Chapter 20 – Don't Apologize for Your Ex

"Glad to see you still look hot as shit in your Navy fatigues, Dr. Robbins."

Arizona closed her eyes, this was absolutely NOT how I wanted to start my shift…

Breathing in deeply, she forced herself to look at the main and only reason she was there. Reopening her eyes she focused in on Jo-jo who looked like a broken and beaten puppy.

The abuse was carved all over her: two black eyes caused from a broken nose, swollen lip, the splint holding her arm together, and the years of intravenous drug use permanently etched in her body. She was frail and sick looking. The big grey eyes that matched her sister's looks gloomy and drained. It broke her heart that such a talented woman surrendered to drug use to battle whatever demons she had.

It was like a brick had hit her in the face. No one prepares you to confront your past or what your past brings to the present. Baring witness to the victims of violence and drug abuse was one thing, but seeing someone whom you considered to be family on the other end of the barrel was mind numbing.

"Jo-jo…It, it's, it's been so-so, long." She couldn't think of anything else to say. It was almost two years since she last saw or even spoke to Jo-jo.

"Arizona, you look awesome, I can't believe it's really you in the flesh! Joanne must be fighting all the ladies off of you!" Jo-jo smiled between both women, both exes as a matter of fact. She was expecting the same dimply grin Arizona always wore but instead she was greeted with sour puss. "Did I miss something here or?"

"Oh, forgot to mention Jo-jo, Arizona and I are done. But I'm sure she'd love to fill you in on how much of an unforgiving, selfish, know it all bitch she is. Can't you Arizona?"

Red, that's all she saw. That's all she felt, was red. She closed her eyes again, Breath in Arizona, breath, deep, this is your hospital. Your hospital.

The tension behind that curtain could be felt from a mile away. And something needed to be done quickly to resolve it before it consumed everyone.

"Ms., I am going to have to ask you to leave this room immediately." Callie demanded she didn't ask. She stood a foot away from the dirty blonde.

"Really? You are going to kick me out?" She hissed back at Callie.

"Actually, I am going to kick you out. Had I known any of this Joanne I would have told you to pound sand at the ER door. Get the fuck out of my room. NOW!"

Both Arizona and Callie were taken aback from the sudden change of heart from Jo-jo. But this was G's older sister after all, and she probably would have physically made her eat sand if she was in the physical state to do so.

Joanne didn't dispute with Jo-jo. This was all part of a manipulative plan. When the visibly maimed and disoriented woman showed up at her doorstep this morning covered in blood she saw it as the perfect pawn. Bring her to who she wants, Arizona, pin Arizona and G against one another, and get her woman back.

"Fine. But Dr. Torres, just be forewarned Arizona is only looking for a good lay considering she's still chasing her Naval Surgeon dreams." She stomped out of the room after that.

Arizona looked like she wanted to cry from anger. How could it only be 10 in morning and she was already craving a double shot of tequila.

"Um, yeah…I'm going to go make sure that weirdo actually left. Jo-jo I have a few patients to check on then you'll be scheduled for pre-op. Call a nurse if you need anything." The Latina smiled between both women and left the room.

"So, who banged her first?" Jo-jo snickered. If she had anything in common with her sister, it was the crude, unfiltered, humor.

"Excuse me?" Arizona spat thru clinched teeth.

"Calm down Z, I was referring to you and my slutty sister. Don't think I forgot about all of your habits. But seriously, who was first?"

"None of your damn business. Jo-jo why are you here? Do you have any idea what the consequences from this will be? And who the hell hit you like that? And WHY were you with my ex?!"

It was hard for Arizona to be mad at this woman given her physical and mental state, but goodness, why did shit like this always have to happen to Arizona.

"21 questions? I like it Z! Well, I got knocked up by another kid in rehab and we got kicked out, umm five days ago? Anyways, I have no money and need my family. Listen, I've been clean for almost three months. I swear!"

"I hope you've been clean. You have another life to consider here Jo-jo. So what happened to you?"

"It was a scuffle, I was trying to sell a pair of earrings I stole from Macy's, and I got jumped by the guys. Total fucking scum bags. And I had nowhere to go. I can't go to the funeral home or my house, my family has that restraining order on me, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember."

