To Random Reviewer, I must say I'm ok with every review as long as they are constructive. Yours is... just nasty? But I accept your point of view. You're my first "bad" review after 135 great comments, so congrats! Still I'm quite surprised to have this kind of review after 47 chapters! You must be a little bit sadomasochistic to force you to read such a horrible story like mine. Maybe if you are suffering that much, you should stop to read it? Because without Alex there would be no story here, I hope you have realized that? Also, everybody sees each character as they want, so if you don't like the way I see Lucas, you definitely should walk away from my story. I take your comparison with Edward as a compliment though, I'm not gonna spit on the Twilight saga's success! Now that's said, I hope the other people that like my story are gonna enjoy this new chapter!


Somebody I used to know

"Alex?" Her whole body shivered at the sound of the voice, his voice. Just the sound of his voice twisted her stomach into a knot filled with a mix of emotions from guilt to sadness, but also longing and desire. She spun around and her eyes immediately locked onto his. She had tried so hard to forget him, his face, his eyes. But you can't forget the face of the person who was your last hope.

"Lucas…" She lightly smiled, her eyes bright. She had not expected herself to react that way. She had thought she would be different. But they ran into each other's arms as they would have before, hugging for the longest time they could manage. Strangely, for Alexandra, it felt right. It wasn't like with Damon before. This time, she meant it and it was kind of scaring her. How could she crave him so much after so long?

Lucas tightened his embrace as much as he could. He was making the most of it, enjoying every second of this moment. He had dreamt so much about this scene, it was almost unreal. Alexandra was the first to break apart, yet she stayed wrapped into his arms, hers gripping his waist. Lucas gently put his forehead against hers, inhaling her scent. Their hearts were hammering in their chests and they were both panting.

He drew back his head to look at her. Despite his messy hair and his bushy beard, his beautiful green eyes were still as intense and penetrating as before. Alexandra was caught off guard and lost in them. He slowly caressed her face with his hands, rubbing her cheeks with his thumbs. He was silently looking for something in her eyes, something that would prove to him it was really her. He was so afraid that a year with her father had hardened her heart. He really didn't want her to be like he was before, cold and heartless, brokenhearted, a lost soul. She held his stare, allowing him to observe her as much as he needed. She didn't know why she was doing it. She should be upset, there should be a gap between them, she shouldn't be that close.

"I thought I'd lost you forever…" He murmured in a crackly voice. "When Mark told me you were back, I couldn't believe it."

"Me neither," she chuckled. "You look horrible," she teased. He chuckled lightly. He had dreamt about hearing her voice again every night and every day for a year.

"Thank you," he smiled. "You too," he replied as he gently caressed the scar that her father's knife had left on her throat.

"You still have the biggest one," she grinned, lightly touching the scars he had on his neck. The caress of her hand on his skin was so pleasurable that it made him shudder. "What is it with your beard and your hair though? Don't you know you can cut them?" She was teasing him again, that was one of the things he loved about her. A smile spread on his face. Alexandra's heart stopped when she saw his grin. It had always made her feel dizzy. She definitely shouldn't be so close.

"It didn't really bother anyone where I was. Your hair is very long too," he noticed, passing his hands on her braid.

"Yeah, I didn't really have the time to go to the hairdresser. But neither did you." They were teasing each other like they did in the old times. But it was obvious that something had changed. They were not the same anymore, neither of them and they both knew it, but for a moment, they both wanted to forget it.

"I've been thinking a lot about what happened," Lucas started, breaking the silence.

"I know. Me too."

"I tried to free you…"

"I know. My father told me."

"Did he?"

"He said that you tried to be my white knight and save me from my evil and tyrannical father."

"I like your father's sense of humor," Lucas said darkly.

"Me too. I'd have quite liked to see you on a white horse though." Her joke made his smile widen. She had not lost her funny side. "I'm really sorry," she sighed.

"Sorry?"

"For what happened."

"I'm the one who should be sorry. I lied to you, I betrayed you, I…"

"No," she interrupted. "I should have trusted you when you told me you were working for your father. I was full of anger and hatred, my mind was not clear. You don't have to feel guilty about it." She slowly got out of his embrace and sat. "I always thought all of my troubles were because of you, because of your family. But it was me, my life, my family, all of this was meant to happen."

"No. I should have told you."

"You tried to tell me, I was not listening."

"I should have done something differently."

"You did what you thought was good at the time."

