Over the course of the next week, Caroline expertly juggled being a mum to a new born baby and visiting Kate twice a day in the hospital. She also managed to keep abreast of what was going on at Sulgrave and made a huge contribution to a lengthy report seeking funding for building work. Her relationship with Lawrence was also back on track.
"Mum, can you have a word with Mr Richardson. The amount of homework he is giving us is ridiculous."
Caroline put on her glasses and wandered across the room to where Lawrence had somewhat chaotically spread his school books across the kitchen table.
"What are you doing? Oh, quadratic equations. Well, they're easy. Once you understand how to complete the square, you can then derive the quadratic formula. Divide the quadratic equation by a, which is allowed because a is non-zero. Then subtract c divide by a from both sides of the equation, yielding "
"Mum, stop! You lost me when you said easy. Oh I am so going to fail this exam."
Caroline ruffled Lawrence's hair.
"No you are not. We will sort this, trust me. I will speak to Mr Richardson and ask him to go through this step by step."
Lawrence groaned.
"I would rather stick pins in my eyes. Thanks but no thanks. I don't want to stop in his classroom any longer than I have to."
"Well, only if you are sure. I hear that Mr Richardson has a cracking taste in music and has all the latest Greenday CDs."
Lawrence raised his eyebrows and looked over at her.
"Really? Cool! I suppose I can give it a try. Will you pay me if I go?"
"I most certainly will not!"
Caroline smiled. This was the first time in ages that they had a civil conversation and hadn't ended up yelling at each other. And no one knew more than her how hard she had tried. For 3 nights running, she had cooked Lawrence's favourite meals. She never once asked if he was staying around to eat it, she just let the aromas drift out of the kitchen door.
On the first night, she was disappointed that she was eating alone. The night after, she was so angry that he wasn't home that she had thrown most of the meal in the bin. But on the third night, Lawrence wandered into the kitchen and lifted the lid off one of the saucepans, sticking his finger in and licking it. He closed his eyes slowly.
"Mmmm that tastes so good. Will there be enough for me?"
Caroline was stood at the kitchen sink with her back to him.
"Of course there is. Are you sure you have enough time to sit down at the table and eat it?"
"Yes. I don't have any plans tonight."
The conversation over dinner was very pleasant and Caroline caught up with what Lawrence had been doing at school. She really missed the small talk about who had said what to who and her eyes lit up as smiled across the table at her son.
"What's wrong with you?"
"Me? Nothing. It's just that, well, I have missed this. You and me."
She reached her hand across the table and touched Lawrence's fingertips. He left his hand there for a short time and then moved it away. He placed both hands on his lap and started playing with his fingers.
"I'm sorry mum."
Caroline put her fork down quietly. She took the napkin from her lap, delicately wiped her mouth and looked over at him, waiting for him to continue. The silence made him feel awkward.
"What? I am sorry. I have been such an arse lately. A spoilt, selfish arse."
Caroline opened her eyes wide.
"No shit Sherlock. Oh, I'm sorry. What made you, erm when did you realise that?"
They exchanged a knowing look at each other.
"The other night when I stayed over at dads and Judith started going on at him because he wouldn't let her have another glass of wine. He kept saying it was for her own good and that it would hurt the baby. And she said she never really wanted the baby in the first place. And then he said that she would make a bad mother because she was lazy and dirty and the flat was a mess. It was horrible mum. And then I thought about what you are doing here with the baby, with Flora, and looking after me and keeping an eye on granny and visiting Kate. And you don't complain at all, not really. And the house isn't messy, other than my room."
Caroline pushed herself away from the table and walked over to the fridge. Her eyes were filling up with tears and she was on the verge of having a melt down. This was not something that she wanted Lawrence to witness.
"Thank you. Thank you for saying that. It really means a lot to me. Urm, we have cake and ice cream for dessert. Have you got room left?"
"Have I! Perfect. Thanks mum."
"Are you sure you will be alright with Flora while I go and see Kate?"
Lawrence looked up from the TV.
"Yeah. She's asleep isn't she and this walky talky thing will let me know if she wakes up."
"It is a baby monitor. And yes, you will hear her on that. But don't go racing upstairs as soon as she whimpers. Leave her a bit because she might fall back to sleep. Granny is only next door if you need her."
"Will I still get paid though if I have to go and get granny round to help?"
Caroline rolled her eyes and placed her hands on her hips.
"Yes, yes you will. Lawrence, Flora is your sister. You should be doing this for free."
"Technically she is …."
"Technically, I need to leave or visiting time will be over before I even get there."
