05. Hair
He noticed she was not a natural blond.
He found it quite humorous actually since his nickname for her had been Blondie since day one of this shithole.
Her darker roots must have started to appear just before they left the barn and if he was being honest he had begun to notice a lot more about her especially now that they had gotten separated from the rest.
For one she was no longer the bubbly naive patsy he'd teased her about being before the reality of their situation had sunk in. She had been a walking ray of sunshine always interacting with his group even when her own group frowned upon it. Always trying to make them laugh with that stupid dance of hers and that ridiculous bubble gun she carried around with her. Even though the others had warned her not to bother with Dean due to his secluded character she still made small attempts to get him to join in. He of course would rudely decline but that never discouraged her if anything he thinks it only made her more determined to make him feel welcomed even if the rest of her group didn't share her ideas. He had to admit he admired that determination even if it was annoying as hell sometimes and he began to suspect she held some sort of torch for him not that he dwelled on it for too long of course. There were times he actually started to look forward to her daily visits and had to give her credit where it was due she had spunk and a hot body to go with it too. Except lately her demeanor had definitely hardened and the shock of losing Dana had to have been the tip of the iceberg, the proof of it being the scars that marred her wrists a constant reminder of her desire to give up. It was something he too could relate with when he had lost Solomon, his self-proclaimed 'little brother', to the walkers but he forced himself not to stoop even lower in the darkness there was plenty of it surrounding him as it is.
The same couldn't be said for her as Paige's frantic screams for help when she dragged out the bleeding Emma from behind the stables still chilled him to the bones especially since he had been the one to carry her barely conscious frame back to the barn. The tongue lashing he received from her later for not letting her die almost made him regret trying to help her but in the end he was glad he did, they had lost enough already.
Another sign of this new Emma was when he had been the one to tell her about Zack's death during their last supply run for the prison. Poor bastard got himself eaten alive because he'd been too distracted with trying to find something nice for Emma to 'bring out that contagious smile Paige always talked about' that he didn't even notice the walker creep up behind him.
She didn't as much as blink when he broke the news.
"Ok." She had stated before continuing on with prepping that night's meal leaving him more than dumbfounded by her reaction to her boyfriend's gruesome fate.
Now as they sat inside this empty abandoned house that was now walker free courtesy of their handy work the awkward tension between the two was growing even more obvious and uncomfortable as the sun started to set.
"You should probably eat something we still got protein bars left," was the only thing he could manage to say still uneasy around her.
"I'm not hungry," came her sullen reply as she continued to play with her hair looking out distantly into the open sky through one of the windows. He couldn't help but notice that a handful of strands had fallen and remain clung to her clothing a clear indication of her poor diet. He began to wonder if her new strategy was to starve herself to death.
"Look if you're planning to off yourself anytime I sure would fucking appreciate if you gave me a heads up." It came out more angry than intended but he was never one to hold back his tongue back with anyone and he sure as hell wasn't about to start now.
"Excuse me?" Her voice higher than before and this time he was aware he had her full attention now.
"I'm pretty positive you heard me Blondie I need to know if I'm protecting dead weight over here or if I should feed you to the walkers and just be done with it." He snapped already regretting the words the minute they came out but he couldn't help his growing frustration.
"Well if you do, you'd be doing me a favor I don't know why I'm trying anymore." Her Australian accent came out heavier when she was upset and he could sense her irritation.
Guilt ate him all of a sudden hating that he just further encouraged her suicidal tendencies.
"Shit! I'm sorry alright I didn't mean it but I'm just sick of your stupid ass pity parties because if you really wanted to die you would have thrown yourself at one of the walkers that we were fighting off earlier!"
Emma hated to admit it but the bastard was right. She didn't want to die, not really, even when everything she cared about was gone and lost she still couldn't bring herself to give up. The whole incident at the barn was proof that she wasn't ready, she hadn't cut deep enough and was more so angry with herself than Dean because she hadn't gone through with it. It's just now with losing Dana and Zack would it really matter to anyone if she did just happen to die out here?
"Alright fine I don't want to die but I don't want to live in this damn world either!" She almost shouted but refrained fully aware of the danger it would attract. "Either way we're fucked there's no winning, there's no bright side, and believe me I've tried to see it in other ways but you were right all along there is no hope."
She fiercely wiped at her eyes and marched out into the darkness and he was almost positive she really about to let the walkers have at her. Shit he really should keep his damn mouth shut.
"Fuck!" He yelled running after unable to let her go. He just couldn't because as much as it pained him he cared about her, a lot, more than he would openly admit and goddamn it he wasn't going to let her get away that easy.
"Blondie wait!" He yelled loud enough for her to hear and to his surprise she stopped.
She turned back towards him and even more surprising she flung her small frame at him and began to sob hysterically into his chest. He stood frozen with her in his arms completely baffled to how he should respond as he was never good with dealing with emotional women but she kept sobbing and clung to him tightly like she was going to fall apart if she let go.
Than without any warning Dean pulled her away from their embrace leaving her feeling self-conscious and mortified by her weakness. An apology played at her lips for her sudden outburst but it never came out for he had pressed his own lips against hers silencing any words. Now it was her turn to stay frozen but only for a few seconds as she soon gave into this comfort that she so desperately craved and let herself get lost in it. Dean gently played with her hair already hating the feeling of the few strands that clung to his fingers but he kept kissing her cuz God it felt amazing. Neither one realizing how much they had wanted this until they had finally given in and let themselves have it. She moaned against his mouth and hell if they weren't in the middle of the woods where walkers could pop up at any given second he would have taken her right there. Instead he pulled away from her once more and brushed away the few blonde hairs she had left to get a good look at her now flushed out face.
"You need to eat." He commented quietly as he slowly guided her back into the house this time he was the one that clung to her tightly afraid of her escaping on him again. She welcomed the embrace pushing herself closer to him. "Can't call you Blondie anymore if you go completely bald on me."
Than for a few seconds he was once again witness to the contagious smile she had once been known for.
