I opened my eyes. I wasn't the freshmen kid anymore. I was in the present. I didn't want to remember anymore. Not today. I was already getting pulverized by my emotions. I loved Craig. He was a part of me. But now I needed to let him go. The magic of the relationship was fading and more importantly he cheated on me. There was no justifying it. I needed to end it.
Yet for some reason, I wasn't mad. I felt sick and numb. It didn't help that all I could think about at that moment was Craig smile.
My phone vibrated in my hand. I looked at it and grimaced.
"We need to talk."
-Craig
I took a breath. I hated talks, but I hated waiting to deal with a shit situation more. I clicked the call button.
"Hey?" I heard the raspy voice pick up.
"Hey." I said back trying to muster confidents.
"I thought we talk tom-"
"We need to break up." I started.
"What?" I heard back in an angered tone.
I debate my next line. Should I call him a cheater or should I just try and end it quickly? "It's just not working out." I chickened out and said.
"I see." Craig said in a flat voice.
There was silence after it. It made me nervous I just wanted to get off the phone.
"If that's what you want…" Craig finally said. "Tell Kyle I said hi."
Then Craig hung up. I scratched the back of my head in confusion. What did he mean by that? Craig response to it all was very strange. I couldn't dwell on it for too long because now I needed to deal with the new fact. Craig and I were done. I no longer had a boyfriend.
I felt my knees go weak. I crawled up to my bed and buried myself in it.
"Tomorrow will be better." I told myself before I fell to sleep.
#
The next day, I woke up in a stupor. I walked around my room in a numb state picking and grabbing clothes from the ground. I eventually got dress and was in the bathroom finishing getting ready. I stared at myself in the mirror. Life seemed to have a grey filter on it. I still felt numb and sick from last night. I examined myself. I had bags under my eyes. I looked pale. I smirked to myself because my shirt wasn't buttoned right. I finished my analysis of myself before heading down the stairs.
I picked up my skate board and pulled out my old one. I threw my old board into my back pack. Kenny and I was going to the skate park after school. Today would be ok, I reassured myself. I went into the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee. I took a few minuets to steady myself. I thought I be ok. I thought I just be numb today. But while I stood in the kitchen sipping my coffee, trying to tell myself I was going to be ok today, the sadness found me. I felt it creep up my spine and twinge in my eyes. I fought it off. But deep down I felt the low blow. I wasn't going to be ok. This wasn't going to be a good day. But there was nothing I could do but stand up and walk out to this shit of a day.
I made my way to the front yard. I opened the door and looked down at the snow covered sidewalk. I took a deep breath and lifted my head.
"Hey."
My eyes widen as I zeroed in at the figure on my drive way. The figure walked towards me. I shuttered slightly.
"I said we needed to talk." The raspy voice said to me.
I shivered. I should have said something. I should have done anything. But instead I acted on instinct. My heart fluttered and instead I ran. I was a coward. I was emotionally strained. And the last thing I wanted to deal with was him. I knew that there was a lot left unresolved. Maybe I also wanted some closure. But I couldn't face him. I was a coward. We had been in a relationship for years, and now I treated him like he is nothing to me.
I hated myself in that moment. But I couldn't have faced him. I didn't want him to see the tears.
