Oh, What a Spectacle!

Chapter 5

Look, But Don't Touch

Given the circumstances, one would forgive Blake Belladonna for being a mite conflicted at her current predicament.

The young lady had found herself at a glasses store at the mall with almost no effort on her part, as if her feet naturally carried her there. The in-house eye specialist stared at her with the burning intensity of a thousand suns, before shrugging and walking away. The guy at the register sat uncomfortably behind said device, awkwardly fiddling with a Scroll that was open to the month's expense statements, plus the shipping information on the new glasses. He looked up at Blake, smiling a fake, but sweet smile.

"Can I help you?"

"Um... I need glasses."

"Watch out, Brandt, we've got a whiz kid over here..." the doctor muttered.

"Well, this is a glasses store, ma'am," the register boy said, pointing at the sign above his head. "Corrective or cosmetic?"

"Cosmetic," She replied.

"Are you gonna blow anything up?" the doctor asked.

Blake's confusion only grew as she turned to stare at the doctor. "Wait... what?"

"Are you. Going to. Blow. Things. Up?"

"... I guess not?"

The doctor sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Fine, then." He opened up the latest issue of X-Ray and Vav, ignoring the young woman's further confusion, as cosmetics meant he didn't have to do anything but sit there and look pretty.

"Anything in particular you're looking for, miss?" the register boy asked Blake, leaning over the counter.

"I... I want something... Impressive."

"Uh... yeah, I think I can help you with that."


"- and that is why you must NEVER approach a Boarbatusk from the rear. Any questions?"

Port's Grimm Studies class was arguably the most boring out of any of Weiss' curricular activities. Sure, she had the usual gang of hats and lunatics that identified as her 'friends', save for Yang and Blake, but Port's long-winded tales and rambling speeches killed any sort of enthusiasm the group had-even with Nora involved. Luckily for them, no one had any questions to get Port's gears grinding again, and the disappointed instructor fetched a heavy sigh.

"Very well, then, you are dismissed."

That woke them up.

The entire class moved as if a switch had been flipped, the students all rushing for the exit like a righteous flood of humanity. Weiss used her smaller figure to weave through the crowd without getting brutalized, and managed to safely come out the door, with nothing but her usual side-tail worse for wear. Ruby had utilized a similar strategy to Weiss, while Nora and Pyrrha just brute-forced their way through the crowd. Jaune and Ren had no such skills, as both were at just the right boundary between lean and built to not be able to squeeze through, and only barely too small to bull-rush over or through the crowd. Jaune's nice shiner was drawing all kind of looks from his classmates, but he dismissed them as easily as swatting a gnat.

Finally, the two young men made it out of the classroom.

"If I never hear Port's voice for the rest of my days, it shall be far too soon," Ren muttered.

"He means well," Pyrrha conceded. "He just gets a little... a little..."

"Grandiose," Weiss finished for her.

"Yes, that's the word."

"So, who still has class?" Jaune asked, trying to remember everyone's schedules correctly.

"I'm done," Ruby said. "Most of my classes are on even days!"

"We still have Physical Education, Jaune," Pyrrha reminded him, drawing a groan from the blonde.

"I have a class in two hours... Advanced Dust Mechanics. Ren, aren't you in that class?" Weiss thought she recalled him sitting behind her in said class.

"Yes, but only because I had an empty slot in my schedule that I felt needed filling."

"I thought you were in it for meeeeee!" Nora protested.

"Well, someone does have to ensure you don't blow up Glynda's classroom, Nora."

"Yeaaaaah, boiiiiii!"

"So, PhysEd is in... an hour..." Jaune muttered. "I don't know what to do to kill an hour..."

"I didn't get lunch, yet, Jaune... if you'd like to, um, accompany me, I'd be very grateful." Pyrrha suggested, trying to push down her nerves. She had gotten better with the simple 'friendship' aspect of dealing with the noodly one and her fellow teammates, but she still got a bit wired whenever she tried to spend one-on-one time with them. The perks of having a massive fan club, she supposed.

