"It seems almost…sacrilegious," Rei fussed, frowning as she poked at the Sacred Fire and added more fuel to it. "Tell me again why we're doing this? I don't like using the fire kami for games."
"It's not either sacrilegious," Minako objected. "And it's no game. We're doing it because we have to protect ourselves."
"Blondie has a point. We can't just trust to fate and Usagi to find us a good one. I mean, she's a perfect dear and she has good taste for her own clothes, but really, her tastes have to be held a little suspect. I mean, she's marrying Mamoru and he wears that…that…thing…" Makoto said bluntly, settling herself cross-legged on the floor beside Rei.
From the depths of her handbag she tugged out a lumpy-looking tangle of yarn and two long knitting needles, wrestling with them as she tried to straighten out the tangled mass of yarn. It was a near color match to a certain very ugly sport coat that their friend's fiancé wore on a regular basis.
"Point taken," Rei couldn't help but admit, though she continued to fret. "Haruka and Michiru are lucky. Haruka was even able to sweet talk Usagi into letting her wear a tux since she and Michiru aren't walking down the aisle, but doing the music instead."
"I hope no one minds if I work until it's my turn," Makoto murmured, re-adjusting her needles. "One of the girls on campus said this was a good way to relax and be productive at the same time. She lent me an old ball of yarn she had to practice with."
"I didn't know you knitted," Ami commented. "That's a…unique color."
"Unfortunate color is more like it," interjected Minako, eying the stuff like it was a bomb about to go off.
"I…" Just then one of the needles slipped and Makoto dropped a stitch. Makoto scowled at the would-be scarf in her hands. "I don't really knit. At least not well. I'm just trying to learn a new skill."
"Well," Minako said gaily, "keep it up, Mako-chan and I'm sure you'll get it. After all, they say that practice makes perfect."
Three spooked women stared in disbelief at their friend as crickets chirped and the world seemed to spin off its axis. Minako looked back at them, then blinked. "What?"
"You…you said it right," Ami muttered, dumfounded. The little bluenette looked as if she expected the world to fall in on them all. Surely Minako getting an adage right was a sign of the end times. "You actually got an aphorism completely correct."
Minako grinned cheekily, flashing her trademark V for victory sign. "I know…I've been practicing it for a while now. That's why I said it. So are we ready to begin? After all time's a'trashing…"
Rei, Makoto and Ami all sighed, relieved, as their world settled back into its normal orbit.
"Hotaru-chan isn't here yet," Ami pointed out with a gentle smile, making Minako flush.
"Ooops…I'm so used to it being just us Inners against the world that I forgot she was going to be a bridesmaid too."
A quick, furtive rap at the door had everyone inside tensing guiltily.
"Who is it?" Minako called out warily.
The door swung open without a word, revealing a slender, delicate looking, and very pale, but amused looking teenage girl. The women smiled at their youngest senshi comrade and fellow bridesmaid. The teen turned, whispered something to someone just outside the door and then shut it behind her, leaving the five young women in privacy.
"Hi everyone," Tomoe Hotaru said with a grin, plopping herself down on the floor next to Ami. "Sorry I'm late."
"That's okay," Minako assured her. "We're just now ready to start anyway."
"The Shitennou said they'd make sure we weren't disturbed in any way," Hotaru said with a merry twinkle in her eye. "Jadeite made me show him ID. Zoisite did some kind of biometric security thing to make me prove I was who I said I was, and Nephrite did a quick little star reading." She smiled blandly. "I had no idea he could do that during the day." She paused and shot a quick, sly glance at Minako. "Kunzite himself is stationed right outside the door. We couldn't be better protected while we're doing this."
"I'm not so sure of that," groaned Minako, looking cross. Under her breath she muttered, "I don't know why we had to bring Kunzite into this at all. He doesn't make ME feel safe."
Four pairs of very interested eyes turned on the blonde, who blushed faintly and waved a hand. "Never mind…forget I said anything at all."
In an attempt to forestall speculation about her rocky interactions with Kunzite, Minako leapt to her feet and started to get down to business.
"Okay. Everyone knows why we're here. We're going to pray to whatever kami might be listening to save us from a fate worse than death by chocolate…the ugly bridesmaid's dress."
