The next few months went similarly, Abraxas and I were deeply involved as always, although I couldn't help but feel guilty every time we were affectionate in front of Telula and seeing the sad smile she would have for us. However, she was apparently right about Felix and he is a total gentleman towards her it drives her crazy. They started secretly dating towards the end of October and I'm constantly covering for her when she sneaks off to be with him for whatever time she can. I started paying more attention to Remus as our acquaintance moved towards friendship and we partnered up in DADA much to the chagrin of Black who is now a nuisance to me. Severus has been extra broody and unbearable ever since he called Evans that horrid word and has been hanging around Mulciber, Travers, and Dolohov much more than usual. Evans has become a bit of an emotional wreck ever since the incident and won't even acknowledge Black and Potter. It makes me respect her a bit more and studying with her and Remus has become a regularity for the past three months. Speaking of moody, I've been keeping track of Remus' mood swings and trying to decipher his nick name. When I asked him why his friends called him Mooney he stiffened and said that it was because they think he is loony from all the studying he does and is swayed so because of the moon. He wasn't very talkative for the next week or so after that. I plan to consult the books at my library at home to do some research into sicknesses that cause monthly ailing over winter break as it approaches nearer and nearer. Right up until the day it comes to leave.
"Love, I'm going to go talk with a few of my friends they say that they want to have some kind of meeting. Salazar knows what it's going to be about, but my cousin Lucius should be there so who knows what kind of trouble he wants to get up to." Kissing my head he leaves the compartment to just be Telulah, Richard Rosier, Rachel Daniels, and I. Telula watched him leave nervously.
"Amycus is going to that meeting." She looks at me intently not wanting to say too much in front of Richard and Rachel meaning that truly nothing good was going to come from whatever meeting Abraxas went off to. Noticing the growing tension in the compartment I try to talk about winter plans with Telula to ease the stress and make everything lighter again. She will be expected to visit some time during the break. Abraxas is gone the entire trip and it makes me more nervous than I had been when he first left. I can only imagine what kind of meeting it would be but if Telula's betrothed Amycus was there, it'll be pure blood purity driven.
As the train came to a stop Telula and I said our farewells to Rachel and Richard as we gathered our things and exited the train. Still no sign of Abraxas. Locating our families wasn't too hard though and I made my way over to mother with a smile on my face capturing her in a big hug. "Oh dear lord child I've missed you so much. No matter the year it never gets easier being away from you." Turning to my father he gives me a quick tender hug and tells me he's very proud of me. Telula's reunion goes similarly, but still no Abraxas. Looking around though I spot Septimus and his wife begin to approach us.
"Good afternoon Mr and Mrs Malfoy. It is a pleasure to see you again."
"As it is to see you dear girl. I heard you put on a nice party for our Abraxas this year, very thoughtful of you." Mrs. Malfoy was always very pleasant to me, not to say Mr. Malfoy wasn't but he was just much more reserved.
"I do say, have you seen our boy? He's not leaving you unaccompanied now is he?"
"Oh no, of course not. I was with Telula here. He did have to leave for some meeting with some friends though on the train; therefore, I have yet to see him since the beginning of our ride back." The Malfoys glanced at each other at this. Abraxas then appeared with his trunk a bit out of breath.
"Mother, Father, Mr. and Mrs. Davenport." He kissed his mother's cheek, shook his father's hand and nodded to my parents. His father gave him some kind of significant look and Abraxas nodded. Turning to me finally he leaned in for a chaste kiss of the lips. "I'm sorry love. The meeting ran on much longer than I expected I wish I could have told you about it sooner."
"It's okay Abraxas, you're here now and that's what matters is it not?"
Smiling at me and kissing my forehead, "It surely is."
With pleasantries over our families departed for the winter break.
Early on in the break I received an owl from Abraxas:
My love,
I am deeply sorry to have to tell you this through an owl, but I will not be able to see you this Christmas Break. I will be sure to write you as often as possible and send my gift to you for Christmas but business has popped up with Father and we will be away for an indeterminable amount of time and I won't be able to discuss what we are doing besides that. I love you dearly and I apologize again. Hopefully, you can forgive me for this.
Always yours,
Abraxas xx
Mysterious as it was to receive a letter like this, it wasn't wholly unreasonable for most pureblooded sons to be whisked away by their fathers for business here or there. The only strange part is his inability to talk about it. His other letters over the break were equally vague, full of apologies, and finally his Christmas gift of a beautiful bracelet to wear on special occasions.
