*HEY! SO, guess what, I'm not dead!
I am SO SORRY this took so long to get done; school was kicking my ass and I just had No Motivation (and then I started that Pete/Sonny fic to try and kick the writer's block and it distracted me sorry not sorry) BUT I'm back and I hope to be posting more regularly.

Thanks for sticking with me- and I promise things will actually happen in the next chap*

When Alex woke up, he thought he was still drowning.

He was surrounded by suffocating darkness, completely disorientated, unable to breathe- and he thrashed out wildly to try and escape- only to hear a grunt and feel his arm connect with something solid. Still in a state of panic, he clawed out of the fabric that was surrounding him, felt cold air hit his face as sudden light made his ears ring, and found himself, frantic and panting, in a warm, soft bed. There was no sea. No storm. He was safe.

He breathed hard, feeling his heart-rate start to steady. The duvet that he had been struggling under was twisted around his legs, leaving his feet exposed and freezing, while the rest of him was pleasantly cozy. His pyjamas were rucked up and disarranged too, and his hair was falling half into his eyes- and, he realised quite suddenly, there was a warm body pressed against his own. He looked down, and saw that John was lying next to him. His hair was out of its pony-tail, spread out around him in a wild mane, his baggy pyjama shirt showing his stomach where he was stretched on his back, and he was shifting reluctantly out of sleep, making little grunting sounds in the back of his throat. With a sudden stab of guilt, Alex realised that he must have hit him in his panic.

"I- I'm so sorry, John, I didn't mean to- "

"Nah, 'sfine." John murmured, shaking his head. He propped himself up on his elbows, turning his face up as if to look at him, though his eyes were still closed. "'s ok…" he repeated the sentiment, before yawning hugely. He flopped back down onto his back, holding up his arms in Alex's general direction. "Come back, you're comfy…" he mumbled, his voice sinfully gravelly and an octave too low, and Alex felt a shiver go through him. There was no way he could say no to that.

Slightly against his better judgement, he lay back down and felt John's long arms wrap around him, pulling him close against him like a teddy bear, and let himself rest his head on the man's gently moving chest. He could hear John's heart, steady and strong, beneath his ear. He decided that he could have stayed like that for ever.

The previous night was a blur. He remembered laughing and talking with John, a little tipsy, and sitting on the bed wrapped in blankets- completely normal, nothing to worry about.

Then the storm had hit.

And he'd been thrown out of himself, as he always was, thrust underwater and hurtling through the sky simultaneously with the roaring of the wind in his ears, and reaching desperately for his sister's hand as she was sucked away from him into the darkness, her screams eaten up by the waves, and he couldn't reach her, he could never reach her- but his grasping fingers had found someone else's, this time. John had been there, pulling him back, pulling him up and out of the water, back to the present. Because it wasn't real, it was only his memory, and John had been there, anchoring him, telling him to breathe. Telling him that it would be alright. That he was safe, that John was there- that he was going to protect him. And it must have taken hours, but, eventually, Alex had believed him.

He felt shame rise in his chest as he remembered it. He had broken so easily,just a rattling of the shutters and a crash of thunder outside and he'd been sobbing and clutching for anything he could hold. What must John think of him? He must think he was so weak. Alex felt sick- he must pity him, and Alex could never stand anyone's pity. He must think he was a freak. He must have realised, at last, that Alex was broken and worthless- as soon as he woke up properly, he would begin to show it. How could he not? How could he see the shaking wreck that he was and not want to leave him?

But, for now, John was here.

And he had stayed.

A smaller, braver part of Alexander's heart would not let go of that fact. Johnhad stayed, counting his breaths and repeating the French after him clumsily, holding him so tight it seemed he would never let go, keeping him in the present. And he hadn't woken up in a cold sweat on his bathroom floor, shivering and tear-stained, and he wouldn't be spending the rest of the day trying to convince himself that he was no longer in danger. He knew that he was safe. He was here, with John, and John would keep him safe.

He curled further into him with a sigh that was almost a sob and felt the arms around him tighten. John shifted and wrapped his legs around him, too, mumbling something indistinguishable, rubbing his cheek against the top of Alexander's head like a happy cat, and Alex let himself settle further into the feeling with a sigh. He was safe. John was here. And perhaps, he really was going to stay.

They woke properly a couple of hours later. The alarm clock next to their heads started beeping shrilly, and John grunted and switched it off, before sitting them both up with Alex's legs still either side of his waist and his arms around his back. Alex rested his head on John's shoulder, gripping his T-shirt, and whined quietly in protest at the movement. He felt John's chuckle through his chest.

