And I can't fall asleep without a little help
It takes awhile to settle down
My ship of hopes
Wait til the past leaks out
Terrible Love – The National


Stefan woke with a start. His brother was no longer lying on top of him and Stefan felt a chill from where their bare chests weren't touching. He saw the now familiar distraught expression on Damon's sleeping face, mumbling pained sounds instead of actual words that must have woken him. His hand brushed through Damon's tangled hair and nudged them closer together. Even lost in his nightmare, he followed Stefan's guiding until he was against his side again. Damon's head rolled over Stefan's chest.

"No, 's mine." Damon muttered.

Stefan's lips brushed against Damon's ear. His skin was clammy and his torso was shaking so Stefan rubbed his hands down his brother's body to warm him up. Stefan was so concerned. He didn't mean to peek, but flashes of something, blurred together and stolen from Damon appeared in an order Stefan didn't understand.

Not being alone. Armful of his brother being pulled away into darkness. Her wicked laugh dissolving in his ear.

Stefan pulled back. He wasn't sure he saw anything, but he felt the overwhelming despair.

"You're dreaming, Damon. I'm here. It's time to wake up."

Damon's eyelids fluttered as his eyes focused on Stefan. He smiled shyly, smoothing his hands over Stefan's face, brushing his thumb over the curve of Stefan's lip. "You're still here."

"Of course I am." Stefan said quietly as Damon continued his soft touches. Something about Damon's dream lingered, an unsettled feeling made easier seeing his brother smile. Damon had a really amazing smile when it was soft and genuine. "Where else would I be?"

Like flipping a channel, Damon slid over him, mouth hungrily brushing over his chest, his neck, and his chin. His hand slid down Stefan's cock, not just touching, but also taking hold with one firm squeeze before letting go and grabbing onto his hip instead. Stefan opened his mouth in shock but Damon filled in the space with nibbling lips and a slick tongue, more wet than Stefan would expect. The satisfied moan that escaped his brother's throat sent a burning shock straight to his dick and he countered it with a hip roll he could easily deny ever happened and a hitch of Damon's leg over his thigh that was not as easily explained.

It took a minute, about 59 seconds too long—and hours too soon—for Stefan to snap out of the kiss and pull back. What the fuck? Damon's eyes were open, although barely and he seemed intent on stroking his cheek along Stefan's arm, trailing lazy kisses behind him. It was the sweetness of it that confused Stefan most. "Damon, what the hell?"

With a dazed smile Damon pushed up, pulling his knees tight around Stefan's legs. "We don't have much time."

Stefan's mouth snapped shut because how the hell was he supposed to respond to that?

Well, he was supposed to tell his brother that this was sort of fucked up, even for them. Except that it was a different kind of fucked up, less for the soft lips and sleepy touches, and more for the shock of yesthisrightnowyes coursing through his veins that wasn't as strange as it should be. So he hadn't gotten off with Elena in a while because of this little sleeping arrangement. His dick was lonely. Whatever.

"Do you dream this often?" Stefan puffed out, frozen as Damon moved over him.

In response, Damon scraped his teeth along Stefan's chest, not breaking skin, but setting Stefan's nerves on fire. "I can feel you." He muttered before licking around the dusky nub of Stefan's nipple.

Stefan's eyes rolled back before he put his hands on Damon's neck and arched up into the heat of Damon's mouth. The part of him that wanted to give in, fuck, it wasn't new. But it wasn't fair. They had never been like this before. He didn't know what to do, except he knew Damon wasn't aware of what he was doing, and that was enough. For a split second it was easier to pull Damon closer than push him away, but he couldn't force his hand to obey either instruction so he held his brother there, melted to the spot Damon was sucking against his chest.

Instead it was Damon who stopped and leaned back out of Stefan's hold. He wiped the wetness off his lips before he looked up, bright with panic. "Oh shit."