She didn't want to remember that, but she remembered it clear as day. Her family essentially said she was dead to them until she got clean and stayed sober for more than six months. She collectively stole well over 50,000 dollars in jewelry and unknown amounts of money for her family through the course of her addiction. The end result was a restraining order for more than evident reasons.

"So, I was near your apartment building. I can't go to any hospital in this damn city without running into my family. And so I said 'Screw it, maybe Arizona is home. She doesn't have a restraining order on me' and low and behold Joanne answered the door. Last time I checked, you two were still together and engaged and happy and all that crap. I asked her to bring me to you because I needed help. I-I need to see my sister without her trying to strangle me or call the cops."

"And she said she would."

"And she did. I was a mess, she cleaned me up and calmed me down and brought me here two hours ago."

"And you want me to talk to your sister?"

"Please Arizona. I have no one. The baby's dad is back on drugs and his parents aren't any better. I-I can't do this on my own. I'm a fucking junkie for crying out loud. I have nothing."

"Jo-jo, you're sister, she's actually here right now…in the morgue. But, no. NO. I can't tell her you're here, YOU have to tell her. I cannot nor do I want to be near her when she finds out what's happened. She's not even going to be home that long, you know she's going on her fourth tour the end of the year right?"

Arizona tried to rationalize with the woman but she wasn't having it.

"Listen, your sister, if she loves you, she will help you. I know the rest of your family will be apprehensive at first, but I think if anything, your sister will help. Just talk to her."

"Talk to her? Arizona we both were arrested the last time we saw each other over five years ago…"

"Jo-jo, look. None of us wants to relive that night, but that wasn't you. That person, that monster, isn't you. The you that I know, is a genius, who speaks six languages and is a master musician. That's you. Just, look. I'll let G know you're here, because you'll probably be here for at least two days for post op and the baby. Just hang tight and don't do anything stupid okay? I have to go. I'll check on you later today."

She simply nodded sadly at the blonde. Arizona couldn't help but see the agony in the big grey eyes that she had once respected so highly.

XXX

It was eleven at night before Arizona could even breathe alone again. Being forced into back to back to back surgeries, she was spent. She still had another two hours on her shift before she had to clock out and go home.

She was sick with anger, grief and anything else that was a bad feeling. Aside from the drama that ensued that morning, her surgeries didn't go any better. She got her ass handed to her by a fellow for being 'too slow', watched a father of three flat line on the operating table and got the 'oh so special pleasure' of delivering the news to his wife.

Today sucked.

Top that all off, she got the balls required to talk to G about her pregnant and severely injured sister, neither details she mentioned of course. Only to be shot down immediately with the venomous "I have no fucking sister". Yup, that was the straw the broke the camel's back.

Today royally sucked.

So, she found solace on the roof of MGH. The night was bitter and raw, but she needed not to be in that hospital. Wrapping herself in her fleece Harvard jacket she fumbled with the pack of smokes before pulling a stick out, lighting it and inhaling the sweet nectar of nicotine. Edgy nerves began to dull as the toxic poison seeped into her lungs. All the bullshit of the day began to slowly fade away.

Gazing out into the city skyline, she watched as the red beacons atop each sky scrapper twinkled in the night. The sound of sirens echoing off glass facades and the occasional horn beeping. It was a calming sensation, the cool autumn air, the damp rawness, the sounds and lights that played a show only for her eyes.

She heard the door crack open and only assumed it could be one person.

"Theodora, I told you I do not want to talk and I am not putting out this cigarette." She spoke in a harsh, annoyed tone.

"Um, it's Callie, and wait – you smoke?"

Arizona could mentally slap herself right about now, this was not what she wanted to deal with. She spun around to meet the concerned looking eyes of Callie, she was holding two hot cups.

"Uh, yeah. I smoke whenever I have a crappy day or I'm stressed out. And lucky for me I've had a shitty and stressful day. Why are you up here? Who told you I was here?" Arizona did not want to deal with this, at least not now, she truthfully wanted the serenity of alone time.

"Um, well I wanted to see if you had a chance to see Jo-jo. Her surgery went well. And Teddy told me you'd be up here. I observed your last surgery but you stormed out of the scrub room before I could get down and congratulate you."

