"Jinx?"
I look up, wiping the tears from my face. My therapist is standing in front of me, staring at me in utter shock.
Right, I'm covered in blood. She probably thinks I killed someone.
"Vi hit me," I say, pointing at my nose, "I didn't hurt anyone."
My therapist helps me get up.
"Well, this doesn't seem like you were having a good day. Come on, lets get in."
She puts one arm around me and walks me into the building and then her office.
"Sit down. I'll get you something cold for your nose and a wash cloth so you can wash off the blood."
Still shaking, I sit down on the comfortable chair that's sitting right across the window. The sky is grey now, the first rain drops are hitting the window.
"Here."
She hands me an icepack and a wet cloth and then sits down on the chair next to the window.
"Now, why did your sister hit you?", she asks as I clean the blood off me face, hand and arm.
"She was mad at me because I skipped school," I say, pressing the icepack to my nose, "And I... I made a bad joke and provoked her."
"You skipped school?"
"I had a bad anxiety attack after the first period. A friend - a classmate drove me home so I could take my meds. I was sick and threw up, she told me I should get some rest rather than going back to class."
"Did you take your anxiety medication in the morning?"
"Yes. I guess I was just... really stressed out. I don't think this whole college thing is working, to be honest."
"I told you the first weeks were going to be hard."
"Yeah, but -"
"Jinx, it's not going to work if you don't believe in yourself. Let your new friend help you, I'm sure she can help you through this."
"I wouldn't call her a friend just yet."
"Well, she drove you home when you weren't feeling well. That means, at the very least, that she's a very caring individual. You need people like that in your life. What's her name?"
"Olivia."
I can feel my cheeks blush slightly as I say her name. My therapist catches this reaction and something about the way she's looking at me tells me that she doesn't like it.
"When did you meet her, again?", she asks.
"This morning when I arrived at college."
"I didn't think you had these tendencies"
"Tendencies? What tendencies?", I ask, confused.
She picks up her clipboard and writes something down, not saying anything for a while.
"You just met her and you already have a crush on her."
"I – what?" I laugh nervously, "I just met her. I don't – I mean – I just met her."
"Jinx, the last thing you should do right now is fall in love. You're not ready for a relationship and if she finds out who you are -"
"Oh so I'm not ready for a relationship but I'm ready for college?"
"Jinx, you killed your last girlfriend. As a matter of fact, she was the first person you ever killed."
"That's not true. I killed my parents when I was a child."
"No, you killed them in self-defence. They were a threat to you and your sister's lives."
I shuffle in my seat, staring at my feet.
"We don't know if Midnight was the first. I still don't remember much from that night..."
"We both know that it's very likely that she was the first."
I hadn't thought about Midnight in almost a year. She was my first girlfriend and we lasted six years. She was the one who kept me sane for the longest time, and then... then I killed her.
I cover my face with my hands to hide the tears that are rolling down my cheeks.
"See? You're not even over her death, you couldn't possibly start a new relationship like that."
"I'm over the fact that she's dead. I just not over the fact that she's dead because of me. And I wouldn't even dream of starting a new relationship in this condition. Just like I wouldn't even dream of attending college -"
"Jinx..."
"Put me back in the fucking hospital, where I belong!", I yell, a little louder than I had planned to.
Silence. For a solid two minutes, I hear nothing except for the clock ticking quietly.
"Is that what you want? Being locked in a room all day, all alone with yourself?"
"It's where I belong," I whisper.
"Jinx, you've made great progress over the past few years. You feel remorse for what you did. You don't hear voices anymore. You're responding to your medication and you take it every day without having someone force it down your throat. I don't think you need to be locked up. Not anymore."
I don't respond. I don't know what to say.
"I wouldn't have gotten you out if I didn't believe that you could function in society. No one said it was going to be easy. But I believe in you."
I force myself to a weak smile.
"Thanks."
Gently, she touches my shoulder.
"You can do this," she says, smiling.
Then she gets up and hands me my jacket.
"I guess our time is up for today. But I'd like to see you again in two days."
I nod, putting on my jacket.
"And remember, you can always call me."
She shakes my hand and I mumble a "see ya then" before I leave her office.
When I exit the building, I am greeted by rain that is now pouring. I hope Vi is already here so I don't get soaked – but then again I really don't want to see her right now. I take a few steps to see her car, sitting on the street, waiting for me.
I take a deep breath and get in.
"Hi," I say.
Vi doesn't respond.
"I'm sorry, okay?"
Again, no response. Without a word, she starts the car. We drive for a while, without either of us saying a word.
"So, I checked. Olivia Percal exists."
"Told you."
"This doesn't prove she drove you home."
Silence again.
"Cait got back together with her ex."
"And that's why you punch me in the face?"
"No, you deserved that."
"I said I'm sorry."
"Look, I had a shit day and playing taxi for my mentally fucked up sister that has history as a serial killer just doesn't help. Maybe you can ask Olivia to be your uber in the future because you're wearing me out."
"... Ouch."
"Yeah, imagine how much it hurt when I remembered who I am. And who you are."
"Vi, do me a favour. Stop talking. Please."
I'm trying my best to hide the shaking in my voice, but I know she can hear it.
She doesn't say anything for the rest of the drive.
