Kate was at Sulgrave and on her way to morning assembly. She knew that if she missed the start, Caroline would make her feel like one of her pupils for arriving late.

She opened the door to the main hall and slipped inside. Her plan was to walk around the edge and take her seat at the front.The door slammed shut behind her and she winced.When she looked around, the room was empty.No chairs, no students, no teachers.Just her.Her footsteps resonated on the wooden floor as she made her way to the stage at the front of the hall.

Suddenly, the piano started to play the school song. Kate spun round and stared.There was no one there.Starting to panic, she made her way to the back of the hall, anxious to get out.

As she got nearer to the large double door, it started to get smaller and smaller. The closer she got to it, the smaller it became until it seemed unlikely that she would be able to pass through it.She stood gazing at it, the music from the piano getting louder, the walls closing in on her.She was trapped.

She squeezed her eyes shut and started to count backwards from 10, a technique she had deployed as a child when she was scared.

"3...2…1…"

When Kate opened her eyes, she was stood in the middle of a forest surrounded by thick trees and bushes. She had no idea where she was but she wasn't in the hall anymore and she no longer felt afraid.In fact she actually felt liberated and free.


When the nurse opened the door for Caroline and she walked back into the side ward, she had to breathe deeply and swallow hard to stop herself from crying. Kate looked beautiful. With the tube and the tape gone, she looked like Kate. She looked like she was just taking a nap and she longed to shake her and wake her up.

The nurse was still in the room writing in Kate's notes.

"How'd err how how how did it go?"

She folded her arms across her body and hugged herself. And then in a nervous reaction she brought her hand to her mouth and began chewing on the outside of her thumb nail,

"As we had expected. It is very normal for a patient to cough and splutter a little when we remove the tube, even if they are still heavily sedated and that is exactly what Kate did. We gave her a quick blast from the CPAP machine but she didn't need the mask on. Her sats haven't dropped and her blood pressure is fine. All the readings on the monitor are as we would expect them to be."

"That's great. It is great isn't it? So what happens now?"

Caroline walked over to the bed and stroked Kate's cheek with the outside of her index finger.

"Yes, that is a very good sign. She will be going for a CT scan later on today so that we can measure how much the swelling on her brain has gone down. And we are already reducing the sedation meds so hopefully she will start to wake up. So it is just a matter of waiting until she is ready."

"Really? You mean … really?" Caroline smiled properly for the first time in what seemed like forever.

"Really! I know that the last 5 days have seemed like an endless type of week to you but in terms of the injuries Kate has suffered, it is no time at all. It may be another day or so before she is aware of where she is and another 3 to 4 days after that for her to be fully awake and lucid. These things take time and in these cases, patience really is a virtue. Kate will do all this in her own time."

"Thank you. And believe you me, Kate does have her own way of doing things. Did you hear that Kate? You are getting better. That means that you can finally meet the baby, our daughter. And we can give her a name. I bet she already thinks her name is Flossie the way my mother and Alan speak to her."

She heard the nurse laugh and she joined in.

"I'll bring her down if you like. Give me 10 minutes and I'll see what they say upstairs."

"Thank you. They told me yesterday that she is ready to come home but I don't know. I mean it's not like I haven't got experience of a new born baby because I have. God knows I almost brought up both of my boys single handed while my husband was off, well, while he was off doing his thing, you know writing."

She paused.

"But, well with Kate being in here and her being so poorly I just don't know if I will be able to do it. I am supposed to go back to work in 9 days time week. I love my job but I just don't think I will be any good at it if my mind and my heart are somewhere else."

The nurse looked at her sympathetically.

"I totally understand. But you need to think about the baby now. She needs to be at home and in an environment where she can start to flourish. Her time at the hospital is finished. There are other babies that need the care and attention she has just received."

Caroline turned up the side of her mouth and nodded.

"I had never thought of it like that before. But put like that, yes, yes you're right. Everything is almost ready at home. I will just need to get some last minute bits and bobs. I could take her home this evening if the nurses in peads still want me to do that."

"I think you're doing the right thing, I really do. I'll get someone to come and talk to you."

The minute the nurse had gone, Caroline sat down heavily in the chair and leaned forward. There was no going back now. The baby was coming home. But she was coming home without Kate, without her other mum, and that left a huge cloud hanging over her head.


Her time with the baby was always special and she cherished the quietness and calm that came with feeding her. Long after the bottle was empty, she sat cradling her daughter, tenderly stroking her head and talking to her.

It was only 1030am but Caroline felt like she had already put in a day shift. And she still had so much to do at home to be ready for the baby. With much regret, she stood up and lay the baby back in her cot.

"Well my love, I need to go. I need to get things ready for this little one at home. I will be back later, I promise."

She leaned over and looked at her wife.

"You're very pretty."

She lovingly kissed her, savouring the taste of her mouth. She had missed this contact while Kate had been attached to the ventilator. Her lips felt dry and cracked and she walked over to her handbag and delved inside for some lip balm. Caroline applied the balm with her finger tip, delicately moving it around in small circles.

"There. That will help."

This time she planted a kiss on her forehead and reluctantly left the room, calling at the nurses station on her way out.

"I'm just popping out for a little while. I'm taking the baby home tonight and I need bottles and formula because we don't have any. Kate was going to breastfeed but I don't want to start expressing what with everything else that is going on with her. And we need smaller nappies because the ones we have are too big and what with the baby coming early and we need … oh we need, well we need a whole raft of things."

Caroline stopped and took a deep breath suddenly aware that she had been taking nonstop at quite a pace.

