Stay with me

"So, I heard you found people out there?" Lucas casually asked Damon who was staring away.

"Not people, Alex's parents," he softly murmured. Lucas turned his head to see where Damon was gazing and saw Alexandra, against the wall, arms folded, waiting for something or someone. Lucas hesitated, not sure what to do but in the end he couldn't wait and walked over to her. He had spent the last 12 days waiting for her to come back, he couldn't wait anymore. She gave him a quick glance as he approached and looked in the other direction, annoyed.

"Damon told me you found your parents?" She didn't answer. Even with the last two weeks away from him, she realized she was still mad at him. "You must be happy. It's really good news…" She shook her head, pursing her lips.

"Honestly? Lucas, do you really think that because I found my parents I'm going to forget what happened the last time I saw you?" She harshly replied. Lucas was not optimistic enough to have thought she would be kind to him, of course. But it surprised him to see how hurt and angry she still was.

"I wanted to talk to you at the time but you ran away. How could I even have a chance to explain it to you?" His voice was louder now, louder than he intended it to be. He could feel anger growing in him but he knew he had to stay cool or the situation was going to be worse.

"I told you I didn't want you to explain. I haven't changed my mind," she spat, staring away.

"You can't just decide to not talk to me forever," he grabbed her chin with his hand, forcing her to look at him "Hey, look at me when I talk to you!" He was shouting now and it was not helping him, Alexandra was glaring at him, lips pursed.

"Alexandra?" It was Dr Shannon her eyes were showing her worry. "You can come now." Dr Shannon wasn't sure why they were arguing, but she didn't trust Lucas enough to contain his anger when he was in a bad mood, even with Alexandra. She knew he had spent the last days waiting for her to come back and she also knew he had not been in a good mood since then. Lucas dropped her chin and let her go. He gave Dr Shannon a furious look and walked away. He'd have to wait for her. She will not get away with it. She had to listen to him, one way or another. Alexandra entered the room she was staring at earlier. Her parents were lying on beds.

"Are you okay mum?" She asked her, concerned.

"We are fine," she reassured her.

"Your parents have to stay here for the night," Dr Shannon told her. "It's just a check-up routine. There is nothing to worry about. You should go back to your house, have some sleep. You look exhausted."

"No, I'm fine. I want to stay with them." She replied, looking fondly at them.

"Alex, sweetheart," her mother said. "We'll be fine here. Go and have some rest. We'll see you tomorrow. We are not going anywhere now we are together." Alexandra lightly smiled, she knew her mother was right but she had missed them during the past 7 years and she had suddenly spent the last 6 days with them. It was strange to leave them again.

"They are going to be fine, I swear to you," Dr Shannon smiled warmly at her.

"I know, it's just…"

"I know," her mother cut her, standing up and embracing her. "I love you sweetheart."

"I love you too," she whispered before stepping back from her. "Ok, I'll see you tomorrow then. Good night daddy, good night mummy." Alexandra went back home and found the withered flowers with the note from Lucas. She threw the flowers in the bin and read the note again. 'We need to talk. I have something important to tell you'.

"Well, not now," she mumbled to herself. She was not ready to go to bed and decided to go outside, a walk would help her, she had too much on her mind to sleep anyway. She thought she would think about her parents, but actually, the only person she had in mind was Lucas. He had nearly lost his temper earlier. It had been a long time since she had seen him like that. Usually, he knew how to contain his anger when he was with her. As she walked, lost in her mind, she didn't notice she had arrived to the cemetery. She stared at the graves and sighed. It saddened her to be there. She turned to go back home and uttered a little scream.

"Oh my god Lucas you scared me!" she exhaled, her hand on her chest.

"Sorry, I didn't intend to," he said seriously. He walked to her and stopped inches from her. "I think about her too," he confessed, looking behind her in the direction of the cemetery.

"She would have been born by now," Alexandra said thoughtfully.

"Things would be different," Lucas said sadly.

"Yeah, very different," she sighed. "Why are you here?" Her eyes narrowed, suddenly suspicious. "You've been following me?"

"Yes." His sudden honesty startled her. His green eyes were locked into hers. "Look, I'm sorry. I should have not yelled at you earlier," he started to say.

"Yeah well it's ok," she said, rubbing her face with her hands. "I was a little bit nervous."

"Then we are ok, aren't we?" he asked hopefully.

"About this, yes. For the rest, it's another story," she said softly, her eyes looking down at the ground.

"I really fucked it up this time, didn't I?" He winced. She didn't reply. She didn't want to meet his gaze, she didn't want to see him looking sorry, she was too afraid that she might forgive him. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "What?"

"Nothing. There's nothing to say," she murmured, her gaze locked on the fence now. She was desperately looking for something to look at, anything would be better than looking at Lucas.

"We obviously have something we need to discuss," he said firmly, yet nicely.

"Not a good time," she stated, ready to leave.

