Maya wanted to scream in frustration. She had no idea where Zero had gone. She had been running around Sanctuary for the past twenty minutes like a maniac, trying to find him. She knew that she had to find him to talk to him.
Of course she had no damn idea what she was even going to say. But right now that just seemed like a minor detail. She was wracking her brain trying to come up with places he would go. Of course the places were limitless, it was only made even more difficult by the fact that he could turn invisible!
She knew this was an impossible task, but what else could she do? She needed to find him. She needed to talk to him.
And say what?
That thought almost stopped Maya in her tracks. Up until this point it had only been a minor consideration, but now it suddenly seemed like a massive problem. Not knowing what to say was what had led to this situation in the first place. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Zero more.
Maybe…maybe it would be best if she were to take some time to actually sort out the giant shit-show that was her mind. She didn't need to say or do anything to make this whole situation worse. Right now she needed to sort herself out. Then she could handle Zero properly.
She practically trudged back to her room at the HQ. There may have been people who spoke to her on the way, there may not have, she wasn't really paying attention to anything around her. Thoughts swirled around her mind like a storm. But at the center of it all was the revelation. Zero was a woman.
Maya dropped down on her bed, staring up at the ceiling blankly. What did this all mean? She had never been attracted to a woman before. Honestly she had never even considered that before. So where exactly did this leave her?
She realized her feelings for Zero, had come to terms with them and actually embraced them. She liked him because he was strong, skilled, he was kind to her, he was insightful, and his body was extremely attractive. But he wasn't a he. All those thoughts and feelings were directed towards, in Zero's own words, an illusion.
Yeah, Maya did think that Zero's face was probably the most beautiful face she had ever seen. But was she really attracted to Zero the woman? Everything she had built up in her mind had been towards Zero the man, towards the illusion that she had been subjected to. So did that mean her romantic feelings were just another illusion that had been dispelled?
"Maya?" A voice called from beyond her door, accompanied by a knock.
"Yeah?" Maya barely glanced at the door as Lilith popped her head inside.
"You alright?" Asked the other Siren, stepping fully inside the room, closing the door quietly behind her.
"Huh?" Maya barely even registered the words. She was far from fine but what reason would Lilith have to think so?
"Well I called to you when you came in, didn't even reply. You seemed pretty out of it."
"Oh, sorry. A lot on my mind." She didn't even remember the redhead calling to her. She must have been even more stuck in her head than she thought.
"What's going on?" Lilith crossed the room and sat down on the bed beside her. At some point Maya had shifted to a sitting position with her back against the wall. She couldn't even remember doing it.
"Uh…" What could she really even say? A part of her genuinely wanted to talk to Lilith about it. They were friends after all and maybe an outside opinion was what she needed. But what could she really say without revealing Zero's secret?
"Did you finally tell Zero that you like him?" Lilith said, a faint grin on her lips.
"What?!" There was no way Maya could keep the surprise from her voice. How the hell had Lilith known?!
"It was pretty obvious you liked him," Lilith chuckled faintly as she spoke. "Moxxi and I had a bet going on how long it would take you. So did you tell him?"
"Yeah," She mumbled, choosing for now to ignore the indignation of her friends betting on her.
"Did he not like you too?" Lilith sounded genuinely surprised at the idea.
"No, that's not it." She was pretty sure that Zero did actually return her feelings. Why else would he-she have shown her face?
"Well if he likes you back why the hell aren't you two getting it on?!"
Maya had to fight hard to not blush at the images that statement brought on. It was made slightly easier by the fact that she was having trouble picturing what version of Zero she would be doing that with. Still, she was certain her cheeks did change shade.
"He…" How could she say this without revealing Zero's secret? She knew that she wanted Lilith's help. This was just all too confusing for her to sort out on her own. Maya's romantic knowledge and experience was non-existent, and after today she was so out of her depth that she was drowning.
"He showed me his face…it wasn't what I was expecting." That was all the detail she could really go into, she hoped it would be enough.
"Woah! What did he look like?! I had eight grand on him being a robot!" Lilith's voice was at a level of excitement that could easily match Gaige. Maya shot her a pleading look that brought the other Siren back down to a calm level.
"Sorry," Lilith muttered. "But seriously, he showed you his face? He must really like you. So what exactly is the problem?"
