fate-star: Miri's in a bit of a spot right now, a spot that wasn't there when it was Kira. This is one of the hopefully more interesting aspects of the story. Miri is trying her best to be friendly but she doesn't like that Tolle's attention is elsewhere. And you honestly can't blame her.

animefan29: Wow . . . so detailed. _ Thank you for taking so much of your time!

Anyway, I haven't read Astray meaningfully and wasn't even aware there was an Astray X. XD Thank you for all the background information on Garcia, it makes a lot of his actions and behaviors make a lot more sense now. And yeah, Artemis' fleet got blown up in a heartbeat just like it did in canon, because the crews got lax and they didn't make it to their posts in time to make a difference. I felt it was too unrealistic for there to be a 100% casualty rate like in the canon so I allowed twenty-four survivors, pretty damn close to a 100% casualty rate but it stops just short.

Thank you for your comments on Nicol. It's so hard to give any of the ZAFT pilots screentime because of the story format but at least Nicol sounds good, right? And I thought I had gotten the umbrella shield details right, though I had forgotten the name. ^^;

Jodeist: Cagalli doesn't have much good sense, she ran out of air again by doing what she did. XD She has her own flaws in combat, just different ones than Kira. Those flaws will show themselves soon.

littlemsstrawberry: Chapters 8 and 9 are the equilvalent to Phase 6 in Gundam SEED canon. Chapter 10 is equilvalent to Phase 7. And here's an update, on Monday just like usual. XD


Chapter Ten: Fallen Angels

Garcia came to me in the night, in a world of pitch-black.

He smiled, but his teeth were missing. He spoke perfectly, as if he had all of its teeth anyway. "You had great fun at my expense, didn't you?"

The world was becoming hot. I tried to speak, but I discovered I had no voice.

"Well," he said, ever so nonchalantly, "Let me show you your reward for such fun. Such crazed, gleeful fun, taking joy in letting your allies, your comrades, getting murdered by a single ZAFT soldier. This is what waits for you when you die, Cagalli Yamato. This is what you will suffer the moment you are killed. You get to suffer it every day, every hour, with me. You got your five minutes of fun tormenting me in life, well, I get five lifetimes of tormenting you after life. What do you think? Fair trade? How about we find out?"

I tried to reach for him, but then I fell. He stayed above me, floating in mid-air, just laughing at me as I fell.

Suddenly, I was wreathed by flames.

I was on fire. My body disintergrated all around me.

It was then I found my voice. And I screamed.


I woke up to find my hand trying to strangle Miriallia.

"It's a nightmare, Cagalli! Stop it! You're okay!"

As I stared into her frightened blue eyes, her hands frantically trying to rip my right hand away from her, I realized that I had not fallen into hell, a volcano, or whatever afterlife horror I had dreamt of.

My right hand rubbed my pounding head, and I struggled to breathe. My body was absolutely covered in sweat, and my headache had remained, surging throughout my head with a vengeance.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, wondering if Miriallia had already run out of the room in a panic. But she was still here, and still close to the bed, albeit highly nervous, as if I would lash out at her like a snake. She finally visibly relaxed her hands and yanked out a nearby chair and sat in it, still trembling, but reassured I wasn't going to kill her.

"What happened?" she finally asked.

"Garcia," I said.

"Him?" Miriallia asked, surprised.

"He tried to pull me into hell. He wanted me to suffer in hell for what I had done to him, because I . . . I didn't protect Artemis." I admit that I was sugarcoating things, but how could I explain to Miriallia that I had let Nicol go on and destroy the base?

But Miriallia knew what I was saying anyway. "You're talking about letting the Blitz go scot-free."

I stared at her, then I looked away. "I . . . I hated Garcia so much for what he did to Tolle. I wanted him to die. I wanted him to suffer."

"If it means anything, I would've done the same thing. It doesn't make it right, but I understand," Miriallia said finally. "Probably a good number of people on-board would agree with you there. Garcia treated us all like caged animals to restrain."

"But like you said, it wasn't right. I should've fought the Blitz. Maybe more than four Mobile Armors would've escaped if I had."

"Or maybe none would've," Miriallia said. "You would've been so busy fighting the Blitz that you wouldn't have been able to protect them from the Duel and Buster."

"Yeah, sure," I said, skeptical.

