I'll save my comments for the end.
In the meantime, enjoy my darlings.
Promises Not Made are Promises Never Kept
Flashback Ten – Fading
He opened his eyes to hear the birds singing, and smiled.
Rising into a sitting position, he rubbed his eyes and looked around, remembering that he and Haku had taken the bed the night before as he noticed the sun streaming out of the window behind him.
Such a silly place to have a window. No wonder this room puts Zabuza on edge most of the time.
He was alone, not surprisingly. Unless they were training first thing in the morning, Haku always let him sleep late. Zabuza probably only didn't throw his ass out of bed because of Haku's insistence.
Ha, thank you Haku.
Not quite yet did he move to get out of the bed. Instead he sat there, elbows resting on his knees, as he gazed at the opposite wall. For some reason, the soft, hazy spring moment instilled a feeling of quiet, bittersweet nostalgia within him, and he could only think about what he no longer had.
Sakura, Naruto, his teacher… he could barely remember what they looked like anymore. Sometimes, in his dreams, he could've sworn he saw images, flashes, that looked like them, but he couldn't really be sure. What did Kohona look like? He thought he remembered it clearly enough, but how could he be sure that that was what it really looked like?
He could remember his room like he had just left it that morning, though. And his mother, and his father. He could see them, clearly.
Or so he thought.
How can you be so sure? What is true and what has your brain created to make it seem less horrible?
After all, how could he forget so quickly? The place where he lived for ten years… after a year and a few months, how could it have vanished so fast? Like water through his fingers. He almost felt guilty for having forgotten. He wanted to remember, he really did.
But he couldn't go back. Not now. Not anymore.
Who am I?
Scowling, he lowered his knees back to the bed in a crossed position and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. In that moment, he felt emptiness fill his heart, and a feeling of great loss completely overwhelmed him. The question was shocking, raw and horrible.
Who do I belong to?
He initially asked that about the Lands, but once the question was there, it turned into something else entirely as two faces appeared in his mind. At their emerging, he paused, and lowered his hands into his lap as he thought.
Them. I belong to them.
At the thought, the realization, the admittance, he raised his eyes and stared at the opposite wall again in amazement.
Nothing else matters. Only they do. Only them. Everything else is… optional.
Before he knew it, a beaming grin broke across his face, and he chuckled hollowly, the happiness that broke through that icy crater his heart had fallen into after what his brother did melting away the chill so forcefully it was painful. He giggled harder, covering his mouth with his hand as his entire body shook.
He realized it now. Being an avenger didn't matter anymore. Being an Uchiha didn't matter anymore. Being a great ninja to gain respect and fame didn't matter anymore. He didn't have to be cruel or cold anymore to protect himself. He was safe now. With them, he could be warm again. Because of them.
Only they mattered. He would become a great ninja to protect them. To gain their respect. He raised a hand to his chest and settled his palm there, where he felt his beating heart.
I am not an Uchiha anymore. That red and white fan doesn't matter anymore. They're gone; all of them are gone. They don't matter anymore. It doesn't matter anymore. I am not one of them anymore.
He closed his eyes.
I am only Sasuke.
With the epiphany, wings sprouted from his back, and he soared away into the clouds as tears poured down his face, burying his face into his arms.
Any as his spirit flew into the clouds, that aching pain that had always been at the edge of his heart (the pain that crept up on him and reminded him of how truly terrible it still was during those dark cold nights of hateful, frightful dreams) faded, faded, faded into nothingness.
When he entered the main room later that morning, Haku and Zabuza were sitting there talking over a bowl of deer soup, and they both looked up at his entrance.
Haku blinked at him, setting down his bowl and moving to stand up when he saw the expression on Sasuke's face, but the boy calmly motioned for him to stay seated. Zabuza raised an eyebrow at him as Haku managed a weak smile.
"Good morning, dearheart," he greeted. "I thought it would be a good idea to let you sleep in after all the hard work you put in yesterday." He motioned to the food. "Would you like some food? It's quite delicious." When Sasuke didn't respond, still with that blank, almost deadly serious look on his face, Haku blinked and looked at him worriedly. Even Zabuza took his arm off the top of the sofa and leaned forward ever so slightly. "Sasuke… what's wrong?"
Sasuke closed his eyes, sighed, and took a very deep breath, his face still red from crying. Before them, he felt no fear.
Only freedom.
"I… want to thank both of you for everything you've done for me," he stated quietly, the world around them silent. "I hated both of you at first, for taking me from everything I've ever known, but I've come to realize something…" he closed his eyes and took another deep breath. "In order to gain something great, you have to lose something great. I lost my homeland, my team, my teacher, my master plan. Everything I tried to piece together after what happened was stolen from me when I took that headband from you. But I've realized that despite my best attempts, that's all they were. Pieces. Fragments. Nothing would ever be the same and I was an idiot to try to pretend like it would be. If I were to go back in time to that day, knowing what I know now…" he nodded slightly to himself. "I wouldn't change anything. I would still choose you. This is what I was meant for, and it took me over a year to completely understand that." Opening his eyes, he looked at both of them. Haku seemed to fighting back tears, and even Zabuza seemed a little moved, looking at him solemnly. "You two… saved me, and…" He took a deep breath. "I would like… to tell you about it now." He smiled weakly at them, and the next breath he took was shaky. "I want… to tell you about them. My mother, and my father, and…" his gaze steeled slightly. "…My brother. My village. My favorite memories. My worst experiences. I've been hiding myself from you like I hid myself away from my entire village, locked in my own personal prison and…" he shook his head. "I don't want to do that anymore. I want to be free."
There was no pause, no hesitation. As soon as he was done talking, Haku reached up and took Sasuke's hand in his, pulling him down onto the love seat they had recently acquired, so that they were facing Zabuza with the small coffee table in between them. He wrapped the boy in a hug.
"I'm so happy for you, my dear," he breathed in Sasuke's ear. "Finally, at last. Thank you, thank you so much."
For the first, honest time that Sasuke could remember, he wrapped his arms around Haku and gave him a hard, firm return hug. He could hear Haku sniffling with an attempt not to cry, and he smiled.
He had forgotten how liberating hugs were.
"Y-yes," Haku stammered as Sasuke released him, reluctantly letting go. Rubbing his eyes, he turned and escaped into the tiny kitchenette behind the loveseat to get Sasuke a bowl of soup and a cup of water, setting it on the table in front of him without actually looking Sasuke in the eye. He settled down next to Sasuke and took the boy's hands in his. "I've always wondered what it was like. The Land of Fire. I've always wanted to know more about your life and what made you… well, you." Raising Sasuke's hands, he kissed them. "Thank you, thank you for trusting us."
Sasuke only smiled at him.
I am not an Uchiha anymore.
I am only Sasuke.
"Thank you," he breathed back, squeezing the hands that held his. "So, what do you want to hear about first?"
I am only yours.
As he spoke with them, told him about his parents, his village, and about his horrible, horrible secret, his anger, his rage, his pain – all of it seemed to grow wings and took off, fading away. And as Haku cried, and as his crying made Sasuke cry again, and as Zabuza stood, kneeled in front of the loveseat and pulled both of them into his arms, his shackles faded from his being.
Finally, finally, finally…
I am free.
End Flashback Ten – Fading
I love this chapter. But I hate this chapter at the same time.
Tell me what you thought? PLEEEEEEASE? This was a really big step for Sasuke and I'm wondering what you thought of it.
LOOOOOOOOOVES
DDB