"I…wasn't expecting what I saw. I don't know how to feel about it." Maya was comforted slightly by Lilith's statement. She hadn't exactly considered it before but it was a good point. Zero would never have shown her face if she didn't feel something for Maya too.
"Damn, must have been pretty serious. But can I ask you something?" Lilith looked over at her, Maya just nodded her approval. "Does it really change anything?"
"Of course it does!" Maya practically shouted, although it was more from frustration than anything else. "What I thought Zero was is totally different from reality!"
"That's not what I was talking about."
"Huh?" Maya looked over at her friend, slightly confused.
"Does it really change anything about Zero as a person? All the reasons you were attracted to him, did those change?"
"Well no. But-"
"So," Lilith said, quickly cutting her off. "Everything you liked about Zero is still true, except for what you imagined his appearance to be. And let's be honest, with how damn tight that suit is he can't be hiding too much."
Maya just looked down at her hands in her lap as her friend spoke. It was a fair point she supposed. Nothing about Zero's personality had really changed. That was what had initially drawn her to him-her in the first place. She hadn't even really given the assassins appearance much consideration until recently. But still, she had been thinking he was physically a male!
"So he doesn't look the way you expected, so what? Don't get me wrong, physical attraction is important, anyone who says different is full of shit. So do you not find Zero's appearance attractive? Is that the issue?"
Maya's initial reaction was to shout that yes, that was her problem. But she stopped herself and forced herself to think on it a moment. Did she really think Zero was unattractive? Well she couldn't honestly say no to that. She had almost immediately decided that Zero was one of the most beautiful people she had ever seen. But was she still physically attracted to Zero?
Maya closed her eyes as she imagined the assassin. It was easy for her to picture the version of Zero that she knew so well. She may or may not have done it multiple times. But now she tried to imagine the real Zero. It was almost impossible to imagine what he-she would look like without her suit. Instead Maya just imagined Zero without her helmet on.
The details were so fresh in her mind and so vivid that it was easy to do. She re-imagined events that had already happened, but this time removed the helmet. A particularly strong memory for her was after they had encountered those crazy cultists and Zero had comforted her. She imagined that moment, when they just looked at eachother, an air of comfort about them. She had been happy in that moment, touched by the assassins sudden sweetness. It was probably the first time she had realized her attraction to Zero.
Now she reimagined that scenario, but this time Zero wore no helmet. Her face was uncovered. There had been a slightly breeze and Zero's snow-white hair flowed softly with its current. The sun made her warm, almond skin glow. Those stunning violet eyes were gazing at Maya fondly, a faint smile tugging on surprisingly supple lips. Zero really was breathtaking in her beauty.
"Well judging from that smile and that your face is redder than my hair, I would say attraction isn't an issue."
Lilith's voice tore Maya from her imagination. Her eyes snapped open to look at the other Siren. She was immediately aware of how warm her cheeks felt, of her racing heart. Did she…did she really find Zero attractive? Even knowing that she was a woman?
"I don't know." Maya muttered. It probably came off as more of a stammer. She wasn't even sure if she was talking to Lilith or herself.
"You are over thinking this. I get that Zero's appearance or whatever may complicate things. But when you lay it all out, it is actually really simple. You like Zero, both personally and physically. So just go with that." Lilith gave her a warm look at that moment, one full of understanding. "Don't run away from something because it scares you, or intimidates you, or confuses you. That will only lead to a life of regret."
Maya looked over at her friend. Those words resonated deeply within her. But she couldn't help but feel like they didn't sound like something Lilith would say…
"Don't give me that look." Lilith scoffed. "I can be deep and shit when I want." The Siren crossed her arms in indignation. "Although that was actually a speech Moxxii gave me a while back." Lilith looked back to her, grinning faintly. "You just need to realize that you still have the hots for Zero and bang him already."
Now that sounded more like Lilith. Maya smiled back at her friend. Luckily her mind was still too busy to entertain the thoughts Lilith had just spat out. Her friend had given her some very good advice. While she was still confused, she knew it would help her sort things out.
"Thanks Lilith."
"Anytime." The redhead returned her smile before hopping off her bed and walking to the door. She stopped before leaving, looking back at Maya one last time. "Just don't over think it. Go with your gut Maya. You'll figure it out."