"As comfy as this is, Alexander, I need to go to work." The statement brought Alex back into reality- what was he doing, sitting in John's lap and leaning on him like… like they were- ? He pushed off him quickly, swinging his legs over the side of the bed with a grimace at the sudden cold.

"Sorry- I'm sorry, I just…"

"Alex, I didn't mean you had to… never mind." John sighed, rubbing his eyes as he roused himself, before he slipped a warm arm around Alexander's waist again, resting his chin on his shoulder. Alex leaned into the touch, despite himself.

"Are you alright?"

John's question was tentative, and his eyes when Alexander turned to look at him were laced with concern. He nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Thanks to you. "I'm… I'm great. Better if we didn't have to wake up." John smiled at that, relief clear as day on his face.

"I know- " he said, "- but I need money to buy food, and I need to go to work to get money, so…" he chuckled at Alexander's pout, while Alex groaned, letting his head fall sideways to rest against John's.

"Ugh, fine…" He flopped backwards onto the bed, out of John's embrace, screwing his eyes shut and yawning hugely. He felt John shift and lean over him, his loose, floppy curls brushing lightly against his face- and found he wasn't uncomfortable with it, just… warm.

"Alexander, that is the opposite of getting up." came John's voice from above him. He shut his eyes tighter and mumbled, "I am getting up."

"No you're not."

"Am too."

"I'll have to tickle you again…" That roused him pretty effectively, and he sat back up with a groan, forcing his heavy eyes open again.

"Alright, alright, I'm up- " he muttered, folding his arms, and then pushed himself to his feet. "See? Completely up and awake, rising and shining, no tickling needed." John laughed, brushing some curls out of his eyes- fuck, he was cute- and wrinkled his nose at him.

"Aww, spoil-sport." Alex just glared. That made him laugh even harder.

John made them both breakfast (toast, which he burned) and Alex sat at the table eating it, as he watched his friend clatter around the kitchen, putting dishes back into cupboards and wiping down the counter. He was singing under his breath, something soft and slow, and Alex noticed, not for the first time, how beautiful his voice was. It wasn't as clear and bright as Lafayette's, or anything like Herc's deep, rich tones- but it was beautiful. It was warm, and smooth, and he found himself losing himself in it, staring absently at him as he swayed his head in time, and tapping his own fingers on the table.

John hadn't brought up the events of the previous night, something he found himself intensely grateful for. He knew, now, that John wouldn't look at him any differently, wouldn't judge him, not after last night, but dragging up his past again was just… a painful prospect. He would tell him, eventually, but not now. For now, he could eat bitterly burnt toast and marmalade at John's kitchen table and definitely not stare at his ass when he walked past, and pretend that nothing was wrong. And… nothing was wrong about this. He found that he was completely content to just sit there, knowing that John cared about him enough to sit through the night with him and make sure he was alright- even if he'd never see him romantically, that friendship was something he would never give up. John was so… kind. It must have freaked him out- walking in to find him immobile and mute on the bed- but his first response had been to take his hands and help him breathe and bring him back down to earth. He couldn't find the words to thank him, and bringing it up again might prompt questions, so he left it well alone and hoped that John knew how much it meant to him.

John tapped lightly on the table in front of him and he looked up, blinking out of his thoughts.

"Hey, daffy daydream. We'd better be getting going soon or I'll be late for my shift and Angelica will have my head. Do you have any clothes with you?"

"Oh. No, I don't think so." Alex cursed his lack of foresight. "Shit, I brought pyjamas this time, but I didn't think- "

"Hey, it's cool- you can just borrow some of mine. My pj's fitted you, so you shouldn't have too much trouble. C'mon, I'll help you find something."

Alex got to his feet and followed John back through to the bedroom.

"Are you sure?" he asked him as his friend pulled open the closet next to his bed. John grinned, pulling out a T-shirt and holding it up against him.

"Yeah man, it's fine. They should fit- though- uh- maybe don't wear this one." Alex glanced down, and read the words 'No gag reflex, no problem.' printed on the front of the shirt. He snorted, watching John's face crumple into a snigger, too, as he shoved it back into the closet.

"Yeah. Better save that one for special occasions." John laughed harder as he quirked an eyebrow at him, and gestured vaguely to the open closet.

"Just pick something out." he said. "Nothing's, like, out of bounds or anything."

