DISCLAIMER: Penguins of Madagascar and all original storyline characters are the property of Nickelodeon and the respective creative talents of the show. The creation of this fan fiction is for enjoyment purposes only and no money is being made. All characters of my own creation remain my property and may not be copied or used without permission.
Once More unto the Breech
Chapter 6
By
Wildgoose
(It is a late November afternoon at the central park zoo, as the clock sitting above the carousel at the entrance to the zoo chimes the five O'clock hour while the carousel itself rotates the animal figurines about the clock as it does every day at this time Alice can be heard herding the last of the zoo patrons towards the exit.)
Alice: Come on people, the zoo will be open again tomorrow. I've got places to go and people to see tonight so get the lead out, or the fat if you refer because it looks like some of you could stand to lose it. (Protests to Alice's last remark are heard as she closes the gates and secures them.) Whew, I thought I'd never get those people out of here. (She walks back into the zoo en route the main office to clock out when she notices a single man leaning over the railing to get a better look into the penguin habitat.) Oh great, there's always that one person who manages to throw everything off. (She redirects and as she approaches the habitat calls out to the man) Hey buddy, the zoo's closed you're going to have to bail on out of here. (Once closer Alice is able to make identification) Oh it's YOU, what the heck are you doing in here Steve? What you loved this place so much you had to come back even after they canned your butt?
Steve: What can I say, I'm sentimental…and I had a can opener. I stayed behind because I wanted to talk to you Alice, I couldn't help but notice the sign on the penguin habitat stating that it was being remodeled in preparation for the zoo's newest residents. What do you have coming in?
Alice: The zoo is converting the habitat into an aviary; we're supposed to get a pair of bald eagles in. We're going to keep the pond and make it habitable for fish so that the birds will be able to catch live food like they do in the wild. The zoo is hoping that adding that feature will make it easier to keep them in captivity.
Steve: (scowls) Aren't they protected animals though?
Alice: Where have YOU been, they were removed from the endangered species list years ago. It's still illegal to have one UNLESS you're a zoo with trained licensed care personnel.
Steve: I take it you have an aviary expert coming in to replace me?
Alice: (places a hand on her hip) …And I thought you were an idiot.
Steve: What, you see me as normal now?
Alice: Of course not, you're still crazy for shacking up with an Asian mute with a penchance for witch craft.
Steve: Say what…(smirks) oh THAT! (Pause) You should watch yourself or you could find yourself spending the REST of your life as a penguin. (Pause) Speaking of penguins, where are they?
Alice: What does it matter to you weirdo?
Steve: Look, don't give me a load of crap Alice. I need to see them, it's important.
Alice: (scoffs) Yea well you can't, they're gone. (Steve's jaw drops)
Steve: Gone!? What do you mean gone, WHERE have they gone?
Alice: They were transferred a few days ago, the zoo wanted to get rid of them because of all the aggravation they've caused over the years. The otters too.
Steve: You…you've got to be kidding me, where did you send them? (Grabs Alice by the shirt and let's loose a hostile growl) WHERE!?
Alice: (Pushes Steve's arms away) Hands off the merchandise buddy, you break up with me years ago and NOW you want to get grabby? (Steve looks disgusted) Go cry me a river because I wouldn't tell you anything even if my life depended on it. (Pause) Now if you don't mind I have someplace to be, you know where the back exit is.
Steve: You actually have someplace to be, I didn't realize that Dr. Frankenstein took appointments. (Pause and Alice scowls) OH, …you mean like a date or something?
Alice: You're still as funny as ever, Steve. (Pause) Of course I have a date, who wouldn't want all this? (Gestures to her body, Steve responds by looking away and scratching his head)
Steve: I'll tell you what Alice, I'd take the cop in the next universe over you if it really came down to it.
Alice: Cop in the next,…what the heck is THAT supposed to mean?
Steve: I could spend a lifetime trying to explain it to you Alice but I still don't think you'd ever understand. You'd actually have to have an open mind for a change.
