Chapter 21
Unfortunately for the travelers, those days following the storm proved to be a mere foreshadowing of the weeks to come. The first storm had been a learning experience for all of them, and when they encountered another on their second day back on the road, they all thought they knew what to expect. This time, Randen was settled in with Derris, with Jannen and Kyminn taking turns sitting with him, talking to him, trying to keep him focused on the present.
If one's standard for success was "This time no one got hurt" then it was a success. For Randen, thrown into hours of flashbacks and panic, screaming at every thunderclap, it was hellish. Both Jannen and Kyminn talked themselves hoarse trying to reach him, calm him.
Derris, unable to reach his Chosen's conscious mind, was in agony at his helplessness. The other Companions were relegated to miserable bystanders, only able to offer Derris their strength so as to keep him from being lost himself, but nothing more.
By the time the storm blew itself out, it felt like it had blown them with it. Each of the men felt drained, a hollow husk of himself. Even the Companions seemed to be a paler shade of white than usual. Randen slid into a deep depression, struggling with his inability to master his fear. His confidence shaken, Randen's doubts turned inward, questioning his own future and utility as a Herald. Kyminn often saw Randen massaging his truncated leg and the Herald admitted to Kyminn that he often felt pain in the missing limb and foot. Kyminn assured him that this was normal, but Kyminn got the sense that the words never pierced the shell of Randen's self-doubt, that Randen believed the phantom pain to be yet another sign of his mind's betrayal.
Their pace slowed to a crawl as a series of summer storms rolled across their route. They found themselves forced to stop at the first signs of bad weather. Randen, despite their best efforts, was still unable to escape his memories and relived the accident at every flash and roar. He spent hours curled up with Derris, the only thing that offered stability to his treacherous mind.
The sole glimmer of success was that their slow rate of travel offered plenty of opportunity for Derris and Randen to recover from their injuries. Derris was now able to walk far enough to graze for himself, which eliminated the need for Jannen and Kyminn to gather forage. Randen could now get around fairly well on his crutches, although his shoulder was still weak.
"Kyminn?" Jannen's voice was low as he and Niko eased up beside the wagon. Randen was asleep in the back, drained and exhausted from yet another storm which had battered them the previous night.
Kyminn looked questioningly at Jannen, seeing his own fatigue and worry mirrored in Jannen's expression.
"Kyminn, there's a town coming up, a couple of hours away. There's a small inn where we could stop for the night."
Kyminn heard the hesitation in Jannen's words, "But? You don't think we should stop, do you?"
Jannen looked back to the wagon, as though he had Farsight to view the sleeping Herald. "No," the word was dragged reluctantly from his lips. "No, I don't think it would be a good idea."
Kyminn toyed with the reins for a bit, an excuse to put off asking the next question. "Because he's…not well?"
Stress and fatigue made Jannen seem older than his thirty some years. "Yes. People believe in Heralds. They know we speak for the crown, for law and order. People need to be able to trust us, and right now…"
"Right now, having a raving, screaming Herald would do immeasurable harm to the crown and circle," Kyminn said grimly. "If it were just his injuries, that would be one thing. People know that Heralds do dangerous work and seeing one who was injured in the line of duty would emphasize that. It's even heroic, and him still serving after such an injury…yes, that would reinforce how people need to see Heralds. But right now…"
"Right now they wouldn't see an injured man. They'd see a damaged, unstable Herald and that could be devastating." Bleakly, "Kyminn, you and I know he's not crazy, or unstable. He's injured and he's doing everything in his power to overcome this. I shudder to think what other people's pity – or fear – would do to him right now."
"You don't have to convince me Jannen. Gods know that he, you, I and the Companions are doing everything in our power to work through this, but to an outsider, it certainly wouldn't look that way." A deep breath. "So. How do we do this?"
