Chapter 17

The next few days were a strain for everyone. Kyminn, haunted by flashes of memory, struggled to manage his anger at Jannen's lapse. A part of him felt that a Herald, of all people, should have known better when it came to dealing with the Gifts of those around him.

Jannen, for his part, felt equal parts guilt at having hurt Kyminn and anger at Kyminn's stiff silences. His Heraldic tendency to decisive leadership and problem solving collided with the knowledge that he was wholly at fault and the fact that Kyminn was not responding to his apologies. He met Kyminn's stiffness with a cold professionalism that was painful to watch.

Randen, for his part, tried to avoid both of them, as much as a mobility impaired person could. He'd made exactly one attempt to mediate and then washed his hands of the affair. He simply addressed both of them as though they were normal, civilized persons and refused to take sides or pass messages. He also spent a lot of time venting to Derris.

:If this were a tale, someone would have knocked their heads together by now.: Randen was tart.

:And forced them to sit down and solve their problems. Possibly with a club.: Derris sounded like the club part was profoundly appealing.

:If this were a tale, there would be a big crisis that would cause everyone to unite to save the day.:

:And forget they were mad at each other.: Derris was sarcastic.

:Don't forget 'Live happily ever after.'. Randen added helpfully.

:If this were a tale, everyone would wake up one morning and realize they'd been idiots and go make nice.: Derris swished his tail with irritation.

:If this were a tale, a Bard would come along and sing a witty song that would open their eyes.: Randen's mind voice had a decidedly unforgiving tone. :And it would be a REALLY bad song, with terrible rhyme…:

:…and yet a catchy tune and really sing-able lyrics…: Derris was enthusiastic.

:That EVERYONE sang, over and over.:

:And they could never, ever get away from it, so they were constantly reminded what pains in the tails they'd been!: Derris crowed.

Randen burst out laughing, joined by Derris's gleeful whicker.

Kyminn looked at him askance. "What's so funny?"

"We were just talking about how if this were a tale, all the things that would happen to make you and Jannen start getting along again," a grin was evident in his voice.

"I see," Kyminn said frostily, his eyes fixed on the road.

"My favorite involved a really bad Bard and a really obnoxious song", Randen added helpfully.

A slow turn of the head and a completely puzzled expression. "A…what?"

"A bad song. You know, how in tales the hero hears some song that reminds him of his lost love, or his mission to save the world, or something? In this case, a bad song that reminds you two how annoying you're being. A bad song, but so catchy that you can't get away from it, reminding you over and over how unhelpful and frustrating this is."

Kyminn stared at him for a long moment. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it. Tried again. Finally, he just shook his head and went back to driving.

Some hours later, Kyminn broke the silence.

"Tell me about Haven." It was impossible to tell if it was an effort at conciliation or avoidance of the former topic.

A blink. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything. We passed the farthest point I'd ever travelled back on the fourth day. This is all new to me. I'd like to know what to expect."

"Well…", the response was thoughtful. "I grew up in Haven, did you know that?"

It was Kyminn's turn to be surprised. "No, I didn't. Or if I did, I'd forgotten."

"Well, it's sort of relevant to how I try to describe it. I was used to it, so the size and number of people weren't an adjustment like they were to some of my year-mates. Almost the reverse was true – I'd never been around as much green open space as when I got to the Collegium. I actually found the woods really creepy at first."

That drew a startled bark of laughter. "You were afraid of the woods?"

Randen bristled defensively, "Not afraid, exactly. Just…not used to anything bigger than a public park."

"That's…hard to picture. Both anyone not having seen forests before and you finding it intimidating. You Heralds always seem so…confident."

Randen's smile was wry. "I can assure you that we don't necessarily start out confident. There's pretty near as much difference in personalities between Heralds as there is anywhere else." He paused, musing. "As for being confident, I suppose it's a combination of things. First is our Companions. Having someone always there, at your back, makes a tremendous difference. A Herald may not be around other people, but he or she is never, ever, alone. Having someone to discuss ideas and decisions with, someone whose perspective you can trust…that's a huge part of it.

"The rest is training. We spend years learning about Valdemar, the people, the places, the laws and our role. We get hands on practice and mentoring. We learn what our abilities and duties are and learn to trust our judgement." A shrug. "I think it's one of the parts of being Chosen that no one really thinks about – that a person who could never develop that level of judgement and trustworthiness would ever get Chosen."

"Do Heralds ever…have doubts?" Kyminn shot the Herald a look. "I mean, if that's not a rude question."

Headshake. "No, not rude, and yes, we do. Especially at the start. At some point or another, I think most trainees feel overwhelmed, like they will never learn everything they need or be good enough. I think we all wake up, terrified by the knowledge that people are going to trust us, look to us, expect things of us." His voice got quiet. "It's humbling and terrifying." He shook it off. "But, we have our Companions. Derris helped me get my head around it. It's like…when you see an injured creature, you know that you can Heal it. You feel it, like you feel your own heartbeat, yes?"

Kyminn nodded.

"A Companion knows that we have it in us – the ability to develop that judgement, that commitment to the land and people of Valdemar. That's part of what makes them Choose someone."

