Happy New Year 2013!
Caught off guard
Lucas went back home to have a shower before heading back to the lab. His night had been a success and he couldn't stop himself from simpering.
"What's going on with you?" Mark asked, perplex.
"Nothing," Lucas grinned.
"Your father was looking for you last night."
"Oh, and what did he want that was so important that he came here to find me?"
"He didn't tell me. I think he wanted to know if you had made progress on the portal."
"I'll go and see him later," Lucas said with no conviction.
"You didn't come home last night, did you?" Mark smiled.
"Sorry wife, should I have called to tell you?" Lucas taunted him.
"I waited for you," Mark said, faking to be sad.
"Sorry, I didn't know I needed to report to you every night!"
"Anyway, your dinner is in the fridge, hubby," Mark replied jokingly.
"I think I'll pass on that. I need a shower."
"As you wish," Mark said, ready to leave. "Oh, by the way, I took all the hot water. I hope you don't mind cold shower?"
Lucas grabbed one of the cushions from the sofa and threw it at Mark who was fast enough to avoid the collision.
"That's what I thought," he chuckled. "See you later!"
Even if Lucas had given Alexandra her morning to sleep, she knew she couldn't. She was overexcited and at the same time her body was aching from her sleep on the ground. A good hot shower would surely help. She stayed under the spray until her muscles relaxed, letting her mind wander about her last meeting with Lucas. She was quite happily surprised by the turn of events. Lucas' affection was heartwarming. Thinking about his previous closeness sent her heart racing. Why was it so easy for him to turn her world upside down, and break all the resolutions she had?
His presence had always made her lose control. It was such a pleasurable time. She realized she was smiling absentmindedly at the thought of his hot body and her grin vanished in a second. She stepped out of the shower, upset.
"What do you think you're doing? Huh? Are you stupid or what? You're just gonna hurt him more!" She scolded to her reflection in the mirror. "And you're talking to yourself aloud like there's someone else in the room... Freaky," she muttered. She thought about Lucas' tenderness one last time before she stopped.
"Stop dreaming girl, this is not gonna happen," she reminded herself severely.
Frustrated by her lack of will, she grabbed her toothbrush and started brushing her teeth violently with anger. She grimaced as she tasted blood in her mouth. She spat into the sink and looked at her mouth in the mirror. Her gums were bleeding. She cursed herself for her brutality.
All of a sudden, she clamped her hand over her mouth. Nausea invaded her stomach in a second. She tried to breathe to ease the sensation, but failed miserably and ran to the toilet to vomit. The toothpaste mixed with the blood tasted like rust in her mouth. Once, twice and then a third time, all she could vomit was bile. Her stomach was twitching of pain as it was totally empty. She realized her last meal was the breakfast from the previous day. Maybe she should eat something. It was always worst on an empty stomach.
Once she was sure she would not throw up again, she sat next to the bowl, exhausted. How could she be so sick? She started calculate in her head and then, she understood. She gasped as she realized what it meant. What she feared the most was happening. And even if she had thought about it a thousand times, she couldn't stop the fear for growing up inside her. Her chest suddenly felt too tight, like she couldn't breathe. She tried to calm down but she couldn't.
She paced in the bathroom, thinking about a solution. As nothing came, she sat back in the corner of the room, suddenly exhausted. Why was she trying to find a solution? There was none and she knew it. She bit her bottom lips in nervousness, upset. Then she saw it, the shudder of her right hand.
"No way…" She mumbled to herself. Pain started irradiating her forearm and the shaking started to increase. Stress was taking its toll on her, making it worst. She grabbed her arm with her left hand and tried to stop it from trembling. She tightened her jaw to stop herself from screaming of pain. It hurt so much, she was afraid to throw up again. How could this happen now?
She really needed some painkillers, she had to ease this sharp pain. She had nothing at home and couldn't ask Dr. Shannon. She knew Elisabeth would ask why and she didn't want her to know. Alexandra stood up and left her house, ready to find a way to break into the pharmacy. Soon, the infirmary would be crowded, she had to hurry.