"Ok, sure." John grinned and grabbed a T-shirt himself, walking back to his bed. Alex sifted through the pile of shirts for a minute or so- they all had funny messages or cartoon characters on them- before pulling out a relatively plain one: green, with an odd-looking bird on the front. John had said he didn't mind, but he still felt he'd better check with him.

"Hey, how's- " he turned- and stopped dead when he saw that John was shirtless.

Well fuck.

Sure, he had known that his friend was attractive, but he'd never… he hadn't allowed himself to imagine what he must look like naked- and now that he was there, standing bare-chested barely four feet away from him, it felt like some damn had burst in the back of his mind, flooding his subconscious with John,John's chest and arms and all his beautiful, beautiful freckles because-goddamn- he was absolutely stunning. His skin was clear, smooth, and tanned to the point of being practically golden, and his chest was as toned as his forearms would have suggested, oh god, he was gorgeous. And he had freckles everywhere. Sprawling constellations of them, smothering his shoulders as thickly as they did his cheeks, and trailing down his arms as if they'd been spilled there, peppering his collarbones and speckled even down to his stomach, and- He dragged his eyes back up hastily- he was not going to openly stare at his friend's crotch, he was not going to be that pathetic. Looking up,however, brought his gaze to John's face, which was flushed deeply, the pink tone reaching to the top of his chest, too, and how could a person be so attractive? Alexander's brain was suddenly incapable of forming words, filled completely with John John John- and he held up the shirt he was holding weakly. John seemed to get the message.

"Oh- y- yeah, that's fine. I'll- uh- " He grabbed a shirt and jeans from where they were lying on the bed next to him, "I'll go change in the bathroom, shall I? Uh- give you some privacy." He hurried out and through the bedroom door, blushing furiously.

And no wonder, Alex, you were literally ogling him.

Alexander sat down heavily on the side of Jefferson's bed and groaned. Oh god.How on earth was he going to survive this friendship?

John POV

Face burning, clutching his clothes to his chest, John all-but-sprinted into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. Fuck. That had not gone well.

What had he been thinking, just changing in front of Alex like that? Of course he'd made the guy uncomfortable- they had changed in separate rooms last night, after all, why had he decided to just start stripping three feet from him.What was wrong with him?

When Alex had turned and caught sight of him, John had been pretty sure his insides had disappeared. They'd just dropped through the floor, suddenly made of lead, and then gone altogether. Frozen with shock and embarrassment, he'd just stood like a moron under his gaze- it wasn't that he was worried about what Alex would think. Clearly, that didn't matter, and Alexander certainly didn't seem like the sort of person that would judge someone because of their appearance- it was just… Standing shirtless in front of Alexander had sent his head spinning into a dozen different situations in which that might be possible-none of which were even remotely acceptable to be involving your best friend in- and he couldn't help remembering the time that he had done almost exactly the same thing. Thinking about that was even worse.

He sighed, looking at his own flushed, disshevelled reflection in the mirror. His ears were bright red, he noticed, and his freckles somehow stood out even more starkly on his darkened cheeks- how was that possible? He reached up, running his hand over them gently, remembering Alex's fingers making the same movements over his shoulders the previous night. The thought made him shiver.

Stars.

Alex had told him that twice now. He thought his freckles looked like stars. A smile slid onto his face involuntarily, and he bit it back down as he pulled his shirt over his head. Only Alexander could have said something like that- so simple, laughable, almost.

John, you've got stars on your nose.

It made him giddy. Alex had called him gorgeous. Alex had called him beautiful. It hurt, how much he wanted to say those things back, but he knew that he'd slip up and spill too much. How could Alex say that stuff so easily- just a genuine compliment to a friend, without it having any romantic connotations behind it, while he would have stammered over trying to tell the guy that he liked his new haircut. He guessed it must help when you weren't in love with the other person.

Yeah, that was probably it. After all, he could tell Lafayette that they looked 'like a fucking sex machine' without batting an eye, and accept the same compliments from them- the fact that they were pretty… blunt with their comments, and Hercules, who, as a tailor, could compliment the strangest things, had gotten him used to a casual 'your butt looks good today' from his two best friends. Alex, on the other hand… He groaned to himself, pulling on his pants.

John, you've got stars on your nose.

Once changed, he knocked on the inside of the bathroom door with his knuckles and called out.

"Alex? You changed?"

"Huh? Oh- yeah, I'm good." came Alex's reply. John opened the door and came through, chucking his pyjamas onto his bed as he passed it. Alexander was standing on the other side of the room, holding- John felt his blood turn to ice when he recognised it- his own grey sweater. He looked up as John walked in, confusion on his face.

