Hi everyone! Chapter 25! My chapters are bigger and bigger each time! I know some of you might like it more like that! I hope you'll like this chapter. More are coming soon, yet don't forget to review this one!
Don't ask me to choose
It was around 8 and Alexandra started her work at 9. Lucas, as usual, had already gone to the lab. Alexandra had woken up with a lot of questions in her minds, and of course, she had no answers to them. She decided to go and think where she used to in the past: the grove. She was laying on the ground, her feet in the air against a tree trunk when Damon came to her.
"Dreaming?"
"Thinking."
"Can I join you?"
"Sure." He lied down next to her in the same position. Damon didn't say a word, waiting for her to talk. He knew she would eventually, when she was ready. They stayed a moment in silence before Alexandra spoke again. "Have you ever been in love?" Her question startled him.
"Once," he confessed.
"What happened?"
"She left me."
"I'm sorry," she said, truly sad for him. "Why?"
"Because of my job. I was always gone. She was sad and felt lonely at home. We divorced only one year after our wedding."
"You've been married?" Alexandra was stunned. She turned her head to look at him, her eyes wide open. "You never mentioned that!"
"We were young, we thought it was a good idea at the time. Emily wanted us to be a real couple, if you know what I mean."
"Do you think she'd still be with you if you had stopped being a soldier?"
"Maybe, maybe not. But I'm a soldier. It's who I am. It's not only a job, it's a part of me." Damon turned his head to face her. She seemed to deliberate in her head, thinking about what he had just said. "Why are you asking that anyway?" She started to look at the sky again. Damon imitated her.
"I was wondering… Do you think someone can love you, truly love you, and not be able to say it? Say the 3 words I mean."
"I guess it depends of who we are talking about." He gave her a quick glance and noticed she was still staring at the sky, like she was lost in her thoughts, more talking to herself than to him. "But if it was me, I could say those 3 words to the woman I love. Because when it's the right one, it becomes really easy to say it. It feels normal."
"Was it easy for you and Emily?"
"It's a bit different, we were young, we didn't really know what it meant. But yes, we used to say it to each other all the time."
"But yet you're not together anymore?" It was not really a question, more a statement. She turned her head to see him. He looked sad. She felt suddenly guilty about reminding him of those bad memories. It was selfish to talk to him like that, hurting him on purpose. "Thank you."
"For what?" He turned his head back to her.
"For not asking," she smiled lightly.
"You're welcome," he smiled lightly too. They looked at each other deeply, both lost in the other's eyes. Alexandra liked Damon, and his beautiful blue eyes were full of kindness, tenderness and goodness, every part of him reflected how much of a good person he was. He seemed so sad, she wanted to hug him, but at the same time she didn't. It was not serious, he was a friend, Lucas was the only one she should want to hug that way. She felt confused by her thoughts, it didn't sound like her to think like that of Damon. She knew she liked him a lot, but there was nothing more. At least, nothing more in the past.
"What's the plan for today?" She changed the subject.
"We are going out today! We need to secure a perimeter, not far away from the colony."
"I should go back home and get changed then. I'll see you at 9?"
"Yeah. See you."
Alexandra came back home and let a shriek escape when she bumped into Lucas in the house.
"Oh my god you scared me!"
"Sorry," he chuckled, he was clearly not sorry.
"Why are you here? Is there something wrong?"
"Nope," he replied casually. "Where were you?"
"Outside, I needed some fresh air. Why are you here anyway?" She asked, suspicious.
"I wanted to see you before you left. I wanted to give you this," he said as he showed her what he was hiding behind his back.
"Flowers?"
"For the most beautiful flower of the world," he joked.
"You're very funny Taylor!" She laughed, putting her arms around his neck before kissing him. "Wait, don't guys give flowers to their girlfriends to be forgiven for having cheated?"
"Naahh, rumors, only rumors," he chuckled. He looked at her beautiful dark blue eyes and smiled. "It's only because you deserve it. I wanted to thank you for yesterday."
"You're welcome. I'm glad you like the photo."
"I was talking about the stripping!"
She smacked the back of his head. "Stupid!"
"Wow, that hurt!"
"Yeah, it's only because you deserve it," she mimicked him.
"Fair enough," he kissed her gently. "Thank you for the photo. I really appreciate it."
"You're welcome. You know it's funny because even if you look like your father in most ways, you have something of your mother and it suits you."
"My mother was perfect. Must be that you're talking about, right?"
"Of course, and the fact that she was beautiful too," she mocked.
"Exactly," he smirked. "You remind me of her in many ways too."
"Really?" She asked, surprised, arching her eyebrows.