"Well you disappeared for two weeks so I think you have had enough time to think about what you wanted to say to me," Lucas said harshly. He didn't like it when Alexandra didn't want to talk to him or to look at him. She was a talkative person, when she was silent, there was a problem. He was trying to keep calm but he was fuming inside.

"I guess you had plenty of time to think too," she replied quickly, upset now, glaring at him. "I'm not the guilty one here, don't reverse our roles."

"Well I don't know that do I?" Alexandra stared at him in disbelief. "How can I know what happened when you were away?" Was he really implying what she thought he was? She was bewildered.

"What? Are you on the Damon jealousy point again?" She couldn't believe he was accusing her. "I'm not the one who cheated on the other!"

"You don't deny it," he stated, furious.

"You're stupid! Who do you think I am? I'm not that mean."

"So you deny it?"

"Of course I deny it! What's wrong with you?" She was furious he could think such a thing about her. Lucas stayed quiet a moment before to speak again.

"I… I don't know. I haven't been myself since you left," he confessed. Alexandra looked at him with sadness.

"I have to go," she stated.

"Let me go home with you," Lucas said, his voice low and almost pleading. It hurt Alexandra inside to see Lucas saying something that was so contrary to his normal personality. Or was she seeing Lucas' true nature? Was his flash and assurance something he'd assumed, like another skin over the years?

"No," she said, as desperate as Lucas was, but in her own way. She just wanted him to be quiet and strong. "You are not coming back home with me. You never told me about… her. You lied to me, you hurt me and it has to stop."

"I didn't want you to worry about it. I didn't want you to be jealous when there was nothing to be jealous of."

"Don't you dare say that! The way you call her Bucket, like she's your Bucket, it sounds creepy. I would have had every reason to be jealous! You kissed her!"

"No, she kissed me!"

"You kissed her back! I saw you!"

"It was a reflex! I didn't intend to!"

"Bullshit! If I had kissed Damon he would be dead by now!" Lucas seemed to think about it and a smile started to spread on his face.

"Well I saw Skye's face, you didn't kill her yet you did a good job!"

"She deserved it..." She mumbled to herself. "Hey don't you change the subject. We are talking about you here!"

"Alex," he said, steeping closer to her, his eyes begging her to stay with him.

"What?" She spat, annoyed, folding her arms on her chest.

"I love you," he said softly, his beautiful green eyes boring into hers. She looked at him, startled. She stared at him, speechless, her eyes reflecting sadness mixed with disbelief. She tried to find out if he was lying to her, but she only saw truth in his eyes. She felt tears coming. Why now? Why was he saying this to her now? After he had cheated on her? Why was he finally saying what she always wanted to hear after having deceived her? Lucas was confused, not sure of what he had just said. He had thought about saying it, but now, hearing it was strange for him, above all in those circumstances. "Please Alex, say something," he begged her.

"You know what's funny? When you saved me from the attack of the Sixers, I told your father that I didn't know why you had saved me. I had an idea but I was not pretentious enough to say it. Your father said it was because you loved me. It's funny huh? Because actually, you never said it, ever. I'm confused now. It's a little too late, isn't it? I told you I loved you months ago and this is how long it took you to realize you loved me too? When I said I loved you, you didn't say it in return. I didn't know if it was because you didn't know how to say it or because you didn't love me. But then, I thought that, you, staying here, with me, with your father and all, was enough of a proof of how much you loved me. I was stupidly wrong. When you can't put in words what you feel or what you think, then there must be a problem. Love should be easy to live. With you, it's always complicated. I'm not asking that much. You know, every time you made a bad decision, I always forgave you, even if your decisions always ended badly for me. I always ended hurt, physically hurt. But this time, you hurt me, not in my flesh but in my heart, in my soul. And this is the most important mistake you've ever made."

"I've been stupid."

"No. You're smart, a genius actually. You don't love me, you love the idea of it. Love and be loved, it sounds great. I spent all my time on you, helping you and caring about you. I lost myself living just for you. Every action I made, every word I said, it was always for you. I don't want to deal with your existential crisis right now. I'm gonna be a little bit selfish for now on. I have my parents back in my life and I'm gonna focus on that."

"I know I deceived you, but I'm not a genius when it comes to people, you know that."

"You and I, it's not gonna work. Even though I hate to admit it, I knew something was up between you and Skye. Maybe you should be with her, you're both really similar. You fight together all the time and so what? Maybe it's what passion is about. Maybe she is your soul mate, maybe you're made for each other. I don't know," she sighed. "I lied to myself, I always knew there was something between you and Skye. I didn't know what, but something I couldn't put my finger on. Part of me wanted to know, the other didn't. I'm good when it comes to lie to myself. You and I, we had something but with her, it's different, you are different. Like if you are sharing a secret. A private place where I'm not invited in." Lucas' heart clenched when she said that they 'had' something. He didn't like the way their conversation was headed. She took a deep breath and continued. "What I'm sure about, is that you would have not think of her the way you did if there was nothing."