She kissed the top of his head.
"Ring me if you need me. Bye. Bye bye."
Elizabeth was on the phone as Caroline walked past the desk and she smiled at her and waved enthusiastically. Her concentration lapsed as she watched her strut down the corridor and she found herself having to ask the caller to repeat himself.
Caroline opened the door quietly so she wouldn't disturb Kate if she was sleeping. She walked in smiling, looking straight over to the bed. It was empty. A fear gripped Caroline's chest and she struggled to breath. Her legs started to tremble and an animal like sound escaped from her mouth. She turned quickly to leave the room.
"Hello."
The voice stopped her in her tracks. As she turned to where it was coming from, she suddenly felt foolish. Kate was sitting in the high back chair near the window, wrapped in her dressing gown with a book on her lap.
"Oh my God Kate. I thought that you were, that you had, oh"
She flew over to the chair and dropped to her knees. Reaching out for her hands, she took them in her own and held them to her face, turning her head to kiss her fingers.
"Caroline, are you alright?"
Kate was bewildered.
"I am now. For a while, for a short while I thought … oh never mind what I thought. What are you doing sitting there, in that chair?"
"It's what people do. People sit in chairs and read books."
Caroline smiled and got up off the floor. She bent to kiss Kate, taking her time, her eyes closed. It seemed like so long ago that had held her in her arms and she longed to feel the closeness of her body once more.
"I know. I just never expected it. You look so well, so good, so pretty. How are you feeling?"
Kate went to stand up and Caroline moved forward to help her.
"A bit tired now if I am being honest."
As Kate stood to full height, she stumbled a little and Caroline instinctively wrapped her arms around her.
"I'm here. I've got you. Always."
At that moment, the door opened and Elizabeth walked in. She stopped in her tracks and watched the two women. The relationship they had was so special and she was almost envious.
"Not interrupting anything am I?"
Kate and Caroline laughed in unison.
"No, not at all. I'm just putting this one back to bed. It seems that she can't stand the exciting life she leads."
Holding hands, they walked slowly over to the bed and Caroline gently supported Kate as she sat on the bed.
"Better?"
"Much. How long will I feel like this Elizabeth? I just want to go home."
Elizabeth sat on the bed at the side of her and took hold of her hand.
"I know you do but you need to get stronger first. You're tiring so quickly because you aren't used to doing anything. You have been laid in bed for the last 3 weeks recovering from your accident and your operations. Tomorrow, you will be starting gentle physiotherapy and getting used to moving around again. The muscles in your legs are weak because you haven't used them. Once we are confident that you are able to look after yourself and you ae stronger we will talk about letting you go home."
"Be patient love. You have come such a long way in such a short space of time. You need to remember that. You were unconscious for 5 days after the accident. That's a big thing to overcome."
Caroline looked concerned.
"I know but I just want to go home to you and Flora. How is Flora? Is she with Celia?"
"No. Lawrence is looking after her."
Kate's head moved quickly and she looked straight at Caroline.
"No, really, where is she?"
"She is with Lawrence. I just said."
"You're being serious aren't you?"
Caroline placed her hands on her hips and stood in a defensive stance.
"Yes, totally serious. He has changed Kate. I mean really changed. You just wait until you see him. He is sorry for his behaviour and he just wants a chance to prove that."
"And you gave him that chance by leaving him alone with the baby?"
"He's hardly alone Kate. My mother is just next door. Flora will be fine."
Elizabeth was still holding Kate's hand and she snatched it away.
"I'm tired now. I just want to go to sleep."
Elizabeth stood up and helped Kate into bed, pulling the covers up over her. Sensing that things were about to get a little fraught, she made to leave.
"Have you got everything you need?"
"Yes thank you Elizabeth."
She touched Caroline's arm reassuringly and left the room.
"Kate, please. Don't be like this. You don't think I would leave the baby with Lawrence if I didn't think he could cope do you? Besides, she is fast asleep in the nursery."
Kate didn't answer and petulantly turned over, her back to Caroline.
"Kate."
She didn't answer and Caroline stood for a moment, unsure of what to do. Fighting back the tears, she quietly left the room and slowly walked down the corridor.
Elizabeth walked from behind the desk to meet her.
"Have you 2 settled your differences?"
Caroline shook her head.
"He won't let anything happen to the baby you know. He really is a sensible boy. I wouldn't leave Flora with him if I thought he wouldn't take good care of her. You know that don't you Elizabeth."
Sensing she was upset, Elizabeth gently stroked her upper arm.
