animefan29: Cagalli doesn't feel that way. She has no clue that Rau has his own agenda right now (how would she) so as far as she knows she just hurled a bunch of soldiers to their deaths for nothing. She doesn't know or care about the ZAFT strategy, all she knows is that she put her two wingmen in a suicide mission. It's something more personal, and Cagalli isn't well-versed in military matters (she was trying to be a translator/diplomat, after all) so she isn't aware of the strategic implications. But yeah, in the big picture, there was a purpose to this carnage, but to Cagalli, not only as she was writing this, but what she felt at the time, as far as she knows, it was for nothing.
littlemssstrawberry: I do my best to update every week. ^^ Hope you enjoy the new chapter.
Jodeist: Athrun isn't willing to be as aggressive towards Cagalli, because their relationship is more personal than Athrun and Kira's was in canon. That's why he isn't yelling at her as much, Cagalli's yelling at him. It helps that Cagalli is naturally a more aggressive and emotional personality than Athrun to begin with.
Light-Sakura: Well, that's what I'm trying for anyway. Glad to know that you think I'm succeeding. ^^
Flutter: Well, you get to find out. ^^
cagallifangurl: You can't have GUNDAM without war plotlines IMO but I'm glad you're enjoying a fic that has war plotlines. XD
All right, here we go, new chapter. I'm almost out of my chapter buffer, though, I have not decided whether chapter 15 will have a brief delay or will post it. It depends if I can get chapter 16 done before next Monday (work has really delayed my writing, and that's caused my buffer to evaporate).
Chapter Fourteen: Extraordinary Girl
I returned to the Archangel, my arms sore, my head soaked in sweat, and afflicted with a mild headache. My engineers immediately got to work with changing my battery pack, they started shouting that they didn't have time to do anything else. I guess getting Lacus off of the ship took first priority. Probably had something to do with the fact that the man had expressed a willingness to blow us away with Lacus onboard. Nobody wanted to give him an excuse to do so.
It had to be Rau Le Creuset. Athrun's commander. Mu La Flaga's rival. No wonder Mu hated him so much, and how Athrun had gotten as weird as he was. Le Creuset just did not seem human, from his voice to his words.
That was our enemy? It's a miracle we weren't already dead.
Every few seconds that passed, I wondered whether I would suddenly see this bright flash of light, then a moment of total chaos . . . and then nothing.
But nothing happened.
Murrue came on my com. "Cagalli, you doing okay in there?"
"Yeah," I said softly.
"You did everything you could. There's nothing for you to regret," Murrue said.
Somehow, that made me feel even worse about my failures out there, but I couldn't let her know that. There's a time and place where you have to lie about how you feel so someone who means well but doesn't get it will continue to mean well. That way, when you truly need that person's words, he or she will still be there.
"I guess," I said. "I wish it didn't have to come to taking hostages."
"That was Badgiruel's idea, not mine," Murrue said, slightly defensive. "I don't approve of taking hostages like this, but Badgiruel brought up a good point to me, if we didn't do this we'd likely all be dead right now."
"Uh huh," I said.
Murrue sighed. "Cagalli, I know you're not feeling well, but I insist. You did everything you could. You were aggressive, yes, but if the ship hadn't been so badly damaged you could have said everyone. Don't-"
"Liar!" screamed a voice on the com.
The figure shoved Murrue out of the way roughly. "You stupid goddamn liar!"
There was Flay all of a sudden, completely tear-stricken. "God damn you, Cagalli! No wonder you didn't promise to save Daddy! You had no intention of saving him at all!"
Not a single word came to mind to say to Flay at all. I could only stare at her as she seemed to suddenly possess inhuman strength as she wrestled with a pair of soldiers, continuing to scream at me in a wretched shriek.
"You let the Coordinators kill my daddy! You let them do it! Damn you, you stupid, stupid bitch! If you're not going to save anybody than just die! Die, die, die, you piece of Coordinator-"
Her words, mercifully, became incomprehensible as the soldiers wrestled her away from the camera, and its speakers. Murrue, noticeably discomposed, reappeared, and she nervously brushed her hair from her eyes."Cagalli, don't listen to her. Please come back the moment you return Lacus Clyne to ZAFT, understood?"
"Uh huh," I said. "When's Lacus Clyne supposed to arrive?"
