiable reason for people to execute evil acts. Because God wanted you to do that? Because your "book" said it was permissible in the eyes of the all mighty creator to look down on someone?

Religion was never for the blonde, but for the first time in 30 years she wanted to desperately to believe in it, she wanted to feel that faith that so many others have.

She wanted to know that Timothy was okay and was sitting in a heavenly place waiting for her. That he wouldn't be suffering anymore. That her parents would find harmony or solace in something, anything since his passing. She wanted to forgive those who have taken his life, but she couldn't. She didn't have the faith required to do so.

She wanted to believe that her fiancée was in fact a sinner. Not because she was marrying another woman but because she committed adultery. She was wrong in her acts. Arizona wanted to forgive her, to find peace in forgiving but she couldn't. The golden hoop that hung beside that dog tag should be adorned on the godly hands below the blonde. But it was not.

What god puts one human through this much at once?

She peeled her forehead off of the mirror, removed her tags and the golden band that had unpleasantly vested on the chain.

She attempted to replace that ring on her left hand but she couldn't. Arizona wanted to move forward from her fiancé's adulterous acts, devoid her mind of all those images, purge her brain of all the poisonous thoughts, but she couldn't.

The ring was pinched between her index and thumb finger on her right hand. Tears flowed freely down her face as she gazed at the flawless two karat diamond.

Her heart was shattered now, she finally felt something she didn't want to feel at all. The sting of adultery.

The egg in her throat signaled she needed to ball out into tears, and release this curtain of grief once and for all. She placed the ring safely in the medicine cabinet and shut the door. Staring back at herself again.

Puffy blue orbs surrounded by red daggers bore deep. Nothing of what the perky surgeon recognized was in those eyes at the moment. She broke down again.

This time, to move on from the loss of love.

Thank you for reading.