Alice: (Rolls her eyes) Just get the heck out of here before I call the cops in THIS universe. (Steve grits his teeth in anger but chooses to leave in search of another solution rather than waste his energy. Alice follows him to the back exit to watch him leave and then secures the gate before walking away.
Steve: (calls back) I have some moving to do, try not to get in my way. (Alice appears oblivious as she disappears from sight.) (Grumbles) When the penguins get back Kowalski is getting that tank he wanted, he's going to build it out of the scraps from your car Alice. (On her way back to the main office Alice stops and looks about as she hears someone call her name.)
Alice: Huh, …must still have that weirdo in my head or something. (Alice starts to walk again but then clutches her ears) Who's talking? (Alice starts walking towards the otter habitat.) Who's there?
Ming: (cautiously walks out of her cave) Why didn't you tell him that I was still here?
Alice: (Rolls her eyes) Oh no….no you promised you would never talk to me again, remember?
Ming: I remember, …but I didn't know what else to do. I don't like being alone, …I'm scared.
Alice: (scoffs) Oh come on, what could you possibly have to be scared about? You get fed every day, no predators; you're separated from the world by a fence and some concrete walls.
Ming: An electrified fence, …doesn't that make me a prisoner…in solitary? (Begins to tear up) My family is my life, and you took them away from me. My sister, …I can't even find her. I have no idea where she is or if she's okay. The rest of my family, I haven't been able to figure out where they are yet. All I know is that they're about as scared as I am.
Alice: Seriously, …what are you psychic or something? (Pause) Look don't worry about where they are, I'm sure they're fine. Now be a good otter and maybe I can get the zoo to get you a boyfriend or something, I'm sure that they'd be thrilled to have few more otters that look like you around here. (Starts to walk away)
Ming: That…that's all I'm good for? (Wipes her tears from her eyes and scowls) You took away everything that meant something to me just so you could turn me into… BREEDING STOCK!? (Alice while walking away is suddenly seized by an unseen force and dragged backward with a steady scirtch sound coming from the soles of her boots as they slide across the concrete. Once she has been brought back to the otter habitat Alice is spun about to face Ming.) (Becoming angry) Don't you dare walk away when I'm talking to you! (Alice rises up about a foot off the ground and remains suspended in mid-air.) I heard you mention that you had a date tonight; it must feel good to have people who care about you. I also noticed you're awful proud of your body as well.
Alice: What IS this!? (Freaking out) Let me go. What do you want from me!?
Ming: You think you got yourself in shape just by sitting on the couch and falling asleep, I took care of you. I MADE you go to the gym while you were asleep, I got you in shape, I gave you a life you don't even know about, it was all ME! Do you know how many friends I have at that gym who think that you're me? One of them asked me to go to a place called Rio with him and I don't even know where that is, I think he wanted a relationship but I was trying to be respectful of your body.
Alice: Wha…wait what? The GYM, …well that explains the mystery membership and the answering machine messages from people I've never heard of (Pause) …And you turned the guy down!? Are you KIDDING, I could have been in Rio right now!? (Pause) Wait, …how has all this been happening?
Ming: (grits her teeth) That's NOT the major concern here right now, where is my family?
Alice: I can't tell you. (Alice's face turns a shade of red from pain as her underwear rises up her back to the point tearing is heard. A moment later what is left of the undergarment falls to the concrete.)
Ming: I don't suppose you'd care to try again?
Alice: (huffs) Look I already told you, I can't tell you. You're out of luck and that's just the way that it is.
Ming: (grumbles) I see, …so you like the way your body looks do you. Since you took from me I guess that it's only fair to return the favor. (Ming closes her eyes for a moment and then opens them to look at Alice.)
