littlemssstrawberry: Cagalli's not going into depression, she's too strong for that. She does brood, though. Most teenagers do. It's only natural, especially if you're a Gundam pilot. ^^;
Jodeist: Cagalli and Kira are much alike in how they shoulder the blames for what's happened to them and the people around them. I think it's the first (and really, only) hint we get that they're brother and sister before the big reveal. I think it shows their character as people that they will shoulder the blame for what they did wrong.
Cagalli's way too street-smart to be manipulated by someone. That's a big difference between her and Kira.
You will get your answer to the Athrun/Lacus equation soon. I don't want to spoil it publicly right now.
Lipana: I did a poor job of having the Strike get in front of the hangar bay, but I felt that to keep the action consistent, I had to give the Aile Pack, well, wings. XD I was already made aware of the Aile Pack, though luckily there's an out because Cagalli doesn't know French and neither does Kira.
mffz: Due to plot-sensitive information I answered you privately.
Sawagi-chan: I'm glad you're interested! I hope you enjoy what comes next. :)
Update is now! I hope you enjoy it! :) I am aware I am fudging the "gravity" thing on the Archangel, but considering how inconsistently gravity was portrayed in the show I decided to acknowledge and dance around it at the same time.
Chapter Six: Escalates
I floated, completely inert, in the rubble for what seemed to be forever.
I wanted to believe this was all a dream. I would wake up, and I'd be in my dorm, and everything would be okay. I would just shake it off with a morning run, then take a shower, check my tablet for the new assignments of the day, and run to class.
No war. No battle. No military people forcing me to fight.
I pinched myself. I admit it. I pinched myself multiple times until I just punched the side of the cockpit in frustration. This was real, and I didn't want to realize that.
And that made hitting the cockpit extraordinarily stupid. If I had hit the wrong button, I would've ejected myself into space.
There were so many horror stories of what happened to exposed people that . . . no matter how despairing I could get, I could never picture myself dying that way. I don't want to freeze to death, or burn up as the sun's unprotected rays fry me. Every way to die in space is horrific, prolonged, graphic.
I looked as the little lights of the lifeboats' engines as they shrank into nothingness as they all turned in their preprogrammed courses.
My home, it's gone.
I hoped everyone in Heliopolis had gotten to a shelter in time. I didn't want to . . . well . . .
Of course, it was then that I saw the bodies of a young family and what I assumed to be their dog float by my cockpit. People who never made it to a lifeboat in time, or assumed their homes would be safe enough during this emergency.
I felt bile rise in my throat as I saw them, caked with ice already, float aimlessly around me.
I put my hand to my mouth and forced myself not to look. Miguel's scream was still in the back of my mind. I didn't want to memorize the dead family and their pet either.
But, as I've written this down, I think it's pretty clear the imagery's stayed in my mind.
I shook my head violently. "Stay out of my head. Stay out. Get out of my head."
But it was no use, and just like Miguel's scream, the dead, frozen family, their faces contorted in surprise and horror, stayed with me.
I heard static on my radio. "X-105 Strike Gundam . . . Cagalli Yamato . . . read . . . 105 Strike Gundam . . ."
I faintly recognized the voice as Natarle's. The visual wasn't coming through clearly, the debris field was interfering so much already that all I could get was woefully inconsistent audio.
"Yeah?" I asked. My voice sounded like it was coming from another person. It sounded so vulnerable, exhausted, and tired. Nothing like how I usually sound.
"Is the Strike damaged?" Natarle asked.
Figures. She's worried about the machine more than me, I thought. I very briefly considered telling Natarle that my situation was critical, but that suicidal thought was quickly expunged from my mind. What the recent terror of war had taught me was that I was not ready to die. Not by a long shot.
"No," I finally said.
Natarle sighed. "Then return to the ship at once, Cagalli. Do you have our location?"
I tried to work the sensors, and I finally saw the Archangel show up on my display, though it flickered in and out at irregular intervals. That would be enough, though.
"Yeah. I have you guys," I said.
"Good. Don't stay out there. The only oxygen you have right now is in your cockpit. That's not a lot."
At least Natarle had remembered that I wasn't wearing a spacesuit, and without it I had no supply of air to draw from in here. My saving grace was that the cockpit was sealed airtight. No leaks.