"She was really generous, altruist, and she knew how to be with me so I would be gentle. She was a really good person." It saddened Alexandra to hear that, even if she knew it was his way of saying how good she was to him, he missed his mother a lot and that was not something she could replace.
"Your mother seemed to be a really good person. I would have liked to have known her."
"I'm sure she would have liked you," he stated, pushing one of the locks of her hair behind her ear, staring intensely at her. She smiled and kissed him, pouring everything she had into it, proving him how much he meant to her. He tightened his embrace to bring her as close as possible to him. She was the first to break their kiss.
"Even if I really like to be in your arms, I have to get changed. I have a job waiting for me."
"What are you doing today?"
"Just a perimeter to secure, you know, just to be sure there are no Sixers or any of the Phoenix group left near our colony."
"OTG huh? Don't really like the idea."
"I'll be fine," she kissed him quickly. "I always know how to find my way back, remember?" She teased him, before going to their bedroom to get changed. Lucas went back to the lab, a bit worried about her going OTG. It was a normal reaction, though. He knew how dangerous the jungle could be. He would have to talk about that with her later, he didn't like to worry about her all the time. Yet, it had always been like that with her, since the first day they met he had been worried about her. The difference was that now, they were not in the jungle anymore and yet she was pushing herself in front of the danger. They really should talk about this one day. Alexandra left the house, her heart suddenly lighter. She made a promise to herself, she had to give Lucas more credits, she had to stop being so girly about how love should be, how he should be. It was not a movie, this was real life. She had to stop focusing on what was wrong and start to appreciate what was good. He was kind and generous with her, he was smart and really sexy, and he made her laugh, it meant a lot to her. She reached the headquarters and joined Damon next to the desk, smiling.
"You're more cheerful than earlier, aren't you?" He gave her a bright smile.
"Yep!" She beamed.
"Good. We are leaving in 5 minutes."
"I'll drive." She stated.
"No you're not."
"Come on, don't macho me! You know I'm a better driver."
"Alex, I drive, you watch. End of discussion."
"Ah sorry, so this is the lieutenant speaking. I apologize sir," she mocked.
"Ah stop it!" He smacked her lightly, grinning.
"Hey children!" Taylor stopped them, giving them a warning glance. "Don't you have somewhere to go?"
"Yes commander," Damon said firmly. Alexandra was behind Damon, grinning at Taylor.
"Lieutenant, give us a minute please."
"Yes sir," he answered, walking outside, yet waiting at the door.
"How did it go?" Taylor asked to Alexandra.
"Perfectly," she smiled at him.
"Good. Very good," he smiled too. He had been very worried when Alexandra had asked him a photo of Ayani and Lucas for his birthday. He wasn't sure how Lucas would react. Yet, he had been really proud of her because she had had the courage to ask him something so personal and it meant a lot to him. He really liked Alexandra and she was the best thing that had happened in Lucas' life for long time.
"Thank you again," Alexandra really meant it. She knew it was probably hard for Taylor to give her a photo of his wife when he only had a few of them.
"No, thank you."
"I thank you, you thank me, we thank each other. I guess we're both satisfied?" She joked.
"Go!" He commanded her, a smile spreading on his face.
"Yes sir!" She replied, joining Damon at the door.
"So, what did you do again?" He mocked.
"Me? Nothing! You're the only one I have problem with!"
"You're the one I have problem with!"
"No you are!"
Taylor chuckled as they left, still bickering. The two of them were a good pair. He was glad he had them on his side. Damon and Alexandra were in a car followed by two others. Damon was driving, Alexandra talking, as usual.
"You know what's missing in this car?"
"No, but I'm sure you're gonna tell me!"
"Exactly, let me tell you something you don't know! We miss the radio."
"We've got a radio."
"No, I mean a real one. The kind of radio you can listen to music with."
"Like what?"
"I don't know... Hmmm… Like a funny and lively one, like Good Feeling!"
"Good feeling? What kind of song is that?"
"It's about hopes and dreams, you know when you wake up one morning and you're sure it's gonna be a good day?"
"I got a good feeling?" He chuckled. "Right, I understand." He smiled at her. He definitely thought she was funny. Of course, she would talk all the time about everything, yet he didn't care. Her life was totally different from his and it was nice to have some fresh air in his life.
"Damon, watch out!" She suddenly screamed. A nykoraptor ran into them, throwing the car in the air. The violence of the shock catapulted Damon against Alexandra. Damon's weight multiplied by the power of the accident cut off her breathing. The car stopped abruptly in falling to the ground.
"Damon…Damon, are you alright?" She stammered.
"Yeah," he mumbled. "You?"
"Yeah I'm fine."
"Can you see it?"