Everyone giggled at Minako's overwrought tones, but she continued in spite of the general laughter.
"We have all brought with us a picture of the ugliest bridesmaid dress we could find so that we can show the gods exactly what NOT to get us…and to burn those dresses ceremonially to ward them off. Also," Minako paused to wipe away a hint of drool from the corner of her mouth, "the one who brings the ugliest picture wins a box of Mako-chan's famous bonbons for herself."
Makoto ceased struggling with her knitting long enough to preen slightly. Hotaru grinned at the sight of the project. "Oh, Mako-chan, Setsuna-mama asked me to tell you that there's going to be a fancy new baby shop called Ma Petit Enfant opening up downtown in another few months that you'll need to check out..." Hotaru broke off, leaving a pregnant pause.
There was an indrawn gasp from the rest of the Inners, whose collective gaze swung to the knitting. Makoto couldn't possibly be…could she?
Makoto's face went completely scarlet as she realized what her friends were thinking. "I'm not…" She whispered her denial. "Honest."
"…for one of your co-workers who's going to be expecting." Hotaru finished up with a smirk, thoroughly satisfied with the mischief she'd managed.
Shooting a testy glare at the teen, Makoto growled, jabbing a knitting needle in Hotaru's general direction. "You may not be Mistress Nine anymore, missy, but part of you is still eeeevil." Her reprimand seemed not to faze its intended target much as Hotaru dissolved in giggles, nearly rolling on the floor.
Minako sighed gustily. "If we could please get started…"
"Can I go first?" Hotaru begged, sitting up and waving a hand. "Please…"
With the magnanimous air of a queen offering a token to her subject, Minako nodded. "Yes, I think that's fair. Why don't we all go by age…youngest to oldest?" She smirked as Rei scowled in the sudden realization that she was going to be last. "Sorry oldster."
Rei bristled as Hotaru smothered another giggle behind her hands. Suddenly, though, the girl sat upright. "Wait a second…I should let you know that even though Setsuna-mama couldn't be here today, she sent word that she wanted to participate in this. She gave me a sealed envelope to present in her stead. So I guess I'll be going first AND last today."
"Show us what you brought."
With a gravity beyond her years, Hotaru made a production of opening up her leather satchel and withdrawing a bridal magazine. Slowly she flipped it open, finally pointing to a dress of crunchy looking taffeta. Though the style wasn't bad, the color, a shade that was too yellowish to be peach but too peachy to be buttercup yellow, was foul. It was also guaranteed to make the pale skinned but dark haired Hotaru look like death warmed over. "There. Exhibit number one."
"It's almost the exact color of the filling for my apricot bonbons," Makoto observed, looking thoughtful. "But crispy."
Rei leaned over for a look and cringed, tugging on her own raven mane. "Sallow city," she pronounced. "I can see why you picked it, Hotaru-chan."
Hotaru nodded. "I figured you'd understand, Rei-chan. Even the name of the color is bad. It's called Shrimp. Ugh."
"I kind of like it," Minako murmured, eyeing the dress critically. "It's so…warm."
"You would like it, Blondie. But it's horrible." sniffed Rei. "Next!"
Laying aside her knitting, Makoto pulled out two snapshots, which she held to her chest, grinning with satisfaction. "I borrowed Nephrite's camera to take these so you could see both the front and the back. I think you'll all agree that it's the trifecta of hideousness."
Slowly she placed the photographs beside Hotaru's offering. "Big butt bow AND a peplum, guaranteed to make anybody's butt look huge, AND cheesy satin and lace fabrics in a bilious seafoam green color. Makoto smoothed her hands over her own curvy hips. "I am not built for those sorts of details, and even Nephrite was astonished that I could find a shade of green that didn't exactly flatter me."
"Wow," Minako muttered. "That's pretty awesomely bad, Mako-chan. A triple threat." She glanced up at Ami. "What did you bring us, Ami-chan?"
The petite genius absently tugged a picture, cut from a magazine, from where it appeared to have been used for marking her place in the book she'd been reading. Ami's picture showed a model who seemed almost embarrassed to be seen wearing a gawdawful confection of a dress that bared one shoulder and was held up on the other shoulder by a huge ruffle. What lifted it from bad to truly ridiculous, however, was the gown's fabric and color, a crumpled-looking, shiny, metallic fuchsia lamé.