Miriallia shrugged. "There's no point in second-guessing at this point. You did what you did. You kept us alive, we have twenty Artemis personnel still on-board, not including the four pilots you saved."

She sighed. "We've got quite a crew now. Fifty-something Orb civilians, a skeleton Atlantic Federation crew, and now twenty-four people from Artemis. And none of us completely trust each other."

"I thought there had been more people from Artemis on-board," I said.

"Apparently a lot of people decided to take their chances on Artemis' transports than risk our wrath when we took the ship back," Miriallia said.

I stared at her again. "You guys took the ship back by force?"

"Yeah," Miriallia said. "Neumann and Murdoch led the charge and we quickly took it back. About half of the Artemis personnel we have are locked up in the brig, they were guards taken prisoner. The others are the pilots you saved and people who opted to voluntarily surrender to us instead of trying to make it to an Artemis transport . . . and none of those made it out of the base."

I chuckled softly. This was darkly hilarious. What a ship. What a crew. We were nothing more than a bunch of glorified refugees just trying to find safety, and we could never find it. And all we did was wind up picking up more refugees, refugees that couldn't be trusted because they had locked everyone up. Not to mention had a clear language barrier.

I looked at Miriallia. "Did we at least get some new supplies?"

Miriallia shook her head. "Garcia didn't resupply us. He didn't think there was a point, considering ZAFT was besieging us. The Archangel wouldn't be able to leave without getting into a fight. At least that's what Lieutenant Ramius said when I asked."

"So we have more mouths to feed on the same crappy amount of supplies we had," I said.

Miriallia smiled sardonically. "Yeah, pretty much. Now, if you're not going to choke anybody else, it's time you got up."

"Ha ha ha," I said.

"I'm serious. Don't do that again. I don't want to think my best friend is going crazy," Miriallia said.

I nodded solemnly. "I understand."


We floated down the hallway when I noticed something odd at the windows. "Hey, Miri, look outside."

"What?" She squints as she looks. "Oh."

There were debris everywhere by our window, just casually floating on by. A lot of debris. For a second, I thought that we had wound up flying back into Heliopolis, but then I realized that this was far too random to be Heliopolis' remnants. This was something else. A ruin of a non-Orb nature. A ruin that's been around for a long time.

"We gotta be in the debris belt," I finally said.

"I heard the captain say we might try to hide in it so the Gamow doesn't catch us."

"The Gamow?"

"That's the name of the ship that deployed near Artemis. It's not the ship Le Creuset is based on. I guess they brought in reinforcements to keep an eye on us."

I thought about Athrun, who hadn't participated in the Artemis battle at all. I wondered where he had been the whole battle, and why he hadn't participated. Did it have anything to do with his "fiance", as that Nicol guy had said?

Who was Athrun becoming engaged to? Which political dynasty did Athrun's father need to consolidate support?

I suddenly remembered the Supreme Chairman was Siegel Clyne, Lacus Clyne's father.

I felt disgusted. What if Athrun's fiance was none other than that pop princess bimbo who sang about hope and kittens and pretty things while the real world was full of carnage? He had to marry that girl? I wasn't sure whether to despise him or pity him, especially as Nicol strongly implied it was against Athrun's will.

I wondered why I cared who Athrun was engaged to. Didn't I have a boyfriend already? I had moved on, didn't I? So why did it feel like I hadn't?

I looked at Miriallia. "These are ZAFT special forces. Three Mobile Suits and one cruiser wiped out a supposedly impregnable base with hardly any casualties. Does the captain seriously think we can hide from them in a bunch of debris?"

Miriallia shrugged. "What do you expect her to do, Cagalli?"

"I don't know. It's just . . . I don't think we're going to be able to hide from them for very long, if at all."

"You're probably right. We're running low on supplies. I've heard we're gonna start rationing water today. Even if we manage to hide from the Gamow we're not going to hold together without supplies." She shook her head and sighed. "Anyway, I'm gonna head for the bridge. I don't know what you're doing, so . . ."

"Yeah, I know. I figured I'd go see how the Strike's maintenance is coming along. I've been letting Prince Kira do most of the work, which isn't fair. I'm the one flying the thing, I should be trying to do it myself."

Miriallia chuckled knowingly. "The prince is working for you?"