As I adjusted my sensors to try to get a better fix on the Archangel, I noticed a peculiar flashing signal from the display. I flipped through the public channels, but I couldn't get anything just suggested the source of the signal, just static, and general chaos from the lifeboats.
I thought about ignoring the distress signal, but my conscience wouldn't let me. What if it was a lifeboat? Or Athrun had gotten hit by debris and was floating helplessly?
I knew what I had to do, lack of air or not.
My power was less than twenty percent. I was going to have to be really conservative, with both breathing and power, if I was going to pull this off. I steadily powered the Strike over to the distress signal, and used my eyes to try to locate the source.
And then I saw it.
It wasn't Athrun. It was a lifeboat.
I already knew what I had to do.
I heard static pop up on the public channel I was on. "Heavy . . . engine failure . . . vicinity, need immediate . . . leak . . ."
I recognized the voice immediately. It was the same man I had spoken to just hours before, when trying to get all of the civilians inside. The same shelter where I had put Tolle, Miriallia, and the others.
Out of all the lifeboats, why this one?
That solidified my decision right then and there. I was going to bring that lifeboat to the Archangel. I was still a civilian, so I technically didn't have to follow military orders if I didn't want to. And my friends were, in all likelihood, onboard.
I didn't try to talk to the man. Number one, I didn't want to speak to him. Number two, the reception was clearly so bad anything I could have said would have just confused the guy. If I could barely hear him, how could I expect him to hear me?
So I just reached, grabbed the lifeboat, and accelerated towards the Archangel, betting I could get there before my power ran out or my air.
I doubt you're surprised that I made it. You wouldn't be reading this right now if I had died.
But I had cut it close. My Phase Shift gave out just as I entered with the lifeboat inside the hangar bay, and I discovered I couldn't breathe just seconds before they closed the doors. I was beginning to clutch my throat when they announced that the hangar had been pressurized, and I quickly threw my cockpit door open and gulped down as much air as I could.
That had been really stupid. I had nearly killed myself getting that lifeboat onboard. I couldn't take that risk again, not without a space suit so I had more air.
But it had worked out in the end. I had brought the lifeboat inside the ship, and my friends, if they hadn't been pulled out in the 'leak' that had been mentioned, were going to be okay.
An announcement rang out through loudspeakers. "Commence Strike maintenance immediately! It may have to launch at any moment!"
I saw Petty Officer Murdoch approach me. "Good job, kid!"
"Are you being sarcastic?" I asked.
Murdoch looked baffled. "Uh, no."
"I don't think I did that good of a job at all," I said. "Heliopolis exploded because of me, I killed three people, and I nearly died lugging that lifeboat in here. And I know I just pissed off my commanders by bringing the lifeboat onboard."
Murdoch blinked, and then sighed. "Look at it this way. Most of the lifeboats launched safely and they'll be back in Orb soon enough. Plus you just saved fifty-something Orb civilians in that lifeboat of yours. And you kept all of us alive. Despite what happened I'd have to say you did pretty well."
I thought of the frozen family with those horrific expressions forever etched on their faces.
"Not good enough," I said.
I floated past him and directed myself towards the lifeboat.
The crew forced the doors open, and guess who was the first person to get out of there?
Flay Allster.
"God, I couldn't stay one more second in there!" She hugged the first crewman she met. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
She then noticed me. "Uh . . . how the heck did you make it here?"
"What, no 'oh wow, you're alive'?" I asked.
Flay frowned. "Geez, what's up with you?"
Before I could answer, I heard "Cagalli!"
And there was Tolle Koenig.
"Tolle!"
He floated towards me and we embraced . . . and kinda went upside down. "Whoa! Not used to this weightless thing!"
"Neither am I," I said.
He put my hand against my face. "I knew you'd make it, Cagalli. I knew you would. You're too tough to die."
"Yeah," I said.
His smile faded, just a bit. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. It can wait," I said.
Miriallia escaped from the lifeboat then, and then stared at me in shock, like I was a zombie. "Cagalli . . ."
Tolle laughed. "Told ya, Miri! Told ya Cagalli would make it!"
Miriallia lost her stunned expression, and then smiled. "I shouldn't have doubted you."