Oh yeah, that last surgery. A local drug dealer was stabbed five times in the abdomen for selling on the wrong corner. Five times. He lived. Arizona stopped every single bleeder. The drug dealer got to live but the father of three who happened to be in a MVA died. Where was the fairness in that?

"Oh, yup. It's great saving your local street pharmacist only to see a working father of three die five hours earlier. Just awesome."

She turned around again, pinching the bridge of her nose, sighing at her last statement – maybe that was a bit too punitive.

Callie rocked on her heels, completely unaware of the crappy day that Arizona had had. Which would explain the chain smoking on the roof and the ignored text messages throughout the day.

"I brought you a hot chocolate. It's kind of cold up here and figured you'd like something to keep you warm."

Arizona rolled her neck and flicked the second cigarette on the ground. She couldn't help but feel a bit guilty for her brutal tone with the woman, she clearly was only trying to help. She went back towards Callie and took the proffered beverage.

"Thanks." Smiling and taking in the aroma, she took a small sip and let the hot liquid warm her core.

"I'm sorry you had a shitty day. Do you want to vent?"

Arizona glared at her, she wasn't in the mood for venting or talking much at all.

"Well, um, I guess I'll be heading home. I'll see you tomorrow." Meekly smiling, Callie began her walk of shame down the emergency exit stairs.

"Wait! Callie, can you stay? There's a bench over there and I-I'd really like to spend some time with you. If that's okay?" Arizona couldn't deny those big chocolate orbs that looked at her in the saddest of ways. It melted her heart.

"Yeah, I'd like that"

The pair sat down next to one another, taking in the cool night and sipping hot cocoa.

Arizona spoke first, "So, how did Jo-jo's surgery go?"

"It went well, no complications. She'll have a metal plate and three screw in her forearm for the rest of her life but other than that she'll be okay. Did you talk to G about it yet?"

Arizona sighed, loudly and placed her head between her hands, "Yeah, sort of. She shot me down instantly. She said 'I have no sister' and stormed off looking more pissed than I've seen her in a long time." Her defeated tone encouraged Callie to press on for more information.

"I don't understand how you could hate your own flesh and blood that much. I get she had made mistakes but we've all made mistakes you know? Especially in their case, she only has her sister and now potentially a niece or nephew. Who wouldn't want to be a part of that?"

"A lot Callie. A lot happened. A lot of really crappy, shitty things that should have never happened did. And I don't know how I would feel if I were in her shoes. Jo-jo may seem all fluffy and nice now but she was in the darkest of places at one point and almost destroyed her baby sister in the process."

"It's still your sibling. I mean, I don't talk to my sister really anymore but I'd love too. She's my sister. Wouldn't you feel the same way about your brother?"

"Calliope, I'd give the world to talk to my brother even for a second. Just to make sense of the mess of everything. To calm me down. But I can't." She breathed in for a moment to steady her emotions. "It's irrational to want to give myself up for a moment of sanity. I really wish I could smack G and shake some sense into her. But I can't. I wish I could just say, 'you still have your sister, my brother is gone forever'. But I can't. It's no longer my place. I can't tell you how many times Tim and I have tried to re-unit them. But we failed. The bad blood between them can never be cleansed."

Whatever had happened in the past was clearly deep enough for others to feel. Callie could see Arizona's frame tense at the memory of whatever it was that happened. And she could see the age of constant loss engraved on her face. There was no need to badger the woman about it anymore.

"So, what's a mess then?" Trying to change the subject.

"Excuse me Callie?"

"You said, if Tim was here, you'd want him to 'make sense of the mess of everything'. No? So, what is the mess of everything?"

"Everything. It's just everything is misplaced."

"Well, why don't you start from the beginning? If you start from the beginning you'll see the end more clearly."

Arizona faltered for a moment, she sat up from her slouching position and turned to face the woman head on. She could see the genuine concern in Callie's eyes.

"Why were you in Richmond airport that night I saw you in the bathroom?"

"Uh, what?" Callie wasn't expecting this to be the beginning of her cleaning.

