Since it's Thanksgiving break and almost 3 in the morning and I had an energy drink around 6PM I decided to update this story for you all.
A little topic away from the story, I'm looking for a beta. I need someone who will respond quickly to the emails/chapters I send them when I write. It takes me a while to actually get out a chapter most of the time so it won't be frequent but I do need a beta who will respond pretty quickly. I do know you all have lives so I'm not expecting you to just wait around for me to write a chapter but don't take weeks or even a single week without a little "Hey I got the chapter but I have to... blah blah" explanation. I will be using your own personal stories as reference before accepting. But yeah, if you're interested send me a PM.
On with the story!
It kills me not to know this but I've all but just forgotten
What the color of her eyes were and her scars or how she got them
As the telling signs of age rain down a single tear is dropping
Through the valleys of an aging face that this world has forgotten
There is no reconciliation that will put me in my place
And there is no time like the present to drink these draining seconds
But seldom do these words ring true when I'm constantly failing you
Like walls that we just can't break through until we disappear
-"Savior" by Rise Against
Santa Barbara: 2019
"Ugh that was amazing." Juliet chuckled running her fingers through her hair. Shawn let out a small chuckle of his own and took her hand in his.
"I'm glad it was good for you." Shawn turned his head to meet her eyesight.
"Good? No Shawn that was… I take it back. Amazing doesn't even cover it." She pulled up the blanket to cover her bare chest.
"Way to boost a guy's ego."
Juliet shifted off her back and onto her side to face him, "It doesn't feel any different does it?"
"What do you mean?" Shawn copied her movements.
"I don't know it just feels like it used to." She tapped her fingers against the scar on his chest.
"Yeah I get it. It feels like nothing has changed, that we've been together this whole time." Shawn filled in the sentiment for her. Juliet smiled and nodded before snuggling up to him. He kissed the top of her head and sighed in content then closed his eyes.
Juliet was able to tell when Shawn fell asleep as his breathing changed and she stared up at ceiling quietly. A few days before she and he were dancing awkwardly around each other because they'd been forced onto the same floor, now she was laying in his arms, naked, after having sex. She felt that things were moving "fast" because they were simply picking up where they had left off, so she wasn't surprised with their relationship. What boggled her mind was how different he was mentally and physically. After all, he'd had a child.
He was Shawn. His body was more muscular and less fat but the contours of his skin were the same so it felt so familiar. The moment she'd realized it was Shawn in the bookstore she'd instantly seen something was different. His eyes were different. His beautiful, mood-giving eyes that she loved were different. They were a solid hazel. When she had known him before she had been able to tell what mood he was in from his eyes, but in the bookstore his eyes had remained the same color giving nothing away. Now she'd only seen them change when he was being fatherly with Zuri, be it talking about her or talking with her the color was lighter. She hoped they continued to brighten.
Before she knew it her own eyes felt heavy and she gave in to sleep.
When Shawn awoke the next morning he carefully had to untwine himself from Juliet's arms to keep from waking her up. He quietly pulled on some fresh clothes and left the room descending down the stairs.
"About time." Henry said shaking his newspaper to straighten it out.
"Don't start with me." Shawn warned grabbing a mug from the counter and pouring some coffee into it.
"Morning daddy!" Zuri hugged his legs as he walked around her chair.
"Morning Zuri," He returned the hug with one hand and patted her back. "I need you to stay down here for a little while longer, okay? I'll let you know when you can come up and get dressed."
"Okay." Zuri nodded turning to her plate. Shawn left the kitchen and went back up the stairs closing the bedroom door behind him. Walking towards the bed a small vibration turned his attention away from the sleeping figure of Juliet; her phone was vibrating and the caller ID signed Declan. Shawn declined the call and looked up to find her leaning against the wall with her hand in her hair.
"Declan?" She asked quietly.
"Yeah, I'm sorry for declining it without asking." He sat down onto the bed gently.
"It's alright; I don't want to talk to him anyways." She smiled at Shawn. "Good morning."
He smiled, "Good morning. I brought you some coffee." He held out the cup.
"Thank you." She took it from him and sipped it.
"What are the plans for today?" Shawn held the mug for her as she got out of the bed and began to get dressed.