I soon found myself surrounded by people I knew. Sai and Kuzzey joined in, and I felt good again. Like everything I had done earlier in the day were distant memories, or even dreams. I was no longer a pilot, I was just an ordinary college student again, surrounded by friends who were grateful I was alive.
It was a marked contrast from the military personnel, who seemed to think about how to use me the most.
While I was surrounded, I noticed Flay floating away alone. I'm not evil. It didn't take me very long to realize that while I had my friends, Flay had none of hers.
"Flay? Are you okay?" I asked.
Flay hesitated. "Yeah, I'm okay. Go enjoy hanging around."
Sai floated over to her. "It's okay, Flay. Really."
Flay's lips trembled. "Sai . . . my friends . . . we got separated. I don't even know if they're okay."
She shivered, and then looked up at the ceiling. "What is this place?"
"This is the Archangel," said a new voice. We all turned, and there was Kira.
I immediately questioned him exposing himself, where people could recognize him, but I realized that was the point. He wanted to show his citizens solidarity. That was something the Lion of Orb himself had probably drilled into his head. He had to identify with ordinary people, and in this case, why not show everyone that you're in the exact same position they're in, prince or not?
Sai recognized. "You can't be . . ."
Kira nodded. "I am. I'm Prince Kira."
People immediately began to crowd around us. More than one person pulled something and I heard digital shutter sounds as they snapped pictures of him. Somebody yelled "Yeah, it's him! It's really him!"
A young woman ran up to Kira. "Can I have your autograph?"
"When I have a pen," he said, blushing.
Mu La Flaga entered the scene, and he yelled "Enough! This is a military facility! Civilians are to be assigned quarters and boundaries. Leave the hangar bay in a organized fashion!"
I tried to sneak with my friends, but Mu caught that immediately. "Not you, Cagalli. You're heading back to the bridge with the prince and I."
"Why?" I asked.
"You're in this for the long haul, kid. The prince isn't getting off this vessel for a long time unless we get incredibly lucky. That means you're still flying the Strike until further notice."
I looked up at the Strike. Oh great.
"Uh, Cagalli, what does he mean?" Tolle asked, a confused glance on his face.
Miriallia looked up at the Strike. "Did you have to fly that thing?"
Sai frowned. "No Natural can fly a Mobile Suit. Unless . . ."
Flay being Flay, she shrieked "She's a Coordinator!"
Cue bedlam.
It took the combined efforts of Mu, his troopers, and virtually every mechanic in the hangar bay to get the prince, I, and my friends out of the hangar bay and into a private room. This included Flay, unfortunately. The fact she couldn't shut up about me being a Coordinator didn't help matters one bit. Eventually, Natarle Badgiruel got involved in the near-riot, and one look from her shut Flay up in an instant.
After that, the crowd got noticeably calmer, and we were planted in a private room, the officer's cafeteria to be exact. There, Natarle, Murrue, and Mu looked at all of us with bemused glances.
"Okay," Murrue said, "Which one of you shouted 'Coordinator'?"
"She did." Everyone pointed at Flay.
Murrue walked up to Flay. "That was highly irresponsible, Ms. Allster."
"You know her?" Tolle asked.
"Her father's Vice Minister of Defense in the North American Federation, among other things. A lot of people know the Allster family. I see enough of a family resemblance to know who she is."
Flay looked away. "She's a Coordinator. They're the enemy. They bombed Edinburgh, my hometown. Razed it to the ground."
One of the early ZAFT campaigns involved a raid at Edinburgh. The ZAFT who raided the place were all killed or captured in the end, but they caused hundreds of thousands of civilian deaths, and the historic city was ultimately ruined. They were just now starting to rebuild it, and progress was slow because of war consuming resources.
Tolle looked at her. "Cagalli is not the enemy! She saved our lives!"
"Who says she isn't spying for them?" Flay asked.
"If I was spying for them, don't you think I would've joined them instead of fighting them? I killed three Coordinators today!" I asked.
Tolle's eyes widened. "Really? You killed three of them?"
"They gave me no choice," I said. It was a lie, two of them gave me no choice. There was no way out of killing those two. But Miguel . . .
