Tell me how to forgive you
When it's me who's ashamed
And I wish could free you
Of the hurt and the pain
But the answer is simple
He's the one to blame
-"Beautiful Liar" by Beyoncé and Shakira
Santa Barbara: 2019
Shawn sat at the edge of the bed while people buzzed around him. As soon as his family had arrived to visit at the hospital that morning Shawn's doctor had announced him well enough to go home. All he had to do was take it easy, take his medications like they were prescribed and to be extra careful not to rip his stitches. Henry and Maddie had been thrilled to know he was coming home that day. They had called Jack to let him know so he could tell Zuri in turn. If Shawn wasn't able to return home Henry or Maddie would have gone back later in the day to collect Zuri who had refused to get up at the early hour of six.
"Put that sweater on." Maddie told Shawn pointing at the light grey sweater on his lap.
"Mom I'm not cold." Shawn protested.
"And when you get cold you'll have it on, now are you going to put it on yourself or do I need to help you?" Maddie frowned at him letting him know with a glare that there was no chance of him leaving the room without the sweater on. Shawn sighed but slowly pulled it over his head. He let out a groan when his side was nudged and waved off his mother who had rushed to help him.
"I'm fine mom." Shawn nodded at her.
Maddie pierced her lips, "If you say so Goose." Shawn stood up slowly and was followed closely by his mother as he left the room. His father was down the hall letting the detectives know he'd been released. Henry was leaning against the cream wall with a phone to his ear. When Shawn and Maddie approached him Henry hung up.
"That was detective O'Hara. She wants you to meet her at the diner down on Main Street for lunch Shawn." Henry scowled.
"Why would she want to meet you for lunch?" Maddie asked looking at him. Shawn shrugged but looked away from his parents. Before leaving his room the day before Juliet had informed him that she had something to tell him. Something big by the way she stood and talked. Shawn was scared to know the secret, but he was also intrigued. During their relationship Juliet hadn't been able to hide anything from Shawn. She was a terrible liar, at least to him. She could lie like a pro to a criminal and her coworkers but Shawn was a different story. He knew her well enough to know when something was wrong and if she was keeping a secret.
Like the time Gus helped her look into her ex-boyfriend Scott Seaver after he hadn't shown up for their meeting. Shawn knew something was wrong the moment he saw Juliet. She gave him nothing but Shawn could easily tell. Her telling Gus was probably the biggest mistake she could have done, Gus told him pretty much straight away. After the years Shawn had learned when to tell she was lying, he planned on using this to his advantage when he met her for lunch.
"You can watch Zuri right? I don't want to take her with me." Shawn spoke as the trio walked over to Henry's truck.
"Of course Goose, I understand that it would be weird." Maddie smiled at him. Shawn smiled at his mom thankful that she hadn't asked any more questions of his lunch with Juliet and had left the topic untouched. Henry on the other hand was dying to ask Shawn about it and he was dreading being asked. Shawn climbed into the truck being forced to sit in the middle so his mother could help him in and out.
The ride to the house was spent in silence. Shawn folded his arms in his lap and stared out the window in front of him. He moved his arm around and scratched at his side. Ever since he'd gotten the stitches they'd been itchy. He couldn't long without the urge to scratch it. In response to his movements Maddie grabbed his hand and held it in hers.
"Stop scratching Goose." Her voice was almost robotic.
"You'll pull your stitches." Henry continued sparing a glance at Shawn before looking back at the road. Shawn sighed and wiggled his hand out of his mothers.
"I'm not a child." He snapped turning to glare at his father.
"What'd I do?" Henry asked.
"You can't tell me what I can or can't do, okay? If I want to go out and have lunch with Juliet I will. If I want to work on this case with the police I will. Got it?"
"What's gotten into you? Your father hasn't said anything." Maddie stepped in defending her husband looking at her son.
"But he will." Shawn said with a nod.
"I will not." Henry's voice faltered.
"Yes you will. You can't help it; it's in your sense of self or whatever."
"Now you're just talking crazy. I think it's the meds." Henry looked over at Maddie.
"He's just cranky. When we get to the house I want you to get some sleep before you meet with Juliet. You have a few hours. You need to shower as well." Maddie wrinkled her nose. Shawn sighed and leaned back into the chair with his arms folded. Henry pulled into the drive way and they slowly got out of the car. Shawn ignored his mother's hands of help and walked into the house.