"Are they ever wrong?"

"Once." Randen's voice was bleak. "A very long time ago. A young trainee became…damaged…by hatred, irredeemably so. His Companion severed their bond. She repudiated him. They…both died."

"I'm sorry."

Randen passed him a wan smile. "Don't be. As I said, it was a very long time ago. We don't talk about it much, but the events are part of our training, as a warning."

"I understand." Kyminn deliberately changed the subject. "Anyway…Haven?"

"Haven. Hmmm. You know the hillside you pointed out to me once? The one where you said last year's timbering camp was?"

"Sure, the western slope. Beautiful maple on that slope."

"Picture that entire slope filled with buildings. All of it. Every foot covered in stone buildings."

Kyminn struggled to picture it. "I'm not sure there's that much building stone in the world to cover that much space!"

"There is – and lots more!" Randen laughed. "Now, picture the fall fair at Knowles Crossing. The crowds, the heat, the smells, the noise. The whole slope is like that. People, animals, carts, buildings – all of it jumbled together."

A shake of the head. "I can, sort of, get an idea of the scale. I expect the experience will be quite something else again!"

Kyminn spent the rest of the afternoon peppering Randen with questions about Haven. Randen, for his part, was able to explain the different districts, how the Guard kept the peace, why the streets were laid out in a tangle. It turned out he had a whole bagful of stories about people and places in the city and the Colleges. He had Kyminn in stitches at a story involving some Heraldic trainees, a sack of flour, some house pets and a very irate painter. They were still laughing when they pulled up to Jannen and Niko at that evening's rest stop.

"I'm glad you found something funny," Jannen's nod to Kyminn was coolly polite.

Kyminn cocked his head at Jannen, then as an aside to Randen, "What year did you say this happened?"

Randen beamed innocently. "I believe that event happened to some of Jannen's year mates during their third year."

Jannen gave Randen a withering glare. "You didn't."

Randen contrived to look even more innocent. "I never said you were involved…".

"I wasn't!"

"But it did happen to your year mates. And you have to admit, everyone is still telling that story."

"I think I still have scars from trying to wash purple painted flour-paste out of the kitchen cats," Jannen grumbled. "I'm still not clear on why the whole class had to help clean up the mess."

"Something about a betting pool, I believe Dean Elcarth said." Randen grinned saucily.

Jannen started to retort, then deflated. "Fine. I guess." He eyed Kyminn sourly. "I suppose hearing about my youthful indiscretions makes you even more certain that my judgement is lacking."

Kyminn looked away for a moment, his face working. Finally, he locked his gaze on Jannen. "No," he said levelly, it doesn't." The youth glanced over at Jareth, impatiently waiting to be unhitched. "Jareth has been giving me the cold shoulder for the last several days now. I gather he questions my judgement." A sarcastic snort, "Actually, I suspect he thinks I'm a bit of an ass."

"Not sure I'd use that term," Randen murmured quietly.

"I don't have to doubt," Jannen muttered. Kyminn began to bridle, but Jannen continued, "I've been getting an earful from Niko and he definitely thinks you're being an ass. Of course, he thinks I'm being an ass too."

Randen smothered a cough and seemed to find the tail of the horse in front of him absolutely riveting.

"What you did was really awful, Jannen."

"I know. I'm sorry. I can't take it back. I wish I could."

Kyminn looked away again and sighed. "I'm still sort of mad about it."

"I know," dryly.

"And I have been an ass."

Randen smothered another cough. "Little bit."

"I'll try to do better, alright?"

Jannen nodded. "Deal." Niko paced over until the Herald was beside Kyminn. "You have a right to be angry. Just…make up your mind. If what I did was unforgiveable, then say so. We'll work together until Haven, then you can go your own way and hate my guts until your dying breath. Otherwise, start working through it and move on. Your choice."

"'Hate your guts until my dying breath'? Going a bit far, don't you think?" Kyminn ventured.

Jannen cocked his head and said seriously. "Is it? It's all about proportion Kyminn. You're a fairly black and white person, did you know that? And you have a tendency to hold grudges. Fortunately, you're fundamentally a fair and compassionate person. I'd hate to see what kind of person you'd be if you had a mean streak."

"Hey! That's not fair. I'm the injured party here, or did you forget that?" Kyminn was stung.

Unperturbed, Jannen pointed out "I absolutely haven't forgotten it. I know I was completely in the wrong. I'm doing everything in my power to apologize and make amends. What I don't know is if you are ever going to accept that. Maybe there's something else going on, I have no way of knowing, but you're holding on to being mad like a starving dog holds a juicy bone!"

The glade was silent, aside from the occasional jingle of harness and a single brave jay in the distance. Kyminn stared at his hands, tracing the lines of dirt from the day's travels. "I'm trying. And I'll continue to try. I know it was a mistake, an accident. I know that me being angry has a lot to deal with…other things…than a brief lapse of memory on your part." He tilted his head up. "And I promise to try really hard not be an ass while I figure things out."

Jannen blew out his breath in a gust. "I can live with that."