"No. That's why it's so unfair because I did the exact opposite of what I wanted to do. I know I could have protected you differently. I know I should have protected you since the beginning. You were the one who needed to be protected. I will never be able to erase my mistakes."

Alexandra could see how guilty he was feeling, yet she needed him to be stronger than that. She had a plan. Since she now had to stay here, she had decided what she should do and how she should act. Being close with Lucas was not part of it and obviously the only way to keep him away from her would have to come from her side.

"Lucas, I know why you acted like you did. I know you didn't mean what you said, what you did. It was not you, the real you. But you let me down and it broke my heart. You left me. It wasn't fair. It's not easy for me to get over it. I can't forget it but I already forgave you. So you don't need to worry about it," she affirmed, her tone devoid of emotion. After all, why should she let him know how lost she was right now? It wouldn't help, would it? Suddenly it didn't really make sense for her to be there.

She looked down, her hair covering part of her face. What was she doing? She had to stop it. Lucas kneeled in front of her and lightly brushed a brand of hair off her face. She wished he wouldn't. She wished he was not that close. She was way too worried that her cold mask was going to crack under his soft touch and her hair was a good back-up in case it occurred.

"What about us?" He asked, not sure if he was ready for the answer. When his eyes met hers, he knew he was not going to like what was coming next.

"I've had a lot of time to think about it…" She pursed her lips and took a deep breath. "I think we were wrong from the beginning." His eyes widened in disbelief at her statement.

"The beginning?"

"We didn't end up together for the right reason. I was lost and alone, you were lost and alone too. We saw other what we wanted to see in each other, what we needed at the time, but it was not enough, it was not real."

Lucas didn't interrupt her, he didn't know what to say. She was startling him again.

"I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. You didn't have to date me or seduce me. I wanted it to happen and when I got pregnant… Well, we just believed we could make it. We thought it was our way out from our past, a chance to start over. But we were fools, lying to ourselves." Lucas's breath quickened as she was talking. He was hardly trying to keep calm. Alexandra was speaking quickly, she didn't want Lucas to interrupt her. There was no trace of doubt in her voice, however Lucas felt like she was rehearsing a lesson she had learned by heart. "I don't mean we didn't have feelings for each other, but…"

"It was not enough," he stated, stopping her from talking, his eyes looking at hers. She put her hands on his.

"That doesn't mean it wasn't good to be together. I think that I was the only person you had at the time. You were the only person I had." Sadness crossed his face. "And with what happened with Skye and all…"

"I don't believe you," he interrupted. "I don't believe you believe what you said either. You know it was more than just an attachment because of loneliness. You know it was more than that from the beginning." Here he was, disagreeing with her theory. It was not what she wanted him to do, yet it ended up helping her. How dare he say that after what had happened? He had been the one who had needed to cheat on her to realize her loved her! She could feel anger growing inside her and soon she was upset enough to reply roughly.

"Honestly Lucas? What were we thinking? With everything that was going on, we were doomed to fail. Us, it was not a possibility. We made that clear the day we thought we could live in the jungle and raise a family. We barely knew each other! What were we expecting?" She yelled.

"And now what?" he inquired coldly.

"We can be… Friends… Like before." Alexandra tried to sound gentler, but saw Lucas wince. "I'll always be there if you need me. I hope you'll do the same," she added. Yet, she was hoping he wouldn't have to.

"Friends? Friends? Really? Do you really think we can be just friends?" His voice was shaking in anger.

"Yes, we would be good friends," she said calmly, trying to ease the pain he was expressing.

"No way!" he said firmly. His voice had risen to a shout. "You don't know what you're saying!" Alexandra had to make him believe what she had just said. Maybe telling him that the problem was her and not him would help? Maybe a good example would help, the kind of example that would hurt him too, but at least he would understand that she was serious.

"I know exactly what I'm saying! Look at our parents! My mother was madly in love with my father. Your mother was passionately in love with your father. Look what it brought them! Where are they now? They're dead! Dead!" She was yelling again. "Can't you see it? There is no more room for love in me, in my body, in my heart. I will not allow anyone to hurt me again. If it makes me heartless, then that is what I'm gonna be." All of a sudden, he stood up, grabbing her wrists on the way and pulling her up to him.

"I'm not going to let you go. I won't be just a friend. We can't be just friends." She knew he would fight for it. Lucas was not the kind of person who could just let go. He would never abandon her. Not after what had happened before. But she had hoped he would.