"Sorry, I'm rambling now aren't I? So I will be back later. She's in her cot. Fed, winded, changed and fast asleep. Oh, the baby that is. I'm talking about the baby now."

The nurse chuckled.

"Well I didn't think you were talking about Kate! And Caroline. Make sure you get some rest too. You will need all your energy if you are taking the baby home tonight. No name yet?"

Caroline shook her head.

"No, no name, not yet. I can't face the thought of naming her without consulting with Kate. She seems to respond very well to Flossie at the moment though."

The nurse laughed.

"I'll see you later if I am still on shift."

Caroline waved over her shoulder and left the hospital almost at jogging pace.


Her hands were full of shopping and she struggled to put the key in the lock and turn the large door knob at the same time.

"Shit."

One of the bags of shopping fell to the floor and she calmly dropped them all at her feet and turned to the task in hand. The door was unlocked and opened in seconds.

"Now why didn't you do that in the first place eh?"

Stepping over the threshold she turned around and bent over to pick up the bags.

"Is that you love?"

A familiar voice echoed from the kitchen and she smiled to herself.

"No, it's Attila the Hun come to seek revenge. Of course it's me! Who were you expecting?"

She walked sideways down the hallway with her huge haul of shopping and dumped it on the kitchen island. Her mother was at the sink.

"What are you doing here?"

She walked over and kissed her on the cheek.

"Oh I thought I would come and wash my smalls in your kitchen sink instead of putting a full load of washing on. Is that alright with you?"

Caroline raised her eyebrows and gasped.

"No it most certainly is not. You have a perfect …."

The look on Celia's face made her stop mid sentence.

"You're not really washing your smalls in my vegetable sink are you? Because if you were then I would have to …"

"Of course I'm not you daft bat. I'm just clearing around. I didn't get chance earlier."

Caroline sank in the large armchair in the corner of the room and kicked off her boots. She lay her head back and closed her eyes.

"You look exhausted love. You're not planning on going back to the hospital today are you?"

Caroline opened her eyes again and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Yes , yes, I am. I'm just going to have 2 minutes and then I am going to put this shopping away and then I, me, am going back to pick up the baby and bring her home."

Celia didn't need to ask if she was pleased about that. The smile on her face told her all she needed to know.

"Oh love. I am so happy for you."

"Thanks mum. We just need for Kate to get better and come home so we can be a proper family."

Celia put down the tea towel and leaned on the counter.

"You do know that when Kate does come home, she won't be able to do much for quite a while don't you? And when you go back to school, she will be at home all day on her own. You have thought about that haven't you? Me and Alan will do what we can but, well, we have our own lives and what with popping over to Halifax at every verse end, I'm not sure what time we will have."

Caroline looked at Celia from underneath her hand which was pressed to her forehead.

"Well, thanks for your support mum. Oh, you go ahead and shear some sheep and look after Calamity while I am here running myself ragged. God, don't you think I haven't already thought about what support Kate is going to need?"

Caroline stood up and started pacing the kitchen.

"There's no need to get snippy with me. All I am saying is that "

"I know what you are saying and if I am being totally honest, I would rather you not say anything."

Celia turned to leave. She threw her hands up in a surrender type gesture.

"Fine. You do what you want. You will anyway. I'm only next door when you want to talk about this rationally."

Caroline stopped and picked up a cloth. She picked up the knife block and started to wipe the kitchen counter where it was stood, all the while avoiding eye contact with Celia.

"I'm sorry mum. Don't be like that. I am going to speak to Gavin tomorrow and see what options there are at school. I don't think they will miss me if I take another couple of weeks off until the baby is settled and Kate is home. I am due some maternity leave anyway. I'll just take it earlier than planned. And I can always get someone in a couple of times a day to, well you know, to make sure Kate is OK."

"Do you think she will be home in that short length of time though love? You need to be realistic about these things. Kate has had major surgery, given birth to a little baby and been in a coma for almost a week now. And there is no telling when she will wake up."

She stopped what she was doing and threw her hands in the air.

"There you go again! I don't want to be realistic. I want her home, here, where she belongs. I want to wake up with her in the morning and go to sleep with her in the evening. And I want these things to happen next week, in a few days, tomorrow. I don't want to have to wait. And she could very well be awake now because they have taken out the breathing tube and they are starting to reduce her meds."

She sat back in the chair and leaned forward, chewing on her thumb and running her fingers frantically through her hair.

"That's good news love. I just don't want you to be disappointed when ..."

"I think you'd better leave now. There are things I need to do and places I need to be. Thanks for tidying round."

Caroline stood up quickly and walked the length of the kitchen. She stopped briefly in the doorway.

"Drop the latch when you leave please."


On the drive back to the hospital, Caroline reflected on the last 24 hours and the progress that Kate had made. She was no longer on a ventilator and she was hoping that the CT scan had shown that the swelling on her brain was going down. The wounds from where they had opened her up and stitched her back together were healing nicely and the bruises were starting to turn yellow and fade. However, she was still on a small amount of medication which was keeping her asleep and that worried Caroline.

Instead of being excited about bringing their daughter home, she was filled with apprehension and fear. It was not how it was meant to be. They should both be walking out of the hospital with the baby and settling her into their home. They should be taking it in turns to wake up during the night for the feeding and winding and changing. They should both be eager to put her in the new pram and push her down the street and show her off to everyone.

Caroline pulled into a parking space. Turning off the engine, she sat motionless, her hands at the top of the steering wheel. There was no going back now.