"Oh, sure! I already ate, but I guess going back couldn't hurt!"

Ren frowned as he looked back at the message Blake sent him on his Scroll earlier.

'There's a torpedo headed for the boat. Need to change course.'

Man, his fellow straight man had a strange choice of words. Maddox was not a torpedo, and Pyrrha was not a boat. And how one would exactly change Pyrrha's course without her knowledge was beyond him. She was... well... she kind of dwarfed him, size wise.

Wait a second...

"We'll catch up with you guys later!" Jaune waved as he bade the group goodbye for the moment, as he and Pyrrha headed to the cafeteria.

Torpedoes... boats... shipping? Maybe it was something about shipping lanes. Was Pyrrha a victim of human trafficking who was saved by an errant torpedooooh fuck it he knew exactly what Blake meant, he just didn't feel like doing it.

After all, Maddox was such a nice neighbor.


"I thought you had already eaten, Jaune?" Pyrrha asked as she sat down beside him at the smaller table towards the corner of the cafeteria. She hadn't gotten much, unlike the usual, just some seasoned bread and a chicken breast. Jaune had gotten a baked potato and overloaded it with bacon and cheese. Well, at least he was enjoying himself, she supposed.

"I figured it'd be rude to just sit here and watch you eat." He poked at the entrée, sighing as he rubbed his non-ringed eye.

"I'm sorry about earlier, again. I don't know what came over me..."

"Pyrrha, I get it, you love competition. Remember that one time at game ni-"

"No!" Pyrrha suddenly snapped. "I don't remember losing anything! Do you remember me losing anything? Do you, Jaune?"

"Ye-yes?"

"I'm sorry, I must have hit you so hard you've been rendered delusional! Silly me!" Pyrrha's game face intensified, and Jaune felt an extremely confusing feeling in his lower regions that he's pretty sure he isn't supposed to be feeling right about now.

"U-uh, yeah! I must be out of it, you never lose."

'Unless you try to play Kindall in Ultimate Brawl Four...' his inner voice sing-songed. 'Then even I destroy you...' Well, it wasn't her fault she kept side-B'ing off the stage. Rookie mistake.

"This is why you're such a great partner, Jaune, you're always so supportive."

"Um, yeah! Go team Arkos!" Jaune shouted nervously.

Lancaster shot up in his seat, and the sound of a record scratching WAS NOT heard, but would have been extremely fitting in this situation.

"Team What?" Pyrrha asked, confused.

"You know, Arc plus Nikos? Arkos!" Jaune explained, a tense grin on his lips.

"... I like it," Pyrrha said, smiling at him. "That'll be nice... 'Arkos'..."

"Yeah, came up with it myself!"

Lancaster made a strange noise somewhere between a whine and a groan as he sat down. Jaune munched on a particularly-baconated spoonful of potato, while Pyrrha absently picked at her meal, looking at him out of the corner of her eye.

Even with the black eye, he was still pretty cute...


By the time both noodle and cinnamon bun had run off to get hot and sweaty, Blake had gotten her pair of specs.

She had hoped Yang would at least catch the joke about the glasses shape. They had a small tang on the outer edge of the rims, giving them a slanted appearance, like a cat's eyes. The color wasn't her first choice, but there was nothing wrong with tortoiseshell, she supposed. It made her look bookish, and she wasn't one to put up false pretenses.

She turned her head slightly, getting a slight side profile.

*Knockknockknockknockknock* "BLAKE! I GOTTA PEEEEEE! HURRY UP!"

Well, at least she knew Ruby was acting her usual self.

She stepped out of the bathroom, letting the little red riding ball of energy bolt past her and slam the door. Yang still had class for another hour, so she had plenty of time to set the shipping issue straight.

Speaking off, her Scroll rang. It was a message from Ren.

