A/N: So this chapter mostly revolves around Regina and the way she deals with her feelings. Regina's heart is deeply scarred and hurt by the past. The death of Daniel; the one she believed was the one, her parents, the things she has done as the Evil Queen. She doesn't think herself worthy of redemption and she believes that she can't have a happy ending because she is labeled as 'villain'. Of course she loves Robin but she can't truly love him untill she starts loving herself. Untill she comes to peace with her past and the things she has done. Must be pretty rough right? Regina is slowly realising that Emma brings out the best in her, and that she is able to love herself when she is around her.
Thank you for all the support! I'll try to update soon ;)
"Regina…" She whispered,
Her hand stroking the older woman's cheek ever so gently. Regina shivered against the touch, closing her eyes to brace herself for whatever was next. Her fingers tightened in grip around Emma's waist as she unconsciously pulled the woman even closer until their breath mingled and noses were touching. Regina felt lightheaded, driven by a growing need that made her lose control over her body. Both women were panting short breaths, timid in their movements and baffled by the momentum. Regina was the first to make a move and brought her hand up to cup the saviour's cheek, her thumb running along the curve of her cheekbone, watching the smile break out on the other woman's face in response. Emma swallowed hard when brown eyes looked at her thoughtfully, then down at her lips. Was this really happening? She felt her heart make a leap and was afraid she was going to have a heart-attack right on the spot and never have another chance of kissing Regina. She gathered enough courage to lean in and performed the lightest brush tentatively against Regina's lips. Then both women were startled by the nearing footsteps of their son. "Oh… sorry." Henry apologised, a little bewildered by the discovery. Regina quickly turned away from her son and the sheriff, fingers trailing her fingers across fresh memory that had left her lips tingling. Emma was still a little wonky on her legs, gaping at her son with a desperate need of words. "I… couldn't sleep so I wanted to get some warm milk." Henry explained, sensing the panic from both of his mothers. "I… should be heading home." Emma then said out of the blue and rushed for the exit. Regina acted like nothing had happened and chose to ignore the saviour's attempt to flee, walking into the kitchen to pour her son a glass of milk. "Goodnight…" Emma said before she freed the door from its lock and walked outside. "Mom!" Henry ran after the blonde in his pyjamas. "What are you doing?! You were going to kiss my mom!" Henry said.
Emma halted slightly in her walk. "Kid…" She began, "You'll understand once you're older."
"You love her, she loves you. What more do I need to understand?" Henry asked his voice slightly raised.
"It doesn't work like that Henry!" Emma spat out, a little louder than she first intended. A long sigh rolled from her lips as she entered the yellow bug. "You may stay at Regina's for the weekend, I'm sure she'd like that." Emma said before starting the car. "See ya kid." Henry watched the yellow car turning smaller and smaller in the distance until completely out of sight. He then headed back inside to find his other mother with her head settled on crossed arms that were resting on the dining table. "Mom…" Henry rubbed his hand across the crooked back of Regina. "You should stop punishing yourself."
"She doesn't need me in her life Henry." Regina said, her eyes watery and cheeks stained with tears. "The things I've done…" Regina lingered on her words, shaking her head in conviction. "I don't deserve her."
"But you love her!" Henry said.
Regina mustered a weak smile, her eyes pretty much confirming her son's belief.
"I think I'm going to get some sleep. And so should you little man." Regina said, making attempt to avoid the conversation by changing the subject.
"But…"
"End of discussion. Now drink your milk and go to bed." Regina strictly said, ignoring her son's weak protest and pouting.
'Night five
That night, sleep didn't want to come, knowing that Emma wasn't around anymore. The hours passed like snails travelling through peanut butter and as the arrow hit 3 o'clock, Regina decided to give up and got out of bed. When had the blonde become so indispensable to her? Regina cursed her weakness. The old Regina didn't need anyone but her son. The old Regina had long forsaken the idea of true love. She had accepted her fate as a villain. If this was his way of punishing her, then the writer must have an odd sense of humour, she thought. She had never considered ever being attracted to the same sex before until now. Emma made her doubt all theories. Still… how long would it take to disappoint her? For her to revert back and destroy everything she holds dear along with it. She couldn't possibly put Emma through all that. Regina felt lost. The past would never stop haunting her. Innocent lives lost because of her hatred towards one little girl.
"EMMA! EMMA!" Regina screamed out, awakening from the infamous nightmare of the scorching room engulfed with tall flames.
"Mom!" Henry finally saw his voice pierce through his mother's wall of panic. As soon she snapped out of it, familiar eyes, clouded with worry, replaced the fresh memory of the horrifying dream. Instantly her mother-instinct took over and Regina pulled her son close.