"We need to head to the station first of all and talk to Carlton about your revelation and see what we can do with it. We need to find this Texan. I'm pretty sure once we find him we solve the case." Juliet said pulling on some jeans she'd taken from her bag.
Shawn nodded, "Alright."
"Then…" She paused, "I need to go to Declan's. Talking to him through the phone is getting me nowhere. I need to have a conversation with him in person, and get as much of my stuff as I can."
"Do you want me to go with you or something?" Shawn stood up to hand her back the mug.
Juliet sighed, "No. Why don't you take Zuri to the park? You haven't spent much time with her the past few days." Juliet suggested.
"Alright. Sounds good." They both left the room and filed into the kitchen where they filled Henry in on their plans for the day. He agreed to pick Shawn up from the station when he called so Juliet could head straight to Declan's.
"Smith, where's Lassiter?" Juliet asked not seeing him through the glass of his office when they arrived at the station.
"Uh… not sure. He was there just a minute ago." Juliet and the officer looked around the pen for the chief.
"Jules," Shawn motioned to the break room where he could see the back of Carlton's head.
"Let's go, thanks Smith." Juliet led Shawn to the break room and closed the door behind them. "Any new information?"
"None that's prevalent." Carlton reported turning around to face them as he stirred his coffee with a straw. "Did you remember anything new about the Texan?"
"No," Shawn shook his head, "I kinda got drunk later that night so I don't remember much. I think I might have been a little buzzed when I talked to him, hell, I even blocked it out. I'm surprised I remembered at all."
"I personally ran background checks behind Fisher, Mike and Turner. None of them have connections to Texas." Carlton sat across from Shawn at the small wooden table.
"Just because he has a Texan accent doesn't mean he's from Texas." Shawn pointed out.
"I didn't have much to go on." Carlton snapped drinking his coffee.
"We're missing something." Juliet looked at them both.
"What would you and Guster normally do?" Carlton turned his attention to Shawn.
"I…." Shawn stared at the table. What would he and Gus have done at this point? "Probably look through the evidence and files to try and find another angle. Maybe talk to my dad." Shawn said.
"Try that. Talk to your dad, see if he can come up with something. We need another lead." Carlton instructed while Juliet and Shawn nodded in agreement.
"I'll call him now, have him come down here." Shawn rubbed his chin and pulled out his phone.
"While you do that I'll head out and do what I need to do." Juliet stood up from the table.
"Okay," Shawn looked up.
"Call me if you need me, okay?" Juliet gave him a kiss on the lips before leaving the room. After a brief discussion with Francine McNab who had come to gather some of her husband's things Juliet was pleased to hear Buzz was doing well and would recover. It made the heavy feeling in her stomach ease slightly as she drove closer to Declan's house. She'd sent him a text after she and Shawn had left the house telling him she'd be by and he informed her that himself along with his son would be home all day. Pulling into the driveway Juliet took a few minutes to compose herself before knocking on the door. It opened a few seconds later by DJ.
"Hi Julie!" He greeted with a large smile hugging her. Juliet had practically been his mother and she had no ill feelings towards him, she just had no idea how to handle his father.
"What are you doing home buddy?" Juliet shut the door behind her as they walked inside DJ grabbing her hand.
"I didn't feel like going to school today so dad said I didn't have to." DJ answered.
"That's enough DJ." Declan said standing on the first landing of the stairs with his arms crossed.
"It's the truth!" DJ shouted up.
"Room." Declan instructed. DJ sighed but let go of Juliet's hand and walked up the stairs.
"You shouldn't let him miss school just because he wants to." Juliet crossed her own arms.
"You're not exactly in the position to be giving me parenting advice." Declan spat descending the rest of the stairs.
Juliet scoffed, "The only reason you've both survived is because of me. Don't act like you did this all by yourself."
"We were doing just fine by ourselves!" Declan spat standing in front of her.
"Yeah, okay. That's why you couldn't keep a nanny for more than a couple weeks and DJ was underweight." Juliet shook her head. "I'm here to have a civil conversation with you. Let's not fight please." Juliet walked around Declan and began up the staircase.
"Yes let's talk." Declan followed her, "Why are you leaving?"
She sighed, "You know why."
"Because Spencer wormed his way back in? He's just going to break your heart again."