"Daddy!" Zuri ran out of the kitchen and into his legs.
"Hi baby." Shawn smiled wrapping his arms around her back to hug her to him.
"I'm glad you're back." Zuri nuzzled her face into his thigh.
"I'm glad to be back too sweetie, now you gotta let go. Daddy needs to take a shower." Shawn slowly pried her away from his legs.
"Can I go with you?" Zuri asked scratching her head.
"No baby you can't." Shawn bent down and kissed the top of her head before moving around her and going up the stairs. He went into the bedroom where his things were and grabbed a change of clothing. He shut the bathroom door behind him and locked it. After struggling with his shirt and sweater Shawn managed to get his chest bare. Shawn stripped himself of his pants, boxers and socks. He gently peeled away the white bandage and threw it out. He walked into the bathtub and turned on the water. He stood there quietly as the water spurted down from the nozzle and ran over his body. Shawn didn't register the water at all, he barely felt it. Within a few minutes Shawn had washed himself and he stepped out of the tub after flicking off the water. He wrapped a towel around his waist and leaned against the sink to look into the mirror.
The face staring back at him seemed unrecognizable. His eyes were red with black shadows under them. His chest was littered with bruises and water droplets. Shawn raised a hand to his cheeks and felt the stubble. He reached under the sink and grabbed some shaving cream and a disposable razor. The cream was put into his hands and then rubbed smoothly over his cheeks. With good precision Shawn shaved his face until it was clear of hair. He smiled dimly into the mirror but it wavered after a few seconds.
Shawn cleaned up his mess and dried himself off before getting dressed. He placed his dirty clothes into a separate suitcase and hung his towel onto a hanger behind his door. He backed up slowly and collapsed onto the bed behind him. He sighed heavily and rubbed his face with his hands. Shawn reached behind him and lifted up a pillow to his face, he held the pillow as he screamed into it.
A few seconds after he stopped screaming Shawn chucked the pillow across the room and watched as it slipped down the wall and landed onto the floor. Shawn was completely lost with everything going on. His uncle had cancer, he was having medical problems of his own, not to mention he was having lunch with a girl he was still love in with but he would never have a chance. She's engaged, as long as Shawn reminded himself that fact he'd be fine. Shawn looked over at the clock on his bedside table. He still had about an hour before he was supposed to meet Juliet at the diner.
"Shawn!" he heard a voice yell up to him. Shawn lifted himself from the bed heading downstairs where the voice had come from.
"What?" Shawn asked walking past his sleeping uncle on the couch. The moment he stepped into the kitchen a high-pitched wailing hit his ears. "Zuri what's the matter?" Shawn rushed over to her. Zuri was sitting in one of the chairs with tears streaming down her face.
"She's being a brat." Henry told him from across the room where he was leaning against the closed refrigerator.
"Am not!" Zuri yelled at her grandfather.
"What's going on?" Shawn turned to look at his father.
"Your mom went out to get you two some new clothes, we were talking about your lunch with Juliet. Zuri overheard us and asked to go. We told her no, then this…" he motioned to Zuri, "Happened."
"I just wanna be with you daddy." Zuri said wrapping her arms around Shawn's neck. Shawn lifted her into his embrace and took her empty chair.
"You can't come with me Zuri, I'm having a grown up meeting." Zuri bit down on her lip but nodded. "I'll bring you something back." Shawn smiled rubbing her stomach.
"Okay daddy." Zuri kissed the side of his head.
Soon after Shawn left the house with his dad's truck and drove down to the diner. He was nervous to be alone with Juliet, well they weren't alone alone but there was no one there to keep them apart. At least he hoped not. Shawn's face sagged as he realized he could be meeting Juliet's fiancé. Maybe she wanted Shawn to have lunch with them to show that she had moved on and was off limits. Shawn prayed that wasn't the case. For more than one reason.
He exited the truck and walked into the diner. A bell jingled above his head as the door opened and shut. He looked around for Juliet but saw her nowhere. He sighed and took a seat towards the back of the diner with his back facing the door, he was out of earshot from anyone else but Juliet could easily see him from the door.
"What can I get you?" A waitress asked standing next to him.