"Any second now," Murrue offered. "I'll talk to you later, Cagalli. Stay brave."
She killed the communications, leaving me to sit in the cockpit all by myself.
I had been too aggressive again. I should've known the ship was doomed, I should've stayed by the Archangel. My wingmates could still be alive if I had. Maybe Athrun would've shot them down anyway. Who could possibly know anymore?
I had to try. Just like with rescuing my friends and Flay, just like rescuing the Artemis soldiers, just like with rescuing Lacus. I could not bear the thought of letting people die out here in space. I had to try to save the Montgomery's crew, no matter how hopeless the situation looked for them. I did everything I had to do, and I was still too late, and my wingmates were both dead. Killed because of my orders.
Mu La Flaga was considered a hero because he downed five GINNs in some battle called Endymion. I can kill three without breaking any sort of sweat, with my genetic abilities, and with this highly advanced machine. Who could've taken those GINNs on but me? But, at the same time, who else stood a chance against the Aegis but me?
Mu could easily have been killed along with the other Mobile Armor pilots. I had barely made it to him in time. If Mu had gotten killed too, I'd be all that's left to defend the Archangel.
How could I fight off entire squadrons of GINNs by myself?
This situation was so close to bordering hopelessness. Everything was just barely hanging together, if one thread unraveled so went the rest of the ship. When were we going to reach safety, already? I wanted to go back home to Orb, to my parents.
This mismatched crew, with all of its inexperience, reluctance, language barriers, jealousy, hatred, and whatnot, was only going to hold together for so long. And who knew how long the supplies taken from Junius Seven would last.
We needed protection behind a big strong fleet, and I needed a ticket home.
I never understood why my parents adopted me, a Coordinator, when Coordinators made them nervous. They loved me, of course, but they didn't embrace my kind, staying off to the side, and quiet, whenever they were at public gatherings for the parents, or even things like school plays. It was like they felt they were inferior to the people around them, just because of their genetics.
I wanted to see them so bad. I don't look the least bit like them, that's why I know I'm adopted, but I knew they were worried for me like I was their real daughter.
It would really suck to die out here without telling them "I love you" one last time. Just so they knew, forever, what I felt.
How long had it been? A week? Longer? Did they assume I was lost? What about the rest of the civilians onboard? Were we all considered lost, along with the actual dead of Heliopolis? Or are we on some list that basically states "hope is dwindling", in which we're not confirmed lost but chances are we'll never be found?
There was no way to talk to them, either, to let them know I was still alive. To tell anyone we were still alive.
We really were stranded out here.
Someone knocked on the cockpit door, and I opened the hatch. There was Lacus Clyne, wearing a white spacesuit. "Hello, Cagalli."
Her Haro chirped its name out loud, and I made a mental note to pretend it did not exist, for the same of my sanity.
"Get behind me," I said curtly.
"Okay." Lacus shifted until she got behind my seat as much as she could.
Kojiro Murdoch peeked inside. "You all set to go? The ZAFT commander just made . . . let's just say a veiledthreat towards us."
"What kind of veiled threat?" I asked.
"You know, the 'I mustn't be kept waiting' pretentious crap," he said.
"Sounds like a ZAFT officer to me," I said softly. "I'm ready to launch anytime. Let 'em know."
Murdoch saluted. "You got it, princess."
"I'm not a princess," I started, but he was already gone by the time I spoke.
Lacus chuckled. "What?" I snapped.
"Nothing. It just amuses me for some reason."
"Glad to entertain you." I shut the cockpit door. "Now get ready, we're getting out of here."
Lacus' smile turned solemn again. "I assume I'm being turned over to Athrun himself."
"Most likely. You are due to marry him," I replied.
"I apologize for the awkwardness."
"No need to apologize. Not like this was supposed to happen, anyway. Like so many things, this sort of just fell together. You should be happy, though, you get to go back home," I said.
The Mobile Suit rocked as it got shifted onto the launcher. I hoped that a bazillion GINNs weren't waiting to ambush me. I didn't want any part of another battle, not this soon after surviving one.
"This is a really impressive weapon," Lacus finally said as we were positioned to launch.
"It is, I guess," I said.