"Unlike you Shawn has grown up." Juliet opened the bedroom door to which she and Declan used to share. For the years she had spent living in this house she always thought it was beautiful; the décor and architecture magnificent. However, now she just found it overbearing and posh, much like the man who owned it.
"I doubt it." Declan stood by the door as Juliet tried to reach her suitcase from the top shelf of the closet.
"Shawn would help me get this." She snapped at him. Declan rolled his eyes but moved forward and helped her grab it.
"Why else are you leaving? Do I work too much? Is DJ too much? I can send him off to boarding school and it'll be just you and me-!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Juliet stopped him, "That right there! Don't offer to send your kid away. If we're still comparing Shawn to you, he would never send Zuri away. You need to spend time with DJ." Juliet placed the open suitcase onto the bed and began to pack her belongings into it.
"I can do that too," Declan snapped his fingers, "You, me and DJ on a two week trip in Venice. What do you say?"
"Declan," Juliet faced him, "I appreciate you fighting for us- if that's what this is- but I'm with Shawn. I'm not leaving him, not for anything. Give up Dec. It's not happening."
"Diamonds. Is that what you want? Jewelry? Cars? Makeup? Name it and I'll buy it." Declan tried again.
"You can't bribe me." Juliet zipped up the now full suitcase. Most of the things she owned were clothes; she'd have to come back with another bag.
"Juliet I…" Declan began.
"It's over Dec," Juliet took the suitcase off the bed. "We're over." She started to leave the room, "If you honest to God need my help, or something is wrong with DJ call me. But you need to respect the fact that I'm with Shawn now." With that finally said Juliet left the room. Thankfully Declan didn't follow her and Juliet made it to the car before she was stopped.
"Why are you going?" DJ asked looking at her suitcase in the trunk.
"DJ," Juliet knelt down, "Your daddy and I broke up. That means I'm not going to be living here anymore. But if you ever want to talk to me, he has my number and you can call me anytime. Okay?"
"Okay." DJ hugged her. Juliet returned the hug and ruffled his hair.
"Go on and play." Juliet watched as he entered the house and shut the door behind him.
After she and Declan had gotten back together it had taken her a few months to get used to having a pseudo-child. DJ had only been close to a year old and Declan was still working full time often without childcare. Juliet had to step in and wrangle both father and son into a healthy zone. Soon she'd gotten used to being around boys. Boy noises, boy behaviors and boy messes. While she was happy Zuri was a girl, she would be able to connect to her more being one herself, it would be a little while to readjust.
Miami Florida: 2014
Juliet stared out the large window of her mother's living room as the TV played. She had flipped it on for background noise but wasn't paying much attention to it. She couldn't stop thinking of Shawn. It had been three months since she'd seen him and she missed him terribly, even though she was the reason he was gone.
"Juliet?" Her mother called.
"Huh?" Juliet snapped out of her fog and turned towards the kitchen.
"Are you alright dear?" Maryanne left the kitchen and sat next to her only daughter on the couch.
"Not really." Juliet confessed resting her head on her mother's shoulder.
"Still thinking about him?" Maryanne asked. Juliet nodded and squeezed her eyes shut to keep herself from crying again.
"Why if I could I would… I would… I don't know what I would do to him." Lloyd began from the kitchen looking at the two women.
"It wasn't his fault," Juliet sniffled, "I ratted him out."
"No you did the right thing." Maryanne ran her hand through Juliet's hair.
"Your mother's right." Lloyd agreed, "Shawn shouldn't have done what he did."
"Can we not say his name please?" Juliet opened her eyes.
"Of course dear, whatever you like." Maryanne soothed.
"It doesn't help with Declan constantly trying to talk to me." Juliet sniffled again.
"The rich boy?" Lloyd looked at Maryanne for conformation who nodded.
"Why did you break up with him again? He was nice."
"Because Shawn and I kissed." Juliet took a deep breath.
"That's right. Let's not talk about it anymore. Ice-cream?" Maryanne said as Lloyd held up a gallon of strawberry ice-cream. Maryanne got up from the couch and walked back into the kitchen to help Lloyd serve the creamy frozen treat.
"He has a son." Juliet looked down at her feet.
"Shawn has a son?" Lloyd frowned. Maryanne nudged him gently but Lloyd ignored her.
"No Declan, but I wouldn't be surprised if he kept that from me for eight years too." Juliet stood up and wrapped her arms around herself.
