A/N: Aaaaaaaand I'm back. That little hiatus was unexpected to me too. Life's a bitch. I truly appreciate all your support and feedback, it really does fuel me. You're still with me on this journey right?


Underneath the skin there's a human
Buried deep within there's a human
And despite everything I'm still human
But I think I'm dying here
Human – Daughter


Stefan was long overdue for a date with his girlfriend. Girlfriend. Elena. The girl he loved. He did love her, right? Of course. She was kind, clever, and beautiful. She was his girlfriend. She was his nice normal relationship, in a nice normal life. Because that's what Stefan wanted. The feeling of humanity. Not impossible, or complicated, or—well, he wasn't really the one to put moral absolutes on anybody, especially after everything he'd done, but still, the whole 'brothers' thing should probably be a factor—so, not entirely socially apprehensible.

Except…

Except he was dead. Technically. And Elena was still human, which made quite a few things complicated, and even more things impossible. Being a fucking parasite was socially apprehensible enough. And Stefan and Damon were terrible at being brothers. Also, fuck what people thought. As if their secrets were anybody else's business anyway.

Stefan needed to lie down.

That crushed expression on Damon's face as he left the room haunted Stefan as he ripped through the woods upstate. The need to dig his fingers into something and tear it apart beat against him. His anxiety made him dangerous so he stayed away from people and fed until his eyes ached from the swollen capillaries and his clothes were soaked with animal blood. Fuck the stains. Fuck everything.

He didn't know where Damon went when he ran out of the house. It was stupid how long it took to go after him. He wasn't used to chasing Damon, he was used to being followed. Even when Stefan couldn't see him, he always felt his brother in the shadows, not too far behind.

Stefan wasn't sure he could feel anything now. Didn't know if he could, considering how overwhelming the sense of loss was that filled him. Did that mean it was over? Even unsure about how he felt about Damon's admission, Stefan wasn't ready for his brother to be gone. Not again.

He stayed up in the trees through the morning, letting the stillness put things in perspective. The unexpected kiss had been sort of incredible. Thoughts and desires he buried long ago scratched at the surface. Things he wanted. Things he had convinced himself not to want, to not even think about. He was good at keeping that separated from everything else. Or he had been.

His mouth felt bruised with how hard Damon kissed him. It wasn't possible; he'd fed so much. His tongue kept dragging over his lips anyway. He tried to come up with hundreds of reasons it would be stupid to jerk off now. Just wrap one blood soaked hand around him, and shit—he was halfway there with just the thought.

Seriously, what did it even matter? He knew where his mind would go if he let the idea take over.

"Come back, Damon." He sighed, refusing to let the dam break behind his eyes. "Please come home."


Damon knew better than to go into town. The risk of finding someone that looked like Stefan was too great at the moment. His desire to feed off of someone, to fight them, to fuck them, or rip them apart would not help him now. The anger and disappointment, mostly in himself, would not be switched off.

His eyes hurt. So did his teeth. He took a swig straight from the bottle of bourbon, not caring how it ran down the corner of his mouth. The sound of the trees in the forest rustled his fear with each breeze. How could he have done this to them? Just how could he have been so stupid? He wanted the rejection he had expected to shake the feeling loose, let him put the desire behind him. Instead he felt the pressure of Stefan's tongue on his lip and he still wanted more.

Stefan would never look at him the same way. Not that he could blame the kid. But Damon did this to him. And then he left his little brother to suffer through the painful realization alone.

He was so tired.


By the time he thought about calling Elena it was after noon. He went home and tried to clean himself up, but being home, not knowing if Damon would come back left him distracted. He made sure at least his face was clean and nothing was stuck in his teeth before he put on something clean, leaving the blood-sodden clothes on the floor behind him.

Stefan was waiting for Elena in the Porsche by the time she got out of class.

She smiled as she got into the idling car. "So, am I officially dating the bad-boy drop out now, or are you going on extended vacation?"

It took a moment for him to hear her, but the words didn't line up into anything he understood. "What do you mean?"

She looked at him through slightly narrow eyes. "You didn't show up today. Or half of last week. I don't know if you made it to any of your classes before lunch the week before. You're here after school, but Alaric says you've gone over the limit of absences. Even by Mystic Falls standards."

Stefan had to think about it. It had been a while since he'd bothered with class. He told himself Damon needed his supervision, but weeks were flying by and Stefan still hadn't seen Damon sleepwalk. In fact, that problem had been almost forgotten. It had been so easy spending the time with his brother under the blankets every morning. Going out for breakfast, watching movies, hanging around the house. He didn't realize the days off had started outweighing the rest of his normal life. Was it so easy to let the days pass?

It could be leading up to something—impossible, complicated, all of it—unless Damon didn't come back. Then it wasn't anything at all. White noise rang in Stefan's ears until he noticed Elena's hand on his shoulder. They had already pulled into her driveway and he didn't remember pointing the car there.

Guess they weren't going out.

She looked around the car and wrinkled her nose. "What is that smell?"

"What?" Blinking owlishly, Stefan finally realized Elena was staring at him with concern.

"See?" Elena frowned, rubbing her hand with concern. "Even when you're here, you aren't really here."

"I'm sorry." Stefan replied lamely. He didn't realize how much everything was getting away from him.

"Forget it then." Elena sighed as she grabbed the door handle and started opening it.

"No, wait." Stefan reached over her and closed the door again. "Tell me what you were saying. Please?" He offered her a hopeful smile.

She stared back at him in sudden alarm.

"Stefan, your arms!" She exclaimed, wrapping her hands around Stefan's forearm. The sleeve had pulled up as Stefan was reaching over her, revealing streaks of blood that had dried to his skin.

Embarrassed, Stefan pulled his arm back, tugging his sleeve down. "It's nothing."

"Oh my god, is that blood?" Elena flinched at her own words, leaning back against the door so hard her head thumped against the glass. "What the hell happened?"

There was fear in her eyes and with it came a rush of mortification. "Oh, no it's nothing bad. I didn't mean to scare you. It's animal. I got a little carried away feeding this morning."

"A little carried away?" Elena repeated slowly. Instantly her hand found the door handle again. Discomfort replaced the fear, but didn't do anything to salve Stefan's shame. "You smell like a slaughterhouse and look like a skinned animal. I don't know how I'm supposed to handle this." She chewed her bottom lip, worried. "Is this how it's always going to be? Do you always have to do that?" She didn't wait for an answer. Just shook her head and opened the door.

Bitterness burned the edges off Stefan's hurt. "Do I have to what? Feed? Keep myself alive?" Staring at the back of her head as she stepped out, Stefan pulled the car into reverse before she could slam the door shut. "Why yes, disgusting you by how I stay alive is my new favorite thing."

Elena leaned into the window, smiling sadly. "I'm sorry, Stefan. I'm not saying you shouldn't keep yourself fed. I'm asking that you clean yourself up before we get together." She stood up, grabbing her bag out of the back. Still biting at her lip, she carefully avoided Stefan's eyes. "It's called a shower." She tilted her head with a half shrug, smiled wider, trying to make it all a gentle tease. "Try it tomorrow before the dance, all the normal kids are doing it."

Stefan never hated the word more than in that split second. He really hoped wherever Damon was, he was laughing his ass off.