I wasn't amused. "Yes, I am."

Miriallia sighed. "Lighten up, Cagalli."

"I will once we're back in Orb," I said.

Miriallia just started floating away. "You keep brooding about this, Cagalli, you're not going to like your life. That's the honest truth."

"I'm not going to cut myself or something, Miri."

"The last thing Tolle needs is you getting all depressed and pitying yourself. I don't want you to be a weight on his shoulders."

"I thought this was about me, not Tolle."

Miriallia just sighed and floated down the hallway, and, frustrated and filled with pent-up energy I couldn't channel anywhere, I just stared out the window, and punched the wall next to it. Naturally, the blowback made me float away from the window and it took a lot of effort to get my hands back on the railing.

Stupid weightlessness. Even while taking three pills, the sensation of floating in unnatural positions was still making me feel slightly sick to my stomach. How many pills did I have to take? Was this going to become an addiction?

And now Miriallia was acting all strange. I was confiding in her and she wasn't trying to make me feel better. Talking with her just made me feel worse. What had I done to set Miriallia off? Did this, in the end, all have to do with Tolle? I knew she and Tolle had been getting close before I walked into their lives.

Was Miriallia jealous of me? The more I thought about it, the more obvious it seemed.

Did she hate me? That was something I wasn't willing to consider yet. Miriallia had been with me just as long as Tolle. If she hated me, she would've made it obvious long before now. I didn't want to believe that someone I counted on, my own roommate onboard this ship, hated me. I just couldn't consider it. If she did hate me, I was far lonelier than I thought.

I hoped it was just jealousy, or stress, or something else. Not hatred. Anything but hatred.

I was about to head for the bridge when I heard familiar adult voice. "Cagalli? Is that you, Cagalli?"

I turned to my left and I saw the woman with her daughter, Elle. I put on a calm smile. "Hi there, uh . . ."

"Oh yeah, I didn't give my name. My name is Dorothy Eliarez. You've already met Elle."

Elle nodded, and she smiled at me.

"Nice to meet you," I said. "My full name is Cagalli Yamato."

Dorothy smiled. "Can I make a request?"

"Yeah, sure."

"I'm going in for gun turret training this morning. Can you watch Elle for a while?"

"You mean babysit."

"I'm not a baby," Elle grumbled.

Dorothy chuckled awkwardly. "Elle doesn't like that word, babysit."

I smiled. "Well, now I know. How long do you think you'll be?"

"Uh, three or four hours. I don't know for sure. It depends on long it takes for me to know what I'm doing."

"Okay." I looked down at Elle, who was busy trying to float upside down. The unnatural sight nearly made me sick, but I shook it off. Last thing either Eliarez wanted to see was my stomach contents.

I turned my attention to the elder Eliarez, and tried to pretend I hadn't just seen Elle floating around. "Yeah, sure, I'll watch her. I can put off servicing the Strike for just a while longer."

Dorothy smiled. "Thank you very much, Cagalli. I'll try not to take too long. You're an angel."

"Uh, thanks," I said, as I felt my face heat up.

Dorothy floated away, and there was Elle, her feet on the glass window. "Hey, Cagalli! Look at me!"

I know a little girl's feet isn't enough to break the glass, but seeing her do that gave me what felt like a mild heart attack. "Elle, not a good idea. Come down from there, please."

"Aww."

I pulled Elle away from the glass. "I'm serious. Last thing we need is to be pulled out into space."

"Oh yeah. That would be bad."

"Really bad. Your mom would kill me."

"Wouldn't we already be dead?"

I sighed. "Yeah."

"Then how would Mom kill you?"

I decided to change the subject matter right then. "Come on, let's just go."

We floated down the hallway, towards whatever I could come up with to keep Melanie occupied.


It turned out we were going to be playing with her cat, which did not appreciate zero gravity as much as humans did. Its claws were always outstretched, and after both of us getting scratched, we decided to bring the cat into Elle and her mother's room where the cat would be more comfortable. Of course, I got tasked with bringing this freaked-out orange tabby into said room, so that meant I got scratched everywhere. Even the fabric of my uniform at the shoulders and forearms got frayed.