"I saw you in the bathroom in Richmond, Virginia. There was a bad thunderstorm. All flights were delayed. Why were you there?"

"My plane had mechanical problems and had to make an emergency landing. I wound up getting stuck there for five hours. Why?"

Arizona wanted to spill her guts out right then and there. Just come clean and say that when she saw Callie, that that was the happiest she had felt in the last week. She was the light at the end of her beginning, even if their encounter was just brief. She felt something mutual in that dingy airport bathroom.

"I saw you in that bathroom after the worst week of my life. I felt nothing. I left a piece of me in the ground in Virginia and I didn't turn back. I said goodbye to my best friend in life that day. I never thought I'd be able to recover from that you know? I still don't know if I ever will. But I couldn't think about that because I spent an entire day before the wake cancelling my wedding."

It was evident the range of emotion from Arizona's voice. What started out as grief and sorrow turned on a dime into rage.

Callie furrowed her brow together. "Your ring, I saw it, that evening in the bathroom. I assumed you were engaged."

Callie was cut off before Arizona could continue, "Technically yes. I was. But after I found Joanne sleeping in our bed with one of her interns I knew that was our end all. I kept my ring on so my parents wouldn't question me about it. They were already going through enough. I felt that springing my cheating fiancé at the wake wouldn't be the best choice."

"I'm sorry I accused you of cheating that day."

That was something Arizona was not expecting, but she took the apology, since Callie was slightly out of line. "It's okay. I technically did cheat since I still had my engagement ring with me." She laughed at the thought. Never would she have ever in a million years think she'd sleep with Callie's roommate. "I still can't believe I wound up with your roommate Meredith and you slept with my best friend."

"Please don't remind me I slept with G." Callie was slightly embarrassed by it. Granted it was just sex, it was also just sex with Arizona's best friend.

Arizona laughed again, "What, now you want to regret it? Too late for that Cal, she told me all the juicy details – OW – hey don't hit me! Hit her!"

"She'd enjoy that too much." Callie wiggled her eyebrows in a seductive manner.

"Oh god, TMI Callie." Shaking her head again, "So, I think I owe you an apology for Joanne this morning. She can be very impetuous and rude."

"Don't apologize for your ex. There's a reason why she's your ex." Callie turned to face the blonde again, it was a question she wanted to ask but hadn't had the courage too. Joanne's abrupt meeting this morning only brought it up again. "Are you really going to Iraq next year?"

She took a moment to answer, she wanted to study the reaction from Callie. She wanted to say it in just the right tone. For whatever reason, especially the women in Arizona's life, they all had an issue with her going to war. Joanne was vehemently against it. Her mom couldn't understand it either.

"Yes, I am…if all goes well this year and I pass boards, I will more than likely be in Iraq this time next year. I agreed to a one year deployment today pending all of that." Arizona was having a hard time seeing was Callie was feeling. She saw the wheels turning but didn't see the reaction she was expecting.

She expected the outburst; the questioning of 'why would you want to do that, you're on a path to become a world class surgeon'. Or the infamous, 'Joanne scowl', which consisted of several choice curses and slamming an open fist on a wall or table. The storming away which her mother had done so many times before.

She was met with none of the above surprisingly. Callie stayed silent as the night would allow. Her mocha irises spoke a language only Arizona could interpret. She saw what she wanted to see in so many lovers before her. Something she yearned for from so many woman. Something Joanne never gave her, Carli neither. It was a genuine look of assurance of Arizona's words. Mingled with apprehension and distress, sprinkled with some desire.

Callie didn't have the words to say how she felt. Terrified? Worried? Sad? Angry? Horny? Excited? Grateful? Instead of continuing her losing battle with the English language to find the perfect melody of encouraging words or synonyms of anguish, she hugged the blonde close her. She sealed the gap between two bodies and molded herself into the neck of naval surgeon. She wrapped her arms up around the torso and held her closer than she could ever in that moment.

Arizona mirrored Callie's embrace; nuzzling her nose in the crook of a caramel neck. Her arms tightly gripping onto the taller woman.

Dialogue was not required in that moment – it was obvious to Arizona how Callie felt because she could feel it too.

AN: As always, thank you for reading! I hope you're enjoying this story :)