Alice: (Looks at her hands in fright as they begin to get pudgier, the ripping of seams is heard as Alice looks down in fright as her legs have become too thick to be contained by her work pants just before she loses sight of them by her belly that has spilled over her belt from under her shredding shirt. Alice hears her voice changing as her face and neck become pudgier and she calls out in fear from hearing the rear seam to her pants split.) …NO! (Begins to cry) I can't tell you because I don't know where they are, the zoo just told me to get them ready for transfer. They're the ones who took care of the shipping…I swear…I swear! (Sobs) Please stop! (Alice opens her eyes to wipe away tears as she feels herself return to the ground. Once she has a chance to focus Alice discovers that she is back to the way that she was as if nothing had ever happened except for the underwear. In the background Ming looks away as if ashamed of what she had done and then walks into her cave.)
Ming: (As she walks a tear rolls down her cheek) I didn't like being like that Alice, …it was a dark side of myself I've never seen before. (Alice is oblivious as she continues to look herself over in reassurance. A moment later Alice calls over to the cave.)
Alice: If you can do all of..THIS, then why didn't YOU tell him that you were here. It doesn't seem like there would be anything that anybody could do to stop you.
Ming: (from inside the cave) I was hoping to learn something from what you had to say.(Pause) The people at the gym, try not to alienate my friends. Maybe they could become your friends if you try to be nice for a change. (Pause) Watch out for Rafael, he likes to stare at your butt when you get out of the pool and I think he wants to mate with…us. Love and leave is the term I think.
Alice: (Surprised) I've never had anybody stare at my butt before. (Uncertain posture as she begins to walk away) Um…thanks, I think.
Ming: (mutters) No problem.
(The scene is from the inside of a crate as it is being pried open with crow bars. Dim light seeps in through the ventilation holes that have been made in the crate. Once the front of the crate falls two men pull back to beyond the fence of the habitat enclosure to allow the new arrival a chance to acclimate to the new surroundings. A moment later Loki's head appears out of the crate, cautiously looking about. A number of fish are tossed over the fence into a nearby cave as a poor excuse for a first meal for the new arrival.)
Loki: Oh thank God, food! (He heads into the cave to get something to eat and once there begins to look around.) I never thought that I would get transferred, the zookeeper and dad always watched out for this sort of thing. (Looks about some more) So where's the TV in this place, I wonder if they have an Xbox. Although a Wii would be a close second (A splash is heard over by the pond outside of the cave as another otter emerges from the water and makes her way over to the pile of fish. Upon arrival Loki tries to make a gesture of greeting.) Hi I'm… (Loki is swatted in the face by the female otter prompting him to move a few steps away from the fish.)
Female otter: Out of the way Newbie, haven't you heard of ladies first?
Loki: (rubs his face) Sure but I guess I would actually have to meet a lady first. What gives any…(The female otter leaves the fish and shoves Loki to the floor pinning him by the shoulders)
Female otter: Look Newbie, let's get some ground rules laid down here. I eat first around here; you can have whatever is left over. Second you can strut your stuff to get my attention all you want but if you ever touch me, I'll kill you. This isn't the wild, I rule this roost and I'm not going to bow to any male in here I don't care what season it is or what your instincts are telling you. (Scoffs) All you guys care about is procreating.
Loki: Um okay…(He manages to push the female off of him enough to shift the center of gravity, then puts one foot into her abdomen and thrusts her backward off of him several feet causing her to roll upon landing. The female quickly rights herself and stares at Loki with a scowl expecting him to come at her. Instead Loki gets up standing upright instead of all fours like the female and holds his distance.) First, …I have no interest in procreating. Not with you or anybody else so if you feel the need to draw a line down the center of the cave to protect your personal space then …whatever, second what's with the 'Sheena, queen of the jungle" attitude? Do you think I want to be here, I was set back at my old place. …And third, …it looks like there's enough food here can't we share? I'm not greedy or anything.
Female: You look just a little pudgy for somebody who's not greedy, newbie.
Loki: (sighs and throws his arms up) Alright, I need to lay off the snow cones and hot dogs when we sneak out to the park I admit it. That doesn't make me greedy for God's sake.
Female: (Approaches with caution, eyes fixed on Loki) What's a snow cone?