"Oh Henry… I'm so sorry." She said, closing her eyes that pushed out tears. She never meant for him to be involved.
"Don't be mom… It's not your fault." Henry reassured, snuggling his face in the crook of his mother's neck.
"I thought the nightmares were over." Regina sighed in dismay. Part of her felt the weight of defeat.
"That was because you felt safe with Emma." Henry said.
Regina's eyes darted restlessly, she knew her son was right. "Henry… Some things in life. You have to do alone. I can't always depend on Emma." She tried explaining to him.
Both turned still. Then Regina kissed the top of her son's head. "Now you go back to bed… You have school tomorrow."
Henry felt hesitant, still a little shaken by the whole situation. "But-"
"I'll be alright." She said with a faint smile. "Are you… Alright?" She asked, hearing your parent cry can be a scary thing, she thought.
Henry slowly nodded his head, giving his mother a kiss goodnight before returning to his own bed.
"Here you go boy." Archie said as he filled Pongo's bowl with canned food that made his nose wrinkle once the stench had reached his nostrils. Then there was a knock on the door that left him startled slightly, looking at Pongo who was far too busy with his breakfast. "Coming!" The cricket answered and was surprised to see Regina standing in front of him. "Regina?"
"I feel like I'm going insane." The mayor bluntly spoke her heart. "Come in." Archie said and got to the kitchen to prepare some tea.
Regina invited herself on the couch and nervously played with her fingers.
Archie offered her some tea and sat down in the chair at the other side of the table between them. "You feel like you're going insane?"
"Yes…" Regina sighed.
"Can you explain where this feeling is coming from?"
"I swear if you talk to anyone about this… I-"Regina gritted her teeth.
"I will respect your privacy. Don't worry… Words spoken here won't leave these walls." Archie said having no intention to violate the woman's trust.
"Good…" Regina said then thought about which words she was going to use. "Emma…" The name rolled from Regina's lips like water.
"Emma is the cause of your…?"
"Insanity." Regina filled in. "I just don't know who I am without her anymore." Regina confessed.
"You love her." It was more of a statement than a question really.
The mayor nodded with her head. "The thought of her is the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning." Regina said, avoiding judging eyes.
"And that is wonderful. Love is the most powerful magic there is." Archie said.
"Try telling me something I don't know." Regina said but regretted the hiss that rushed after it.
"What about Robin? You know… my supposed to be 'true love'"?
"You will have to make a decision…"
Regina snorted. "Easy for you to say." The mayor sneered and watched as the man's head dropped. "I can't hurt Robin… He's my best friend." Regina shook her head feeling conflicted on what to do.
"Is staying with him out of guilt not worse?" Archie asked.
Regina was walking the streets of Storybrooke on her way home when a certain school teacher spotted her. "Regina!"
The older woman froze in her pace and heard little steps turning louder behind her. She turned around to see no one else but Snow White. "Not now Snow." Regina sighed in complain, not being in the mood for a lecture.
"How are you doing?" Snow asked.
Regina furrowed her eyebrows. "Since when do you care about my wellbeing? If I can remember correctly, you wanted to forbid your daughter to visit me." She said.
"And now I see that was a mistake. Regina… I worry about Emma; she is not herself." Snow said, voiced with worry.
"Explain…" Regina said, driven by curiosity and concern for her friend.
"She needs you." The pixie-haired woman blurted out, a slight blush marking her discomfort. "I can choose to ignore what's going on between you two or either accept it and think about my daughter's happiness." Snow admitted being in the wrong. It was no easy job seeing any other woman than the Evil Queen. It was hard to look past the woman's past mistakes. And it took Snow a lot of courage to openly confess this to Regina. She wanted what was best for Emma, not giving Regina the chance to prove herself being worthy of that title.
"And Emma's happiness is…"
"You." The words left Snow White's lips like a bite from a sour apple.
"You don't honestly believe that do you?" Regina stated flatly in both to humour as it was earnest.
"I do." Snow replied in serious tone, staring into Regina's widened eyes that narrowed at the arms she then crossed over her stomach.
"Snow. You don't want me around your daughter." Regina breathed followed by a nervous chuckle of disbelief. "Think of all the things I've done in the past. The innocent lives I've taken; the pain I've caused on others… I'm a criminal." The words left Regina's mouth with utter conviction and pained heart that left her eyes watery in its trail.
"Emma sees the good in you Regina. She believes in you. And I believe in her. That's why I must give you a chance." Snow said, her eyes staying on the older woman, even though this exchange was one-sided.
"Well… Emma is at the Sheriff Station right now so…" Snow stuttered. "If you want, you could pay her a visit. Of course in the end, the decision is yours to make." After that remark the teacher took off, leaving the mayor with open jaw.