It calmed down significantly after it returned to gravity, but I kept my distance away from it. Getting scratched has a tendency to make humans wary of cats. I did consider getting Tori and using the poor thing to keep the cat occupied, but even though Tori's a robot I couldn't quite bring myself to do it.

As I placed a bandage on one of my bleeding scratches on the back of my hand, Elle laughed. "The cat hurts you more than bad guys."

"Oh really?" I asked.

"Yeah. You always come back unhurt from fighting. I bet the bad guys would be even worse than you with my cat!"

Ah, the innocence of children. They don't realize that there are always wounded from battles, it's just that the wounds aren't always visible.

I tried to make her understand that, as futile as it seemed. "I'm not invincible, Elle."

"Mom says you are. You're like our guardian angel."

I barely held back a snort. "I'm not an angel."

"You even have golden hair, just like an angel!"

"I'm not an angel, Elle! I . . . I'm just not," I said. It was hard to keep from blowing up at her, but children just plain believe things that adults don't. I forced myself to understand that.

Melanie's eyes moistened, just a little. "But that's what Mom says. She says you're our guardian angel, and that no one can beat you. You just say you're a Coordinator so people don't think you're something else."

What kind of crazy junk was Dorothy Eliarez stuffing into her daughter's head? Maybe Dorothy Eliarez wasn't even aware of how crazy she was. Not everyone in Orb was tolerant of Coordinators. Maybe she was one of them. Maybe thinking I was something unearthly, something supernatural, was her way of coping with the fact that her survival depended on a Coordinator. And she believed the lie so fervently she had spread it to her own daughter.

Or she didn't know how to explain the naunces of the Natural/Coordinator conflict and just made up a bunch of junk that Elle would understand. In other words, she was just as tongue-tied as me about the whole situation. I hoped this was the case, because if it was the former, Dorothy Eliarez was short a few marbles.

I remembered Dorothy's comment to me. "You're an angel". That wasn't a term of endearment. It was an instruction. An instruction to pretend to be something else in front of her daughter.

It's not something I wanted to do. I'm not an actress, and I'm definitely no angel. I'm just me.

But how could I say that to Elle, who wanted to believe that something like an angel existed and one of those beings was right in front of her?

In the end, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't pull off the act. It's just not who I am. Not to mention I'm missing an important accessory: the wings.

"Elle," I said softly, "I'm a Coordinator. I'm a human being. I'm not an angel or anything else. I'm doing this to protect everyone onboard this ship."

I turned around and went down on one knee so I'd be at her level. "I don't have any wings or stuff like that. I'm human. But I'll do the best I can, Melanie. I promise."

I put my hand on her face. She was starting to cry. I was shattering her illusion, but she needed this. She needed to know the truth.

"I will protect you. Nobody is ever going to harm you, your mother, or anyone else on this ship. I promise. You're going to get home safe and sound and you'll be able to attend school again and make friends. Orb's a peaceful country. It's a wonderful place to live. And you will be so . . . so happy there."

I embraced her. "Elle, I'm so sorry. I'm not perfect. Please don't hate me. Please."

"Cagalli, it's okay."

"Huh?"

"I know my mom is just saying that because she likes believing in stuff like that, but . . . could you just pretend with me? Pretend you're an angel? Just this once?"

Her blue eyes stared right into mine. "I need to pretend. It's only this once. It'll make my mom happy if you pretended with me."

I suddenly realized I was starting to cry. "Okay, I'll try. I . . . I will . . ."

My hands were shaking too much. I just gripped Melanie tightly and began crying, and I couldn't understand why.

Why? Why was I crying for such a small thing?

"Cagalli, it's okay. It's okay. I'm sorry. You don't have to pretend. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

It wasn't a small thing. It was people asking me to become something I'm not. It was the realization of how people were putting so much pressure on me, hope in me. They all wanted to believe I was greater than I was. And I'm plainly not a great person. I lash out too much, I've killed people, and my own lack of compassion and my lust for vengeance got way more people killed at Artemis than there had to be.

Coupled with the memory of my nightmare with Garcia, of being burned alive in hell, it was just too much.

I don't know how long I had held Elle in her room like that. She stopped talking after a while, and just gently rubbed my back the best she could with her short arms and small hands.

I just didn't feel worthy of the responsibility placed on my shoulders.