"It never ceases to amaze me, on how we come up with new, horrible ways to kill each other. Eventually, we'll find the one way, the ultimate weapon, and we'll all be dead."
Thanks for the cheery thought, Lacus. Not. "Save your preaching for someone who isn't in the choir," I said, and I blasted the Strike out of the launch bay, and accelerated in the direction of the ZAFT ship.
Somewhere out there was the Aegis . . . and Athrun Zala, waiting for the girl who was supposed to marry him. And me, the girl who he was apparently still infatuated with after just one kiss, a kiss I didn't even initiate.
This was going to be awkward beyond belief.
"It's so sad," Lacus said softly. "Both you and he are good people. You two shouldn't be fighting each other."
"Well, guess what, we are," I said. "Deal with it."
"You don't need to talk like that, Cagalli."
"Maybe I do, maybe I don't," I said. "I just want to get this over with so I can head back to the ship."
The Aegis appeared on my sensors, and I accelerated in the Aegis' direction until it appeared in plain sight. I slowed the Strike down and parked it right in front of the Aegis, which had also powered down.
And there we both were, floating in space, and helpless.
I opened the cockpit. Lacus sighed as she looked ahead to the Aegis, which was doing the exact same thing. "I'm sorry for the trouble I caused, Cagalli Yamato. I hope you have a safe journey."
"Yeah, good luck with that," I replied.
Lacus frowned at me, and I sighed. "You stay safe too, Lacus Clyne. Keep making those smash pop hits that incredulously captivate people other than me."
Lacus chuckled. "I will. And I'll do my best to show you that PLANT is not an evil place."
She jumped away then, floating towards the Aegis, her Haro in her arms. The Haro seemed to want to say something, but obviously since there's no sound in space any response it could give was muted. And I was thankful for that, the Haro's incessant, infantile chatter would have ruined the moment.
Lacus landed right in Athrun's arms, and they stayed together for a second, just for a second. I was close enough to hear their communications.
"I'm sorry, Lacus," Athrun said.
"It's all right, it's my fault," Lacus replied calmly. "It's great to see you again, finally."
"Yeah."
I was about to close my cockpit and fly away when Athrun suddenly noticed me. "Cagalli, what are you doing?"
I stopped moving. "What is it now, Athrun?"
"This is your best chance, maybe your last chance! Cagalli, come with us! You shouldn't be in the Earth forces!"
This again. This argument repeated ad nauseum, when I had made it emphatically clear that wasn't an option. "Are you deaf, Athrun? For the last time, there's people I have to protect onboard that ship! I'm not leaving them!"
"I can't keep you protected, Cagalli," Athrun said. "My teammates are getting impatient and my commander is sick and tired of this. You don't need to devote yourself to a cause that's losing this war. You keep fighting for them, I'll have no choice but to shoot you down!"
The thought of Athrun shooting me down was so laughable I just started chuckling. "You, shoot me down? You'd never do that, not in a million years. You're content with stalking me all over this debris belt! You get your kicks off of tormenting me like this?"
"No, Cagalli, I-"
I didn't let him finish. "You think that one kiss, one measly surprise kiss, from back in prep school, is enough to make me want to be with you, want to fight with you, live with you? You think that seals our friendship forever? I've got news for you, pretty boy! I have new friends, a new life, and I've moved on!"
"Cagalli, what are you saying?"
"You attack this ship again, I'll shoot at you at will, Athrun! I've got too many promises to keep, and I have no interest in serving a military dictatorship that your father is a proponent of!"
"Don't talk about my father that way!" Athrun shouted, finally riled up a bit.
"Move on with your goddamn life, Athrun! The past is the past! After all, you got a hot young pop princess as your girlfriend now! You want to be faithful to her, right? Or is that considered too old-fashioned for the new and improved Coordinator society?"
Athrun didn't answer, I could see him turn towards Lacus, as if asking for guidance. Lacus just placed a hand on his shoulder.
"You don't want to fight me, then stay the hell away from me, Athrun! This ship is under my protection and it's gonna stay that way! Now take your blue-haired ass and get out of here! And don't come back!"
I slammed the cockpit shut and powered up the Strike, turned the machine around, and blasted away.
I knew what I had said hadn't gotten through to him. I deliberately had tried to push him away by taunting him, threatening him, berating him, and it hadn't fully registered with him. He was just going to keep stalking me across the entire Earth's orbit as long as he wanted.