"I don't want her. It's you that I want!" He grabbed her arms, pulling her against him. "She means nothing to me!"

"She means something to you. You just don't know what. I think you never told me about Skye because you have feelings for her. There's something about her you kept secret and only you know what that is. You have to solve this."

"I swear there is nothing between me and Skye, I swear to you. You have to believe me, tell me you believe me!"

"How did I make myself forget for so long that you're such a liar? My subconscious was trying to tell me you could never get through this without lying." She shook her head in disappointment.

"It was a one-time thing." He pleaded.

"You and her, kissing each other, it's printed in my memory."

"I didn't want to lie to you! I just didn't know what to say!"

"It's not about the lies, Lucas. It's about what they mean."

"I was scared because I didn't know what it was, I didn't know how to deal with it."

"No. You don't lie because you're scared. You lie so you won't feel pain. Everything you've ever done is to avoid pain. Lies, sarcasm... Keeping everybody at arm's length so no one can hurt you."

"As opposed to everyone else in the world who goes looking for pain like it's buried treasure?" He said with sarcasm.

"Pain happens when you care. You can't love someone without making yourself open to their problems, their fears. And you're not willing to do that. In the end, you don't know me at all if you thought I couldn't understand, that I couldn't help."

"I… I stayed to be with you." He stammered.

"But you weren't with me, not really."

"I wanted to be."

"That's not enough."

"Please, don't hate me!"

"I don't hate you, it's just… I… I don't wanna love you anymore. This love brought me too many troubles, it's too painful."

"I can do better."

"I don't think you can." She stated coldly. "You'll choose yourself over everybody else over and over again, because that's just who you are. You're not the same anymore, you're not the man I used to know. The Lucas I fell in love with, he would have never betrayed me like you did, never." She could feel tears coming to her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"No. No, no, no. Don't. Don't!" He begged her, realizing why she was sorry for.

"I thought I could do this."

"Don't. Please don't." He cried. Lucas couldn't believe what was going on. His worst nightmare was happening. He was losing her because of his nature. He was appalled, couldn't find his words, he didn't know what to say. It was totally unusual for him to be speechless. She stepped closer to him, tears running on her cheeks.

"I have a pretty good memory and right now, when I look at you, all I can see, it's her, on you. I can't do it, it has to stop. I'm done." Her voice was slightly shaking because of anger, sadness, exhaustion and nervousness, but she knew she had made the good decision. Lucas had hurt her too much, he had to stop. If being away from him was the price to pay, she would do it. Even if deep down it reopened the grief she had shut off during her trip to the Badlands, even if she had the feeling she could feel her heart bleeding of pain, even if she still had feelings for him, she had to protect herself, to do what was best for her, even if she was sure it would have bad consequences. She left him alone in the cemetery and walked back home, back to her home, back to her life. Everything Lucas was sure of had melted away. His theory about love was wrong. Life was always unexpected, not like science. He was a brilliant scientist but in life, he was just a novice. Knowing what his feelings for her were was useless if she didn't want to accept them, if she was not sharing them anymore. Lucas was smart, confident and had always been a step ahead everybody, yet right now he felt utterly stupid and he didn't like it. Lucas had tried to be a better man, another man. He had lost himself playing somebody else. He was furious for having been so weak. It would not happen again, he would not let his feelings get him so tortured, he would put his life back on track and do what he was made to do : smart moves, have genius ideas and use his brilliant mind to fulfill his plans.


Feel the music, feel the story

Lucas' part

"Let me apologize to begin with. Let me apologize for what I'm about to say but trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed and somehow I got caught up in between. Let me apologize to begin with. Let me apologize for what I'm about to say but trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed and somehow I got caught up in between. Between my pride and my promise, between my lies and how the truth gets in the way and things I want to say to you get lost before they come, the only thing that's worse than one is none. Let me apologize to begin with. Let me apologize for what I'm about to say but trying to regain your trust was harder than it seemed and somehow I got caught up in between. And I cannot explain to you, and anything I say or do or plan. Fear is not afraid of you but guilt's a language you can understand. I cannot explain to you and anything I say or do, I hope the actions speak the words they can." In between - Linkin Park

Alex's part

"There's a fire starting in my heart. Reaching a fever pitch and its bringing me out the dark. The scars of your love remind me of us, they keep me thinking that we almost had it all. The scars of your love they leave me breathless. I can't help feeling, we could have had it all. Rolling in the deep. You had my heart inside of your hand and you played it to the beat." Rolling in the deep - Adele


So, what do you reckon, huh? Alex did the right thing, didn't she? Love is so complicated sometimes. Can a single Lucas stay in Terra Nova? I'm not really sure… And I just realized after I post this chapter that actually Lucas has not said he was sorry for his attitude! This guy should really learn how to say the important things when he has to. Can't wait for your opinion! Theories are welcomed!