"Of course I do. You need to remember that Kate will be feeling left out of Flora's life at the moment. She wants to be at home with her but she can't. She will be feeling almost jealous of you, of the relationship you are building with your daughter. And to hear that you have left her with Lawrence will be the last straw for her. She won't stay angry for long. She loves you Caroline and you love her. I can see that, anyone can. You really do have a special relationship, one that you need to cherish."
Caroline looked at her.
"I know. I really am lucky to have Kate. I was never, you know, I haven't always been err I was married once. To a man. To John. What a useless tosser he turned out to be."
Elizabeth laughed.
"I know. You've said. More than once."
"Have I? Oh, I'm sorry."
"Don't apologise. It doesn't matter who or what you are. You and Kate are married now and you have Flora and William and Lawrence. And you are very much in love. You don't see that too often. Now go back in there and make it up with her. My mother used to tell me to never let the sun go down on an argument. And she is right."
She almost shoved Caroline back the way she had just come.
"Go on. You'll only regret it if you don't."
Kate was sat up in bed when Caroline entered the room. She put her book down and looked at her.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too."
Kate moved over and patted the bed at the side of her. Caroline dropped her bag on the chair and sat on the bed, leaning into Kate.
"He won't let …"
Kate put her finger on Caroline's lips.
"Ssshhhh. Don't. I know. I know that he will take good care of her. I'm just angry that it isn't me. I should be the one at home listening for her, waiting for her waking up for a feed."
She shifted her weight onto her side, grimacing slightly, and faced Caroline. Slowly, her left hand moved up her arm and stroked her neck. Caroline groaned.
"Kate, stop. Do you know the effect you are having on me? I might not be able to stop myself."
"How do you know I want you to. God Caroline, I have missed you so much. Missed your touch and your taste and your smell. Missed your arms around me, your soft breath on my face in the middle of the night. I think I might go mad if I have to stay here much longer."
Caroline cupped Kate's chin and tenderly kissed her. Her tongue slipped between her lips and she savoured the moment, starting to explore her with her hands. She knew she had to stop and she reluctantly pulled away and put her hand on the back of Kate's head, pulling her into her chest.
"I know. Me too. But you need to get better, stronger. I need you home just as much as you want to come home but you need to be ready."
"It's just so damn hard though."
"I know it is. You just need to do as you are told, if that is at all possible. Now get some sleep. You look exhausted."
She kissed her again and hugged her close. Kate held her hand while Caroline stood up. She grudgingly let go.
"Night night. Love you."
Kate blew a kiss.
"Love you more."
"Sorted?"
Elizabeth stood up and took her cardigan from the back of the chair. She draped it around her shoulders.
Caroline nodded. She was smiling but she looked weary.
"Yep. Thank you Elizabeth. Thank you for encouraging me to go back in there."
"You are very welcome. I'll walk out with you if you can wait a while. My shift has just finished."
Caroline put her bag on the desk and leaned on her elbow. She waited while Elizabeth tidied away her papers. She looked younger than her 49 years and Caroline she found herself wondering whether her hair was natural or whether she dyed it.
"I just need to change. 2 ticks."
Elizabeth emerged from the changing rooms in a pair of jeans and a checked shirt. Her long brown hair which she always wore in a twisted bun was loose and curly, falling on her shoulders and framing her face. Caroline wasn't used to seeing her in anything but her dark blue uniform and she liked her style. She admired her loafers and gave a small nod, almost approvingly.
The two linked arms and they walked out towards the car park. Over the past few weeks, they had become fast friends and Caroline was very comfortable with her. In the small hours of the morning, when Caroline was at her lowest and Kate was at her most critical, she had really opened up to Elizabeth and shared her deepest thoughts and fears. They had covered some very eclectic topics from favourite foods to where they had travelled. Caroline had a feeling that their friendship would continue long after Kate had left the hospital.
"I'm glad you've patched up your differences. Life is too short. You wouldn't believe how many screwed up relationships and families I come across in this job. Even mine seems normal by comparison."
Caroline looked surprised.
"What do you mean? You and Dan are happy together aren't you? Benjamin and Samuel are healthy and happy and thriving aren't they? He can't be that bad, surely?"
Now Elizabeth was the one to look surprised.
"Who can't be?"
"Dan! You always speak highly of him. Well most of the time anyway."
"Dan isn't a he Caroline. Dan is short for Danielle."
Caroline suddenly became aware that she looked very stupid, standing there with her mouth open and her eyes wide. How could she not have picked up on that? How could she possibly not know that Elizabeth was gay?