Loki: (Jaw drops) Seriously? (The female walks past returning to the pile of fish)
Female: (grumbles) We can split the food, but I still call dibs on all of the larger fish. Everything else still stands, and if you so much as make a pass at me…
Loki: Yea, yea I get it. You'll become the angel of death incarnate or something, listen death why don't you get off your high horse and put down your sickle so we can get something to eat here. I don't know about you but I'm hungry. (His stomach is heard growling) See what I mean, the audience agrees?
Female: (begins to eat) Hurry up and get over here or I'm going to eat your half, Newbie. (Loki walks over and begins to eat)
Loki: The name's Loki by the way, you know as opposed to newbie. (The female doesn't respond) So…where are you from?
Female: (Annoyed sigh) Has anybody ever told you that you talk too much?
Loki: It's been brought to my attention from time to time. So like I said, where are you from?
Female: (rolls eyes) What do you mean?
Loki: Well, …I'm from New York City. How about you?
Female: (scoffs) That explains a lot, you're a city boy. Why does it matter to you so much where I'm from?
Loki: Oh come ON, I'm trying to make conversation here. For five minutes could you at least act like you don't hate my guts because I'm new here?
Female: (Swallows a fish) I think the humans call it Mississippi. I was trapped there and brought here about a year ago. The humans have this need to cage things and watch them for their amusement.
Loki: (stunned) Wow, not cool. (Pause) So…do you have any questions about me?
Female: Who did you eat to get pudgy like that?
Loki: (eye roll/sigh) Really, we're back with the fat jokes again already? How about a REAL question please?
Female: (looks at Loki with elevator eyes for an instant) Where did you learn that trick back there?
Loki: Trick? (The female cocks an eyebrow) Oh, …um my brother showed me that one. He specializes in kicking butt and taking names, that sort of thing.
Female: That's what every male says about himself.
Loki: Not every male, …I'd rather just have some fun.
Female: …And eat by the looks of it.
Loki: I am NOT greedy, …nor am I a glutton or a pig okay!?
Female: No, you're an otter who looks overfed.
Loki: (sighs in defeat) Fine, since I'm so overfed then why don't you let me chew on your name. You do have one don't you, or should I just call you furry psycho hose beast?
Female: Psycho what…?
Loki: It's an antiquated quirky human euphemism for a crazy female I adapted for use just for you.
Female: (trying to understand the term smirks after a moment) Great, now I'm going to spend the rest of the day trying to figure that comment out.)
Loki: (points and does a slight victory dance) Aha…the ice breaks!
Female: Maybe, just try not to fall through. The water is still pretty cold if you ask me. (Sighs) My name is Cedar.
Loki: Cedar huh, interesting name.
Cedar: My mother thought so, …now eat your fish or I'll eat it for you. I'm not used to sharing and in the wild you have to eat when you can as quickly as you can before something else tries to take it from you.
Loki: (Sighs) …And the ice re-freezes. (Pause) This isn't the wild Cedar, this is a zoo! Nobody is going to try to take your food from you.
Cedar: I'm going to take yours if you don't sit down and eat it.
Loki: (Sighs) Point taken. (He sits across from Cedar and attempts several times to grab another fish only to have his paw swatted away until finally he manages to grab one of the smaller ones.) This place sucks! (Pause) So you're from Mississippi and I'm from New York, so where exactly does that put us now in terms of location?
Cedar: (points to a sign posted over the zoo entrance that is visible from the habitat.) I think that's probably your clue right over there but it's written in human so if you can read that thing then you're smarter than I am.
Loki: (turns to get the best look he can at the sign) It says "Welcome to the Portland Zoo"
Cedar: (stares at Loki with cold eyes) Showoff! (Pause with a sigh) Okay, you're so smart then where exactly in the world is Portland?
Loki: I can't believe this, staying up and falling asleep to the geography channel might actually pay off. It's in Oregon I think, that's on the west coast.
Cedar: (Slight interest) …and that helps how?
Loki: Because if I know where I am then that's the first step in figuring out how to get home.
Cedar: Uh huh, and where is New York from here?
Loki: The east coast, I think it's a distance of about three thousand miles give or take.
Cedar: (Scoffs) HA! You'd never make it city boy.