Makoto recoiled. "Ack! Can you imagine how that would clash with my hair? Ewww… and Nephrite would see me in it. Take it away, Ami-chan! For the love of god, take it away!"
Ami grinned contentedly. She could almost taste Makoto's bonbons. They, like victory, would be sweet.
"I guess I'm next," Minako said with a grin that had the others, save Ami, looking worried. With her known outlandish tastes, anything Minako found bad enough to present had to be a caution.
Minako presented her offering with a showy flourish. Ami stared, then looked crestfallen as Minako's choice knocked hers completely out of contention. "It…it looks like a cross between a circus tent and a carousel," she muttered faintly, eyeing the massive bright blue skirt which was pulled up here and there at the bottom to reveal white ruffles beneath.
"The big top meets an explosion at a lace factory," added Hotaru, wincing at the cobwebby black stuff that outlined each 'pull-up' in the skirt.
"It requires a hoop skirt," groaned Rei, holding her head. "Okay…that's a tough one. Yeesh…what are some designers smoking when they come up with this stuff?"
"I don't know," Makoto murmured, "but whatever it is, it's strong. Even Scarlett O'Hara wouldn't have worn that one."
There was a general nodding of heads. "Well," Rei said, "I guess that leaves mine. I'm not sure if mine is as bad as some of the others, but I based it on solid research. I showed Jadeite a few of the possibilities. When he started drooling over this one, I figured I had my choice. Voila…"
She pulled out another bridal magazine and flipped through it until she came to a page marked with a sticky note.
"I think it's pretty nice, actually," Makoto murmured, poking her finger at a picture of a sedate-looking floral-print dress. "It's sort of springy."
"Ooops. That's not it," Rei announced with a sweatdrop, flipping over one page. "It's this one."
The girls stared, dumbfounded. Rei's dress choice had a spaghetti-strapped, corset-looking top of metallic green and black stripes and a very short skirt of tiered black tulle ruffles. Finally Minako began to laugh. "It looks like…like…" Unable to find the words she mimed pouring a whisky.
"Like a tarty saloon girl's dress?" Rei answered dryly. "I know. Like something out of those bad Westerns you used to watch, Minako." She snorted. "If we wear something like this, Usagi's wedding will be, at least for me, a slap and tickle fest, not a serious occasion. I do not trust this dress and Jadeite. In fact, the very thought again makes me say, damn Haruka and Michiru for escaping."
"Haruka-papa always has a plan," Hotaru said with a grin.
"It's going to be awfully hard to choose the worst one," Ami muttered, tapping each picture by turn with a single fingernail. "Just when you think you've seen the worst, along comes another one."
"Wait," Hotaru reminded them. "We still have Setsuna-mama's dress to show. She wouldn't even show me what it was. She gave it to Kunzite to give to me when I got here and just said we wouldn't believe it. She said that, as a designer herself, it pained her beyond all ability to describe."
Borrowing one of Makoto's knitting needles, Hotaru slit open the top of the sealed brown manila envelope, stamped all over with caution and bio-hazard warning stamps, and pulled out a picture, setting it down so everyone could take a good long look. Reaction was swift and appalled.
"Sweet heaven preserve us!"
"My gods! That is so wrong!"
"There ought to be laws!"
"There aren't words enough…"
"That's what happens when a body has all of time to find the most horrendous bridesmaid dress ever made. You just can't imagine that such a thing exists and then someone goes and creates something like that…"
Minako shuddered delicately, scooping up the pictures, being careful to use the rest to hide Setsuna's picture least they be forced to see it again. "Let us burn it and never speak of it again. But pray hard."
Spooked, the women shivered and nodded. Everyone knelt, head bowed and eyes closed in silent prayer as Minako slowly fed the pictures into the fire, carefully averting her eyes from the last image until it had curled into ash.
There was an almost palpable lightening of the atmosphere as it went, as if a great evil had been purified in the flames. Makoto smiled weakly. "Well, I guess Setsuna wins the prize…with a bullet."