In less than 5 minutes, she reached the infirmary and discreetly broke into the lab, opening a backside window, and began to look for painkillers. She searched everywhere but didn't find them. Of course, they were probably hidden somewhere, locked in a closet. She sighed, rolling her eyes and then stopped as her eyes landed on something. Two boxes of painkillers were on top of a piece of furniture. She quickly grabbed a chair and climbed on it trying to reach them. They were just too high. She stood on tiptoe and stretched her arms up, cursing herself for not being tall enough. Her feet were suddenly too close to the edge and the chair leaned forward abruptly, dropping Alexandra with it.
She let out a little cry but strangely, she did not fall to the ground. Somebody had caught her. She met the eyes of her savior and remained subjugated by his beautiful green eyes. Lucas. They stayed motionless, staring into each other's eyes for what seemed like an eternity. Her heart was racing and she could feel Lucas' pulse growing too. She had been caught by the one she wanted the least to see her. Now she would have to give explanations.
As Lucas headed to the headquarters, he had seen somebody breaking into the lab. He had followed the thief and had realized it was Alexandra. He had kept an eye on her the whole time until she had fallen from the chair. Before, he had doubts about her, but now he was sure she was up to something. She acted awkwardly since her return. Breaking into the infirmary was really not something the Alexandra he knew would do.
"Can I help you?" Dr. Shannon interrupted, a questioning look on her face. Her arrival brought them back to reality. Lucas was still holding Alexandra in his arms. She flushed, confused. Lucas gave her a last interrogative look and placed her gently on her feet.
"I… And he… So," she stammered an explanation they could not understand, gesturing with her hands. She looked at them anxiously and went out without further delay. Dr. Shannon gave a questioning glance at Lucas, who only shrugged in response and left too. Dr Shannon stayed stunned in the room, not knowing what to think about what had just happened. Lucas tried to follow Alexandra, but when he came out, she was already gone.
Alexandra held her breath until she was finally out. She sneaked into an alley and leaned against a wall. She breathed heavily and shut her eyes, trying to calm down. She cursed herself for being so negligent. Now, Lucas was going to ask her questions and he would not let her rest until he had some answers. The tears came unbidden and she cried without knowing the exact reason for the emotion. She looked around her and once she was sure she was really alone, she just let herself go in her sorrow.
She didn't know how long she stayed in the grips of sadness, but eventually, she had cried herself to sleep, her back against the unit, in a sitting position. As the sun went down slowly, she awoke, its light playing on her eyelids. She stood up with difficulty and went back home to hide herself from the rest of the world, feeling miserable. When she reached her house, she found a message asking her to join the commander at the headquarters. That was it, she was going to be accused of robbery and she would have to explain everything.
She pressed her lips, thinking. She had to go, she couldn't stay at her house while they were waiting for her. She had to be strong. She wiped her face with her hands to erase the traces of tears but knew it had not been enough the second she entered the headquarters. Taylor, Jim, Damon and Lucas, everyone looked at her with varying degrees of concern on their respective faces. She forced a smile as nothing was going on and that seemed to satisfy everyone except Lucas. He stared at her for a few seconds longer before turning his attention to his father's desk where a plan was.
"Alex, glad to see you," Taylor welcomed her.
"Sorry, I'm late. I..."
"Lucas told us he gave you some time off to sleep. It's okay," Jim cut her.
"What's going on?" She asked innocently.
"We were looking at your impressive work," Damon smiled.
Alexandra relaxed as she understood she had not been convoked because of what she had done in the morning but because of her work on the portal.
"It's not that impressive," she felt the need to argue.
"I think it is," Taylor insisted. "From what Lucas told us, we are on the good way to create our own portal with our own time fracture. Of course, we still need to find the components to create the portal, but it's really good news."
Alexandra stared absentmindedly at the plan that was on Taylor's desk. A new portal, soon. Was it really good news? It meant so much more than just a new way to the future, to medicine and technology. Her heart started quickening at the thought of what it would bring.
"Are you still with us, Miss Paris?" Taylor asked her, dragging her out from her reverie.
"Yes, Commander, always," she smiled immediately in reflex, but the way he looked at her betrayed the doubts he was having. "I'm listening," she added seriously to convince him.
