Two weeks had passed since Jessica moving in with Emily, and one week since they'd turned their relationship from best friends to something entirely new and different. Jess slept in Emily's bed now. Virtually every morning Em woke to Jess flopped on top of her, often hugging Emily like a comforting pillow.
That morning was no different. Emily awoke to Jess clutching her as if she were some sort of stuffed animal. Em roused her with a gentle tap. Jessica's eyes fluttered open and, as usual, she sheepishly released Emily. Emily crawled over to her own side of the bed, acting coy as she typically did.
They had yet to decide what their friendship had actually become. Or at least Emily hadn't. They'd had sex three times now, each session going a little further than the last. Jess had taken to calling her various pet names – her favorite seemed to be "cutie pie", but she was fond of more ridiculous names as well.
"Morning, snookie wookums." Jess followed Em over to her side of the bed. Emily tried to climb out before Jess could grab her again, but she did not succeed. "Aw no, you're not getting away that easy."
"Bitch, let go. I have to get ready for work." She used to get up at six-thirty on the dot every morning. Now it was almost seven and she was still tangled up in blankets. On top of that, she'd barely even managed six hours of sleep. Her late night sexcapades with Jessica had shot her sleep schedule completely to hell.
Her brain conjured a random mental image of her telling her inferiors, Sorry I haven't been very productive lately. These days I'm up late getting eaten out by my childhood gal pal.
She tried not to laugh at the absurd thought. Honestly though, her colleagues probably wouldn't be too surprised. They all thought she was a lesbian anyway.
Jess reluctantly released her. "Okay, fine. Get ready for work."
Emily climbed out of the bed. Before walking away she bent down, and Jess leaned up. Their lips met for a tender moment. Then Jess pushed her away with a giggle. "Go, you're gonna be late."
Emily sighed as she wandered away from the bed. The thought of spending all day away from her house wasn't nearly as appealing as it used to be.
She was particularly nasty to her inferiors that day. She didn't know if it was the lack of sleep or the lack of any desire to be there, or maybe both, but she was in rare form that shift.
"Did I ask for no sugar?" Emily thrust the coffee back into her assistant's hands. "Or did you just assume you know what I want better than I do?"
A splash of the boiling-hot coffee spilled out and just missed her assistant's hand. "No, you didn't," he replied, taking a step backward. "I'm sorry. I'll make you another one."
"So now I have to wait, because of your incompetence." Emily crossed her arms. "You know your internship can be terminated at any time."
The boy hurried off down the hall. Still scowling, Emily fixed her glare on him until he disappeared from view. Why are men such idiots? She'd wanted a female intern. Then HR had given her some bullshit about how they "couldn't discriminate based on gender", and the next thing Emily knew she was stuck with this useless college boy.
He returned a minute later with a new cup of coffee. "All they had in the break room was Splenda. I hope that's okay–"
Emily snatched the coffee from him. "You know, someday when you're trying to make a business deal you're not gonna want to say to your potential partner 'I hope you don't mind settling for something you don't want!' It makes you look like a useless moron."
The boy swallowed, then glanced down the hall. "Um, okay. Good to know. So…I'm gonna go now. You can, uh, you can call me if you need me…"
"Oh, I can? How generous of you." Emily turned back to her computer. "I'll be sure to call if I need something fucked up for me."
Her assistant disappeared down the hall, leaving her door wide open. With a snarl Emily got up and slammed it.
With any luck she'd get that boy (what was his name? She'd never even bothered to learn it) to resign before she had to go through the annoyance of filing for a termination.
She took a sip of her imperfect coffee. It didn't really taste any different from coffee with real sugar, but why should she let people think she was okay with accepting less than she'd asked for? It was a slippery slope there.
She felt a little less cranky after getting her caffeine fix. She banged out several soulless corporate e-mails and resumed work on the revised company mission statement she'd been tinkering with here and there for a few weeks. Every so often she'd glance over at her phone on the desk, secretly hoping for a distraction. But no such distraction came. Jess was adamant about not disturbing her at work. Even when Emily texted Jess first, unless it was something of dire importance Jess rarely answered beyond a "yes" or an "ok". Emily knew it was for the best, but it annoyed her. She didn't want to be sitting in an office dealing with idiot interns and corporate scrubs. She wanted to be back in her bed. Back in Jess' arms.
Some time passed before Emily realized she'd just been sitting at her desk, fantasizing. Fuck. I need to focus.
Her mandate to herself lasted about three minutes. Then she had her phone in her hand, pulling up Jessica's name.
Hey Jess, she sent, Can I ask you something?
A few seconds later she received a simple ? in response.
Okay, I have her attention. What was something that Jess would definitely want to talk about?
Oh, I know.
So I know you've been asking about me maybe inviting Sam over
Jess' response was immediate. Yeah?
Well, I could probably do that
Jess sent back a grinning emoji. Cool! When?