"No, I think it's gone." She answered, looking around them.
"Alex, you're bleeding!" Alexandra looked at her shirt, there was blood on it.
"It's not mine, it's yours," she stated. "Your head punched in my stomach during the shock."
"Does it hurt?"
"I'm stronger than that," she smiled.
"Alex!" He said, worried.
"I'm ok. Don't worry. You are the one who's bleeding." The two other cars that were following them arrived to rescue them. "And you should be more worried about what Taylor is going to do to you when he'll find out you destroy one of his car," she chuckled.
Back to Terra Nova, Damon was in the infirmary, laying on a bed, Alexandra sitting next to him.
"I told you I was a better driver than you!"
"Yeah right. Next time I'll let you drive." Alexandra had Damon's hand in hers, squeezing it playfully while Dr Shannon was sewing his forehead.
"I think you should stop hurting your head all the time. There's not going to stay much of your brain in the end."
"My head is as hard as a stone."
"Ok, it's done. Alex, your turn," Dr Shannon said.
"My turn? I have nothing."
"Nothing? Have you looked at your face?" A voice said angrily from behind her. She had not seen Lucas enter. She quickly dropped Damon's hand. "You've got a black eye!" Actually, Alexandra had not looked at her in a mirror but she knew something had hit her during the car crash.
"It's nothing, it's just Damon's elbow that hurt me in the shock," she tried to reassure him, touching gently her eye to see if it was painful.
"What about your stomach Alex, does it hurt?" Dr Shannon asked, concerned, giving her an ice bag for her eye.
"It's alright."
"Lay down a minute will you? I'll just check it." Alexandra sighed but obeyed as both Lucas and Damon were glaring at her. Dr Shannon examined her stomach. "You were right, it's normal. Just a bit bruised but that should be gone in two days or so."
"See," Alexandra smiled at Damon and Lucas. "Nothing to worry about."
"Yeah well you've been lucky this time. Fortunately, it was your last time out," Lucas spat.
"I beg your pardon?" Alexandra asked, her eyes narrowing.
"You heard me."
"I hoped I misunderstood you."
"Alex, do you know how many horrible things I thought about when I heard your group was coming back earlier because your car had been crashed by a dino?"
"I'm sorry," she said, taking his face in her hands. "I didn't want you to worry. I should have called you immediately."
"Yes you should have. Yet, it doesn't change anything. You're not gonna risk your life out there every day."
"It's not every day and I'm fine."
"You stay with me, here, safe and sound. End of it," he snapped.
"Stop pissing on me like a dog that's marking his territory!" She glared at him. Lucas didn't want to argue in front of Damon, he'd be too happy to see them fight. He grabbed Alexandra's arm and pulled her outside the room. Yet she kept talking on their way out. "I'm not asking you to quit science for me. It's the opposite, I encourage you. So don't ask me to stop doing my job."
"My job is not as dangerous as yours. And I'm not asking you to quit, just to stop being part of it."
"I'm not the one who decides the missions and I'm not going to refuse an assignment because you're too afraid I might get hurt."
"I'll talk to my father."
"Lucas!"
"He'll stop to send you outside."
"Lucas, stop it!"
"End of the conversation."
"Damn it Taylor drop that cocky attitude with me! I'm not your thing. You're not going to tell me what I can do and what I can't." Lucas took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. He knew he had crossed the line.
"Look, Alex, I just want to protect you. I don't want to lose you," he said pitifully.
"I know," she sighed.
"If you were me, you would ask the same."
"Maybe. But if I was you I would not accept."
"Please Alex, do it for me." Alexandra could see how much it counted for Lucas. She didn't want to accept it but she didn't want to fight with him either.
"Ok," she winced, her eyebrows furrowed.
"Thank you," he said, kissing her.
"I have to talk to Damon," she said in a blank tone. "I'll see you later at home." She was not asking him, it was obvious she wanted him to go.
"Ok, I'll see you at home." He gave her a quick kiss but felt she didn't kiss him back. He knew that what he had asked her was totally selfish, he knew it would hurt her to do it, yet he had asked her to. At least, he had asked her, he could have convinced his father to do it for him, for Alexandra's sake, but he also knew that it would have been worse if she had found out he had plotted behind her back. Alexandra walked back into the room. Damon sat quickly when he saw her coming in.
"Are you gonna let him decide for you?" He asked her immediately. "It's your life!"
"It's not about me. It's about him."
"Of course it is. It's always about him!" He yelled.
"What do you mean?"
"Your need to protect him is making you take the wrong decisions. Can't you see that the love you've got for him is blinding you?"
"He just wants to protect me."
"So do I! But I'm not asking you to change and I'm not trying to put you in a little safety box to keep you safe."