-spirituallyricalindividualmiracle- Blake we arent going to bury him.

She sighed.

-bumblekitteh- yes we are you silly doofus :3

-spirituallyricalindividualmiracle- why dont we just show him the pool?

-bumblekitteh- why would we do that ^._.^

-spirituallyricalindividualmiracle- so that he gets the hint that our cinnamon roll boat is not on the market.

-appoMaddox has joined the conversation at the request of spirituallyricalindividualmiracle-

-appoMaddox- I came here to ask if my neighbor was okay and have a good time and honestly im feeling so attacked right now.

-bumblekitteh- Ren why'd you put him in? ^-_-^

-spirituallyricalindividualmiracle- so that we can tell him about the pool.

-appoMaddox- look can this wait I have PE. I dont need a swim right now.

-appoMaddox has left the conversation.-

-spirituallyricalindividualmiracle- Blake what are you doing rn?

-bumblekitteh- checkin' out some new glasses :b

-spirituallyricalindividualmiracle- not you too...

-bumblekitteh- ;-; wym?

-spirituallyricalindividualmiracle- Jaune bought some glasses the other day. they're coming in... the day after tomorrow, I think. or was it tomorrow? whatever, the point is hes doing it to try and impress Weiss.

-bumblekitteh- and Pyrrha said what? -^-

-spirituallyricalindividualmiracle- she knows nothing about it. Yet.

-bumblekitteh- oh ok. thats good I guess.

The Scroll was indicating that Ren typed, then deleted, then typed again multiple times, before settling on something.

-spirituallyricalindividualmiracle- tomorrow's game night. you all free?

-bumblekitteh- yeah I think so, wwp?

-spirituallyricalindividualmiracle- probably UB4, some Alley Brawler, maybe some DPR if anyone wants to challenge Jaune again.

-bumblekitteh- boi do I look like a dummy? -^- Jaune beats everyone at DPR. Or karaoke. Or any game, really.

-spirituallyricalindividualiracle- you in?

-bumblekitteh- hope you like the bitter taste of defeat.

With that, Blake turned off her scroll. She wondered what exactly the ante was going to be this time. JNPR almost always came up with them, and always ended up doing the punishment entailed, due to the fact the only dedicated gamer on their team was Jaune. Pyrrha spent so little time inside that they had to explain where the B button was to her, despite the fact that the B-button was a big red button marked 'B'. Ren was a filthy fucking casual, and Nora just didn't care. She griefed everyone that wasn't Ren, sometimes intentionally, other times on accident. Meanwhile, both Ruby and Yang, for all their faults, kicked ass at games, and Blake wouldn't call herself half-bad either. And, surprisingly, Weiss was a fast learner.

Well, she sucked, but at least she didn't repeatedly side-B off stage every time she picked up a controller...


Blake: Pepper Olive Tortoise: Cateye for the catwoman. Eyyyy.

I apologize for the delay. I've been forcing myself to write this chapter so you guys wouldn't be upset, and so I could get the fucking lead out, so I apologize if it's not quite up to snuff. It's been a rough time.

Also, Arkos is slowly taking over this fic, too. And it makes me somewhat ashamed of myself. Please don't flame me.

In today's headcanon news, Jaune knows that bacon's the good shit, Ren (who moonlights as a Filthy Frank wannabe) and Blake have a secret shipping pool, Pyrrha is a new Little Mac player, RWBYJNPR have Saturday Night Game Nights, and apparently Despair Horizon tried to crawl into RWBY, only to get relegated to a bit role in a fighting game.

bumblekitteh- Blake

spirituallyricalindividualmiracle- Ren

de_top_banana- Sun

appoMaddox- Maddox

themantheycoudln'tYang- Yang

cookiesfordayzzz- Ruby

freakinmarknutt- Scarlet

thisisMistral- Pyrrha

(-is too busy playing the JNPR DLC for Grimm Eclipse to finish author's note. OP Nora is OP.-)