A half-hour later, Kira Yeley Athha, the prince himself, entered the room. Thankfully, by that time, I had stopped crying. I self-consciously stared at a nearby mirror, and the only sign of my weakness was a small amount of red around my eyes. I hoped Kira wouldn't notice.

Elle, for her part, was amazed the prince himself would step into the room of a commoner. She was completely speechless, and her eyes were indecisive, stunned, like she had no idea what to say.

Kira smiled as he saw me. "Cagalli, great to see you. Ms. Eliarez told me you were babysitting her daughter."

Elle was still so in awe of the prince being in her room that she didn't even object to the word "babysitting".

"Uh, yeah, I'm watching her while Ms. Eliarez is, uh, practicing on one of the turrets," I replied.

"Well, I kinda need you in the hangar bay. We need to go over some things regarding the Strike."

"I promised I would watch her daughter and stuff . . ."

Kira smiled gently. "You can bring Elle along. Wouldn't that be a good idea, Elle? You want to see the Strike?"

Elle was star-crossed. "You know my name-I mean, yes, of course, Mr. Prince Kira, sir!"

Kira laughed. "Just 'Kira' is fine, Elle. And yes, I know your name, your mother told it to me."

"Uh, okay, Mr. Prin-I mean, Kira."

Kira turned his attention back to me. "Well?"

I offered him the best smile I could manage. "Yeah."


When we made it into the hangar, I was surprised by how busy it was. I was left wondering when these poor maintenance guys got any rest. Either that or they were machines in disguise. But considering androids weren't exactly in vogue, hadn't been since the end of the Anno Domini era when they were reportedly quite numerous, I doubted it.

Wonder what happened to all of the robots and androids, and why they'd all vanish. None of the histories I've read of Anno Domini have given me a straight answer.

Whatever. Considering the Anno Domini movies I've seen that still exist, featuring long-dead actors whose names mean next to nothing nowadays, there was probably a robot rebellion of some kind. I mean, those movies had to have been made for a reason, right?

I looked up at the Strike, and wondered what would happen if it was sentient, like a real robot, instead of something that required a pilot. Mobile Suits are frequently misconstrued as robots for some reason when they aren't anything of the sort. They're their own unique type of machine. They are not airplanes or Mobile Armors, but they aren't actual robots either. Being a robot means it has to operate independently of a human controlling it.

Considering the insane amount of firepower the Strike had, it was probably for the best that it had no sentience.

I saw Kojiro Murdoch just stare at us. "Hey, why're you guys bringing a girl in here?"

Kira smiled cheerfully. "Oh, we're just going to show her the Strike! Cagalli's babysitting her, after all!"

Kojiro's face looked like it was going to droop to the floor. "This is your idea of babysitting, Cagalli? I'd hate to see what you'd call an actual date."

"Hey, I'm not being babysat!" Elle yelled. "I'm not a baby!"

Kojiro facepalmed. "Oh God . . ." He just floated away then, shaking his head.

Kira looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you didn't like that word, 'babysit'."

Elle's face flushed. "Uh, um, I don't mind if you say it, uh, Mr. Prince Kira, sir."

Kira just chuckled softly and shook his head. "It's all right, Elle."

We floated up to the Strike cockpit, and Kira opened it up. Elle peered inside. "Whoa, this is where you fly it, right, Cagalli?"

"Yeah," I said. Elle tried to crawl inside, but Kira stopped her.

"Uh, Elle, no offense, but the Strike's lock isn't activated, which means anyone can try to use it. We don't want the thing to accidentally turn on right now," Kira said.

"Oh. That would be bad," Elle said.

"Yes, very bad," Kira said.

"Aww." Elle reluctantly stepped away from the Strike cockpit and I just looked at Kira.

Kira just winked in response. The puzzling response just had me shaking my head in dismay. Kira was having way too much fun with this. Then again, he left me the impression of being quite a gearhead. Getting to tinker with the Strike was probably like a dream come true for him.

I sat down in the cockpit, and I promptly discovered that Kira had told the truth, he hadn't turned the lock on at all. It made me sweat nervously. What if I felt like pretending to shoot something with the Igelstellung machine-guns? I could've opened fire in the hangar and gotten somebody hurt or killed just because of goofing around.

But I think Kira knew I wasn't going to do that. After everything I had been through, if I hadn't developed respect for this great machine, I never will.

