Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.
Thanks to those who are reading and following! Big thanks to Badwolf40 for the kind review :)
Heads up: There is some depressing suicide talk in this chapter.
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Sam wheeled himself down the hallway into the common space. His interview with Doctor Cooper had gone much better than he expected. Lucifer hadn't shown up to the party, so Sam was able to answer each question in a focused and calm manner. He left out a few details, told a few lies, and was sure to appear regretful about his behavior the night before.
Sam looked up at the clock. Only a few more hours before Dean could come visit and Sam could put his brothers worries to rest.
"You're Sam, right?" A lanky teenaged kid asked. He held out his hand and Sam shook it.
"Uh, yeah," Sam said.
"I'm Pete. You're my new roommate." Pete smiled showing off a mouth full of metal braces. "The nurses told me to look for a big guy in a wheelchair with a pink cast and you seem to be the only guy who matches that description."
"Yep…that's me."
"Cool, well if you want to follow me, I'll show you where we stay."
Sam nodded and turned to follow Pete.
"Ok, here we are." Pete said stepping into a plain room with two twin beds. "Nothing too special but it does the trick."
Pete sat down on the bed closer to the window.
"Uh, cool." Sam said.
"Yeah, well now you know where to hang your hat." Pete smiled then stood up. "So you want to head back out to the common room? I think there's going to be some kind of activity in a little while. Unless you have the morning group session."
"Uh, yeah I think I might. But you go ahead, I'll catch up with you later." Sam said.
"Ok, cool!" Pete couldn't seem to stop smiling. He waved and left Sam alone in the room.
Sam looked down at his bed and could already tell it wouldn't accommodate his size very well. But after a lifetime of motel beds he was used to that. Sam was about to make the move from his chair to the bed when a tap on the open door distracted him.
"Dean!" Sam cried out with a smile. "I thought you couldn't visit until later."
"Yeah, well what can I say? Those nurses at the front desk couldn't resist my charm. So how are they treating you here?"
"It's not too bad," Sam shrugged. "I'm ready to go back to Bobby's though. I met with the doctor on this level and he seems pretty reasonable. Maybe by tomorrow I'll be able to leave."
"Yeah," Dean scratched the back of his neck, "about that."
"What?" Sam asked. Fear was starting to creep into his mind.
"Bobby's still a little shaken up about what happened. It might be best to give him some space for a while. You kind of freaked him out." Dean took another step into the room and leaned against the wall. "What were you thinking man?"
"I," Sam was starting to feel the blood rush to his face. He should have assumed he would have to explain himself better. "I mean, it's like I told you Dean. Bad dream. I didn't mean –"
"Yeah, you didn't mean it. I get it Sammy. What I don't get are those cuts on your arms."
"I told you, those things, they bled into me. In my dream, I had to…I had to get it out." Sam looked down at his hands to avoid eye contact with his brother. "It was just a dream. I didn't mean…"
"Sammy, I'm your brother. I know when you're lying to me. I know you've had a rough go of it since the wall came down. You don't have to try to shield me from whatever crap it is you're going through."
"Look, I'm fine. Ok? I'm fine." Sam could feel his defenses starting to come up.
Outside of Sam's room Doctor Cooper walked past the open door, but stopped just past the doorway when he heard Sam speaking aloud in the empty room.
"You're on the psychiatric floor of a hospital Sam, you're not fine." Dean spat out. "I'd say right about now you're pretty damn far from fine."
Sam's breath was fast and he was trying his best to keep all of his tears on the inside.
"So why don't you try telling me the truth for once. Why were you trying to kill yourself last night Sam?!"
"You wouldn't understand," Sam muttered.
"What?"
"You wouldn't understand," Sam repeated, louder this time.
"Then help me understand, Sam. I'm your brother. I want to understand. I've spent majority of my life trying to understand you Sam. Trying to fix you. Trying to save you. I've wasted so much time…on you. Maybe dad was right all those years ago. Maybe I should have just killed you, saved myself a lot of heartache. You're a burden, Sam, and every year you keep getting harder and harder to carry."
"You're right." Sam said in a small voice. "You're right. I'm sorry."
"Yeah, well that's not going to cut it. Being sorry isn't enough."
"I know…that's why –"
"That's why what? You tried to kill yourself so you could show how sorry you are?"
"No I–" Sam said.
