Chapter 29! Chapter 30 is on the way!
To TerraNovaFan, just let me tell you that you made my day with your "omg omg omg omg" and "love it love it love it"! This is clearly the kind of review that boost me to continue! :) So thank you very much!
No regrets
Alexandra didn't sleep that night. Her mind was always thinking and thinking again, the scene she had seen repeating again and again in front of her. In the early morning, she came to see Taylor, she had to talk to him, she had made a decision.
"Good morning Commander."
"Good morning Alexandra," he nodded. "What brings you here at such an early hour?"
"I've heard you planned a mission to the Badlands. I want to be part of it," she stated.
"Really? It's a 2 weeks mission. I thought you wanted to stay here… with Lucas." She didn't want to talk about him with his father. There was no way she was going to talk about her private life with him today.
"Can I go with you or not?" Taylor deliberated, wondering why she suddenly wanted to leave Terra Nova. He knew she was a good soldier, she would be useful in the Badlands and Taylor would be there if something went wrong.
"Ok. We'll leave in an hour. Be ready." Alexandra didn't wait and ran to her house, grabbed everything she needed and went straight back to the gate where all the soldiers were. Damon didn't say a word when he saw her sit next to him in the car. He just nodded in agreement. He was happy to see her back with him as a team. She smiled at him, ready to go, sticking to her choice. Yet, her heart tightened when they passed the gate and left Terra Nova. It was for the best, she had made the right decision, she tried to reassure herself. There was no way back.
Lucas didn't sleep the previous night. He had too much to think about and anyway, he had nowhere to go. He had no friends who could provide him a house. He had found some flowers when he was OTG and hoped this would be helpful to reconcile with Alexandra. When he knocked at her door, she didn't answer. He dared to go in and found she wasn't there. He put the flowers on the table and left a note 'We need to talk. I have something very important to tell you. Call me please. I am really sorry. Lucas'. Lucas couldn't wait for Alexandra to come to him. She was probably somewhere close to his father or Damon, as usual. He ran to the headquarters and was surprised to find Jim Shannon at his father's desk.
"Morning Jim," he nodded. "Where's my father?"
"He's gone."
"Where?"
"To the Badlands."
"Why? I thought he wanted to wait for the portal to be rebuilt before."
"Well, I guess he wanted to find out what was there first." Lucas's eyebrows furrowed. His father and his secret plans. He had tried to develop their father and son bond, but he obviously didn't trust him enough to talk about this mission. Jim probably thought the same as he added, "I think he wanted to tell you."
"Doesn't matter. Actually, I was looking for Alex, not for him."
"Don't you know?" asked Jim, surprised.
"Know what?" he inquired.
"She's gone with him."
Lucas gulped. He should have come back to her last night, he knew it. She was not the kind of girl who would wait thinking that things would get better. She was brave but reckless, she always had been, but she surely had decided to go to the Badland because of what happened last night. She wanted to punish him, to prove to him that she would not do what he wanted anymore. An idea popped up in his mind about what could have helped her to go with his father. He left a bewildered Jim and ran outside.
Skye woke up with a huge headache. When she saw her face in the mirror she winced. Her cheek was a dark red color. She was not going to be able to hide it, even with make-up. She had a day off from the infirmary and decided it would be better for her to stay in. She didn't want to meet Alexandra again, nor Lucas or Josh. Skye decided to clean her house, trying to empty her head by exhausting her body. She sighed when she heard a knock at the door, but didn't go to open the door. She didn't want to see anybody.
"Skye, I know you're there. Open up." It was Lucas.
"Have you talked to Alex last night?" He asked quickly when she eventually opened the door. She nodded. "What did you say to her?" Lucas asked her very seriously.
"Good morning to you too," she sighed. His eyes narrowed as he noticed her bruised cheek.
"What happened to your face?" She winced. "Did the Shannon boy…"
"No, no!" she cut.
"Then who?" She pursed her lips.
"It was Alex." Lucas couldn't suppress a chuckle.
"Alex? My Alex? Are you sure we are talking about the same Alex?" It hurt her more than it should have to hear him say 'My Alex'.