My friends and Flay all looked at me in amazement. Mu just shook his head. "Look, I think we've all figured out that Cagalli is on our side, okay? So let's let bygones be bygones."
"I'm not on your side either," I said. "I'm on Orb's side. And that means I'm neutral in this war. Don't think you military types own me."
Natarle frowned. "Remember, Cagalli, you are the only line of defense until the Moebius Zero is fixed. I think you'll find it recommended that you follow our orders. Bringing the civilians in here was a reckless act."
"It was also a noble one," Murrue said. "Problem is, the ship isn't fully supplied. And all of these civilians onboard means that our limited supplies will be used up quicker."
Natarle looked at Murrue. "Are you sure it is wise to say this in front of civilians?"
"We were going to have this conversation in front of Cagalli anyway. What's a few more civilians at this point?" Murrue asked.
Natarle just shook her head. "If you say so, Lieutenant Ramius."
Murrue looked at all of us. "I'm going to dismiss all of you except for Cagalli. Let the other civilians know this. They are guests, but that doesn't mean that they run the ship. They must acquiescence to military orders. We're all in this together now."
"Uh, okay," Tolle said.
"Also, let everyone know that the Coordinator onboard is to be treated with respect, or at the very least, politeness. She is the reason why they're alive right now. That's the least they can give her."
"No, the least they can give me is to bow down and kiss my feet," I said.
Everyone looked at me.
"It's a joke," I said, as I felt my face heat up.
"And on that awkward note," Mu said, "You civilians are dismissed. Shoo."
After moving them out of the officer's cafeteria, Mu sighed. "Thank God that's over with."
"You have some good friends," Kira said.
"I guess," I replied.
Murrue looked at me. "Cagalli, we're going to need you out there multiple times in all likelihood. Can you do this for us?"
"Yeah," I said.
"While you were bringing the lifepod onboard, Mu, Natarle and I were considering our next move. The debris field is masking our position from the ZAFT ship. We have limited fuel, food, and water," Murrue said.
"What Lieutenant Ramius, Lieutenant La Flaga, and I decided was that it's best to break out towards Artemis," Natarle said. "It is the closest Earth Alliance base, actually, it's the only base we can make it to with our current amount of fuel. We're going to have to either ram through or sneak past the ZAFT in order to make it."
"What about ammunition?" I asked.
Natarle chuckled sardonically. "One thing our late superiors, in all their wisdom, was to fully load the Archangel with ammunition. That's the one thing we've got in plenty. We have a manpower issue, a food issue, a water issue, a fuel issue . . . but no ammunition issue."
Murrue folded her hands and looked at me in the eyes. "Cagalli, I want you to find a pilot suit that fits you and be on standby as soon as possible."
"I understand," I said. I knew there was no other option, but that didn't mean I had to like it. I just had to make do with my subtle digs at them every now and then to show I wasn't their lapdog.
Murrue smiled. "You'll make it through this. We all will. Now, you're dismissed. Please be ready to fight at a moment's notice."
"What about sleep?" I asked. "Do I have permission to sleep?"
Murrue laughed. "Of course. I'm not going to-"
Suddenly, I felt extraordinarily heavy, and slammed onto the floor. "Ow."
"Hey," Mu said, "They finally fixed the artificial gravity."
"This ship has artificial gravity?" I asked.
"Except for the hallways," Murrue said. "To maximize efficiency, you're weightless in hallways, but once you enter a room like this one, you have normal Earth gravity."
"Oh great," I said. "I'm going to be spacesick forever."
Natarle tossed a bottle of anti-spacesickness pills at me. "Then this is your new best friend."
I just looked at her. "Gee, thanks."
A wry smile crossed Natarle's face. "You're welcome."
The anti-spacesickness pills helped me only feel mildly ill as I floated down the hallway towards my assigned room. I had changed to my pilot suit, after nearly an hour of digging through a locker room's worth of clothing. I hadn't yet found a normal uniform that fit me, though.
In a way, I was glad I hadn't. It just would've solidified the impression that I had become a soldier, an Earth Alliance dog.
I was not the type who took orders very well. But I also knew what I had to do. And I knew I had to follow orders if I wanted to live, along with everyone else.
As I opened the door to my room, I saw Miriallia and Tolle both there. "Oh wow," Miriallia said.