"You'll find someone else to love. It doesn't have to be me. You're free to do whatever you want, to have whatever you like, to love whoever you want. The choice is yours," she answered quietly, but she regretted her words immediately. She wanted him to realize he could have someone else, she didn't mean to imply he could have her. He leaned to her, his lips softly brushing her chin, her cheek, teasing her.

"I want to have you then," he slowly whispered to her ear. It made her shiver and it made him chuckle. "Don't deny it, your body wants me as much as I want yours."

"Lucas…" she sighed. She had not seen him for a year and there she was, trembling in excitement at the sound of his voice, the scent of his skin, the touch of his body. How could her feelings for him still be so vivid? "Don't make this harder than this is."

Alexandra shut her eyes and took a deep breath. She gently pushed him away and managed to tell him what she had to.

"Friends. It's all I can offer you." Her voice was shaking slightly. It could have been from fear or excitement, she didn't know. She didn't want to fight with him, she didn't try to free her wrists from his hands, even if it was hurting her now. He stared at her, frustration mixed with pain in his eyes, looking for a reaction that never came. Lucas's relaxed expression contorted into a scowl.

"Then I don't take it," he snapped, pulling her wrists away with disgust. "You can push me away as much as you want. I don't care. I won't give up on you! I haven't waited for a year for you to come back and leave you now!"

Alexandra looked at him as he stormed away. She felt her heart clench as he violently slammed the door. She had done what she had to. Then, why was she so sad? Why was she feeling so miserable? Alexandra quickly wiped away a tear she felt running down her cheek. She had to be tougher, she had to be stronger or her plan would not succeed. It had been easier to be heartless when she was with her father, when she had nothing left because nothing could be taken away from her. Now, being here again, all of her feelings were slapping her right in the face. She had to control herself better. She shouldn't let her emotions get in the way. She had suffered too much in the past and she didn't want to be hurt again because surely she would be hurt if she was close with them again. With what she knew, she had to keep to her plan. She had been caught off guard by her own reaction at Lucas' sight but she wouldn't be surprised again. She would stay distant and bury her feelings like she had done with her father. She had succeeded at the time, it wouldn't be much harder here, or so she hoped.

Lucas was furious. He had been haunted by Alexandra's scream the day she had tried to escape, when she had begged him to let her go and he had refused. He had hated himself so much for what had happened and at the same time he had hated her so much for having attempted to take her life. But he couldn't blame her for that either. He knew she was strong but sometimes it was not that simple. Now his reunion with her had been a disaster. It wasn't a total disaster because clearly, at the beginning, there was something. He had felt it. She wanted it as much as he did, but he had pushed her too quickly. Maybe if he had been more patient she would have allowed him to stay close. Lucas needed to think about it. As he walked outside, he spotted his father downstairs and it made him even angrier. He passed him without speaking and went away. He had to figure out what to do with Alexandra. He would not give up on her, he would fight for her and he had to think how.


Feel the music, feel the story

Alex's part

"Take a look at my body. Look at my hands. There's so much here that I don't understand. Your face saving promises, whispered like prayers. I don't need them. I've been treated so wrong. I've been treated so long. As if I'm becoming untouchable. Contempt loves the silence. It thrives in the dark with fine winding tendrils that strangle the heart. They say that promises sweeten the blow. But I don't need them. No, I don't need them. I'm a slow dying flower. Frost killing hour. The sweet turning sour. And untouchable. Oh, I need the darkness, the sweetness, the sadness, the weakness. Oh, I need this. I need a lullaby, a kiss goodnight. Angel sweet love of my life. Oh, I need this. Do you remember the way that you touched me before. All the trembling sweetness I loved and adored? Well, is it dark enough? Can you see me? Do you want me? Can you reach me? Or I'm leaving. You better shut your mouth. Hold your breath. Kiss me now you'll catch your death. Oh, I mean it. Oh, I need this." My skin - Nathalie Merchant

Lucas' part

"Something lately drives me crazy. Has to do with how you make me struggle to get your attention. […] Tell me why I feel unwanted? Damn, if you didn't want me back why'd you have to act like that? It's confusing to the core 'Cause I know you want it. Oh, and if you don't wanna be something substantial with me, then why do you give me more? Babe I know you want it. Say that you want me every day that you want me every way, that you need me, got me trippin' super psycho love." Super Psycho Love - Simon Curtis