"Yes."
"Really?" he smirked. "Because the Alex I know is more than calm when it comes to violence."
"Well maybe a bottle of gin could help her to jump to the other side!" she spat.
"What did you say to her?" He was serious again.
"Why don't you ask her yourself?" She scoffed, upset now.
"Because she's gone. She left Terra Nova with my father on a suicide mission to the Badlands and I need to know why, ok? So what did you say to her?"
"I…I just told her the truth."
"Which is?" Skye didn't want to be weak in front of Lucas and she didn't know what to say. Her silence made Lucas come closer, eyes tightened, he insisted. "Tell me," he commanded her. She was tired of playing a game, she didn't even know the rules of that game, she leaned to him and kissed him. She felt him stiffen, yet he didn't kiss her back. "What was that?" he said, gently pushing her away. Skye blushed, ashamed.
"Isn't it what you want? You've been flirting with me for the last 2 weeks." Lucas seemed surprised, Skye suddenly felt stupid. Lucas stared at her. Maybe he had done it? He didn't intend to though, it was just fun at the time. It was just a game. Being close to her but never having her, was exciting. He never thought she'd want more. He didn't even know what he wanted or why he had done it. He had acted like a total jerk. Lucas didn't know what to say to Skye. He had always liked to analyze people, to know exactly who they were so he could know how to be with them, how to make them do what he wanted. Deep down, he probably knew Skye enough to know she was going to be his one day if he continued to tease her like he did. Now she had clearly said to him he could have her, he was sure he didn't want it. His life had changed since he had first met her at the Sixer's camp. When Lucas was with the Sixers, Skye's mother was his only link with normal people. She was the closest thing that he had to a mother. He had used Skye and her mother's disease to make her do what he desired. He had admired Skye's strength, the way she managed to be a spy, to lie to his father, he had found a bit of himself in her. Maybe that was all? When he had met Skye, he had found a sister. He had this indescribable need to touch her, to feel she was real. At the time, he couldn't explain why. Then, having Alexandra in his life had made this envy go away. He had found someone he could approach, someone who wanted him to be close. What he was sure of, was that his feelings for Skye and for Alexandra were not the same. And now he had to think about it, to make a decision, he knew that he really had a sisterly love for Skye, nothing more. He loved Alexandra, he was sure of it. It was as if any girl could not interest him, none could impress him, he had eyes for only one, he only wanted one girl, Alexandra.
"Skye," he started to say. Skye froze at her name. He didn't call her Bucket or sister on purpose. He was serious and he wanted her to know it. "I am really sorry if I made you think I wanted more than to just be your brother. I am really sorry if my attitude made you believe I wanted you in another kind of way. I love you like a brother loves his sister." Lucas was weighting every word he said, he didn't want to hurt her, he could see how distressed and ashamed she was as he was talking. Skye was looking down, confused and lost. "I'm sorry," he felt the necessity to add. Lucas observed Skye's face, changing from shame to concern, from concern to sadness, from sadness to worry. Then her face lightened as if she had found an idea, a solution to a big problem.
"It's really strange," she suddenly said after a moment.
"What?"
"I should feel sad or sorry or I don't know… Disappointed. Yet, I feel better."
"Really?" He asked in disbelief.
"Yes," she chuckled nervously. "I was struggling to analyze my feelings, I was totally lost and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't explain why I wanted to be with you when I was happy with Josh, and now it's all suddenly very clear."
"Is it?"
"Yeah," she chuckled. "I love you! I do, but as a sister loves her brother. Sometimes… Well most of the time, you get on my my nerves, but I still come back to you because I care for you. Our bond is your father, I love your father as my own." Lucas could feel the tension between them fading away. "Actually, I feel relieved." She smiled, her face reflecting lightness. Lucas was startled by her reaction, he couldn't believe it.
"So…We… We are clear?" He stuttered, unsure.
"Yes, we are," she said, hugging him. "Brother," she whispered. Lucas tightened their embrace. Skye felt much better, she was good in his arms, there was no reason to worry now, she knew exactly why she was embracing him, there was no shame to have, no guilt to feel.
