Kate was sat on the sofa, her legs stretched out on a footstool. The baby was in a Moses basket on the other side of the room fast asleep.

The door opened and John came into the room. He bustled around and crooned over the baby and then left without saying anything to Kate.Then the door opened again and Gillian and Robbie came in.They did much the same as John had done, leaning into the basket and speaking to the baby before they left.

When Celia and Alan walked into the room, they looked at the baby and then at each other, the love evident in their eyes

"Aww I remember our little Caroline when she was a baby. She was so unassuming and quiet.My, how things change!".

"Our Gillian was the total opposite. Loud and brash. She still is."

They both laughed and then linked arms and turned to walk away. Celia closed the door quietly behind her.

Kate tried to get up but couldn't move. Her legs felt like lead and she couldn't feel her feet.She tried to raise her hand to reach the TV remote but all she managed to do was move her finger.

Closing her eyes, she drifted off back to sleep. The baby would be fine.There were so many people around that would help Caroline look after her.She just needed to sleep.She was so tired, so very tired.


Although Caroline had only seen her that morning, Kate somehow looked different. She couldn't quite explain it but she looked like she was ready to wake up from a good nights sleep. There was something about her face that seemed more peaceful and relaxed than before.

She bent over and kissed her, inhaling deeply at the scent that she missed so much. More than anything, she longed to take Kate into her arms and bury her face in her neck. She gently hugged her shoulders and kissed her one more time before standing back.

"You look well. Well, as well as can be expected. But you look better than you did this morning."

She paused as though expecting an answer.

"I'm going to take the baby home tonight. I know, I know it's not what we planned. None of this is what we planned. But the nurses say she is ready to leave hospital. And I can't very well leave her here while there are other babies that need the care and attention and "

Caroline paused, this time not for an answer but because she thought she saw Kate's hand move.

"So I am going to get the baby and get her ready and then "

There it was again. She was certain this time. The index finger of Kate's left hand lifted up and waivered a few seconds before dropping back down again.

"Kate, can you hear me? You can can't you? Can you do that again for me? Can you lift your finger again?"

She stared intently at her hand, watching and waiting.

"Come on Kate. You can do this. I know you can. Lift your finger for me my love."

As she was staring, willing it to happen, the door opened and Dr Malik came in.

"Ah, Caroline. I heard you were here. Have you come to take the baby home?"

"Hmmm? Yes, the baby. Yes yes I have."

She was very distracted.

"Doctor, I think Kate can hear me. She just moved her hand, well her finger anyway. I know she did. It wasn't just my imagination. It wasn't was it?"

The doctor walked to the bottom of the bed and picked up Kate's notes. He started flicking through the pages.

"She could very well have heard you Caroline. We have started to slowly reduce her medication and bring her out of the coma. She is still in a state of unconsciousness but she will be more alert to her surroundings and to what is happening."

"So she is erm, she is, she is getting better, right? She is going to be alright isn't she?"

It was more of a statement than a question.

"You know I can't give you those reassurances Caroline but yes, all the signs are good. Kate is getting stronger every day. And the results from her CT scan earlier were very positive. The swelling on her brain is starting to go down and it doesn't look like any further surgical intervention will be needed."

Caroline smiled, picked up Kate's hand and brought it to her mouth, kissing it gently.

"Thank you. Thank you so much doctor. Don't move. I'm just going to fetch someone. I'll be right back."


Caroline had been standing peering through the window at her daughter fast asleep in the cot for almost 20 minutes now. Despite the excitement of knowing that Kate was slowly waking up, she was suddenly filled with doubt and fear about what she was about to do.

"You can go in you know."

The nurse startled her and she lifted her head and smiled at her.

"Oh, I didn't want to disturb her. Perhaps I'll just come back later."

As she turned to walk away, the nurse started to approach her. She picked up her hands.

"It's OK to feel scared you know, to question whether this is the right thing to do. I can't pretend to know what you are going through Caroline but all these feelings are normal for someone taking their baby home for the first time. It is a very exciting time yet at the same time completely overwhelming. These feelings will be doubled, trebled for someone in your situation knowing that your wife is downstairs in another part of the hospital recovering from an horrific accident."

Caroline attempted to smile and then her emotions took over her and she started to gulp air in, her chest rising and falling rapidly. Quickly gaining composure, she took one very deep breath and slowly exhaled, her cheeks puffed out, her lip pursed.

"I know. I'm just being silly I guess. It isn't as if it is the first time that I have done this. It's just not how it was meant to be. Kate had everything planned out. The birth, the outfit for the journey home. She had even decided what I would cook for our first night together in our house as a family."