"I'm sure he meant well." Maryanne said holding a bowl towards Juliet.
"Yeah, sure." Juliet walked away from her mother ignoring the outstretched bowl and slammed her bedroom door shut.
Santa Barbara: 2019
"Finally Henry!" Carlton shouted as Henry walked into the room.
"Oh shut up Lassiter!" Henry sat across from Shawn at the conference table. Shawn pushed a copy of the file to his father who picked it up and began to look through it.
"Anything?"
"No." Shawn sighed pinching his nose.
"I'll take any lead." Carlton said, "Even if it's… divined or whatever I don't care. Just get me a lead." He stood up and left the room.
"What's up his ass?" Henry watched Carlton leave.
"He's tense. I don't blame him, this case is getting to me too." Shawn explained. "I've been through everything multiple times. No connection from Turner, Mike and Fisher to the Texan besides my memory. For all we know it could have been fabricated." Shawn threw the file onto the table and slid down his chair in frustration.
"Have you thought about asking the other witnesses?" Henry asked.
"What?"
"Jessie and Bonnie were with you that night, right? One of them had to have seen something." Henry said.
"Jessie died almost ten years ago, she OD'd. Bonnie…" Shawn sat up, "I don't know. I haven't talked to her since I first came back to Santa Barbara. I ran into her at the store, I don't even know if she's still in the city."
"That's the first thing you should have thought of." Henry shook his head.
"I'm a bit distracted." Shawn flipped through his phone, "Jules is at Declan's talking to him."
"Jules, hm?" Henry intertwined his fingers.
"Yeah, we had a moment last night. Things are going to go back to normal for us." Shawn smiled slowly.
"I'm happy for you kids." Henry nodded in approval.
"Thanks dad, here's the number I have for Bonnie." Shawn wrote down the number on a piece of paper. "I'm shocked I have this. I'll give it to Lassiter and see what he can do with it. If he can get a hold of her I'll come down and talk to her. Until then, I think I owe Zuri some time at the park." Shawn stood up grabbing the paper and they both left the room. Shawn gave the paper to Carlton with the last information he had on Bonnie. Carlton promised to call if they got anything. Within a half hour Shawn had switched his father for Zuri and was driving towards the park.
"Daddy can we get some ice-cream?" Zuri started bouncing when she spotted an ice-cream trunk already serving some other parents and children.
"Grandma did say you ate all your lunch…" Shawn pretended to think while he tapped his chin with his finger.
"Daddy! Before it leaves!" Zuri pulled on his arm.
"Okay! Let's go!" Shawn let Zuri pull him over to the small line and discussed the many varying options of treats they could purchase.
"What'd you like little girl?" The ice-cream man pulled up his pants and smiled at Zuri. He had thick gray hair with a long mustache.
"Dora! No, the princess one! Umm…." Zuri looked back at the pictures lining the outside of the van.
"Come on Zoo pick one." Shawn nudged her softly.
"Zebra!" Zuri jumped up pointing her finger at the zebra shaped popsicle.
"And a coke please." Shawn ordered.
"Three dollars." Shawn handed the man the money and took his purchased items in return. Walking back towards the playground Shawn helped Zuri open her popsicle. "Be careful." Shawn instructed sitting down on a bench.
"I know!" Zuri zoomed up the steps and began to run around. Shawn looked down at his can of soda and took a sip before beginning to work on the crossword puzzle he'd brought with him. After a few sips of his drink Shawn began to feel his stomach churn.
"Man." Shawn wrapped an arm around his abdomen. Shawn shook his head and turned back to his puzzle. After an hour of Zuri playing Shawn stood up from the bench slowly and yelled for her.
"Daddy's not feeling well baby, we have to go." Shawn said. Zuri nodded and they slowly began walking back to the car. It took them longer than it should have since the feeling in Shawn's stomach multiplied and his head began to feel light. Once both he and Zuri were buckled in Shawn started the car and drove away. Zuri began to talk about the adventure she'd had with Mindy her imaginary friend.
Shawn tried to listen to his daughter and pay attention to the road but it was suddenly hard to concentrate. His vision went blurry and Shawn blinked to try and restore it. Instead his eyes closed and his head slumped.
"Daddy?!" Zuri screamed as the car swerved onto oncoming traffic.