Emily chewed her lip. Fuck, I shouldn't have used that. She didn't really want to invite people over her house. She wanted to be alone with Jess. But Jess had been asking about Sam ever since she'd moved in, because Emily had mentioned that first day in Jess' apartment that Sam had been searching for her.
I don't know. What's good for you? She was completely stalling. She knew damn well Jess was free anytime.
I'm free literally any time Em
What a surprising answer. Emily twisted in her office chair, stretching her stiff limbs. She took her sweet time before answering Jess again.
Okay. I'll call her later or something.
Ok sounds good to me!
Emily stared down at the response for a bit. Then she added, So…what are you up to
She received an immediate answer. Get back to work, cutie pie
Emily huffed. I am working
Jess sent a picture of herself with her arms folded and one eyebrow raised.
Fine, screw you then, Emily said.
Jessica sent back a heart.
Emily sighed as she set her phone out of reach in her desk drawer and forced herself to keep working.
When Emily got home Jess was not waiting for her. "I'm home," Emily called tentatively, glancing about for a sign of her. Jess almost always met her at the door after work.
She heard a muffled voice from the other end of the house. It sounded like Jess was talking to someone. Emily cursed under her breath as she realized she might have been calling for Jess while Jess was with one of her clients.
She crept down the hallway to the guest bedroom, where Jess still conducted the majority of her "business". As she'd expected, Jess' voice was coming from behind the tightly-closed door of the guest room. Her tone was different from its usual, however – typically when she was working Jess put on a sort of airy, high-pitched voice. Hell, even when she was talking to Matt she was usually upbeat and laughing. At the moment she was speaking in a low, quiet monotone.
Emily rested an ear against the door and listened.
My parents were good about it for a while, but then the years started passing and…I thought getting my own place would help. I rented an apartment with these two girls I met online. But it didn't help. And then I got into some really bad stuff. I'm still into it.
Who the hell was she telling this to? Emily thought she heard a feminine voice say something in response, but not much. Jess continued, seemingly with great reluctance.
Um, not at the moment. I'm actually living with a friend right now. I have been for a couple weeks. …No, it hasn't really helped with that. But it got me outside for the first time in years.
There came another muffled response from the person she was communicating with.
Hey, um, you don't, like, go to the police with this stuff, right? Jess asked. There's patient confidentiality and stuff? …Okay, good. And, I mean, I'm trying. I'm really trying to stop. But it's hard. And it's harder for me because I can't go anywhere for help. My friend has been trying to help me, and I feel really bad that she's all mixed up in my problems now. She has enough to deal with already.
Emily blinked. Jess must have chosen a counselor on her own. They'd uncovered a few who were willing to work long-distance over video chat, but they hadn't narrowed that list down to one. Jess must have taken it upon herself to do so.
…About four times a day, usually. When I get up in the morning, in the afternoon, after dinner, then before bed. Sometimes I have to get up in the middle of the night and re-dose though, because I wake up all sweaty and shaky. So yeah, sometimes five.
Emily drew back from the door. There had been a couple of times over the last few weeks when Emily had arrived home to find Jessica passed out at the kitchen table, on the couch, or, one time, on the floor. Some of the times it had been difficult to wake her. Each time Emily would feel her heart accelerate as she yelled and shook Jess. In those moments, the sight of those big green eyes finally opening was the biggest relief she could ask for.
She shouldn't have been listening to Jess' therapy session. It was disrespectful, and on top of that it was just making her feel bad. How had it become like this? Jessica, the brilliant sun, love and envy of all who walked within her glorious light, relegated to the shadowy corners of life, while Emily, a mere satellite in her orbit, had managed to push forward and achieve nearly everything she'd ever wanted? It just didn't make sense.
For the millionth time she felt a white-hot but directionless anger. She wanted to be angry at Josh for bringing them all up to that fucking mountain way back when and setting off the chain of events that would change – and in some cases totally fuck up – their entire lives. But he only did it because of what they had done to Hannah and Beth, and he had paid a horrible price for his actions. She could be angry at Hannah for attempting to slaughter them all, but Hannah had only become a monster after being unwittingly possessed by a wicked spirit, after being shamed out of the lodge by the rest of the group's actions. She never would have ended up in those mines if she hadn't been run out of the cabin by her own supposed "friends", by their cruel prank. The prank Emily had been involved in. The prank Jess had concocted in the first place.
Being angry about anything to do with that situation inevitably led just to anger at herself and her best friend. It was a giant, pointless circle.
Emily walked off down the hall before she could hear any more of Jessica's confessions.
Not much was said over dinner that night. Emily wasn't sure if Jess knew that she'd come home during her therapy session. Had Jess been trying to keep it a secret from her? Maybe she was embarrassed.
Emily wasn't the type to let something go unsaid. As they were clearing the table she looked to Jess and said, "So how'd the session go?"
Jess hesitated. "It was okay, I guess. The lady is nice. I didn't tell her everything, but I told her about my, um, 'habit'. She didn't seem like she was gonna judge me. I actually picked this lady because her website said she had experience working in a rehab clinic."