"Um just…" Shawn picked up the menu in front of him and flipped it over, "A Coke please." The waitress nodded and walked away without another word. Shawn sat silently trying not to think of the meeting currently approaching. The waitress came back and sat the cold drink in front of him. "Thank you." Shawn handled the drink and brought the straw up to his lips and took a sip.
"For some weird reason the Coke here tastes better than anywhere else." Juliet's voice said behind him before she slipped into the seat across from him.
"More syrup makes it sweeter." Shawn responded. Juliet nodded and set her purse on the space next to her. Shawn was pleased to see her alone.
"How are you?" Juliet put her forearms onto the table and leaned on them.
"I'm alright, tired." Shawn smiled softly.
Juliet nodded and let out a small smile, "How's your daughter? Zuri, right?"
"Yeah. She's fine, driving my parents crazy but that's a given." Juliet chuckled.
"She seems really sweet."
"She is." Shawn agreed, "So uh, what did you want to tell me?" Juliet's smile fell and her eyes darted away from Shawn. "Juliet?" She let out a long sigh.
"I don't know how to tell you." Juliet confessed playing with her hands.
"Is it something bad?" Shawn guessed.
"I… maybe, yeah, I mean, it started off bad but ended good?" She looked up at Shawn.
"Well, just say it. What's done is done." Shawn encouraged.
"Okay, here it goes, what happened was…" Before Juliet could finish her sentence a waitress backed up and bumped into the table, she turned and a hot bowl of soup landed in Shawn's lap.
"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!" The young waitress squealed.
"Hot, hot, hot!" Shawn jumped up and wiped the bowl out his lap. The white glass hit the floor and shattered into pieces.
"Stay still you don't want to move it around." Juliet said standing up and grabbing napkins from the dispenser. She pushed the waitress to the side and began to clean off Shawn's lap. He hissed when Juliet rubbed against his leg and felt a burning sensation. "You need to get in the bathroom and wash that off. I'm going to get some ice to cool down the skin." She disappeared before Shawn could say anything. He gingerly took a step and grimaced as some noddle's plopped onto the floor.
"I'm so sorry sir!" The waitress apologized.
"It's alright, it's happened before." He turned and walked slowly into the men's bathroom. He was happy the diner wasn't busy and he had the whole bathroom to himself. Shawn unbuttoned his pants and carefully slid them off. He looked down and sighed when he saw the bright red skin on his thighs. "Just great." He mumbled hooking the pants through a bar across the wall. Shawn took a paper towel soaked with water and dabbed his thighs.
"Shawn?" a knock on the door made him jump.
"Uh, yeah?" he asked.
"It's Juliet, may I come in?" Shawn thought it over for a moment. He was standing with his pants off in just his underwear in the middle of the bathroom. Back when they'd been dating this wouldn't have been abnormal. On several occasions the lust and heat had been too much for either of them to bear causing them to find a secluded place to relieve the pressure in their groins. But that was years ago. He was a single parent and she was engaged to another man.
"Shawn?" Juliet interrupted him from his thoughts.
"Yeah." He gave his permission. A few seconds later the door opened and shut. Juliet was holding a plastic bag with what Shawn assumed as ice.
"Here, put this on your legs." Juliet handed him the bag then leaned back against the closed door, "Quite a day huh?"
"You could say that again." Shawn placed the plastic bag on his left thigh.
"You look good, like fit." Juliet blushed slightly, "You looked good before but now it's… muscle."
"Yeah, I lost a lot of weight and put on muscle instead." Shawn told her, "You'd think having a baby would be great cause to order fast food, but when you can't leave the house to get the fast food, you deal with what's in the house." Shawn explained.
"Is it alright if I ask where her mother is?" Juliet reached up and played with a chain around her neck.
"She's not really around. The occasional visit and holiday."
"You're raising her well Shawn; she's a wonderful little girl."
"Thank you Juliet."
Santa Barbara: 2011
"And then the bee says 'Honey, I'm home'." Buzz finished erecting barks of laughter from the crowd around him. It was the annual mayors gala and more then half of the SBPD was in attendance. Soft jazz was playing from, the instruments on the stage. The night was warm but that didn't damper the party spirit of crowd. People were dancing, laughing and drinking, lots of drinking. Even the stuck up Carlton Lassiter had loosened his tie and was currently downing his fourth beer.
