Wally

"Conner, you have to help me! It's Artemis, for crying out loud! I don't even know what I was doing!"

He sighs. "Get in here, Wally. We have work to do.

I'm freaking out. I, Wally West, am officially freaking the hell out.

I can't hang out with Artemis! I hate Artemis! And Artemis hates me!

I mean, sure, there was that dream that I had about the girl with the golden hair, and then Kent Nelson mentioned a girl whose name started with A, but that doesn't mean it's Artemis!

I mean, it'd have to be a girl that Kent and I both knew of, and I don't know any other girls like that, but… that doesn't mean it's Artemis!

Right?

Right?

"Uh, Wally, are you talking to yourself?"

"No?"

Conner sighs again. "So what do you need help with?"

"You have a hot girlfriend."

"Noted. And?"

"So teach me how to talk to hot girls!"

"You think Artemis is hot?"

"I didn't say that."

"Wally, you literally just said that."

"No, I didn't!"

"Wally, it's okay. She's an attractive girl, and you're a teenage boy. You can have feelings."

"How would you know? You're not even a year old!"

"Genomorphs."

"They didn't teach you feelings!"

"You're right. My hot girlfriend did."

"Noted."

We're both silent for a second.

"I still don't think she's hot."

"Then what do you need help with?"

"Talking to hot girls, obviously!"

"You called her hot again."

I take a moment to think about this.

Do I find Artemis Crock hot?

I mean, sure, I'm fascinated by the golden hair-gray eyes combo, which should be a genetic impossibility, and her smile, when it's not actually a smirk, lights up the world. And then her body…

"Wally?"

Nope. She's not even remotely cute.

Not cute at all.

"Yeah?"

"You were talking to yourself again."

"No, I was talking to you."

"In that case, what did you want to tell me about lighting up the world?"

I'm silent for a moment. "Never mind. What am I supposed to do?"

"Why are you asking me this at five in the morning?"

"I'm freaking out, Kaldur's clueless, and if you think I'm asking Robin…"

"Noted. Okay, um… buy her whatever she wants, be nice, try not to fight with her, and, uh… try not to stare at her ass too much."

It's all I can do not to burst out laughing.

"I'll… make sure I keep that in mind."

"Oh, and don't wear a Flash T-shirt. For your own sake."

I nod. "That all?"

"I think so."

I nod. "Thanks, Conner." I start to leave.

"Oh, and Wally?"

I turn around. "Yeah?"

The clone smirks. "Don't kiss her unless you're at least seventy percent sure she'll kiss you back."

I walk out of Conner's room, completely silent.

I head over to mine and set an alarm for eight o'clock.

I need a nap.


I'm dreaming again.

I think. I'm still in bed, so I might actually be awake.

"Hey, babe. You awake?" I hear a voice behind me that sounds vaguely familiar.

"Yeah, did I wake you up?" I hear myself talk now.

"No, I was just lying in bed. Didn't feel like moving from next to you."

I feel myself smile. "Well, it's a good thing you don't have to."

I feel an arm, presumably an arm belonging to that female voice, wrap around me, and I feel myself smile again. I reach out to grab something, and I notice that the Wally that I'm not in control of has grabbed a lock of hair.

The voice laughs. "You always did love my hair."

I look down to observe this lock of hair that I've taken from the female voice.

It's golden.


And then my alarm goes off.

"Stupid golden hair. Stupid Artemis. Stupid everything that's happening right now."

"You know, Wally, you really should be getting ready soon. We can't have you late for your date."

I jump, terrified by the new voice that I was unaware was in my room.

Dick smiles. "Hey, buddy. Put on some pants and then we'll talk strategy. Can't have you going on your date unprepared."

Okay, so this is a little different than the canon timeline. Even though the Kent Nelson episode just happened and we haven't even been to Bialya, M'gann and Conner are openly dating and Wally is pretty much over it. Also, Wally and Artemis are more in their post-Failsafe relationship where it's still tense, but not necessarily hatred anymore.