I received other letters from Remus and Telula.
Dear Selena,
Hopefully we've reached that part in our friendship that you think it's okay for me to owl you. Either way, I hope you're having a Happy Christmas and I figured I'd send you that new spell book you've been salivating over for the past month. Don't get too lost in it.
Sincerely,
Remus Lupin
Selena,
I've been writing to Felix all break. I don't know what I'm going to do. Amycus is absolutely dreadful. My parents had him, along with that awful sister of his, over for tea the other day and I wanted to rip my hair out by the end of it. I still think Abraxas is acting strange to you and you should confront him when break ends about it. Whatever it is, it cannot be good.
Your other half,
Telula
Selena,
MERLIN! The audacity of that pathetic excuse for a wizard. He propositioned me! As if it couldn't get worse. I don't know what I'm going to do. Felix wants to send me a Christmas gift and I have no idea what to send him. Any ideas? I am also pretty sure he likes me back, but I am mildly biased. I can't wait to see you next week to show you all of his letters and maybe we could go shopping and you could help me? I'm no good at this.
The one who sleeps about 2 meters away from you most nights out of the year,
Telula
Selena,
HE MADE ME A GIFT! Can you believe that? He spent actual time to put together this wonderfully romantic gift and he makes all these hints I swear Felix is going to drive me crazy and then what will I do? Keep it together for another week and then you can really talk to Abraxas. It's not like he's cheating on you or anything. He'd be more willing to chop off his arm than even think of another witch.
The more reasonable one,
Telula
One night in the library reviewing some books on dark creatures I happened upon the the Werewolf descriptions and suddenly things seemed to fall in place for a certain someone.
Giving my farewells to my parents I made my way to the train to load up my trunk and find a compartment. Once settled Abraxas seemed to make his way into the compartment. Glancing suspiciously at him he looked very nervous. Finally he turned to me. "Love, I need to talk to you about something very serious." He locked and silenced the compartment. "You're not going to like it either." Mildly worried about what he was going to say I incline for him to sit down. He reaches for my hand and grasps it tightly.
"What do you know about a man who goes by the name of Lord Voldemort?" With my look of confusion he begins to explain.
"That meeting I went to? It was a majority of the blood purists, all 6th and 7th years. Those about to graduate. Apparently this man, Lord Voldemort, who also goes by the Dark Lord, wishes to rid the magical world of its impurities. To cleanse it. Revitalize it. He promises glory, power, and untold riches. Merlin, Selena, he's a madman." Speechless, he continues. "As it turns out that meeting on the train was just the beginning. when I returned home my mother and father were fighting and I never see them fight. I had no idea what they could possibly be fighting over too. And then my father told me. The Malfoys are going to align themselves with this madman. Fund him, work for him. Selena, he has our fathers under his beck and call and has for the past 10 years. He's been building this following, slowly infiltrating the Ministry. I'm helpless. I had to take this mark. It's like a form of ownership. Once I graduate I will be required to do his bidding as well. There's nothing I can do to escape this." He looks at me intently waiting for a response. "Please love, say anything." Looking back at him I didn't know what to say.
"How could you?" My question looked as though I had physically slapped him. I pulled my hand away causing him to stiffen. "You didn't even talk to me about this. You could have visited me? Told me anything? I could have helped you. You could have said no to a life of servitude. Your father doesn't own you Abraxas, you are your own man you know that right?" He looked down ashamed at this. "Did you think about how this would effect me? How it would effect us? That I may want nothing to do with this, this, criminal organization hell bent on treason? You're betrothed to me for Merlin's sake does my future not coincide with yours?"
"Love please, understand I had no choice in this. I can't go against the wishes of my father. The Dark Lord, he is not a forgiving man and would never accept defiance in his ranks. If I didn't join my father, my mother, would have suffered for it."
"What you did was incredibly selfish Abraxas. I deserve more than for you to make life altering decisions without consulting me."
"I know love, and I promise it won't happen again please understand." He seemed desperate at this moment. Sagging, I did understand. Truly from what I can tell this man, this thing, was not someone to cross. Too powerful to betray.