"I've been looking for this for ever." he said. "Why d'you have it? I'm not mad or anything, I just… you know." John stuttered for an excuse that didn't sound awfully creepy. He'd almost forgotten about it.

"You- uh- you left it behind, that first Sunday, in the pillow fort." he stammered. "I took it home- I was going to bring it to the Grind Stone and give it back, but I… I kept forgetting." Yeah, that sounded plausible- and it was at least partly true. He didn't have many qualms about leaving out how often he'd worn it- curled up inside it to sleep, breathing in the smell of Alexander as he dropped off… yeah. He really didn't need to know that. "You- you should take it back now."

Alex grinned, pulling it over his head.

"How generous of you." he muttered. That pulled a laugh from John's lips.

At least Alexander didn't seem uncomfortable- he almost sighed aloud with relief. Thank goodness.

He pulled on his own shoes, and grabbed his phone. After a moment's thought, he sent a text to both Hercules and Lafayette.

From: You

so did y'all fuck

Hey- he hadn't heard from either of them since a quick message from Lafayette telling him they'd got to the restaurant safe- he could only assume they'd been busy with… other things. Sex on the first date might seem like rushing it for some, but Laf and Herc had been in love for over a decade now- everything probably felt far too slow as it was. Thrusting it back into his pocket, he turned to Alex, who was wrapping a thick red scarf around his neck times. It covered his mouth slightly when he pulled it up- adorable- and he frowned at John when he caught his eye.

"What?" He must have been grinning, John realised- oh shit.

"Uh- cold, are we?" he asked. Alex stuck his tongue out.

"Shut up, it's, like, 30 out there."

"It is not." John protested, glancing out of the window- the sun was shining brightly.

"You'll see." Alex said. He folded his arms. "It's going to be colder than it looks." John rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, oh great soothsayer." he muttered. He could actually feel Alex flipping him off as he turned to pull on his own shoes.

He was finishing tying his laces when Alex spoke again.

"Hey- John?" He looked up, and saw that the playful grin had slipped yet again from the man's lips. He was twisting his hands together again, too, and chewing on his bottom lip.

"Yeah?" he asked. Alex dropped his gaze to his feet, looking uncomfortable.

"I- I never really said- I mean- " He shook his head, frowning, his cheeks flushing darker still. "Just, thanks." he managed, eventually. "You know- for everything. I don't know… it was much easier, with someone there." John felt his chest tighten slightly at the embarrassed, grateful expression on his face, and hardly even thought about it as he closed the gap between them and hugged Alex tightly to his chest. Surprised, but apparently not displeased, Alexander returned the motion warmly. The implications of his statement hung uncomfortably in John's mind: clearly, whatever had happened last night had happened before. How often? Every time there was a storm? What did he do then, when he was alone? It didn't bear thinking about, so he shook the thoughts off and clutched his shoulders tightly, telling himself that every time a storm hit, from now on, he would make sure that Alex was alright. He would be there for him.

He realised suddenly that Alex was pushing gently on his chest.

"Still can't keep your hands off me." he murmured, teasing smile creeping back onto his face. Pushing his worries aside for now, John let himself chuckle and cuff his friend's shoulder lightly.

"Maybe if you'd stop being so huggable- "

"Oh, I'm not complaining." Alex cut him off, grinning. He took John's hand to pull him out of the door- then hesitated: worried, perhaps, that it was too much. Disregarding the fact that he was internally collapsing, John squeezed his hand tighter and followed.

Alex was going to kill him, one of these days- he was sure of it.

Outside, the morning was crisp and bright- the sort of weather that John loved in Autumn, provided he had a good enough coat.

"Told you so." Alex muttered. Their breath smoked in front of them like a dragon's and the pavement glittered dully with ice- the rain from last night had frozen to the road in a slick silver sheet. The storm-clouds had dispersed completely, leaving the sky a clear, icy blue, dizzyingly bright, sending pale sunbeams glancing into their eyes. He chanced a look across at Alex, who was hunched inside his thick knitted scarf with the biting air already colouring his cheeks and ears, and felt his heart melt yet again. When was Alexander going to stop doing that to him?