"Sister," he said lightly. Lucas felt relieved too, it felt so good to have solved this problem. It was something he would not have to worry anymore. It was the beginning of a new era for them. Skye broke their embrace, her face suddenly concerned. "What?"
"Alex…"Skye murmured. "I'm so sorry. You and her…"
"Don't worry about that."
"It's all my fault."
"No it's not. I made it happen. It's what I do, I sabotage things," he sighed.
"Don't say that. I'll talk to her when she comes back. I'll persuade her that she has to stay with you." Lucas chuckled darkly. "What?"
"You don't have to do that. It's something I have to do on my own. It's not only you, it's something deeper than you, something older than you. And anyway, last time you tried to talk to her, it didn't end well, did it?" He smiled sadly, caressing her bruised cheek. Skye looked deep into his eyes, he seemed so sad that it saddened her too.
"You love her, don't you?" It was more a statement than a question.
"Does it count anymore?"
"Of course it does! Don't give up so easily, it doesn't sound like you!"
"Maybe it's better that way. Maybe I'm not good enough for her."
"I think you like to pretend to be the bad guy but Alexandra sees the real person you are: a good guy. You know, we don't know who we are until we are connected to someone else. We are just a better human being when we are with the person we are supposed to be with."
"I don't know why she's with me. I only brought her trouble since the day she met me. If I was her I would have left me by now. I would have walked away but somehow instead she always forgave me. Yet, I'm not sure this time she will."
"You cared about her since the first day you met her, you always cared for her, right?"
"Yes, I care. I've changed for her. She never had to subdue me or tame me. This is what she is that made it worked right away. Her way of being, her character, her attitude towards me," he confessed, suddenly even more aware of why he was with her. Saying it out loud was making his thoughts make more sense to his thoughts.
"Why are you acting like the bad guy then?"
"Because I like it. It's in my nature. It's who I am. Do you see the problem I'm having?"
"I think the only problem you have is your obsession with thinking you can't be good. There are many people here who think you have changed, that you are a good person. Just accept it."
"I tried and look what happened!"
"Well she knows you love her. She loves you too. When she comes back she..." She stopped talking at the sight of Lucas' strange face. "You have told her right?"
"Well…"
"Lucas! Honestly? You love her and you never told her?"
"It's not that easy ok?"
"Yes it is! You know what I think? I think you are in denial because you were so afraid of loving her, so afraid of what it would imply for you, that you didn't want to admit it."
"Afraid of what?"
"Afraid you might be hurt, afraid to lose her, afraid to change. I know exactly how it feels when you lose the ones you love. You don't want it to happen again so you shut your emotions off."
"Do you love the Shannon boy?" Lucas' question startled Skye.
"His name is Josh," she corrected him. "And yes, I love him."
"Have you told him?"
"No…"
"Why?"
"I'm just waiting for the right time ok? And it's different, our story is different from yours. You can't compare."
"Does he love you?"
"I hope so," she chuckled warily. "He didn't say it though." She seemed to be thinking about it a minute, then she spoke again. "You know what? Maybe it's a boy thing to not say it too early because it means a lot to you."
"What are you gonna do with him?"
"What do you mean?"
"After…what happened last night."
"I won't tell him, I can't. It would destroy him. You won't tell him, will you?"
"No. I won't."
"Thank you."
"Yeah well you're the one who just told me I should not keep secrets from the one I love. Maybe you should tell him."
"I can't do that."
"Alex told me once that people always end up knowing the truth. You don't want him to find out from someone else, do you?"
"Well we are the only one who know. What he doesn't know won't hurt him."
"Might I say that you're wrong? We are not the only one to know." Skye stared at Lucas, worried.
"Do you think she will tell him?" she asked, panicked.
"I doubt that she will do it to hurt him. Yet, I can't be sure she won't tell him to hurt you." Skye gulped at the thought of Alexandra telling it to Josh. It would be bad, very bad. For her, but also for Lucas. And everything was her fault, no matter what Lucas would say to protect her, she knew she was responsible for what had happened. She would have to pay for it one day, she was sure of it.