"Show me." He looked at me questioningly. "The mark, show me the mark." Slowly he began to roll up his sleeve to show the skull with the snake slithering in and out of the eyes and mouth. "Oh Salazar love, what did you get yourself into?" I look to him as I move my fingers, a whisper of a touch, over the brand, the brand of a slave. Hugging him I hold him close. We spent the rest of the train ride like this alone clutching at each other.
"Something's off about you. What's going on?"
I look at Telula, "I think you know what's going on."
"Is it Abraxas? You guys seem on edge lately. You've been distant as of late but even more so to each other." Pulling her into the closest empty classroom I could, I locked and silenced the door. I then began to tell her everything I knew about the Dark Lord and his followers, which I now know of as Death Eaters. I am in love with a Death Eater. Merlin save his soul.
Ever since I found out about the Dark Lord and his followers I've been jumpy around Remus and Lily at our study sessions. They would look at me weirdly until eventually I just stopped showing up. Remus tried to talk to me about it in class, but I would just try and deflect onto the work until I could just get away from him. I knew I was hurting his feelings, but it wasn't safe anymore. They weren't safe anymore, and they were my friends now and it hurt me even more. Abraxas would disappear for meetings with the other Death Eaters to discuss things and he would come back more sullen every time. It was taking a toll on him mores so knowing what it was doing to us. Telula has been freaking out ever since I told her. She's worried something fierce about Felix. She tried to explain the danger he would soon be in, but he apparently didn't seem to understand much. He only agreed to appease her. They were however dating now, which seemed to make Telula smile a bit brighter than usual. Learning more and more about this Dark Lord I worried about the relationship I shared with Abraxas. I loved him like no other, but I don't think I could live the life he has set in motion. Serving a Dark Lord that wishes to kill and oppress people I consider friends, who I've been avoiding.
A few weeks into March drew my hand. "Abraxas, I need to talk to you." He nodded solemnly and got up to follow me from the common room to a private alcove towards the middle of the castle, far from prying eyes and ears in the midst of the night.
"I know what's about to happen." He spoke before we had even really settled into the alcove.
"Do you?" I ask.
"Of course I know Selena. I've seen it on your face for the past month. I could even see it start the moment I told you all about the Dark Lord."
"Then you do know what I'm going to do." I looked at him intently. He rushed forward at this grabbing me and holding me close burrowing his face in my hair and mumbling.
"Please love, you can't leave me. I love you. We were going to get married?" Crying into his chest he just pulls me closer and we just hold each other like that for a while before we settle down onto a window sill. We slowly pulled away from each other and he held my cheek in his hand. "I know there is nothing I can say to change your mind is there?" Unable to speak I just nod my head in agreement. "I'm so sorry I did this to us love. I wish there was something I could do, go back and fix this, anything." My eyes water more at his words.
"I'll always love you Abraxas, but I can't live that life. I just don't believe in that and neither do you. If you had at least told me about it after the meeting, had come to see me, maybe we could have figured something out together. Anything, but now it's too late. I know what tasks he will give you Abraxas and I don't think I could live knowing that I was letting you partake in those kinds of activities. They'll destroy your soul Abraxas, you must know this. No one else's lives are worth your happiness and soul."
"They've noticed the people you've been spending time with Selena. Lucius, he's been unbearable as of late telling me to keep you in line. I usually just laugh him off. We both know there's no 'keeping you in line'." Chuckling emotionless at this. Hollow from the conversation. "I'll never stop watching out for you Selena, I love you. No one will ever replace you. No one ever could. Just, be careful. When I'm gone next year, I won't be here to act as a physical barrier between you and them. You'll need to watch your back do you understand that?"
"Yes Abraxas, I can see it. Their eyes have been following me lately. I guess it helps that I've been distant as of late."
Pursing his lips at this, "Selena, you have to be serious with this. If they're your friends you will have to own it. If not you need to cut off all contact with them as much as possible. Let them protect you or don't be friends with them. I can't lose you more than I already have, I'm begging you."
"I'll talk to them I promise. I'll go back to them. But, Abraxas?"
"Yes?"
"Amycus Carrow, Telula's betrothed. They cannot marry. She cannot be with him Abraxas do you understand me? If there is anything you can do at all to save her from that horrifying future I beg of you."
"I'll see what I can do love."
With a final kiss our relationship ended and we parted into the night. Unbeknownst to both of us the eyes of a third followed our departure having only heard bits and pieces of the conversation.
