Summary: When House punches Chase, Chase takes it to heart.
Rating: M for adult themes.
Pairings: Established HouseChase, SLASH
Characters: OOC R. Chase, OOC G. House
Status: One-shot chapters
Spoilers: Minor 3x09 Finding Judas
Trigger Warnings: Mentions of self-harm
Author's Note: Chase is really OOC in this one, and I'm not really sure if it works or not, please let me know :)
Through Sickness and in Health
I Didn't Mean Too
He hit him. House had actually hit him. Logically, Chase knew it was because his leg was hurting bad, and he had happened to be in front of him, it wasn't anything he had done. But that didn't make his heart hurt any less that he had been punched by the one man who made him feel safe. Professionally, he stood back up, shook it off, and continued as if nothing had happened. It was a different story when it came to his personal relationship with House though. House tried to apologise the whole ride back to the apartment, but Chase just glared out of the window, ignoring the older man.
"Robbie, please!" House begged as they stood in the elevator, going to the fourth floor. "You know I didn't mean to hit you! My leg was – is – really sore today, I wasn't thinking!" Chase continued to ignore him as he unlocked the apartment door. "You know I wouldn't hurt you on purpose! I love you!" Chase slammed the bedroom door in his face, locking it from the inside. House sighed, hearing the click of the lock. What had he done?! "I'll just wait out here then." He said to Chase through the door, although he doubted the Australian was listening. He lowered himself onto the carpeted floor by the bedroom door, staring up at the ceiling blankly.
Inside the room, Chase was pacing frantically, running his hands through his hair, gripping and tugging strands every so often. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. He felt tears prick his eyes. Was he supposed to forgive and forget? Was he supposed to wait House out and make him feel even more guilty? Was he supposed to scream and yell at him, show how angry he was? But he wasn't angry. He was hurt and upset, but not angry. He felt sorry that his lover's leg was hurting, but that didn't excuse him hitting him. Did it? Chase bit his lip, not noticing he was biting hard enough to draw blood. Maybe it was his own fault that he had been punched. Perhaps House was getting sick of him being around all the time. He continued to pace, his hand movements in his hair getting more violent. He stopped suddenly as something caught his eye. A pair of scissors were lying a beam of sunlight, the light bouncing of the metal and into his eye. It had been roughly a month since House had discovered about his self-harm. A month since Chase had promised to tell House when he wanted to injure himself. Doctor Robert Chase always kept his promises. Didn't he? He edged his way slowly towards the scissors, almost cautiously, picking them and examining then as though he had never seen scissors before. It would be so easy to forget all of this. It would be so easy for him to cut himself to punish himself for being a nuisance and to go tell House that he forgave him for the punch and that it could all be over. It sounded so simple, but Chase always kept his promises. He placed the scissors back on the desk before letting out a frustrated cry. He tried to think of ways he could cut without House knowing, but still keep his promise. Maybe he could pretend that he wanted to cut later? No, it wasn't the same, it didn't count. He could just tell his boyfriend that he had cut himself, that he didn't even realise what he was doing until it was too late. That idea sounded good to Chase. It was only a small lie, but mainly truth. Chase picked up the scissors again and rolled up his sleeve. He was still too upset to think clearly about where he was directing his self-hatred towards. He made 7 long, shallow cuts horizontally across his left wrist. He was still lucid enough not to cut too deep. He stopped when he heard House trying to get him to unlock the door.
"Please open the door." House pleaded to him. "I want to make it up to you." Chase looked back down at his arm. Fuck! He thought to himself, realizing that he had broken a promise. His previous excuse didn't seem to matter to him anymore. The tears that had previously refused to fall made their way down his cheeks. He couldn't hold back the sob that choked its way out of Chase's throat.
"Robbie? Baby? Are you crying? Please don't cry." House whispered through the door. Chase forgot about being annoyed at being hit. His only focus was that he had broken his promise to the man he loved. More tears fell and another sob left his lips. He put his hand back into his hair, not noticing the red tinge that the blood from his wrist was leaving in the blonde locks. He moved quickly to the door, unlocking it for House before going to the other side of the room, wailing apologies. House was quick to get up off the ground and hurry into the room.