The nurse started to steer her back to the window.

"And it can still be like that. You can dress baby in the outfit that Kate chose and go and show her how pretty she looks. And you can cook dinner tonight for you and, you and your son."

"Lawrence."

"Yes, you can cook for you and Lawrence. And you can take pictures and show Kate when she is better. Show her what the baby's first night was like at home. How well she settled and how much fuss you made of her."

Caroline gently touched the nurses shoulder and looked at her.

"Thank you. Yes, you're right. I need to do what Kate wanted me to do even though she can't be here with us. Right, I'll get the baby and then go and see Kate before we go home."

Home. She was taking the baby home. It was a bittersweet feeling but she needed to brush that aside and concentrate on the baby for now. Tonight would be all about her and the baby. Oh, and Lawrence if he could be bothered to come home.


Caroline cautiously entered the room, the baby sleeping in the car seat which she was holding in both hands in front of her. She wasn't sure what she expected to see but when her eyes adjusted once more, Kate was still laid in bed in the same position. She admonished herself.

"What, did you expect her to be sat in the chair reading a book? She moved her finger, her finger."

She walked over to the window and peered through the blinds. Something else that hadn't changed: the view from here. She had spent many hours leaning on the windowsill watching the clouds floating by, the changing colour of the sky, the hills in the distance.

"Well, this is it. This is us going home. This is me taking the baby home for the first time. How pretty does she look in her outfit? Just like her mummy."

She bent down and took her out of the car seat and walked over to the bed. She gently lay the baby on Kate's chest, holding her there with one hand.

"Say goodbye to mummy. Goodbye mummy. We'll see you tomorrow."

Picking her up and cradling her in her arms, she bent to kiss Kate.

"Good night. Sweet dreams. I'll see you in the morning."

She stopped at the door and stared until her eyes started to water. Blinking hard, she gently closed the door behind her.


It took Caroline about 10 minutes to figure out how to secure the car seat into the car. All the while, the baby was looking up at her, seemingly taking it all in.

"If your other mummy was here, she would have had this done in an instant. Oh, I am just no good with this sort of thing. Hey, I hope you're not laughing at me because this isn't funny. Not funny at all."

Finally happy that the seat was correctly fitted, she climbed into the drivers seat and closed the door, glancing over at her daughter.

"Right then, where shall we go? The seaside? To London to see the Queen? No? Shall we just go home then?"

Once she was on a straight stretch of road, she hit a button on the steering wheel and called Lawrence.

"Hi its mum. I am just ringing to tell you that I am on with my way home with the baby, with your sister."

Silence.

"Lawrence, are you there? Anyway, I'm cooking shepherds pie for tea so if you are free and erm and you haven't, well you know, haven't eaten, I just wondered if you would like to join me, to join us."

Nothing.

"So I hope to see you later. Bye. Bye bye."

Answer machines. She hated them.

At the other end of the phone, Lawrence hit the button to end the call and tossed his phone back on the settee. He was in the middle of a crucial World Cup final match on the Xbox and Angus was taking a beating.


Caroline set the car seat down on the kitchen counter and filled the kettle, putting it on to boil. Taking out her percolator she heaped 2 spoons of coffee into it and stood back gazing at the baby.

"So this is home. This is where me and mummy and now you live. Oh, and your 2 big brothers. One is studying very hard at university and the other is just studying. You are unlikely to see either of them very much. And you have already met Granny Celia and Grandad Alan. They live next door. Well they live next door some of the time. The rest of the time they are over in Halifax on a farm with lots of sheep and Gillian. Now she really is something else. Her heart is in the right place but she, well, she just has a habit of crashing through life. Oh and then there's John. You might see John. John. What can I say about him? Well, let me see. He was my husband a very long time ago. He is the father of your 2 big brothers. And he is a useless toss …" She stopped herself.

"Anyway, you don't need to know about him do you. Let's see what we have for tea."

She stuck her head in the fridge and rummaged around, picking up things and putting them back again. In the end, Caroline didn't cook anything. She felt there wasn't much point if she was the only one who would be eating it so she settled for a sandwich.

Once she had eaten and fed the baby she carried her upstairs and into the nursery. Everything was laid out and she placed her on the changing table and started to undress her. It was like riding a bike and in no time at all, the baby had on a clean nappy and a baby-gro and was ready for bed.

"Come on then. You will be sleeping in mummys room for a while. Don't get used to it though. This is a very temporary arrangement."