Jannen's sigh of relief was heartfelt. "Niko and I will take Randen and go on ahead. We'll go cross country and bypass any observers. Bryann, Derris and Jareth will take the road, but go ahead of you. I assure you, no one is going to stop three Companions, no matter how outlandishly they are strung together. That leaves you with the wagon. We're low on supplies – you know what we need. If anyone asks, you're on a commission from the Guard to deliver the wagon and horses to Haven. That has the benefit of being at least part of the truth. We'll meet up somewhere down the road, alright?"
Kyminn nodded. It was the work of only a few minutes to get Randen wakened and shifted. To their relief, Randen not only agreed wholeheartedly with their decision but was clearly glad to avoid additional scrutiny. As for Kyminn, his stop in the village was entirely uneventful, somewhat to his surprise. Given the way their trip had gone thus far, he'd expected at least something to go wrong.
While in the village, Kyminn used the opportunity to ask about the local weather. Had the village experienced the storm of the day before? How about the weather in general, was it an unusually stormy summer for the region? Much to his chagrin, he learned that the weather, while recently unpleasant, had in fact behaved completely normally thus far. In fact, it had been quite a few days since the last rain, so the village didn't mind the precipitation in the least. It seemed as though the spate of storms the travelers were experiencing was a function of their moving with the weather, rather than experiencing an extraordinarily rainy season.
Their camp that evening was, for once a waystation. It was seldom that their progress matched up with the crown-provided shelters and it was always a relief to get into a more proper shelter. The allure of wagon-camping had long since lost its shine.
"I never thought I'd be this grateful to see the inside of a waystation," Randen observed after a scan of the rustic interior.
"That makes two of us." Jannen flopped down in the bed-box with a tired sigh.
"Three," added Kyminn, "and I'm not even a Herald!"
The presence of the more spacious shelter and better facilities for the Companions and horses provided a welcome lift to everyone's spirits and the usual chores were completed with a vigor that had been missing of late. The fresh provisions also provided a break from the usual diet of dried foods and game while the weather offered them a night of respite. Sated and exhausted, they reviewed again their progress – or lack thereof.
"It's midsummer now," Jannen pointed out. "We had expected that we'd be within a fortnight or so of Haven by now. Instead we're well over a month, month and a half away." He queried the other two by eye. "Thoughts? Does anyone see any way we can change that?"
Randen's face was shuttered, his eyes sunken with fatigue. "I can try, but I don't think so." His voice was rough, "It's just so hard…" he trailed off.
"To be honest," Kyminn interjected, "I think we are pushing Randen as much as we dare. Between his exercises, massages for the pain in his leg and shoulder, relaxation techniques and other mental therapies...I don't think there's anything else we can safely add. At this point, it depends on what the weather lets us do."
Randen offered a wordless smile of gratitude at Kyminn's acknowledgement of his efforts at recovery.
Kyminn plucked at a loose thread on the cuff of his sleeve. His tendency to find something for his hands to fiddle with was something the other two had become familiar with. It meant that there was something Kyminn would prefer not to say. They also knew the best prompt was silence on their part.
Finally, "There is another option, but it's a last resort and I'd really rather not use it more than once or twice." A compassionate glance at Randen. "I've been saving it for in case things get really, really bad."
"Let me guess. The addictive sedatives?" Randen's question was a bleak whisper.
A nod. "I am absolutely certain that they will knock you out and give you peace. I'm equally certain that repeated use is physically and psychologically harmful. While I'm pretty sure that Heralds may be less apt to fall victim to such things, I think that it's partly because you have the good judgement to avoid abusing them plus the benefit of your Companion's input on the subject. But that doesn't mean that it's a good idea and a risk free decision. If there ever comes a time when it becomes clear to me that dosing you will do more good than harm, then I'll do it without hesitating."
Kyminn looked levelly at the Heralds. "I know I'm the youngest here and the least experienced in some things. But I see this as a Healer's decision and I'm asking you to trust my judgement in this." He held up a hand to forestall comment. "I realize that we don't know what the road ahead holds. Maybe there will be some kind of emergency, something that Heralds have information on and I don't. I'm prepared to accept those conditions. But in absence of extenuating circumstances, this decision is mine."