"You really are flying that thing," Tolle said.
"I don't have a choice," I said. "There's no sense complaining or whining about it. It's what I have to do."
Miriallia raised an eyebrow. "You sure you're cool with this? You could get killed."
"Yeah, I know. You don't have a ton of confidence in me," I said, reminding her of Tolle's comment made in the hangar bay. That had hurt that Miriallia hadn't thought I would come back.
Miriallia's eyes widened. "Well, I mean . . . you're up against professional soldiers! But, I, well . . . if you can defeat three professional soldiers already, who says you can't beat more?"
"That's right," Tolle said. "You got that new Mobile Suit thingie. What's it called again?"
"GUNDAM," I said. "Well, the Strike GUNDAM."
"GUNDAM," Miriallia repeated. "That's kind of a funny name for a Mobile Suit."
"You don't say," I replied. "Anyway, what's going on with you guys?"
Miriallia said "They're already asking the civilians to help undermanned parts of the ship. I'm surprised how many are actually agreeing."
"We don't know what we're doing yet," Tolle said.
"Go ahead and help if you guys want to," I said. "Lieutenant Ramius says that there's a bad manpower issue going on. They need help everywhere."
"Maybe they'll let me take over a gun," Tolle said with a grin. "Bang, bang, bang!"
"There's no sound in space, Tolle," Miriallia said.
"Oh yeah. Damn," Tolle replied.
"Also," Miriallia added, "I wouldn't let you take over a gun even if you paid me. You'd run out of ammunition after the first battle and maybe have one kill to show for it."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Tolle grumbled. Miriallia just laughed.
"What about Sai and Kuzzey? And I guess Flay too?" I asked.
"Sai's being all brave and stuff, he's volunteering for bridge duty. Kuzzey did the same thing right after Sai did. Flay says that the reason why her father sent her to Orb was to avoid fighting and she doesn't want to go against his wishes or some junk like that," Miriallia replied.
That didn't surprise me about Flay. This was far from the first Natural/Coordinator conflict in our lifetimes. Flay had spent so much time in Orb territory that she didn't sound British. She sounded like a native Orb citizen.
Again, though, as much as I wanted to hate her, I couldn't. I understood her reasons for not fighting, if her father was the reason. But I didn't think that was the reason.
Flay occasionally acted like an airhead but she was smart. And she knew as much as anyone she didn't have anything to offer the Archangel. She had nothing resembling combat training and lacked the athleticism you need in a soldier. And she didn't function so well under pressure.
She'd actually be a liability if she fought. And I think she knew it and didn't want to admit it, so she was taking the high road and saying stuff about her father.
"I guess that makes sense. You guys should volunteer for bridge duty too. The more friends I have there the better I'll feel," I said.
Tolle looked surprised. "Why do you want us at the bridge?"
I froze for a second, as I didn't want to say why. But finally, I did.
"I don't want you guys being killed in some random corner of the ship if it gets hit by enemy fire. I want you guys in a position I can recognize and protect at a moment's notice. I may not be able to do that if you're in some random turret," I replied.
Miriallia's eyes widened. "Cagalli, you don't need to worry about us. We'll be okay, no matter where we go."
"I just want you all in the same spot," I said. "The exact same, recognizable spot, so I can defend it."
Tolle looked at me sympathetically and placed a hand on my shoulder. "I understand, Cagalli."
I hugged him. "Thank you."
Miriallia sighed. "I'll just leave you guys alone."
"No," I said. "Please stay. You're my best friend, Miri."
Miriallia looked at me in surprise. "You really mean it."
"Of course I do."
Miriallia walked over. "Oh fine, I'll make this a group hug. You act so tough, Cagalli, but you're soft on the inside, aren't you?"
"Yeah," I said with a smile. "I guess I am."
War is boredom spliced with moments of sheer terror. I needed them in that room with me. I still hadn't gotten over the terror I had already experienced, and would experience again. I needed to know why I was going out there, into situation that could kill me.
Tolle and Miriallia were why.
Sai and Kuzzey were why.
Kira was why.
Oh, hell, I'll even throw in Flay.
I was fighting for everybody.
And that's what allowed me to accept flying the Strike again. And fly the Strike many more times.
I knew exactly what I was fighting for.