"Was it a cry for attention? Was I not already giving you all my attention?"
"No." Sam said louder.
"Then why Sammy? Why did you do it? Are you just weak?" Dean sneered.
"I just wanted to get out of this fantasy and back to the cage, ok? That's why I did it!" Sam blurted out the words before he could stop himself. His breath hitched and a tear rolled down his cheek. "I'm sick of watching Lucifer parade you around in front of me in this pathetic replica world he's created for me. I don't like it. It's not right. Cas is dead. Bobby apparently hates me. And worst of all, you are trying so hard to help me and all I can do is disappoint you. It seems like that's all I can ever be. A disappointment. It's just… it's too much. Ok? I just want to go back to the cage. I can take the physical pain. But I can't take this."
Outside in the hall, Doctor Cooper's face was twisted in confusion. He had only just spoken with Sam and made notes about his positive recovery path. Now, things were starting to sound pretty ugly.
"Are you hearing this Lucifer? I'm done. You win this round. I'm tapping out." Sam screamed.
Dean smiled and started clapping. Before Sam's eyes he morphed from Dean into the devil he knew.
"Bravo," Lucifer said with a sneer. "Maybe not Oscar material but you could at least win Peoples Choice Award for that little performance."
Sam relinquished his control and allowed tears to flow freely.
"I would snap my fingers and put us right back in familiar territory, but you didn't end the game yet. You got close last night, but you're just going to have to try a little teensy bit harder if you want to come home to the Big Comfy Cage."
With those words Lucifer disappeared and Sam was left alone, but not for long.
"Sam?" Doctor Cooper entered the room cautiously.
Sam's eyes shot up to meet the doctor's and he quickly wiped the tears away.
"I came to get you for your first group therapy meeting." Doctor Cooper continued, "Are you feeling up to that this morning?"
"Uh, yeah," Sam cleared his throat, "yeah, I'm fine."
But as he spoke the words a little voice in the back of his head told him otherwise.
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Dean popped up just a little down the street from the scene of the crime. He didn't want to admit how much he was enjoying the travel perks Cas had bestowed upon him. He didn't want to betray Baby, but it was so convenient to be able to zap here or there without traffic or parking tickets. Even thinking this, Dean felt dirty. He would have to drive over to the hospital later to make up for it.
"Agent Young, FBI." Dean said flashing his fake badge, "What can you tell me about this one?"
"Well, it's not pretty." The young deputy said, "I'm Deputy Williams by the way. I'm new to the force, so if you really want the facts you'll have to speak with Sherriff Mills. She should be right inside."
"Thanks," Dean nodded and headed for the bar. Once inside he spotted Jody right away. "Sherriff Mills."
"Ah, Agent…"
"Young."
"Young, right." Jody said. As she looked at the man before her she realized her earlier suspicions were true. This wasn't the doing of your average maniac killer. Whatever had killed these men was a legitimate monster. "You're welcome to take a look around. Just be careful, it's messy and…wait a minute. Your eye? Was it always…?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm a rare beauty what can I say," Dean said flippantly.
"Uhh, ok well if you need anything let me know."
Jody was right, the scene was a mess. Blood, body parts, and mysterious black goo. Dean sniffed the goo and instantly knew what it was. Leviathan blood. After taking a few more minutes to look around Dean returned to Jody's side.
"Do you have a picture of the missing bartender?" Dean asked.
"Not at the moment but we're in the process of getting one printed out so we can start a search around the area, see if anyone has seen him since the incident."
"Great, uh, send a copy to Bobby's when you get it would you?"
"You got it," Jody said. "Do you…know what we're dealing with here?"
"Unfortunately, yes," Dean said, "but at the same time no. We know what to call it we just don't know –" Dean lowered it his voice to just below a whisper, "We just don't know how to kill it yet. But we're working on it."
Jody nodded.
"We'll keep you informed."
"Do that…Agent."
"Sherriff Mills!" Deputy Williams called out. "There's been a report of a man found in the forest not too far from here. The woman who found him says he doesn't know who he is but he matches the description of the missing bartender."
"Where is he now?" Jody asked.
"Staying with a Miss Daphne Allen. She's the one who called in. Found him on her morning jog."
"Let's check it out," Jody said. She turned to Dean, "You coming?"
"Yeah, but, I'm gonna need a ride."
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