"That's not what he's doing."
"Yes it is!"
"You don't know what you're talking about."
"Alex, we are the best team ever. We have only had 2 accidents since we started working together. Do you know how many accidents the others had encountered?"
"I know."
"I don't want another partner. I want you to stay with me."
"Me too but…"
"Are you gonna let him split us apart?"
"No. I mean, it doesn't mean we can't stay together. Just not when you go outside."
"Do you hear yourself? We can't be partners if you're away from me half the time!"
"Don't do that. Don't ask me to choose."
"I'm not the one who's asking you to choose. I'm fed up pretending I don't care what he does to you. Open your eyes! Can't you see who he really is?"
"Yeah sure you know who he is right?"
"He's not good enough for you. That I can see. You deserve better."
"You don't know him like I do."
"Come on, you know he will never be the man you want him to be."
"How do you know he is not already?"
"Stop lying to yourself for god sake."
"I'm not being weak. Couple is about concessions."
"Concessions? Honestly, how many concessions he has done so far?"
"I'm not like you, I don't want to lose the one I love because of my job. He is more important," she said harshly. Yet, she regretted her words immediately. She knew it hurt him, but she couldn't stop. "You know what? You are the one who's blind. You don't like him so you can't think straight."
"I am not the problem. He is. If you can't see it then you're not the smart girl I thought you were," he spat. Alexandra was shocked, it was the first time Damon yelled at her. She was sad and angry at the same time, it was a brand new sensation for her. She knew he could be cross, of course, but he had never been angry with her.
"He's not the problem. He has nothing to do with it! You're wrong!" She replied with anger.
"Go ahead ! Ask him ! Ask him, for once! Ask him if he loves you! We'll see!" He shouted. Her heart started to hammered in her chest, her breathing was quicker, she felt her eyes prickles. Tears were coming up and she could feel her eyes starting to get wet. She quickly brushed her cheeks.
"Alex…"Damon sighed, at the sight of her crying his anger disappeared immediately.
"No. I'm okay. It's okay. I got it. You made your point." She left the room, tears running on her cheeks. Tears were flooding her eyes when she left the infirmary, blurring her vision. She hated Lucas for being so selfish, she hated Damon for being such an ass and she hated herself for being so stupid. She felt ashamed and used. She was not expecting Damon to react like that and, for sure, she never thought Lucas would ask her such a thing. She stopped her walk in a dark alley between two houses and her legs gave away as if the weight of her pain was too heavy for her to carry."Okay Alex, give a good cry and then forget it." She stayed sat on the ground, crying for a long time, then she brushed her cheeks and breath slowly to calm down. She wondered how she got here, what had she done wrong? She weighed the pros and cons. 'The facts Alex, only the facts. Think straight,' she commanded her. Why now? Why Lucas was acting like a jerk now? And why Damon was against her too? Lucas and her knew each other for almost a year. They were together for 9 months, half of it in the jungle, the other half in Terra Nova. They always lived together. In the jungle they were together, so it had been obvious they had to move in together when Lucas arrived at Terra Nova. 'Then what?' She asked herself. She knew there was nothing normal in their relationship. She couldn't count like she would have done in 2012. In 2012, it would have been too soon to live together, their relationship would have grown more slowly. Here, it felt right. She was sure it had nothing to do with their way of life. Living in Terra Nova was safer than the jungle, so why was he worrying now? Then, there was Damon. She knew Lucas hated him, it was obvious. Jealousy had probably helped him asking her to quit her job. She had to take a decision, she couldn't stay like that, cut between the two of them. Deep down, she knew her choice was already made for a long time. If she had to choose, it would be Lucas, it would always be Lucas. She couldn't stop loving him, even if she wanted to. He was under her skin, stick to her, unable to go away. Yet, she thought Damon deserved her respect and her to be a better friend. She had been selfish with him, she had talked and acted with him like you do with a girls, she had expected him to be her best friend, her confident and she could not blame him for the reaction he had earlier. He was a good friend and he wanted to protect her as well. But he was not a girl, he was a man and he might want to date her, she was well aware of that now. She was pretty sure that Lucas was the only reason why he had not already asked her for a date. She had to stick to her precedent decision. Lucas was not ready to say he loved her, clearly it was selfish to ask her to stop going OTG, yet it was his way of telling her he loved her, he had always been possessive, she knew it, even if she acted like he was not. She would give him what he asked, but he would have to give something else in return. Alexandra stood up and walked back home, ready to live with Lucas as he was. If it was his way to tell her he loved her, then she didn't need him to say it. After all, who said he had to say it to prove it? She would not force him to say it, but he would have to prove it to her.