Nobody could deny it. Hotaru, though, frowned as she pulled out a slip of paper that she had found wedged in the bottom of the manila envelope. It turned out to be a note from Setsuna herself. "Well I'll be…" she muttered, scanning the words. "Listen to this, Mako-chan. She says she knew she was going to win, so she's already collected her prize from your place, and that they were delicious. She said you were right too, when you said the color of my dress was the same as the filling in the apricot bonbons."
Hotaru paused and scratched her head. "Oh…and the last little bit doesn't make much sense, but she said when you go to Ma Petit Enfant for that co-worker, Mako-chan, even if you admire a bunch of other stuff, you're supposed to buy the green and pink layette set. But she doesn't say why. Just that you're supposed to and you'll thank her someday."
"Now that's pure Setsuna," Makoto said with a laugh as she rose and shouldered her bag, stuffing her knitting inside. "Always cryptic and at least three steps ahead of the rest of us. If you see her, Hotaru-chan, tell her I'll keep her words in mind. But for now, I've got a date."
The brunette grinned and her emerald eyes twinkled in anticipation. "Nephrite's taking me to lunch and then we're going to go to the beach. Gotta love romantic walks along the sand with a man who looks good in a swimsuit."
She glanced over at Ami. "Wanna bring Zoisite and join us later for a bonfire? I know you love the beach, Ami-chan. And I'll bet Zoi thinks you look cute in that little aqua maillot you bought."
"I'll ask him." Ami flushed to the roots of her hair, but looked pleased until she realized what it sounded like she'd said. "I mean…I'll ask him if he wants to come… I mean… Oh heck!" Red-faced, she crossed her arms over her chest and pouted.
Rei and Makoto laughed and gave the blushing woman light hugs. "Never mind, Ami-chan. Even a genius is entitled to a brain blip now and again."
"I'll tell the guys to go stand down," Makoto murmured, sliding open the door.
"All done?" rumbled a very male voice. Minako, who was gathering her things, winced and continued rooting around in her own bag.
"Yup. Arigato, Kunzite. Ja ne, everyone." Makoto gave an airy wave and left, followed by an embarrassed Ami and a gleefully grinning Hotaru.
The broad-shouldered Shitennou entered the fire room and for Minako, it suddenly seemed to shrink until all she could see was the silver-haired man. Rei took a long look, sized up the situation, and mumbled something about needing to go get some more wood for the fire. She left the room with almost indecent haste, abandoning her friend and ignoring Minako's pleading look.
Minako blanched. She'd been trying for weeks, with only limited success, to keep her distance from the platinum-haired Shitennou with the intense mien. He was, however, hard to ignore, especially when he was chasing her. She was weak, darn it! And it was all his fault!
Kunzite couldn't help but smile. Minako looked gorgeous any time, but when she was flustered, she looked downright adorable. "So…did you ladies manage to find the ugliest bridesmaid dress ever in the history of weddings?"
Shocked, Minako looked up and lost herself for a second in his intense silver-grey gaze. "You knew?"
He nodded, trying to regroup his face into its usual solemn lines. He failed. "Sailor Pluto warned me. But don't worry. We won't say a word to either Endy…I mean, Mamoru or Usagi. Your secret is safe with us."
Minako sighed in sudden relief. "Thank goodness…"
"I'd do anything for you," he reminded her with a significant look.
Without warning, though, Kunzite bent and took her in his strong arms, ignoring Minako's nervous little squeak. He brushed back a lock of her golden hair and his breath and lips were warm against her ear as he murmured quietly. "The dress doesn't always make the man, or in this case, the woman. For what it's worth, Minako, I think you'd have managed to look stunning in whatever you wore..."
Minako froze, simply breathing in the oh so male scent of sandalwood and wood smoke and him. Her heart pounded furiously. Was he going to kiss her today? Sweet Aphrodite…though she was still wary of him, a part of her couldn't help wanting him to. Unconsciously she leaned upward on tip toe.
Kunzite's grin turned into a pure bad-boy smirk as he finished. "…even in Setsuna's bubblegum pink sequined Hello Kitty number."
(Author's Note: Submitted for the Kunzite/Mina fans' approval, group meddling. :D This story hops back in time a few months from the last one, but that Pluto's a crafty one, isn't she? Boy, these little scenes just keep getting longer and longer too…Whew!)