I did a quick simulation with both Kira and Elle watching, and I discovered the thing turned on a dime. Kira had done his homework, this thing was manuevering like something much smaller, like a Mobile Armor.

I paused the simulation and stared at Kira. "How did you do that?"

Kira flushed. "Uh, I just improved the O.S. It's like a ZAFT version, only better. I've been tinkering with ways to make the ZAFT O.S. even better to use, and this is one prototype O.S. I've been considering. You like it?"

"Yes, a lot."

Kira smiled. "That's good. You want to try the other prototypes, or is this one fine?"

I considered it, just out of curiosity. But I knew I had found an O.S. I really liked. It felt custom-built for me, even though that may not have been Kira's intention, if he had made multiple prototype operating systems. I was so fast and agile with the Sword Pack that no GINN would have a chance against me, not unless he managed to land a few hits before I got there. But the improved agility, which came from the O.S. reacting faster and more efficiently with my reflexes, would make me really difficult to hit.

But there was no guarantee I'd be able to defeat the GUNDAM machines. Aegis, Buster, Duel, and Blitz. Athrun, Dearka, Yzak, and Nicol.

Even if the O.S. was absolutely perfect, it didn't change the fact I was fighting a four-on-one battle there. As much as I wanted to include Mu La Flaga, he was at a technical disadvantage. He had shot down several GINNs in a famous battle called Endymion, but such a feat was considered miraculous. How could I expect him to fight GUNDAM machines?

And the Artemis pilots that I had rescued would be close to powerless.

No matter how I looked at it, it was a war being felt by my own lonesome.

I needed the best O.S. I could get. And I knew I had found it, instinctively.

"This one's good. Thank you very much," I said.

Kira looked surprised. "Really? You don't want to try the others?"

I shook my head. "No. This one's perfect. I mean it."

Kira blinked a couple of times. "Oh, wow. I didn't expect you to like that one so much. That's why I had you try that one first. Shows how much I know, huh?"

"No, you know me better than you think," I said, trying to reassure him. "This one's exactly what I want. I think I could even shoot down one of the GUNDAMs with this O.S."

"Well, if you did that, that would greatly help," Kira said, laughing.

Elle peered inside. "Can you run the simulation again? That was amazing. The graphics looked so real!"

"They are, aren't they?" I said. I motioned for her to come inside. "Come on, you deserve a good view. Let me turn off the shaking so you don't go flying around the cockpit."

"You mean it?" Elle asked.

"Yeah, come on. I'll show you what it's like to fly this thing," I said. I looked at Kira, who looked like he was going to have a heart attack. "I promise I won't accidentally turn the machine on."

Kira finally nodded. "Okay. But Elle touches nothing, got it? Absolutely, positively, nothing."

"I promise," I said.

Kira sighed. "Okay. Elle, go on in. You have twenty minutes, that's all. I don't think the captain will approve of you being in the cockpit of a machine that technically is still on standby."

"Okay," Elle said. "I promise."

She got inside, and I closed the cockpit and activated the simulation. Elle gasped in shock. "Oh wow, I had no idea the Earth Alliance fleet was so big!"

"This is a simulation of the Eighth Fleet, it's commanded by some Admiral Halberton guy," I replied. "Maybe we'll get to see him someday."

"He must be cool to command such a big fleet," Elle said.

"No, he's just good at his job," I said. And responsible too, I silently added, knowing that Elle wouldn't completely understand that last bit. But that was fine. Why bore the girl with explanations of supplies and morale and ammunition and all of that? Melanie just wanted to see how you flew this Mobile Suit?

I launched out of the simulated hangar bay of Halberton's flagship, the Menelaos. I took Elle for a quick spin around the massive Eighth Fleet. I wondered what it would be like to command such a large group, and hold it together for so long against the ZAFT.

Admiral Halberton had to be good.

Elle was in total awe, she placed her hand on the screen multiple times, like she could reach out and grasp each ship in her hand. I couldn't help but smile at I saw her look around in amazement. Kids can be so difficult to please, but when you do please them, they are possessed by so much wonder that . . . the feeling you get is indescribably warm and wonderful.

We wound up being inside for forty minutes, twice as long as I promised. But I didn't mind that at all.

It was worth it just to see Elle's amazed, wide smile.