"Day dreaming about OTG?" He wondered. Her mouth gaped at his innuendo. She looked at Jim who shrugged lightly, like he was not the one who had told him. "Do you really think I wouldn't notice you went OTG?" Taylor asked, appraising her with his piercing eyes.
"I guess I hoped so," she confessed shyly.
She felt Lucas observing her intensively and she shuddered slightly, embarrassed. He knew too much but not enough. He was going to dig until he found the truth.
"Fight at Boylan's," a voice was suddenly heard through the walkie-talkie. "Josh Shannon involved," the voice pointed out.
"Josh," Jim growled.
"Commander, we need reinforcement here!" A second voice said that Alexandra recognized as Mark's voice.
"Let's go," Taylor commanded Jim and Damon. "Wait for us here," he added to Lucas and Alexandra who were ready to follow them. "I think you did enough last time."
Alexandra felt unfairly accused. She was not part of the last fight at Boylan's. She folded her arms on her chest, annoyed. Lucas waited for his father to be gone before grabbing Alexandra's arm and turning her to face him.
"Are you working for your father?" He asked bluntly.
"What?" She choked.
"Is Charles forcing you to do something you don't want to?" He inquired.
"Forcing me?"
"Did he send you here?"
"I came back here through a portal in the air, nearly crashed down with a helicopter. Do you really think that it looks like one of my father's plan?"
Lucas raised a doubtful eyebrow at her, his expression unreadable.
"Are you a drug addict?"
"Pardon?" She asked, stunned.
"Are you?"
"No!"
"You broke into the pharmacy!"
"No! No, I'm not!" She defended herself vigorously.
"Then, what were you doing?"
"Nothing, I… Are you gonna tell your father?"
"No!" He grimaced as if the idea repulsed him. "Of course not!"
"Then I have nothing to say."
"Just tell me what's going on and I'll help you fix it."
"You can't fix this."
"Tell me," he pleaded to her. "Let me help you. I can't help you if you're not honest with me."
"I don't need your help, Lucas. There's nothing to fix. I'm fine. No one is forcing me to do something I don't want to do. I follow my own plans, my decisions. Stop digging for something that doesn't exist!"
Lucas raised an eyebrow at Alexandra's innuendo, but obediently stopped questioning her.
Alexandra wanted to be strong but only felt weaker in his presence. Her heart was heavier than ever and tears, once again, were threatening to come. She didn't want him to affect her like this, but she couldn't control it. She was affected by anything he was saying, anything he was doing.
"I thought we were friends," Lucas insisted.
"We are. You just have to believe me when I say I'm not working for my father. I am not betraying the colony. I swear," she said firmly.
Lucas stared at her, frustrated. She was not telling him why she had broken into the pharmacy, just why she wouldn't. But he could see she was not lying. Once again, she seemed afraid. Lucas held his hand to her face and slowly caressed her cheek. His gaze wandered to her cheek, her lips, then back to her blue eyes.
"I believe you," he eventually answered.
"Thank you," she murmured gratefully. His concern for her was even harder to handle. She had never felt that way with anyone. If she was honest with herself, she knew it very well, he was the only one who could move her so deeply. He had succeeded making her experience the worst and the best. Still, she was terrified that whatever he would do, whatever he would say, her heart would always drive her back to him.
"Next time, I'll put him in the brig," Taylor warned Jim as they entered the room.
Lucas' hand left Alexandra's cheek in a second. He put both his hands in his pockets, acting nonchalantly.
"What happened?" He asked, even if he clearly didn't care.
Alexandra observed him as he played the relaxed guy. There was so much tension a minute ago, it was disturbing to see how he had easily turned back to his normal self.
"My son fought with some soldiers," Jim groaned.
"I don't think it's the first time," Lucas chuckled. "Maybe you should be more severe with him, no?"
"Lucas, you are really not in a position to give advice," his father told him seriously.
"I think we have more important things to discuss," Damon reminded them. "Let's focus on our plan, would you?"
"Our bigger problem is we don't know what we are facing. Charles could arrive in five minutes or in five years, there's no way we can be prepared properly," Jim stated.
"My father is not stupid. Why would he come back here, now? He has plenty of time to prepare his arrival. The more time he takes, the more time he leaves you without supplies."
"Or more time to prepare ourselves," Taylor claimed.