With that the other Siren left the room, closing the door quietly as she left. Maya let her head fall back against the wall with a soft thud. Today really wasn't really going how she planned. Why did everything have to get so damn complicated?
She was really glad for her talk with Lilith. It had helped. How much, she wasn't quite sure. But she felt slightly less like she was drowning now. She was still definitely lost in a sea of emotion and convoluted thoughts though. Maya took a deep breath as she closed her eyes. As she exhaled she resumed her journey through the storm, having no idea where she would end up. But maybe, just maybe there was a small part of her that knew where she wanted to end up.
Athena sighed heavily as she looked around the Pandoran landscape. She had been right behind Zero yet she still couldn't find him. Or her. Instinctively after seeing the assassins face she thought that Zero was a woman, but she didn't want to jump to conclusions. Perhaps it was just due to his alien appearance that he looked like that.
Although that was irrelevant at this moment. Right now her primary concern was actually locating the assassin. She had followed him immediately through the fast travel station yet she had been alone upon reconstruction. She had called out to Zero, even attempted to com him, nothing.
Of course her problem was further compounded by the fact that Zero hadn't left any recognizable tracks to indicate where he was. It was the first time Athena was actually annoyed at his skill level. However she refused to give up. She needed to find him. She needed to tell him…well she wasn't certain on that part yet.
She had no exact plan of what she was going to say. She just wanted him to know that she still accepted him. Alien, male or female. She still enjoyed his company. As far as she was concerned nothing had changed. Well…that may not be entirely true.
Athena couldn't deny, now that she had seen his true face she couldn't wipe the image from her mind. Nor the reaction it caused within her. She…liked Zero's appearance. Perhaps more than was normal. In fact the more she thought on it the more a single phrase echoed through her mind, one that had once been uttered to her. Now Athena found herself applying it very easily to Zero.
Athena shook her head, refocusing her mind. Again this train of thought was currently irrelevant. She still needed to find Zero. That was her primary objective. Where would he go? She began sorting through her mind for all relevant data on this location. Perhaps there was a reason Zero had chosen it.
It only took her seconds to find an answer. This area had several large bandit camps. Zero would want to kill right now. There was no doubt that he was currently distraught, and confused. Fighting would be a comfort, it would clear his mind of everything else. Athena knew she was right, it's what worked for her after all.
The nearest bandit camp was two-point-seven kilometers due northwest. That was her destination. Without a second thought Athena began sprinting towards her target. It was a run she could make in good time and still be fit enough for a fight.
This was now a time where Athena allowed her thoughts to return to earlier streams that she had deemed irrelevant. Now that her primary goal was sorted she needed to focus on the secondary issues.
She was quick to recognize that among her many thoughts there was one which she deemed the most important. Next to actually finding Zero. She needed to discern the meaning behind some of her thoughts had reactions during the past thirteen minutes. They had been numerous so she quickly ran through them in order of occurrence.
First was her unexplained desire to be by Zero's side and protect him when she had noted his vulnerable posture during his confrontation with the Siren. That could most likely be explained by her enjoyment of his company and opinion of him as a comrade. She had been much the same with her old squad in Atlas.
Second was when she thought Zero was rejecting Maya's advances. She had found the idea appealing and hoped it was the case. She didn't exactly have a solid explanation for this reaction. Perhaps it was because she didn't want him distracted and spending less time engaging in battles with her. But even that was a shaky explanation. Zero would never give up fighting. Perhaps if she examined her other reactions she would find a better explanation.
Her third reaction was linked to the second. It was a further dislike of the idea of Zero and Maya becoming intimate. The very idea sent the smallest trickle of anger though Athena's body. She wanted Zero to spend time with her, to be with her. Not Maya.
Of course this also directly led into her fourth reaction and perhaps the most confusing. She had been angry at Maya forcing Zero to reveal his face to her. Athena knew that she would never demand such a thing from Zero were she with him romantically. But why had such a thought even occurred to her? Why had it sparked such a strong reaction within her?
She admired and liked Zero in many ways. In fact she couldn't find a single thing she disliked about the assassin. They were so alike, the two of them. She truly felt like Zero understood her. Yes, they never had any deep or meaningful conversations. But that's because they didn't need to. Battle was the truest way of communication. It was a language the two of them shared. Athena knew all she needed to know about Zero through watching him fight. Likewise she knew he learned of her from her fighting.