He was never going to leave me alone. Never.
When I returned, I saw so exhausted I thought about collapsing right into bed and never waking up. But as I floated down one of the hallways, en route to my room, I saw Tolle. He waved towards me as I approached him. "Cagalli," he said softly.
"Tolle. How's the wound?"
"Getting better." He fell silent then, and seemed to be lost in thought, a fairly rare occurance for Tolle.
"What is it?" I asked.
Tolle smiled. "A lot of people were thinking you weren't going to come back. They thought you were gonna abandon us."
"Did you?"
"Of course not. I knew you'd come back. You're not the kind of person who runs away from her responsibilities. That's part of the reason why I love you."
"Tolle, please-"
He embraced me. "Thank you for staying, Cagalli. Really. We all need you here. After what just happened, I . . . "
I returned the embrace slowly, softly. "What else happened besides me turning Lacus over?"
I could hear the surprise in Tolle's voice even though his tone was so soft. "No one's told you?"
Now I was nervous. "Told me what?"
"Flay kinda went nuts and tried to force the captain to kill Lacus Clyne while you were fighting out there."
This was news. I knew Flay didn't like Coordinators that much but I had never expected her to pull such a stunt. Worse, I knew why.
Her angry, bitter eyes right before I left to fight that battle. Now I knew what she had been planning inside her head. I had not reached out to help her, to reassure her, and so instead of her becoming heartened and steadier, she instead committed a rash, stupid action that could have gotten everybody killed.
"How did she get Lacus?" I asked. "Weren't we smart enough to leave a guard outside her door at least?"
Tolle scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, some guy from Orb, he looked like a tough, intimidating guy. He got it good downstairs."
I wish Tolle would realize he doesn't have to dance around delicate subjects with me. "You're serious, Flay kicked a guy in the balls to get Lacus Clyne?"
Tolle laughed nervously. "Actually, she kneed him in the balls, but yeah, that's what she did."
Huh. Flay was more of a fighter than I expected, for her to do something like that. Now, granted, she probably tricked the guy into letting his guard down by being perfectly innocent and sweet, and then when she got close she made her move. For making such a rash decision, Flay had planned her move pretty well.
It's amazing how calculated stupidity can be sometimes.
"If we stay on this ship for much longer, we're going to need to find Flay something to do. Especially now."
Tolle gave me a confused look. "Huh?"
"Tolle, she just lost her father. The thing she needs now is something to do rather than mope around all day. Talk to her about putting on a uniform and try to do something for the next few days until we're safe. Even if it's just cafeteria duty. Anything's better her doing nothing, especially after what she just did."
Tolle snapped his fingers as he understood. "Oh yeah, the 'idle hands' thing."
"Yeah. Flay's shown how stupid and reckless she can be with idle hands. So let's make sure she always has something to do, especially now."
"Yeah, good idea. I'll talk about it with Sai first, though. Sai until now's been wanting Flay to stay out of the fighting, but if I can convince him maybe Flay will be more willing to help."
"Don't bring it up that I suggested it. Flay's probably really pissed off at me over failing to save her father."
Tolle whistled. "Yeah, she was not happy when the Montgomery exploded."
Oh no. "What did she say or do?"
"Freaked out, screamed about you a couple of times, and then fainted." Tolle gave me an uneasy smile. "I doubt she's going to be that happy when she gets up, if she hasn't already."
"Then don't let them know I'm involved with the suggestion at all. They're not going to listen to me, especially Flay. I don't think Sai's happy with me either."
"Cagalli, you don't need to think you're an outcast or something, stop it."
"I am an outcast, now that the truth is out. Admit it, you feel weird knowing who I am, what I am."
"I don't, I swear."
"Tolle-"
"Cagalli, it doesn't matter whether you're Natural, Coordinator, or something in-between, or even an alien. It really doesn't."
I gave him a look. "Alien, huh?"
"You know what I mean!"
I smiled, and put my hands on his shoulders. "Stop talking before you blow this."
We kissed right in the middle of the hallway, and I for once believed that we had to be getting close to safety. That maybe there was an ending waiting for us.
It had already been over a week. We couldn't be that far away from friendlies, right?
I just hoped I had seen my final battle.