"In any case, she's right. What we need is to know when he's going to arrive," Damon confirmed.
"We can't know that, can we?" Jim asked Lucas.
"If we could control his portal, we could determine when he's coming. But there's only one way to do it. That's going to him and changing the parameters of his portal."
"It's impossible," Alexandra said firmly. "You can't do that."
"I just need a portal," Lucas retorted.
"Even if you had one, he wouldn't let you do that. He wouldn't let you approach his portal. It would be a suicide mission."
"You did it in the past. I don't see why I couldn't do it."
"You're not me, that's a good reason."
"I think you overestimate your dear father," Lucas argued.
"My father is not known for his patience. Above all now he has no one to restrain him. I bet he's so mad at me that he has probably killed every person he thinks I worked with. He's dangerous, I'm not overestimating him, it's just better if we don't underestimate him either."
"I could highjack his portal, like you did."
"This is really hazardous to play with a timeline. You told me that. Me, I just broke the portals he made. You, you want to modify it. It's not the same. And, like I said, there's only one left, my father would not allow anyone to approach it. It's probably hidden in a secured area known by him only."
"I bet you know where he would hide it."
"No, I don't. You're dreaming if you believe he hasn't changed everything I know. When my father will be here, because, just to be clear, he's gonna come here for me, for us. When he'll be here, he's gonna destroy everything. This is how he works. When something or someone is not as he wants it to be, he destroys it. Terra Nova is not an exception. Dead can't speak, that's how he likes it; quiet."
"We need to make him quiet first then," Lucas drawled, his tone menacing.
"Easy," Damon snarled.
"I don't believe that," Alexandra contested.
"So what do you believe, then?" Jim questioned.
"I believe my father is smart. Now he knows I betrayed him, he won't trust anyone. I'm sure he's the only one with access to the portal. But I also believe my father is not unbreakable. I believe he'll make a mistake when he comes here. And I believe that when he does, someone will have to stop him. I believe I'm gonna stop him."
"You can't stop him on your own," Damon warned her.
"Watch me," she said seriously.
"I don't like the way you see it," Lucas started.
"You shouldn't have asked if you don't want to hear the answer." Her tone left no space for debate. She clearly didn't want to discuss about her vision of the situation. She felt angry and was not neutral when it came to her father. He was hers. She was the one who would destroy him, no one else. She had not fought so long to leave them to do it. She would finish the job she had started, with or without their help.
"Alex, this fight is not only yours. It's ours," Taylor told her. "We need to explore every possibility. Anyway, from now on, we must prepare ourselves for the worst. We need to produce more guns, we need to go to the quarry and bring back supplies. Lucas, do you think you can get with some Sixers to go there? I think Malcolm can…"
Alexandra's ears started to ring and Taylor's voice seemed suddenly too far to be heard. She narrowed her eyes on him, trying to listen more carefully, but it didn't change anything. She could feel her hand shaking again. She clenched her fist to stop it, only making it worst. This time, the pain invaded her whole arm. It was too much, she couldn't stand the ache. Her eyes started to fill with tears and she looked away to hide them. She couldn't act like that in front of them. Being upset was not helping. She exhaled and inhaled slowly to make the tears go away. Once she was sure she would not cry, she glanced back at them.
"Alex…" Lucas scowled.
"What?"
"You're…" Damon said, putting his fingers under his nose.
She stared at him, frowning, and mimicked him, reaching her fingers to her nose, to find out it was bleeding.
"Oh… It's… It's nothing. Just the heat. And I'm tired. I…"
"You're very pale," Jim stated with concern.
"You're going to faint," Lucas said, approaching her quickly.
"No! It's okay," she said, putting her hands in front of her to keep Lucas away. "I should… I should go and see Dr. Shannon," she suddenly said, leaving them.
They all looked at her leaving, a questioning look on their faces.
"What's going on with her?" Taylor asked once she was gone.
Jim shook his head. "She has been acting awkwardly since she came back. I'm sure she's hiding something from us. Something important. She's not the girl I used to know."
"I don't know," Damon replied with a sigh. "Maybe she just needs time. She's been through a lot."
As Lucas didn't say a word, they all looked at him.
"What?"