She moved the Moses basked to her side of the bed and set the baby down. Snuggling under the duvet, she picked up her tablet and started to read a book, glancing over the top from time to time to check on the baby.

Her eyes started to get heavy and she read the same paragraph twice before she decided to settle down to sleep. She turned over and closed her eyes, reaching out her hand and laying it gently on the baby's leg.


Caroline groaned and turned over and then she suddenly remembered. The baby! She jumped out of bed and lifted her out of the Moses basket, holding her close and gently stroking the top of her head.

"Shhhuusshhh. It's OK little one. Mummy's here."

She bounced her up and down and felt around the carpet with her toes for her slippers. Once she had located them, she slipped them on and with her free hand, she grabbed her dressing gown.

"Come on, let's get you fed and then we can both go back to sleep."

She crept down the stairs and put on the light in the kitchen, shielding the baby's eyes from the glare. She winced.

"Oooo, that's bright."

"Caroline."

She spun around and nearly dropped the baby.

"What the f …. John!"

"Sorry did I make you jump?"

"No, no, you didn't make me jump John. I always expect to see my ex-husband in my kitchen in the early hours of the morning. What the hell are you doing here?"

Her raised voice unsettled the baby and she started whimpering. John jumped up from the chair and kicked over an empty bottle of wine.

"I came to see Lawrence and he said you were probably in bed because your car was outside but he hadn't seen you. We got chatting and I had a drink and I guess that I fell asleep and then Lawrence must have gone to bed and gosh this is embarrassing. Oh, it's a baby."

Caroline's voice was calmer and quieter and she gently rocked the baby while she expertly filled the kettle with one hand and retrieved a bottle of formula milk from the fridge. So Lawrence had finally decided to come home.

"No shit Sherlock. What do you want John?"

"Nothing really. Like I said, I called to see Lawrence and wanted to see how Kate was progressing with the pregnancy and everything. And then Lawrence told me that Kate had had the baby and that, well things didn't go too well. Difficult birth was it?"

Caroline almost dropped the baby for the second time in 10 minutes. Was he for real? This was so typical of Lawrence. And of John.

"Yes John. Yes, it was a difficult birth. This little one was born by emergency c-section while Kate lay in a coma because some tossers decided to knock her over as she was leaving a shop. They threw her into the air like a rag doll and left her for dead. And I came home tonight after spending the whole day with her and brought our daughter home for the first time. And I am very tired and not in the mood for all this small talk and clap trap."

John stood awkwardly, his hands thrust into the pocket of his faded corduroy trousers.

"Gosh Caroline. I am sorry. I had no idea."

"And why would you John? Why on earth would you. You are a selfish, conceited, arrogant little …"

She stopped herself and picked up the bottle, testing it to see if it was warm enough for the baby. John was still circling the kitchen.

"So how's Celia and Alan? And Gillian and the rest of the gang over at the farm?"

Caroline rolled her eyes and tightened her lips.

"You didn't come here to ask about my family did you John? So why are you really here? Why don't you just tell me and then you can fu.. you can leave."

"There's no need to be so aggressive Caroline. We've all had a difficult few months by the sounds of it."

Caroline slowly turned her head and looked over at John. She remembered the man she had married and in an instant decided that he was nothing like the man stood before her. Walking over to one of the big arm chairs, she sat down and started to feed the baby. The was a long period of silence and John stood still and stared opened mouthed at the scene before him.

"How are things with you? How's Judith?"

John started pacing again, looking over from time to time at her.

"Oh, yes, Judith. Still at her sisters. I haven't seen her since she, since we, you know well, since that awful day. Obviously. Gosh."

"And you? How are you John?"

"I'm OK . Yes I'm OK. Well, I'm not but you know. I suppose you have to be OK don't you. You have to get on with things. She's very tiny isn't she?"

He wrinkled his nose and leaned over to look closer.

"Good God John. How much have you had to drink? You smell like a brewery."

She moved to one side, protectively shielding her daughter from him.

"I think you'd better go, don't you? You know how I am and you know how Kate is. Goodnight John."

Without looking up, she listened for his footsteps to move further away and once she heard the front door shut, she lay her head on the back of the chair and sighed.

John had done a lot of things but he had always been there for her when the boys were little. Not so much when they were older but when they were toddlers, he was a great father. Well, she perhaps wouldn't go that far but he was almost great. He didn't deserve what had happened to him but she could no longer feel sorry for him. She was starting a new life and she just couldn't see a place in it for John, other than as the very distant father of her 2 eldest children.