Loki: Hey, I helped my siblings drive a car from New York all the way down to Florida so if I can do that then I think I can make it.
Cedar: You're kidding; you drove one of the human's machines?
Loki: That's nothing; my brother has parachuted out of an airplane before.
Cedar: (debating whether to believe him) He jumped out of a human flying machine? (Pause) What kind of freaks ARE you people!?
Loki: We're the best, that's who we are. The closest thing there is to animal special forces, …well my dad, his crew, and my brother are anyway.
Cedar: (Snickers) Feeling left out are we?
Loki: Trust me, I'll find my way out of here.
Cedar: You're going to die if you try to make it all that way that's what you're going to do. (Loki rolls his eyes in response and heads off to explore the habitat.)
(The scene is late in the day at Seaworld Oceanic Park, the last of the patrons have left for the day and the gates have been secured for a couple of hours now. Not long ago the animal specialists visited each of the habitats and delivered the evening meal. As such the penguins are sitting in their habitat discussing their situation over the evening's meal.)
Kowalski: Well I certainly will admit, at least this is better than those fish cakes Alice used to try to force down our throats to help the zoo save a few bucks whenever the zookeeper was away or laid up.
Skipper: (chuckles) Laid up, …that man sure can take some punishment can't he.
Private: Maybe a little too much don't you think Skipper?
Skipper: Why? He's as tough as they come as far as damaged goods go.
Private: Well since we got here I've been thinking about whether the zookeeper will try to come find us or not.
Skipper: (cocks an eyebrow) Go on…
Private: It's just that, after all we've done to him this might be his best chance to separate himself from us without any entanglements.
Kowalski: That's some negative thinking that you've got going on there Private. What makes you think that the zookeeper would want to write us off?
Private: Think about it, every time we get into something he either gets hurt or gets into trouble or practically runs himself crazy trying to help us.
Rico: (grunts) Come on, do you really think that would make the man want to run away screaming into the night and forget about us?
Private: (mumbles) It would sure make ME.
Skipper: What was that Private?
Private: Um…nothing, I was just saying…
Skipper: Saying what Private spit it out man!
Private: The last time we got into trouble, Kowalski's device sucked us into a parallel universe and the zookeeper ended up being violated multiple times while trying to get us home.
Skipper: Oh please, you make that sound like horrible things happened to the man. So he was stunned by the cops, he chose to sacrifice himself so that we could get away.
Private: He was stunned by five officers simultaneously, now I don't care what species you are that's got to be a lot of voltage.
Kowalski: Assuming that their stun guns are comparable to the ones in this world then that would equate to about ten thousand volts per stunner, fifty thousand collectively. (Whistles) That IS a lot of voltage Skipper; one can only wonder why he wasn't killed.
Skipper: It's the same reason that all of us are still kicking these days, Heaven doesn't want us and Hell is afraid that we'll take over. (Pause) Okay, I admit the man took one for the team. That doesn't mean he'd want to forget about us.
Kowalski: After he "took one for the team" he was taken to a medical facility and experimented on. If you recall they stole tissue, blood, as well as genetic samples from him for the sake of study. Those samples were later used by Blowhole and his lackey against the zookeeper and Detective Margot so that we would all turn on each other and forget about him.
Private: When we got back the zookeeper told Kitsune everything like he always does and she thought that he was telling her an unbelievable cover story about how he'd had an affair and conceived an offspring with another female. (Pause) She nearly killed him Skipper.
Skipper: You don't think that you guys are exaggerating the matter just a little bit?
Kowalski: The recliner that the zookeeper was sitting in used to have a head rest Skipper, the support for that head rest was steel and it was lopped off in a single stroke. That last part was Heidi's words regarding the incident exactly.
Skipper: Those two go at it for kicks all the time; it's how they let off steam. (Rico swipes his flipper across his head and makes a cutting noise.)