"Do you know something we don't?" Taylor asked suspiciously.
"No, I don't," he lied.
Lucas was not stupid, he knew there was something. Alexandra was not herself since her arrival. First, she had mood swing and that was really not like her. Second, she looked tired all the time. Third, she had tried to steal painkillers from the infirmary, and that was not a small thing to do.
All of those details were linked, Lucas was sure, but he didn't know how. She had swore she was not working for her father, neither a drug addict, and he believed her. At least, if she had been a spy or an addict, it would have explained everything. The fact that she asked him to stop digging was making the whole thing a lot stranger.
Damon was staring at Lucas. He clearly didn't believe him. There was something really bothering her, something Lucas couldn't figure out, something she obviously hadn't told anyone.
Alexandra ran to the infirmary and found Dr Shannon working with Skye.
"Dr. Shannon? Can I have a word with you please?"
"Yes, sure;" she agreed.
"In private," she added, as she noticed Skye staying in the room.
"Sure. Skye, could you leave us, please?"
"Of course," she replied.
"So what is it Alex? How can I help you?" Dr. Shannon asked when Skye had shut the door.
"I'm here 'cause I need painkillers," she said with confidence.
"Why?" She asked, still suspicious after what had happened in the morning.
"I have trouble adjusting to the heat here and my nose just bled."
"You don't need painkillers for that. Lay down a minute, drink more water and…"
"My muscles are hurting. I think it's because of my time travel. Also, I don't sleep very well. I was wondering if you could give me some painkillers, so I could ease the pain."
"Doesn't sound like a consequence of time travel. I mean, do you have other symptoms?"
"I… Maybe it's just the fall from the portal then. I might have bruised a muscle. I'm a little bit stiff."
"Well, I told you that you should have let me check you the day you arrived," she lectured her, yet her tone was motherly. "Your fall does concern me a bit. I'm gonna do a scan. Lay on the bed."
"I don't think I need a scan or anything else. Paracetamol would be enough."
"Alex, are you telling me all of the truth?" She questioned, folding her arms on her chest.
"Yes! Why can't people stop asking me if I'm telling the truth!" She yelled with anger.
"I didn't want to say you were lying to me..." She retorted, quite shocked by Alexandra's reaction.
"I'm… I'm sorry. Sorry. I should not have yelled. The pain is driving me mad," she tried to joke. "Could you just give me something for the pain, please?"
"I'm just worried, you look exhausted."
"It's just… I just… I just," she stammered as her hand started shaking again. The pain was unbearable, burning her body from the inside. She couldn't stop her eyes from filling with tears.
"Alex, sweetheart, tell me, what's really going on?" Dr. Shannon asked, really worried now.
"It was not supposed to happen," she started to say, crying, unable to stop the tears from falling.
"What do you mean?"
"It was not part of my plan. I was not supposed to come back here. Being here, it feels wrong, so wrong. I was just supposed to destroy my father's work, end his devastating plan. Instead I failed and now... Now I'm here."
"Why is it so bad?"
"I can't tell you," she said, shaking her head. "Can't you just give me the medicine?"
"You know I can't," Dr. Shannon said with regret. "You need to talk first."
"I talk, and then you give me something?"
"Yes," she nodded.
"I'm here as a patient. You can't tell anyone what I'm gonna tell you, right?"
"Alex…"
"Anyone! I'm talking to my doctor, to Doctor Shannon, not Elisabeth, not my friend. Understood?"
"Okay."
"Promise me."
"I promise you. Whatever you're gonna say will stay between the two of us."
Alexandra made a pause to find the courage to tell Dr Shannon her story. She knew that once she would have said it out loud, it would mean it was real. And even if she had thought a lot about it, only now she realized how little she was ready for it.
Feel the music, feel the story
Alex's part
"My body is a cage that keeps me from dancing with the one I love. But my mind holds the key. I'm standing on a stage of fear and self doubt. It's a hollow play. But they'll clap anyway. […] I'm living in an age that calls darkness light. Though my language is dead, still the shapes fill my head. I'm living in an age whose name I don't know. Though the fear keeps me moving still my heart beats so slow. […] Set my spirit free." My body is a cage - Peter Gabriel