"You know," Jannen said in the silence that followed this pronouncement, "I think you're more entitled to the full title of Healer than you realize."
"Let's not borrow trouble," A weak grin took the sting from Kyminn's words. "I'm pretty sure we've got enough of that to go round as it is, no?"
SCENE BREAK
Kyminn was pacing the perimeter of the waystation clearing when Jannen found him. The young Healer's steps were short, agitated, and his face the one of someone deep in thought. Jannen gently caught his shoulder.
"Kyminn? Are you alright? It's the middle of the night!"
Kyminn started, blinking at the Herald in the gloom. "No, I'm fine. Just restless I guess."
Jannen mulled that over for a moment. "Is it Derris or Randen?" He scanned the sky. "The weather seems to be stable at least," this last with relief.
"No, they're fine," the reassurance was quick, breezy, definite. "It's nothing. I just couldn't sleep." He hesitated. "It's like there's something I've forgotten, but I can't recall what it might be. Something important that I should know. Does that make any sense?"
"Well, no," thoughtfully. "It doesn't right now, but that doesn't mean that it won't. If you have forgotten something, I'm sure you'll remember it. But honestly, it's probably just stress and exhaustion. We've been running flat out for quite some time now. It's not surprising that you feel like you've missed something along the way."
"I suppose," Kyminn agreed reluctantly. "The last little while has been pretty overwhelming. Maybe…" he paused and then rushed on, "Maybe it's because we're getting a bit closer to Haven. Maybe I'm just nervous."
"Now that," Jannen's agreement was emphatic, "Makes a great deal of sense! I know you were reluctant to go, and that you have some valid concerns about what you'll find when you get there. And you have to admit, for the past few days we've been talking about Haven a lot, about when we're going to get there and what needs to be done. It's completely reasonable that all this has added your other concerns to what you're currently dealing with! No wonder you can't sleep!"
A wan smile from the darkness. "I'm sorry if I worried you."
"Not to worry. Niko mentioned that you were out here. Let's call it a night, shall we?"
A yawn of agreement was Kyminn's only response.
SCENE BREAK
The weather maintained its stubborn refusal to cooperate. The remainder of their trip fell into the same pattern – a day or two of travel, followed by a day or more of bad weather. Randen struggled to maintain his mental hold, but his control was gradually eroded away. By the end of their next month of travel, his fear would set in any time the road took them along a steep hill side or across a rushing stream. His panic was so acute at one bridge crossing that Kyminn and Jannen had to restrain him, lest he hurt himself in his attempt to bolt. Afterwards, Randen wept for hours, ashamed at his inability to manage his own mind.
They all grew thin and drawn with strain. Derris was now able to walk with the wagon for an hour or two at a time and he would stick his head inside the canvas flap or edge as close to the front bench as he dared, anything to stay close to his Chosen.
Randen's bouts of panic and the resulting insomnia left him drained and fragile. He did what he could, but Jannen and Kyminn quietly shouldered most of the work, reluctant to ask any more of him. Jannen, as their senior, leader and scout, drove himself to exhaustion trying to do all that was required. Up the road and back, setting up and packing down, chores, sessions with Randen, nights spent trying to calm his weeping, anguished colleague. Bit by bit, Jannen dribbled away, leaving only the essential Herald behind.
Kyminn, like the other two, withdrew, saving his energy for the tasks at hand. He refrained from mentioning to Jannen that he was using his Gift to help stretch Derris's strength so that the Companion could spend more time with Randen. Similarly, he did not mention that the same unease that had plagued him at the waystation had returned. The insistent sense of something missing was a constant now, something demanding his attention, something undefined that he was supposed to do. When he slept, his dreams were filled with an endless quest for something he had to find, something he had to do, something important. He would wake up as exhausted as though he had been running all night, desperately, frantically searching for the unknown something. To cope, he threw himself into the work around him, flinging his energy to Derris, trying to exhaust himself to the point where he no longer dreamed.