"This is nice." Shawn looked over at the beautiful woman sitting next to him.
"Yeah it is." Shawn smiled gripping her hand in his. Juliet's head turned to him and she grinned. "Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight Miss O'Hara?" Shawn took the back of her hand and kissed it gently.
"Several times." Juliet chucked moving her hand to cup his cheek, "This night can't be any more perfect. Surrounded by family and friends… the man I love."
"I still can't hear that enough." Shawn leaned his cheek into her touch. Only a week before had Shawn taken the plunge and confessed his feelings towards her, without a moment's hesitation Juliet had responded with an 'I love you' of her own. Their relationship had only improved.
"Good, prepare to hear that more often." Juliet leaned up and kissed his lips sweetly. Shawn smiled and happily kissed her back. "I'm always prepared." Shawn wiggled his eyebrows when he pulled away.
"Shawn no… we're at the mayors house." Juliet put a hand on his chest.
"C'mon Jules, how fun will it be?" He placed a kiss on her pulse point.
"Jesus…" Juliet swore as her body temperature spiked. "I'm not relenting Shawn," She pushed him back softly. Shawn looked at her with a pout. "No. Now get your mind out of the gutter."
"I was thinking my head could go in a whole other area," Juliet looked at him with a sigh.
"You're not going to drop this are you?" Juliet said as she felt one of Shawn's hand go on her thigh.
"Nope." He replied honestly letting his hand move up to her waist.
"Tut tut Shawn. Can't keep your impulses in a cage for one night." Juliet teased.
"Look at you Jules, wearing that dress was a dirty move. A very dirty move." Shawn leaned in and kissed her lips again. Juliet wrapped her arms around his neck and held his head to her lips. Shawn moaned into her mouth as her tongue darted out and stroked his own.
"Will you two get a room?" A voice scoffed. Juliet broke from the kiss and looked up.
"Sorry Carlton." Juliet apologized.
"Dammit Lassie." Shawn sighed resting his head on Juliet's shoulder nuzzling his nose into her soft skin. Juliet wrapped an arm around his head and gently massaged the back of his scalp.
"Whatever Spencer." Carlton rolled his eyes.
"Did you need something?" Juliet asked.
"I was wondering if you would drive me home. I'm too intoxicated to drive myself and I despise cabs." Carlton said bringing up the almost empty beer bottle to his lips.
"Sure thing Carlton, Shawn and I were just about to head home." Juliet felt Shawn smile against her neck.
"I'll meet you by the car." Carlton turned and walked away.
"Why does Lassiter have to ruin everything good? He's such a mood killer." Shawn lifted his head from her shoulder and smiled warmly at her.
"He's himself Shawn, he probably didn't even realize what we were doing." Juliet stood up and offered Shawn her hand. He took it and stood up slowly. "What were we doing?" Shawn smirked at her.
"Keep it up and as soon as we get to my place you'll be taking an ice cold shower." With his hand in hers the couple began to walk towards the doors of the room.
"That's cruel Jules, so very cruel." Juliet laughed and Shawn smiled at her happily.
Santa Barbara: 2019
"That's probably as clean as you're going to get those pants without a washer." Juliet said throwing away a dirty paper towel.
"It looks like I peed myself." Shawn glanced down at the wet puddle on his pants.
"Cover it with the sweater." Juliet suggested. Shawn took off the sweater and tied it around his waist; the spot was almost covered up.
"Thanks." Shawn nodded at Juliet.
"No problem Shawn." Juliet crossed her arms and smiled.
"Let's get out of here, it smells." Shawn opened up the door for her and followed her out. They walked quietly outside and stood in front of the diner. "What were you gonna tell me Juliet?" Shawn looked at her eagerly.
Juliet opened her mouth to speak but stopped when someone called her name. They both turned around and Shawn's jaw dropped at the figure approaching them.
"Declan! What are you doing here?" Juliet asked her eyes widening as he walked closer to them.
"You forgot your cellphone at the house and I thought you could… Shawn." Declan stopped in his tracks as he noticed Shawn.
"Declan." Shawn bit down his lower lip.
"You didn't tell me you were meeting him sweetie." Declan turned to Juliet throwing an arm over her shoulders as to claim her.