But…they had never fought eachother. Perhaps that was her solution to all of her questions. They needed to fight. It would allow the two of them to communicate at the purest level. They would not need words to express their feelings, their emotions. Athena knew it would help her to sort everything out. Suddenly their duel became exponentially more important.
Athena was aware of the fact that she began increasing her pace after this realization. Whether it was done purposely or not, she couldn't quite say. Regardless, she arrived at the bandit camp in a total of eight minutes.
What she found both surprised her and didn't. She wasn't surprised to see some freshly killed bandits around the camps entrance. But she was surprised by the sheer volume. It was clear this was the work of Zero. All the bandits had been killed by a blade, a good number of them were sliced clean in half. But the number was impressively high. Especially considering Athena hadn't been very far behind him. She could still hear the sounds of fighting ahead, although from the volume there wasn't too many combatants left. Hefting her blade and shield Athena hurried forward.
It only took her forty-five seconds to reach the location of the fight. But she was still too late to partake. Zero was standing in the midst of a sea of corpses, back to Athena. His blade was held down at his side, fresh blood still running down its razor edge. Startlingly Zero wasn't wearing his helmet. Snow white hair had come undone at some point during the fighting, blowing faintly in the breeze. It was actually longer than Athena first thought, cascading down to mid back. There were dozens of smudges of blood mixing with the pure colour.
Athena didn't need to call out her approach as Zero turned to face her. Blood covered almost every inch of the black body suit. That stunning face was streaked with blood, holding an expression of, surprise, fear, anger, hurt, even pain. All these emotions were reflected in those otherworldly violet eyes. Athena never imagined Zero even capable of expressing so many emotions at once.
But one thing rang clear through her mind as she drank in the sight before her. Zero was stunning. Even covered in blood, the assassin was…beautiful. Perhaps the blood even increased the image. It was a testament to Zero's power and skill.
"Zero…" Athena said, her voice coming out surprisingly soft.
"Do not look at me." The voice was so foreign that Athena would never had recognized it had she not physically seen Zero's lips moving. It had a quality unlike any she had ever heard. Like it almost echoed unto itself. It also sounded very feminine. Could Zero truly be a woman?
"Why not?" She asked, utterly unable to stop herself from staring.
"I am wrong. You have been deceived." Zero looked away, eyes seeming to fix on the sword gripped tightly in his hands.
"Are you a woman?" Athena asked bluntly, she wanted to be clear on this.
"Yes." If anything Zero's voice sounded bitter at the admission.
"Alright then. That's fine." Athena shrugged her shoulders. Not like this really changed how she thought about Zero. Well…maybe she was just a little bit pleased. For reasons she would have to examine later.
"What?" Zero's head snapped back up to lock eyes with her.
"It doesn't change anything. You never actually told anyone if you were male or female. It's not your fault we all made assumptions. As far as I am concerned you didn't deceive me. You are still Zero to me." It seemed a simple thing really. This had never really entered her mind as a confusing thought. It was quite straightforward as far as Athena was concerned. Male or female, Zero was still the same person. She still respected her. Still liked her.
"Why?" Zero's voice was barely audible, nothing more than a whisper.
"Why what?" Athena wasn't quite sure what he meant. Clarification was required.
"Why do you accept me?"
"Why shouldn't I?" Athena shrugged again. "You are still Zero. I still respect you. Your skill hasn't changed. Your personality hasn't changed. I still like you just the same." Athena found her eyes still roving over Zero's form. "…maybe even a little more." She muttered without even thinking. Zero cocked her head slightly at that.
"My true form is not upsetting to you?" This was the first time she had ever heard Zero confused. Athena couldn't imagine it happened very often.
"No…I…I…umm…I actually like it." Athena stammered out, trying her best to organize her thoughts to form a cohesive and true statement on the subject. As she thought on it she returned to an earlier thought. A phrase that had once been applied to her, one which she thought suited the new image of Zero.
"I…think you're really pretty." Athena let the words fall from her mouth, hoping she sounded sincere. She remembered when Jainey had said that to her on Elpis. At the time it had made Athena so flustered. Nobody had ever called her that before. She was forced to have a rather embarrassing conversation with Moxxii that night at the bar, trying to understand the exact meaning. Once she got past all the sexual innuendo the bartender had thrown her way, Athena had finally gotten a solid definition. It seemed to fit her newfound opinion of Zero rather perfect.