"You picked that one?" When they'd made the list Emily had noticed one of the counselors had that listed on her site. She was glad to hear Jess had selected her.
"Yeah. You know I'd like to get off it, Em. Having someone else who gets it can only help, right?"
"I'd say so." Emily nodded. "I had no idea you were going to do this today. I'm really glad you did."
Jess smiled a weak smile. "It'd be nice to have a normal life again. Not just waiting for the next…you know."
"I know."
After dinner Jess volunteered to feed Rin. She loved spending time with Emily's cat. At first Rin had been dismissive of Jess, but the more she played with and cared for her the more Rin had begun to accept her. Emily was still the one she went to most of the time, but occasionally she'd jump up on Jess's lap and shove her rear end in her face. That was the truest sign of cat love.
"Hey," Jess said as she was putting Rin's food away, "so did you call Sam?"
Emily had hoped the topic would be forgotten. "No, not yet. Do you want me to?"
Jess shrugged. "I mean, I'd like to see her. But it's your house."
Though she was acting nonchalant about it, the glimmer in her eyes was all too obvious. Emily could only imagine how nauseatingly boring life must be when confined to her small, sterile household. Inviting someone over would probably feel like Christmas.
"I'll give her a call," Em said.
Jess immediately lit up.
A few minutes later Emily was dialing Sam. It took Sam a bit to pick up, but she inevitably did.
"Hey Emily," Sam answered. "What's up?"
"Hi Sam!" Jess yelled from behind Emily.
Sam responded in turn. "Oh my God, is that – was that Jess? Did you find her?"
"Yeah. I did."
"That's great! How's she doing?"
"She's, uh, good. Actually that's kind of why I called. We were wondering if you wanted to come over sometime soon and get caught up with her. You know, since she missed the reunion."
"Sure, I'd be up for that! At your house? Or hers?"
"Mine," Emily quickly replied.
"Okay, I can do that. When's a good time for you?"
"I don't know, could you do Friday night?"
"Yeah, sure! I'll stop by after dinner so you don't have to make me anything."
"Okay." Emily was not-so-secretly relieved about not having to throw together some vegan crap for Sam.
She cast a glance over at Jess. Jess was beaming.
"Okay then. I'll see you two Friday!" Sam's voice was warm as she and Emily said their goodbyes and then disconnected.
Emily looked to Jess again. "Happy?"
"Very! I missed Sam's cute face all these years."
Emily prickled a little. "That's not why you wanted to see her, right?" Her wavering tone betrayed her attempt at apathy.
There was a devious twinkle in Jess' eyes. "Hey, I'm not a committed woman. Nobody's claimed me for their own yet..."
"What the hell does that mean?" Emily gestured to herself. "What about me?"
Jess shrugged. "I haven't been approached about any sort of real relationship..."
"Do you…" Emily felt her face growing warmer. "Do you want to be approached about it?"
Jess' devilish smirk changed into a smaller but more genuine smile. "I've always been a romantic at heart. Kind of a sucker for that sort of thing."
Emily cursed internally. Just spit it out! She hated when people beat around the bush about sensitive subjects, yet here both she and Jess were, doing just that. She knew what Jess wanted.
Emily finally mustered the courage to just say it. "So, what, you want me to ask you to be in a – a relationship…with me?"
Jess slipped in under Emily's arm. Emily drew her in close, staring into her glittering green eyes.
"I like to be the one who gets asked," Jess said.
"Okay." Emily swallowed, though there was suddenly very little saliva in her mouth to do so with. "I've never asked anyone before. Usually I'm the one who gets asked, too." She took a moment to compose herself. Then she cupped Jess' face in her hands.
"Want to be my girlfriend?" she asked bluntly.
A massive grin broke out across Jess' face. "Oh, Emily! This is so unexpected!" She fanned herself dramatically. "I would love to."
"So, that's it then?" Emily tried to act calm, betraying her storm of inner emotions. "We're together now?"
Jess responded by leaning in and planting a passionate kiss on Em's lips. Emily slid her hands down to Jess' waist and angled her head to deepen the kiss. They ended up backed against the nearest wall, smooching and running their hands over each other's bodies as if they'd never touched them before.
So I have a girlfriend now. The thought felt strange to Emily. She imagined how her younger self would feel knowing that she, a girl, was able to date another girl just like boys could. And of all the girls in the world, it was the one she'd been confused about for so many years. The one she loved more than anybody else.
Jess pulled away briefly. "Em, are you okay?"
Emily quickly wiped away the renegade tear that had escaped her eye. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Just happy."
"Aww." Jess kissed her on the cheek. "Me too."
Emily blinked away the remaining dampness in her eyes, and sniffed back the start of her tears. All these years later, she was finally at a place in life her kid self could have only dreamed existed. She'd wasted a ton of time beforehand, but it didn't matter anymore. She was finally there.
She took Jess' hands in hers and kissed them both. Jess flipped Em's hands over and then did the same to her.
"I couldn't be happier," Jess whispered.