"Sweetie?" Shawn stopped his mind from wondering as he realized Declan was calling her sweetie because he was Juliet's mystery fiancé.
"Yeah, we're engaged, didn't she tell you that?" Declan gave a false smile.
"I- well…" Juliet stumbled trying to come up with an answer.
"Yeah she told me. It's still just sinking in." Shawn shoved his hands in his pockets and gave a nod.
"And everything else she told you?" Declan asked.
"Declan…" Juliet warned pushing him away.
"You didn't tell him that you were the one who told his secret to the chief?" As soon as Declan finished speaking Shawn felt his heart break. He could literally feel his heart tearing in two and he didn't like the feeling. "You're the one who told the chief?" Shawn whispered to Juliet.
"Shawn you have to let me explain." Juliet held out her hands to him as if she was approaching a wounded animal.
"There's nothing to explain!" Shawn yelled, "You promised me you wouldn't tell! You promised Juliet!" Shawn's voice was loud and began to attract stares from the people around him.
"Okay, okay. I understand this is big Shawn, but can you please calm down?" Juliet tucked some hair behind her ear.
"Don't fucking tell me to calm down! How could you?!" Shawn screamed at her.
"Hey!" Declan moved forward and grabbed Shawn's shirt in his hand, "Don't talk to her like that. You have no right." Declan spit into Shawn's face. What Declan didn't know was that Shawn had just gotten out of the hospital so when he pulled Shawn's shirt he grabbed Shawn's side causing Shawn to cry out in pain as he felt a searing pain erupt from the area.
"Declan let go of him!" Juliet intervened and pushed Declan away from Shawn. Shawn leaned back against the fence behind him feeling his sides. "Shawn I was upset." She turned to Shawn, "I was upset and was mumbling about things. I ran into Declan and we talked and drank. Next thing I knew we were at the chief's house and I was telling her everything. If I hadn't been drunk I wouldn't have told her Shawn, know that."
Shawn shook his head, "Wait. So he's the reason you told the chief?" Shawn pointed at Declan. "He got you drunk and spilled my secret?" Juliet nodded gripping her hands. "God I can't believe this." Shawn's knees buckled and he slid onto the ground.
"Consider it pay back Spencer." Declan snarled.
"Can't believe what?" Juliet asked ignoring Declan.
"How much this hurts." Shawn lifted up his hand to show his side which was now covered in blood, "I don't remember pulling stitches being this painful."
Juliet was fazed about the sudden release of anger from Shawn. He was acting as if she hadn't just told him she ruined his life, "I'm sorry Shawn." Declan said slowly as he saw the blood on Shawn's shirt increase. "I didn't know…"
"It's fine, don't worry about it." Shawn waved off his apology. Juliet took the sweater from Shawn's hip and applied it to his side; she barely registered the ring of her phone. "Hello?" Declan answered walking a little ways away.
"I'm so sorry Shawn, can you ever forgive me?" Juliet looked at him pleadingly.
"It's my fault Juliet I shouldn't have put you in that position." Shawn gave a small smile to Juliet, "What?"
"How can you be so calm?" Juliet shook her head.
"It wasn't your fault, it was his." Shawn mumbled looking at Declan who began to walk back.
"That was Lassiter, he just said there's been another crash and he wants Spencer to come along." Declan informed her.
"We have to get him to the hospital first." Juliet said.
"No, let's just go," Shawn tried to stand up but was stopped by Juliet.
"Shawn you pulled your stitches, you have to go to the hospital." Juliet told him.
"There'll be ambulances there right? They can stitch me up." Shawn said. Juliet bit her lip, "Take me with you or I'll go down there myself."
Juliet sighed knowing she was beat, "Fine. Declan go back home. Shawn I'll call your father and tell him to come get his truck. Let's get you to the scene so you can get patched up." Juliet wrapped an arm around Shawn's back and helped him stand.
"I'll see you later." Declan leaned in to kiss Juliet but she moved her head. She ignored Declan's look as she snatched her cell phone from him and helped Shawn over to her car leaving Declan to stand in worry and hatred.
So many things going on this chapter. How do you guys feel about Juliet being engaged to Declan? I think it might cause some jealousy between the two men. Until next time Psychos!