Smiling weakly, unable to hide the hardness on which Damon was sitting with only a layer of boxers and sweat pants separating them, Stefan whispered, "Good evening, brother."

Damon instantly slid off Stefan's hips, and rolled into the side of the bed where he could bury his face in his arms. He let out a miserable groan Stefan felt in his gut and every argument fell away as Stefan reached over to comfort him.

With a soft grunt, Damon jerked away from Stefan's hand and rubbed his palms into his eyes. "I can actually taste you. Fu-uck, I'm awake."

There wasn't much more Stefan could add to that except, "Uh, yeah."

Damon looked up sharply, raking his eyes down Stefan's body to the bulge beneath his boxers. He paused for a beat, long enough for Stefan to see what he was caught on, before Damon rolled over in a blur and got off the bed. He stood at the windows, staring into the darkness with his back to Stefan.

They were both silent while Stefan waited for Damon to make the next move. When he finally spoke, he sounded so far away.

"What are my chances of us forgetting that happened?"

"Well, do you think it's more or less awkward than that morning you offered to jerk me off?" Stefan sat up and discreetly tried to adjust himself. He could still taste Damon. In fact, he could still feel the ghost of tongue against his lips and his dick seemed a little too excited about all the touching. It wasn't like Damon's hands hadn't been teasing him off and on most mornings, whether it was intentional or otherwise. And now he was thinking about hand jobs. Seriously. Fuck being seventeen forever.

He tried to laugh but faltered as Damon repressed another wretched noise. Stefan could hear Damon swallow hard but all he saw was the tilt in his brother's shoulders and the muscles in his back tremble. Stefan wasn't sure why Damon seemed to be stuck in stasis when he clearly wanted to leave. Or scream, or fight, or hunt, or... anything was better than standing there.

Obviously it didn't mean anything. The loneliness of Damon's dream had been awful. Whoever he imagined was beneath him had been some kind of comfort, and Stefan was glad Damon had that for at least a moment. His brother was torturing himself over nothing, and Stefan hated seeing the man so torn up.

"Damon, come on."

Damon turned slowly, eyes wide with that tiny crease in his brows that Stefan rarely saw. The one that said Damon was scared. Stefan pulled back the corner of the covers.

"It's the middle of the night. It's fine, okay? I know it didn't mean anything. Just get back in bed and get some sleep."

The hesitant relief that flooded his brother's face made Stefan feel marginally better as he lay back down, pulling the blanket over his waist.

Damon sat an arm length away. He looked small, vulnerable in a way Stefan didn't recognize.

With a soft huff Damon fell into the bed. He stared at Stefan with the kind of searching gaze that made Stefan nervous. Stefan wanted to do whatever he could do to make his big brother feel better. It was only a dream, right? He could ignore that the kiss had been fucking hot. He could probably ignore that he had definitely been kissing Damon back. He was not so sure he could ignore the fact that Damon had dreams about the two of them together—too caught up in wondering why.

Stefan observed Damon more carefully, noting the tension in his jaw and the edge of panic in his eyes. He had to do a double take, not just looking, but also actually seeing the shadows under Damon's eyes, the paler complexion; the lax features of an exhausted man. He didn't know how much anxiety or how many restless nights Damon was coasting on. Maybe letting him leave would have been better than trying to get him to go back to sleep. But it was Damon's bed.

"Damon," the name was heavy with unspoken questions, although he wasn't sure what they all were yet. It had pieces of I'm worried about you, and What the hell happened, but was mostly saturated with, Are we going to talk about this?

Resolve replaced whatever hints of honest emotion Stefan could see, and the little flip his stomach made was closer to relief than frustration. Maybe he wasn't ready to know. "Stefan," was the clipped reply, full of the only answer that mattered. No, we're not.

He thought he should say something more. If it were anyone beside his older brother, he would. But he was well versed in Damon's sarcastic responses to his concern so he closed his eyes and waited for Damon to go back to sleep.