SCENE BREAK
"Tomorrow." Jannen's tone was devoid of energy, so drained was he. "Tomorrow by early afternoon we'll be home."
Randen sat with his back against the wagon's tailgate, Derris's head shoved incongruously through the gap in the canvas. One arm circled the Companion's neck. "There's a storm coming." His voice was rough from crying.
Kyminn looked up from where his head rested on his knees. "I think," it was pensive, "that it would best for everyone if we were to get you to Healer's as soon as possible." He paused to marshal his thoughts. "Derris is strong enough to carry you for a while, and you'll definitely do better on his back than anywhere else. Can you stay on?"
A long-unused smile cracked Jannen's face. "Companions don't let their Heralds fall off. Besides, Companion tack is rigged with straps designed to hold injured Heralds. Randen will not fall off Derris!"
Derris stamped his foot in emphatic agreement.
"I'd like you to take a part dose of the sedative tomorrow. It should help." They had had to resort to the sedative twice before, once during a storm that lasted several days and another time when they were forced to ford a flooded bridge. The relief it had provided had proved to be, as Randen put it, "terrifyingly effective."
What should have felt like a triumphant return felt more like a tattered defeat.
Randen sat drugged and slumped in Derris's saddle, while Jannen and Niko paced beside them, ready to grab Randen at need.
Bryann and Jareth, wearing only their halters, foraged ahead, clearing the road for their fellows. The citizens of Haven, used to seeing Companions come through the gates, readily parted, concerned gazes following the injured Herald.
Kyminn kept the wagon hard on Derris and Niko's heels, reluctant to have the crowds cut him off from his guides. He was too busy monitoring Derris and controlling the horses to be overwhelmed by the crowd around him. Kyminn eventually realized that the crowds had thinned out and they were climbing a hill, passing homes that gradually got more and more grand as they progressed. It was with a start of surprise that he realized they were approaching another wall, another gate.
"Heralds Randen and Jannen, Companions Derris, Niko, Jareth and Bryann. Healer candidate Kyminn Danner. Please sign us in corporal, we're headed directly to Healer's." Jannen's fatigue made him short, for all that he was struggling to be courteous.
The Guardsman took it all in at a glance and nodded briskly. "Of course Herald. Shall I send a message to anyone at Herald's?"
Jannen nodded gratefully, "Please let the duty Herald know that we're back and where we are. Also, Kyminn will need quarters – somewhere other than Healer's for now please."
"Of course," the guardsman had already turned away and was instructing a page when they left.
The moment they were inside the gates, Bryann and Jareth took off at a gallop. It was the first time that Kyminn had ever seen a Companion at full speed and his surprise was great enough to penetrate his weariness. "Where…?"
"They've gone ahead to Healer's. There will be someone waiting there for us."
True to his word, by the time they pulled up to the low grey building that Jannen indicated was the Healing hall, a small crowd was waiting for them.
Careful hands lifted Randen down while others rapidly removed Derris's tack and examined his now-healed wounds.
"He needs…" Jannen began, to be interrupted by one of those in green robes.
"A Mind-healer. Those other fellows," a gesture indicated Jareth and Bryann, who were following some grooms to a distant stable, "said as much. I'm Crathach, I'll be taking care of him." The Healer paused and peered at Kyminn, now leaning wearily against one of the horses. "And that young man too."
Kyminn blinked, startled. "Me? But…"
The Healer reached out and gently touched Kyminn's forehead. The feeling of something missing, the insistent urgency that had filled his mind, cut off suddenly, like a door being shut.
The sudden silence in his mind staggered him for a moment and he gaped in shock. In that second, the fatigue he'd been holding at bay rushed in to fill the sudden void and he saw the world go grey.
"Find a bed for this one too, near the Herald," Kyminn heard the Healer say, right before everything went dark.