Zero gave no audible response. The emotions showing on her face shifted. The anger, the fear, and the pain all melted away. It was replaced with confusion…and maybe a bit of hesitation. Athena could understand such feelings. She wanted Zero to understand her. She wanted her to know.
"Zero I don't think there is anything wrong with you. I accept you for you. Be it the Zero that stands before me or Zero with the mask on. You're all the same person." It was all just so straight forward to her, she honestly didn't get why the Siren was so thrown by all this.
"You…" Zero seemed to struggle for words, as if she were still struggling to understand. Honestly though Athena didn't think she could make herself any clearer. "You are attracted to me?"
Oh. Is that what she was having an issue understanding? Athena could feel her cheeks begin to heat up at the blunt question. She couldn't exactly deny it. Especially considering she had just flat out told Zero.
"Y…yeah, I…I really am." Even as she said the words, Athena found herself admiring Zero all over again. She was simply breathtaking. Despite how obvious was it was still…embarrassing to say something out loud. Athena had never really gotten the hang of it.
Then Athena saw something she had listed as an event that would never happen. Zero's cheeks began to turn crimson. At first it was hard to see due to the actual blood splattered across her face. But Athena's sharp eyes picked out the difference.
Zero's lips parted slightly then closed again. This repeated itself several times in the span of a few seconds. It looked as though she were struggling to come up with words. Athena sympathized with such a state. Feelings and emotions were confusing. Processing them had always been a very difficult task for her. Too many thoughts would occur at once and any semblance of order was lost. It was chaotic. However, she did know one way to help, both herself and Zero.
"Don't speak with words." Athena said suddenly, she knew this was the best course of action. "Fight me. Let our blades and bodies speak for us."
She didn't even wait for a response before settling into a ready stance. Her shield held forward, blade hovering just above it, ready to flash out in attack or defence. Her left leg was planted firmly ahead of the right, prepared to spring into action. She knew this would be the most difficult fight of her life.
Zero gave her a determined nod and likewise settled into a ready stance. She gripped her blade in both hands, crouching low, blade held level with her cheek. Her whole stance, the way her powerful body was coiled with tension and ready to strike, it reminded Athena of a deadly predator. Zero's who aura exuded danger and extreme lethality. Anybody else would have run in fear. But Athena found herself far from that frame of mind.
She found her eyes tracing over every inch of Zero's lithe body. She admired the strong muscles, the tensions which held them ready to spring into deadly action. A small part of her mind couldn't help but wonder just what lay hidden beneath the armour. Her eyes traced up to find Zero's face. Their eyes seemed to meet simultaneously.
Those pure violet eyes seemed to pierce through Athena's armour and into her very soul. But it did not unnerve her. She actually…liked it. Her eagle eyes picked up the faintest twitch on Zero's lips. It took her a second to register what it meant. Zero had smiled. Most people would have missed it entirely. But Athena didn't. She knew for a fact that her smiles were the same, coming off as a twitch in her lips and nothing more. Athena's own lips smiled in response. This would be the hardest fight of her life. But it could also end up being the most rewarding. Without hesitation she sprang into battle.
Okay, first I just want to thank you all so much for the support! I really didn't think you would all be so cool with Zero being a woman! Thank you all so much for the support! I promise I will try to make sure your support is well placed! Now, onto the chapter musings.
So for Maya I am really just trying to relay how conflicted she is about this. It's not something she can just figure out in a few minutes. Its bringing up the whole question of her sexuality. I am trying to relay that in a real way and not just breeze past it. I myself have never struggled with such a thing but I know many people who have, so I am really trying to do it some justice. So I would really welcome any feedback on this as I really want to get it right.
Now for Athena's part. Athena here is having the opposite reaction of Maya in a way. Athena is attracted to women, she already knows this. Right now she is realizing that she may now be attracted to Zero. It's not an instant WOW I AM IN LOVE moment. She is simply realizing that she feels a more than platonic attraction to Zero than before.
Again I just want to thank you all for the incredible support! You are all awesome people and I appreciate you all.
Now go and read the second part!
Stay Classy!
