"You aren't hiding it well." Kyle said back.
"What you mean. I am not a fag." I said, trying to sound cool.
"I'm not saying you are anything. But your face was getting pretty red." Kyle said in a calm voice.
"Tch, that was nothing." I said back as I felt my face become hot again.
"Alright, but you know you can talk to me if you need to." Kyle said.
"Whatever." I said back. I began doodling on the paper in front of me to try and take my mind off of Kyle comment. Yet it kept haunting me. I slammed down my pencil and looked up at him. He wore face that wasn't judging or in any way showed a bad intention.
"Why do you care?" I asked back. Even though Kyle seemed harmless, I couldn't get the idea that he was making fun of me out of my head.
Kyle gave me a soft smile. "Because I can relate."
My eyes widen at this information. I felt my heart race. I looked back down and mumbled. "Whatever Kyle…" To him.
The bell rang and I couldn't get out of there fast enough. The rest of the day I was constantly reminded of what Kyle had said. I didn't pay attention during class. I was too busy trying to figure out why I had been acting so weird. I was just nervous. It was the beginning f High school, so yeah, I just want to look cool. And Craig was my best friend so of course I would want him to think I am cool. It's fine.
Yet at lunch, it wasn't fine. I had clammed up. I couldn't speak in front of Craig. Everyone at the table was chatting up a storm and yet I was too busy having my body concave into itself. I wanted to disappear. This was all Kyle fault. I told myself. I feel even more nervous because of what he said. Still I couldn't help sneaking glimpse at Craig now and then. It was a weird feeling. A mixture of elated happiness and anxiety and a bit of fear. Either way I wasn't sure how to deal with it. How was I going to deal with it after school, when everyone was at my house?
There was only one thing to do. I stood up awkwardly and walked as quickly as I could over to Kyle.
"H-Hey Kyle." I grabbed his sleeve. "Can we talk?"
"OOOOH!" Cartman hollered. He was trying to imply or start something, but I didn't have the time for it.
"Shut up, Cartman." Kyle said. Then the two of us walked to a secluded area.
"What's up dude?" Kyle asked.
I slid down the wall. "So maybe, there could be a slight truth to what you said today…. It's not weird or anything… I mean maybe it's just a crush… Or maybe it's just a mistake…"
Kyle had a smile on his face. He looked like he wanted to laugh. I became embarrassed.
"This is your fault!" I accused.
Kyle sat down next to me and put a hand on my shoulder.
I sighed. "What do I do?"
"Tell him." Kyle said quickly.
"No way dude!" I said angrily. "How do I get rid of it?"
Kyle smiled again. "Tell him."
"You aren't listening!" I badgered.
Kyle stretched. "Just tell him. It's the only way to control your feelings. If you don't then they will go haywire." Kyle looked at me with sincere eyes. "You need to be honest. It's the only way you will feel better about it."
I looked back with pleading eyes. That wasn't the answer I wanted. I wanted to be cured or fixed. Now I will have to confront it. Maybe Kyle was wrong. I thought to myself. Maybe I could just ignore it all together.
"By the way." Kyle broke into my thoughts. "You have been pitching a tent for most of lunch now."
My eyes widen and I looked down. My face went beet red and I let out a gasp before looking back up.
"Alright, I'll tell him." I said in a defeated voice.
#
The rest of the school I was busy practicing what I was going to say to Craig. I wanted it to be cool. Not a big deal like; Hey dude did you see that last movie? And by the way I pitched tents when you are around. Nope, I mean more like; What's up dude? Did you see any good looking girls at school today? I mean I was more distracted looking at you- Ahhhhh no. Maybe like; Hey dude, I get really excited when you are around- Oh god. This was not going to go well.
I felt so defeated. It didn't need to be a big deal. After all, this was just a phase or a crush. I was sure it would pass. I started feeling a bit better by that. This was just a crush. So I didn't need to admit it to Craig. I just needed to admit it to myself. Well, I have a crush. Done. I let out a sigh and got ready for after school.
#
After school, all my friends and I rode the bus to my house. When we got there, everyone began hanging and acting obnoxious. I stayed in the background. I am good one-on-one. But get too many people in the room and I would prefer to be in the back.
Kenny and Cartman where showing off on the small ramp. Token and Clyde where making jokes. Stan and Kyle where trying to make Cartman mess up. And I was just watching on.
"Aren't you going to skate?"
I turned to my side. Craig was right next to me. I wondered how long he was there for. He looked over at me. My face began to feel hot again. Then he showed me his rare smile again I opened my mouth and I couldn't help it.
"I love you…." My eyes widen with realization. "FUCK!"