"I'm sorry!" Chase cried out, tears falling faster. "I didn't mean too!" House looked at him, confused.
"Sorry for what? This is my fault, Robbie." House tried to calm his lover, who was borderline hysterical. Chase shook his head.
"I-I broke my promise!" he hiccupped, pulling at his hair. House's eyes went wide.
"Let me see, baby." He said soothingly, hating that he drove the younger doctor to harm himself. Chase shook his head again.
"I didn't mean too!" he continued to cry out, gasping for air through his sobs. House was quick to close the distance between them, trying to stop Chase from pacing.
"I know you didn't mean too, it's okay." He said soothed quietly. His heartstrings pulled at the sound of his lover's sobs. "Will you let me see what you did? I want to help." Now that was up close, he could see the streaks of red in the blonde hair. Chase continued to shake his head, gasping some more. "Take deep breaths, you're going to hyperventilate…that's it…good boy…" House gently pushed Chase to sit on the bed as he helped him regulate his breathing. As the younger man started to calm down, House gently pried his hands out of his hair, inspecting the self-inflicted wounds on the Australian's wrist. He had to swallow a lump in his throat. "Oh baby…I'm sorry I made you do this." He whispered. Chase stared at him, as if he had three heads.
"It…it's my fault!" he hiccupped. "If I wasn't being so ann-annoying, you wouldn't have needed to hit me, and nothing would have happened!" the sobs were lessening but the tears continued to flow down the flushed cheeks. House placed a hand gently on Chase's cheek, hating himself when the kid flinched.
"No." he said sternly. "You were not being annoying! I hit you for no reason. This is all my fault. Not yours." Chase tried to argue through his tears. "No, Robert. My fault. Got it?" Chase sniffed, giving a small nod. House gave a small smile. "Good. Now, why don't I clean these for you?" He quickly went to the kitchen to grab the First Aid kit. Once again, his heart broke at the sight of Chase when he re-entered the bedroom. He was in the same spot on the bed, but he had pulled his legs to his chest, making him appear 15 years old. The tears still hadn't stopped either. House sat by him on the bed again, taking a hold of the injured arm, making a quick but thorough job of cleaning and bandaging up the wrist.
"I'm sorry." Chase whispered as he secured the bandage. "I really didn't mean to break the promise." He sniffled. House placed the First Aid kit aside and pulled the blonde into a hug.
"I know…shhh…it's okay, baby." He rubbed his hand in soothing circles on his back. Chase pulled back slightly, eyes frantic, puffy, and red.
"I need you to forgive me." He whispered, looking for redemption. House pressed a kiss onto his boyfriend's flushed temple.
"I forgive you." He wiped away tears from the soft cheeks with his thumb. "Why don't you go freshen up, and we can go and do something together, yeah?" Chase sniffed again, wiping a hand across his wet face.
"O-okay." He uncurled himself and shuffled towards the bathroom. He paused at the threshold of the bedroom door for a moment, turning back to face the older doctor. "Greg?" he asked nervously.
"Yeah?" House watched as Chase fiddled with the bandage.
"Will…can we go to the church?" he asked quietly. While House had forgiven him, he needed God to forgive him also. House tilted his head curiously.
"Why?" he asked slowly. Chase knew how much he hated being in churches. He always refused to go to Sunday mass with the younger man, but that didn't stop Chase asking him to join him every week.
"I…I want to go to confession." He admitted quietly. "You don't have to come in with me, I'll be quick." He added quickly, not wanting House to feel uncomfortable.
"I'll come with you." House smiled at his young duckling. He knew Chase needed some comfort tonight, and he wouldn't let his non-beliefs about God get in the middle of that. He already felt bad enough.
"Really?" Chase's face brightened. God, House loved that smile.
"Just don't expect it all the time." Chase nodded happily and bounded out the room, going to clean his face and get changed. Honestly, House would go to church every day if it meant he got to see that smile. Once Chase was ready, the pair made the walk down the street to the Catholic Church, hand in hand.