His grumpy, flushed expression mostly hidden, he grunted a muffled "You're right, though. I'm never going to get used to this weather." as they started down along the street. Laughing, John slung an arm over his shoulders, feeling the comfortable, now familiar, knock of Alex's hips against his upper thigh. They didn't speak as they walked- both a little drowsy from the early hour- but allowed themselves to stay in comfortable silence, looking around at the near-deserted streets and shop-fronts, glittering with frost.

They passed the ice-cream place on the corner- it was closed, to Alexander's mock-disappointment-

and were just approaching the door to the Grind Stone when Alex, losing his footing on the icy road, pulled both of them down with a yell of surprise. John heard the smack as his back hit the ice, and managed to land on top of him, hands planted either side of his head- jarring his wrists painfully, their faces inches apart.

De ja vu…

Blushing furiously, he sat up, only to feel his knee slide suddenly backwards and be lurched back down on top of Alexander. Their chests pressed together, Alex's deep brown eyes wide with shock and trained on him, he could only mouth wordlessly for an apology, attempting to push himself up. It was hard to find a grip on the pavement, however, and his wrists and knees throbbed painfully. Just as Alex was about to reach up and help him, he heard a bright, ringing laugh from somewhere above his head- and looked up, to see that-lord, could this get any worse- Angelica Schuyler was standing over them with a positively delighted expression on her face. She must have just left the shop after the end of her shift- the bags under her eyes were barely noticeable, though, through her blinding grin.

"Oh my god." she cried, fighting back her laughter, staring at the pair tangled on the ground. "I thought that only happened in rom-coms!" John flipped her off from his position on the floor, wincing as pain shot through his hand.

"Fuck off, 'Gelica." he muttered. Of course it had to be Angelica- the woman that already suspected his infatuation with Alexander- of course it was her. She'd threatened to 'take matters into her own hands' if he didn't make a move, and he had reason to believe that she wasn't joking. If there was one thing he could be certain of, however, it was that she was going to tease him absolutely mercilessly about this at the first given opportunity. That prospect didn't exactly warm up his feelings towards her in that moment.

"I plan to." she said, dryly, and raised an eyebrow. "Unless you two need a little help?"

"No, we're fine." John told her firmly. There was no reason to give her more material to laugh at them- he already didn't doubt that this would be revisited at some party or other- the situation was embarrassing enough without her having to help them stand up. In the face of her amusement, he glared. "You can be on your way." he muttered. With another stifled smirk, Angie retreated a couple of steps.

"Well, if you're sure…" she waved, smiling cheekily. "Bye, then."

"Bye." John scowled after her.

Then, he looked back to Alex. He had managed to push himself up on his elbows, and was wincing as he moved- he must have hit his back pretty hard, but that only brought their faces closer, and he froze when he turned to face him and found their lips barely an inch apart. He could feel the heat between them- see the million different shades of brown in Alexander's eyes- and couldn't seem to pull himself away. Smoky breath mingling between them, they stayed like that, immobile, for a second, before Alex seemed to snap himself out of a daze- and John shook his head a little as if to clear it and pulled back.

"I- uh- sorry, I should have been- " Alex muttered.

"No, it's alright, I was- " John assured him.

"Well, we'd better- uh- use that- "

"If you just- "

"Wait, move your leg- "

"Hold on to me, I can- "

With the aid of a nearby lamppost, they managed to haul themselves to their feet, Alex clinging to John's coat for support when he wobbled again.

"Sorry." he repeated, breathless and blushing. John was conscious that he must look much the same- and that the few people on the street were staring at them. With a smile, he took Alex's hand again and shouldered through the door to the shop.

"Nah, it's fine- I'm sorry for landing on you like that."

"Not your fault."

As the pair of them shrugged off their coats, sighing gratefully at the warmth and the smell inside the little coffee shop, John felt his phone chime out in his pocket and pulled it out.

From: Baguette fucker

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

He snorted and, when Alex looked around at him in confusion, showed him the screen. Alexander laughed aloud, said "Why am I not surprised?" and took John's hand in his again, pulling him over to the counter, already giving him his order. Legs and wrists still stinging, he felt his heart swell and sink at the same time as he re-pocketed his phone, and as he served up Alex's double espresso with raspberry syrup a couple of minutes later, to a dazzling, still pink-cheeked smile. At least the two of them were making progress on the romantic front.Him, on the other hand…

He sighed, watching Alex drum his fingers on the table as he re-started last night's 'blind world' debate, and set about doodling his eyes on a spare napkin. God, he was hopeless. And Angelica was never going to let him hear the end of it.

*uses every trope* what do u mean yes of course i am original

shame me on tumblr smoltinypumpkinchild*