Kowalski: Rico's right Skipper, it WAS close. He zookeeper had to cut his hair extra short so that no one would be able to tell that he'd been nearly scalped. (Skipper is about to speak but is cut off) …And in the past Kitsune always made sure that the zookeeper saw her coming and had lead time to react. (Pause) She gave none of that this time; it was pure reflexes that saved the day. There's no doubt about it Skipper, Kitsune really WAS trying to kill him.
Skipper: (rolls his eyes in concession) Any MORE evidence to support the prosecution Kowalski? (Kowalski thinks for a moment prompting Private to speak up.)
Private: The zookeeper had to shoot Kitsune in the bum to get her to back off. (Pause) It's a good thing the children we're at Ayami's for the weekend, and if Heidi hadn't been able to patch Kitsune up then they would have had to bring the human authorities in and even more bad things could have happened.
Skipper: (Holds up his flippers in front of himself) Hold on for a minute, we didn't cause all of that!
Private: No…
Skipper: There you see…
Private: …But we WERE the reason that he was sucked into the next universe resulting in the whole fiasco in the first place. If you look at it that way then we were DIRECTLY the cause of everything.
Skipper: …But it's NOT our fault that the zookeeper told Kitsune about what had happened. We managed to return ourselves eventually to the very same night to within a matter of minutes of the time we'd left. Kitsune would have never known we'd been gone at all.
Kowalski: Except the zookeeper considers it a healthy relationship habit to divulge everything to his mate. It's supposed to promote trust I think.
Skipper: (scoffs) Yea, a lot of good it did him. He almost got himself decapitated, he should have done the exact same thing he did with his official report to Antarctic Command, he should have lied.
Kowalski: Actually Skipper,… he didn't lie so much as he didn't divulge everything.
Skipper: Wait what? (Suspicious) …And how would you know that when even I didn't? Do we have a security breach here, a mole in our midst perhaps?
Rico: (Grunts) No moles here, Ming was resting on his shoulder sort of like a cat while he was typing the report. She said he included everything except the fact that after everything was put into place Detective Margot had a change of heart and couldn't go through with it.
Kowalski: "Pleaded her case to the zookeeper" were the words Ming used.
Skipper: I thought you numskulls said he never mentioned that part.
Private: Well he did initially, …and then he went back before submitting it and cut that part out along with the part about us rebuilding our vehicles with advanced parts from the other universe after they had been destroyed. I'm not sure why he did that when command could have just as easily furnished us with new vehicles.
Skipper: No doubt Kowalski that he did it so we could keep the high tech, the government would have whisked that stuff off to some secret hole to be studied and we would have never been able to use it again. The man's always thinking for our benefit so there Kowalski, I just debunked your whole theory. The zookeeper WILL come for us!
Private: …or we'll just break out like we usually do and meet up with him somewhere in the middle.
Skipper: (Claps his flippers together) The Nike base! It's about time you came up with some options Kowalski.
Rico: (grunts/exchanges glances with Kowalski) Huh?
Skipper: We're in Florida right, …the blues base of operations shouldn't be too far from here then. I'll bet you that the zookeeper is expecting us to reconnoiter with Niketti there and once contact has been established then he'll make his way down here to pick us up.
Kowalski: Hmm, …I'll admit Skipper that does make a lot more sense than him risking arrest in attempt to break us out of here.
Private: It would certainly be less stressful for him, although he could just as easily make a vacation out of our rescue. Bring the family down here to visit the theme parks before buying admission to this place and then sneaking us out somehow.
Skipper: Oh, …so you would sit back idly while he lives it up and EVENTUALLY considers coming to get us?
Private What? You're the one who's been so insistent that the man would come to rescue us come hell or high water despite all we've done to him over the years. Make a decision man, you're bouncing theories all over the place!
Kowalski: (Exchanges glances with Skipper) He DOES have a point Skipper. One might begin to suspect that deep down you too are concerned that the zookeeper might see this as a chance to wash his hands of us.
Skipper: Biscuits and gravy man, I'm simply trying to consider all available options. That's what a good commanding officer does alright!? (The others exchange uncertain glances with each other as they continue to converse over their evening meal.)
Chapter 7 coming soon….
